AN: Hi people this is my first oneshot. it kinda wasn't supposed to be a Gakuen Alice fic. Its more of a diary entry of mine. That's right, this is my love story. Its all true, every single word of it, so in a sense this is a way for you guys to get to know me a little better. The person speaking was supposed to be me, but you can feel free to picture its Mikan talking about Natsume. Also there are questions at the end of the story so if you don't mind if you have any idea on the answer plz let me know. I'm kinda desperate. Well anyway if your reading this PLEASE REVIEW!! I don't care if your just gonna review to tell me you read the story just please review, or else I'll start to think that my own life is boring which is pretty sad. okay here you go
What A Horriblle World
Mikan's POV:
The thought of him brings tears in my eyes. If someone was to ask me, what's my dream guy I would think of him immediately. Not his face, no he's definitely not my type if you look at the guys I've liked in the past. It's his personality. The way we enjoy the same pastimes and laugh at the same things. The way his laugh echoes in my memory. But that's all I have to go on. Memory. I daydream of a time when we could be together, but it wouldn't matter anyway. He doesn't see me that way in the slightest.
If I could just know what it feels like to be in those arms, or feel his lips on mine. It would be my first and surely my best kiss.
I guess it's a curse for all girl's first loves to be unrequited, but why. Why him? Why my soul mate? He seemed meant for me, we like the same things, we have the same habits, it just doesn't seem right. In a world where everything goes the way it should, we would meet one summer and he would just look into my eyes and know I'm the one for him. But I guess the universe is out of wack because he seems to notice every other girl except me. Yep, there's definitely something wrong with the universe, or else everything I go through is a sign I should become a nun.
That's right; the girl in front of you has the worst luck with guys on the planet. Imagine, in this day and age being 15 and still never receiving your first kiss. Pathetic right? Wrong! I'm far from being a loser, in fact when I told my closest friends, my deep, dark, secret, most of them frankly were shocked. (Except one of them who's been with me since I was 9)
So why is it when I finally fall in love, it has to be with a guy who'll never learn to love me back. Why is it that, whenever I like a guy, they always come to ME for advice on how to get some girl to like them. Am I cursed? Am I not supposed to be happy? DOES THE WORLD REALLY WANT ME TO BE A NUN? My Prince Charming already has his princess. And that's a reality I'll just have to face.
But once more I gotta wonder why? Why did I have to fall so hard? Why did he have to unknowingly break my heart?
Whoever said that there was such a thing as love at first sight was full of crap. Love is something that happens gradually. We all know it wasn't her sparkling personality that caught your attention, nor was the thought 'Hey, maybe if I go up to her I can have a nice intellectual conversation with her.' present in your mind. Bull shit, you were thinking about how nice her ass was and girls you were picturing him naked. That's why I don't buy into the whole Romeo and Juliet thing. Ladies, gentleman, if there are any of you out there that actually believe that you would kill yourself over someone you knew for a week, I need to check you into the nearest asylum, cause there's definitely something wrong with you.
Oh I'm way off topic, so anyway I didn't fall for him at first sight, heavens no. He was a geeky five year old who liked video games and I was a pink little five year old who still believed that she was a princess and was gonna be picked up by her real parents and marry some handsome prince. (Kinda like in that Rugrats episode) I had a candidate for my prince too. A boy in my kindergarten class name Matthew (hey you never know maybe he got separated from his real parents too) I wanted a pink house, with a pink door, with a pink car, with a pink, pink, pink…etc. But alas, that pink little girl grew up to a purple young lady, liking rock music, anime, going to concerts, and writing poetry. Yep I did a total 180. In fact when I told my friends what I was like when I was little they almost didn't believe me. But after I told them what my favorite song was when I was five, they did believe me. (Look at us now by Sarina Paris) So anyway I'm WAY off topic right now. We were total opposites, night and day, light and dark, white and black, etc. Then he moved away. We didn't see each other for four years and honestly I completely forgot about him. He wasn't present in my mind at all. Then at a random time when I was 12 I met him again when we went to the place he moved to. And no I didn't like him then either so don't get your hopes up thinking that this little tirade is almost over. When I saw him again I was in my first stages of my transition form pink to purple, (probably one of those gay colors women invent like cream) so I admired him. I thought it was cool that he was his own person and stood out from the crowd. Over the years every summer my family would visit his. As I furthered along my own transition, the admiration I had for him changed into like, and that like turned into love. So here I am now head over heels for this guy, who thinks I'm his friend, when in actuality I'm madly in love with him and trying desperately to forget about him. I mean how do you confess your feelings to a guy you don't even see on a bi-weekly basis? How do you confess your feelings to a guy who's literally a summer love? (An annual summer love) How do I get over him and move on? If you have the answers to my questions people let me know, because honestly I'm through with being taunted by his memory. I'm through with dreaming about him every time I close my eyes. I'm through with smiling out of thin air, and putting my name and his last name on my notebooks. To put it simply, I'm tired of being a lovesick idiot. Well as the saying goes "Love is for losers". Too bad I'm one of them.
AN: Well be sure to let me know what you think please, remember I don't wanna believe that my own life is boring whimper okay thanks for reading