Prologue

"If I could say what you'd like to hear, I'd whisper in your ear it's only temporary…But I've been taking you for granted."

-By Now, Marianas Trench

August 11th, 1907

She was gone.

The coldness that had been present before she'd entered his life was slowly creeping back through the small apartment. Funny how you didn't realize how cold you were until someone warmed your heart-only to leave you without warning. Now, he was distinctly aware of the emptiness around him, encasing his form and sliding into his veins as the reality of his current situation hit him. She was gone.

It was as though the time they were together had been no more than a dream he was awaking from, surprised by how real it had been and mourning the fragmented memories that were, already, beginning to fade away. The utter despair he suddenly felt, the confused horror of his questioning why, why would she leave me resounded through his soul as he desperately searched through the apartment for any sign. Anything she might have left behind to give him hope that maybe she'd be back.

As he searched a third time and then a fourth, he found himself slowly facing the reality that not a hair of her was left.

She wasn't planning on coming back.

Shutting his eyes, he pushed away the sudden feeling of abandonment and tried to accept the fact that, now at least, he was good and truly alone; as he was surely always meant to be. Carlos Fuentes had finally met his match and, just like everything else, he'd completely wrecked it. Instead of getting paid to find people, he should be paid to destroy everything. That was all you could count on him for.

And the worse thing was that he knew exactly what he'd done; even as he tried to deny it. Carlos could kick and whine and ask, "What have I done? Why would she do this?" But, deep in his frigid soul, he knew exactly what he'd done to make her leave. Their last argument was still embedded in his mind, the image of her face when he told her things he'd been keeping from her surfaced in his mind's eye and he felt sick with self-hatred. He had finally told her the truth-about everything-and it hadn't even been because he felt guilty. It was because he was a sick, twisted individual who wanted to hurt her, to push her, and see how far he could until she was gone.

Well, he'd gotten his answer.

There was not a scrap of cloth for him to mourn over and all he had left now was the memories of her face. A vision of her laughing, her jade green eyes lit up from that unknown source of happiness that seemed to be infinite. She was a creature of laughter, of sun, and joy.

Suddenly, taking him by surprise, he felt anger claw its way into his heart and he found himself pulling back his fist to sink into the closest wall. The pain that immediately began to throb in his hand and shoot up his arm assured him that this was reality. That he was the reason that she was gone and the physical pain was so much easier to bear than the terrible ache that had developed in his chest.

He let out a strangled yell, partly her name and part animalistic growl before he let himself slide down the broken wall until he was on the floor of his apartment. The anger was gone as fast as it had come and all that was left in its place was bitterness. Resentment towards her for leaving but even that was small compared to the amount of self-hate that burned through every cell in his body.

What the fuck had he done?

As he lay there, he thought through their entire relationship and he winced at every mistake he'd made. His time spent working when he could have been here, with her. How often had she sat in this apartment, feeling every bit alone as he did now?

But he would never have abandoned her; would have never voluntarily left her like she had done today. If there was one thing she could have counted on, it was always that. Why didn't she know?

The question now, he realized as the sun set and the night began to descend, was should he go after her? Get her back at all costs? Was that even possible? He didn't know if she could forgive him, didn't know if he was worthy of forgiveness. Carlos had never been forgiven before. The innocent life he'd taken, the numerous people that had died indirectly because of him…he was truly a monster in his own right.

Perhaps that was part of the reason she'd left, the reason he'd always assumed would drive her away. Where she was pure light, Carlos was tainted. For so long he'd trounced around between the thugs and the gangs, the rapists and murderers that hid in the darkest corners of New York's night world. Long ago he'd lost whatever compassion for others he might have had and she must have just realized what a terrible human being she had tied herself to. How disgusted she must be, how absolutely horrified to realize she'd let a monster touch her.

Even as he thought these things, he was building up a mental list of places to look for her, contacts he could use to find out where she'd gone and even the tiniest list that consisted of people she knew here in New York. All the while he thought of how completely she must hate herself for trusting a creature such as him, he comprised every possible way to bring her back.

He was a monster, wasn't he? When the fairy tale princess was saved from the dragons and villains to live happily ever after with her prince, you never heard of the monster coming back; there were never stories of the villains winning. But, he'd be damned if he gave up on her like she gave up on them. This villain was going after the princess, was going to attempt to win back her heart and if everything worked, perhaps his humanity. Carlos was going to be selfish. He was the best damn skip tracer in New York, could find a needle in the haystack in no time at all, and he wasn't about to let the one woman in the world who had ever made him feel like he was worth anything get away. He could, and would, fight for her.

He just hoped she secretly wanted him to fight because honestly, he was terrified of what he would become if he failed to bring his heart home.

A/N: I'm so excited to be back in the Benjamin Hotel world I've created and so excited to continue on with these characters! I hope I do them justice, and I hope you all enjoy this. There will definitely be all the familiar face and some new ones. We'll be picking up right where we left off of When it Comes to Love, so if you're new I highly suggest going back to read All In and then When it Comes to Love!

Truly,

Joker is Poker with a J~