A/N: Another day, another story begun. I might have an addiction to starting fan fics. Anyway, I wrote this story around Christmas, hence the holiday references. I wasn't going to post it, but as my laptop is in the shop and my fan fics aren't updated on this shitty desktop, I just typed this one up. This will continue, especially if I don't get my baby back soon. It's funny, they took my laptop away, and a part of me died inside. :cough: Yeah. This isn't betaed because my lovely new beta, blueheronz/Reka, is on vacation (lucky ho) and this desktop keyboard is missing the N key and enjoys turning on caps lock whenever I press shift. I apologize in advance for any grammatical or spelling errors. I also apologize if this totally sucks, as it didn't come out the way I wanted. But read it and let me know. That right there was a thinly veiled hint to review. I'm like a review Vampire. They are my sustenance. I also can't eat garlic.
Disclaimer: I do not own House, M.D nor do I own Jeopardy. Either would be a great birthday gift, but both Hugh Laurie and Alex Trebek are married. This makes me sad.
Oo00ooOCameron marched into the boardroom an hour late with a large shopping bag in her left hand and thick wad of paper in her right. Chase, Foreman and House looked up at her curiously, momentarily distracted from their various morning activities.
"You're late," House grunted before going back the brand new PSP Wilson had given him for Christmas. He'd felt a little guilty for only wrapping a confirmation for Wilson's renewed subscription to the New England Journal of Medicine and a coupon for $30 off a TiVo, but his friend had seemed happy enough, and that was enough for House.
"And you're obnoxious," Cameron replied. "Nothing we can do about either, so let's just move on." House's eyebrows rose slowly; he glanced at the other men, who had the same expressions on their faces: complete surprise. She snorted and began pulling out assorted items from the bag.
She knew her colleagues were waiting for an explanation. They could keep waiting. They'd be getting answers when their curiosity became greater than their desire to remain indifferent.
Men.
It was only when she systematically plucked their distractions from their and hands that they reacted. Foreman's Forbe's magazine, Chase's sudoku and House's video game. All stolen and locked quickly in her desk.
"Cameron, if you value your fingers, you will return my PSP immediately," House growled. Foreman glared at her in agreement. Chase was staring longingly at the desk.
"Not a chance. I need your undivided attention today."
"Okay, I'll bite," Foreman sighed after more silence. "What is going on?"
"I'm performing an experiment." Nothing else was said.
Chase picked up a remote control with all of the buttons taped over, barring the red power button. "You're not going to force us to watch Titanic, are you?"
Cameron snatched the remote from his hands and placed it beside two more identical devices before shaking her head in the negative. Then, she left the room briefly and returned tugging a large, portable whiteboard through the door.
"Where the hell did you find that thing?" House asked.
"I stole it from one of the classrooms," she shrugged. "Why? Suffering from whiteboard envy?" Foreman snorted, and was quickly silenced by a whack on the head from a cane. The room fell quiet once more, its male occupants too busy watching the female segment the board into six equal columns and six equals rows. In blue, she wrote '200' in each square of the second row, '400' in the third, and '600', '800', and '1000' in the other rows, respectively.
"We're playing Jeopardy?" Foreman sputtered when she was finished.
"Very good, Eric! Would you like a cookie?"
He blinked and sat down again, perplexed.
"Yes, we are playing Jeopardy," Cameron continued. "And no, House, you aren't going to be able to win easily." The diagnostician closed his mouth. "Because this is Jeopardy: PPTH edition.
"I was talking to my cousin the other day. She was going on and on about how oblivious men were, and it got me thinking. How do I know if you guys are being sincere, intentionally cruel, or you just don't notice how things affect other people?" She said this while looking at House.
"Does it matter?" he replied.
"It does to me." Cameron bit back a smirk when he didn't meet her eyes. "Anyway, I figured I'd test you three on how much you've absorbed over the years."
Chase frowned. "That's not very fair. We haven't had a chance to study."
Wilson's entrance saved the Australian from a scathing remark; instead, Cameron grinned and handed him the sheets of paper.
"Oh good. You're just in time! You get to be the judge and make sure House doesn't cheat."
Oo00ooO
"The categories are: Quirks and Traits, Rhymes With House, Reactions, Cameron-Niceties, I Hate…, and Why I Hate…" Each title she wrote in an empty square in the first row. "These are your buzzers." A remote was tossed to each man. "When you have the answer, press the power button. They're all connected to a different appliance, which will turn on depending on which button was pressed first. Foreman, you're the mini-stereo, House is the toy robot, and Chase is the coffee maker."
"How come House gets the robot?" Chase whined.
"Because I'm awesome."
Cameron sighed. "Whatever, you guys know the rules. Foreman, choose a category."
Before anyone could complain about who went first, the neurologist requested Reactions for 200.
"Death was the general consensus after House bought this."
House immediately buzzed in, the toy robot chirping. "That would be my beloved motorcycle."
"Wrong." The smile on his face dropped. Chase took the opportunity to turn on the coffee machine.
"What is his beloved motorcycle?"
Cameron grinned. "Correct. Chase is on the board with 200 dollars."
"What!?" House cried. "That's not fair!"
"Yes, it is. It's the rules. Now shut up," Wilson countered.
"Can I get Rhymes With House for 200, please?" Chase asked. House glared at the man and gripped his buzzer tighter.
"Covers her quote funbags end quote," Cameron read from an index card she'd picked up from the pile in front of her.
House stabbed the power button six times. "What are Cuddy's blouses?" He stuck out his tongue at Chase. "And I'll choose I Hate…for 200."
"Runs after despises God's women."
The contestants stared blankly at her. Ten seconds passed before Wilson made a noise like a steamboat.
"ANNNNH! The correct answer was Chase hates nuns."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"House, think about it. Run after is a synonym for Chase. Despises means hates. God's women. Nuns."
Foreman sighed and slumped further down in his chair. This was going to be a long game.