"Hey," I hear, and I am smiling before I even turn around. Crap. She wants to talk to me.
"Evans," I motion for her to sit down. "Is everything okay?" I don't have the faintest idea of what I'm going to say to her. What I'm really thinking about is how utterly terrified I am of what she'll say to me. She plops down onto the common room couch next to me. I rarely see her in the common room anymore. I think she prefers to study in the library. Mainly to avoid me. "Uhh, what are you doing here?"
"What, am I too awkward for you now?" She smirks and my heart melts a little. I expected there to be a lot of uncomfortable tension between us after last night, but apparently she's decided to be nice to me today. This girl is so bipolar. "Look Potter," she sighs, before I even have the chance to answer. "We have to talk." Oh. Guess this conversation was bound to happen sooner or later.
I chuckle nervously a little, averting my eyes from her gaze. "Sure," I say, hoping she doesn't notice the uneasiness of my voice. I pretend to be interested in the fire cackling in front of us, but we both know I'm not, and I see that she's looking at me. I know how much I want to look at her, take in every inch of her face, even though I already have it memorized. I am aware suddenly, of how close we're sitting. Our fingers almost touch, but not quite. When she finally looks away, I can't help but turn my head in her direction. Perfect.
Her red curls hang loosely down her back, tucked behind her pierced ears. It's a nice change when her hair's down, rather than its usual pony tail. She looks more innocent. Maybe that's just because she's acting less hostile than I expected her to. She seems just as uneasy as I am. I'm beginning to think she could almost seem vulnerable when I remember how tough she is. I want to smile as I recall the multiple occasions on which she'd hexed me for simply asking her out or embarrassing her. Lily, vulnerable? I almost laugh at my previous thought. Sweet as she was, she absolutely despised me, and wasn't afraid of acting on it. She hates me, I think. But then I find myself remembering last night. The memory of her lips and the way her fingernails grazed my neck and how she sighed when I positioned my hands onto her hips make me not so sure what to think anymore.
I am staring at her now, so I reluctantly turn my head back to face the red flames. I am just about to say something when she breaks the silence for me.
"I know I told you I wanted to pretend last night didn't happen," she says. I avoid her eyes, half embarrassed and half afraid of what she's going to say next. "I-I didn't mean it like that. I mean, last night happened and we shouldn't pretend that it didn't. But," she says, looking awkward and confused and clearing her throat, "what I meant was, I don't think it should happen again. I just-"
"Why?" I blurt out, unable to control myself. She looks taken aback, and for a moment I think that even she is not quite sure why either. But maybe that's just my wishful thinking.
"It isn't right Potter. We're not good together. I've always known that. And last night…it hasn't changed how I feel." Her words are a knife in my chest, but decide to be persistent.
"That bad of a kisser, am I Evans?"
She begins to blush a deep shade of red and smiles genuinely at my comment. It feels good.
"No Potter, I didn't mean it like that. You're kissing was…I mean you weren't…okay bloody hell it was very enjoyable." The words slipped awkwardly from her tongue. I feel myself grinning widely.
"Sooo I'm not really understanding the problem here," I say, my grin slowly fading as I stare deeply into her emerald green eyes.
"The problem is you're a prat," she says flatly. "And we were both drunk, on our way back from a party. Neither of us knew what we were doing, and we got caught up in the moment. I didn't mean for it to happen. And quite honestly, you should know that I would have never even considered the possibility of kissing you if I was sober. Ever."
"Woah Evans, no need to sugar coat it," I say with immense sarcasm. I swear I see the faintest smile on her lips. Those God-damn beautiful lips.
"I'm serious," she says. "We're just not the same person that's all. You live in your own pretentious, popular little world. You're the good-looking rich boy who gets any girl he wants, but also happens to be a jerk. And I'm me. A simple girl, who wishes not to be corrupted by your mischievous, douchebag ways. I don't deserve the great James Potter."
She didn't say the last part rudely, or insecurely. She said it almost jokingly, smirking at me and nudging my arm with her elbow. I shiver slightly as her bare skin touch mine, and I pray she doesn't notice.
"Lily Evans, did you just call me good looking?" is all I can manage to say. She blushes again, smirking, but apparently decides not to respond. "And anyway, maybe if I'm such a prat, all I need is a good influence on me to turn me around. You know, a beautiful green-eyed redhead to straighten me out a bit?"
"James, you just won't quit will you?" she says sighing, a smile still etched onto her face.
"I will never quit Evans, not until I have you," I say sadly, and clear my throat a little. "By the way, I enjoyed your previous term of endearment."
"What are you talking about James?"
"Aha! There it is again. You called me James. You never call me James. Your affection for me must be growing by the minute," I say, hoping to get a smile out of her. I am unsuccessful.
She is gazing into the fire, frowning and avoiding my eyes. "James Potter, we are wrong for each other," she says quietly, almost sadly.
Suddenly I am overcome with an even bigger burst of confidence. I'm not sure what is prompting me to do this, but I don't care. My large hands, slightly callused from quidditch, reach up and grab her chin roughly. I turn her face towards mine. She looks frightened and offended by my maneuver at first, but then her expression calms and we are staring deeply into each other's eyes, each other's souls.
"Lily Evans," I say, lowering my hand and rubbing her cheekbone affectionately. She doesn't shy away. "Do you really believe that last night was wrong? Because honestly nothing in my life has ever felt more right. And I believe you're trying extremely hard to convince yourself that it wasn't right, but deep down you know that it was."
"James…"
"Look, I don't care if I sound cliché, or stupid, or pathetic. I have liked you for years, Lily. Years. And I know you think I'm this conceited, shallow quidditch star who only goes after you for kicks and who wants every girl he sees. But that's not true. You are the only girl I see. And I know I've been a jerk. I've been a right prat almost my entire life. And I still have a knack for breaking the rules, but I like to think I've acquired the slightest sense of compassion. The truth is people change. I've grown up and I've changed. And you've changed and everyone's changed and life has changed. Lily I am going to say this with a complete sense of honesty. I don't like you anymore. I don't. Recently, I have come to a different realization. I have decided that I am in love with you."
I tentatively remove my thumb from her cheekbone and stare at her in apprehension. Oh shit, what did I just do? What the hell is she supposed to say to that? I am seriously about to apologize and run away when she sort of pounces on me. Before I can process what's going on, her lips are crushed between mine as her hands are grabbing fist-fulls of my shirt, pulling me up against her body. I part my lips and she deepens the kiss with quite a bit of enthusiasm. I'm not sure if anybody else is in the common room right now, but I don't care. Everything is Lily. I cup her cheeks lightly and pull her even closer. Her hands begin to wander, first grazing my bare arms, then fiddling with my already messy hair. My glasses are slipping slightly down my face but I ignore them as I wrap my hands around her back, and then settle them on her waste. It seems neither of us can remain in one position for long. Minutes pass, and the snogging doesn't slow one bit.
This is nothing, nothing, like last night. Last night she was nervous and so was I. I didn't quite know if she wanted me to kiss her. And even when she did kiss me back, we both took it very slowly. It was like most first kisses, tentative and intimate. This was anything but that. We were completely immersed in each other, like we'd been craving each other's touch for too long. We were both very eager and very into it the entire time I could not wrap my head around the fact that this was Lily Evans. I was snogging the girl of my dreams and she had initiated it. I had just begun running my hand up her thigh when I heard the voice behind me.
"Oi Prongs, can I see a copy of your astronomy homwo-OH MY GOD."
Lily and I separate quickly and whip our heads around. Sirius is standing there looking mortified as he flashes an apologetic look in my direction. I am literally on the verge of ripping his head off.
"I'll just um, I can ask Remus for, you know, I'll just uhh…goodnight Evans, see you later James." He ran off quicker than I'd ever seen him move before.
I turn to face Lily, expecting her to be angry, or embarrassed, or regretful at what she and I had just done. She stared at me for a second, wide-eyed and suddenly she stifles a grin, and then proceeds to burst out laughing. Her eyes are sincere. I chuckle awkwardly to myself, again barely able to process the situation. When she finally regains composure, she looks at me with a very amused smirk.
"Uhh, so…" I say grinning.
"So…" She continues smirking at me and then suddenly leans forwards, planting a short, sweet kiss on my cheek. "Okay, Potter you win. Hogsmede. Me and you. Next weekend." She says it as a statement rather than a question. I stare at her, expecting to wake up from this dream any second. Except this isn't a dream. This is happening.
"Uhh, great," I whisper, without smiling. "Yes. Yeah. Definitely. I look forward to it, Ev-Lily," and I finally manage to flash her my signature "James Potter" grin. She smirks at me and then proceeds making her way up into the girls dormitories. I sit, dumbstruck for a few seconds. I have a date. With Lily Evans. Merlin, this is going to be an interesting weekend.