AN: Heh. This is a crack collaboration between myself and Zoo ( Zuko on Crack ). It's old, written so many months ago when we were both on a sugar and fandom high. xDD I've been prodded to submit it, and have done so, since Zoo is lazy. :B SO FEAR! shot

Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Avatar, or any of the characters. If I did, Zuko would get drunk with Jet at least once.

The End of the World (and it's aftereffects)

Four kids walk into a bar (its actually more of a tavern), completely unaware of the consequences and that they're underage. One clueless, one slow, one blind, and one bitter, they sit down at a table and a simple conversation turns into deadly competition - well, not deadly, exactly... just read!

"Can't.. hold... on... much... LONGER!!!!"

"C'mon, Zuko, just one more drink!"

"F-forget it! I can't do this! I don't know why I'm doing this!"

"Wimp!"

"Are you calling me a coward?!"

"Maybe she is!"

"I'm hungry! Why are we watching him drink again?"

"'Cause, it's amusing?"

".. oh, right."

"Shouldn't we be turning him in for that big reward or something?"

"Eh. Pro'lly. Then again..."

".. wait, wouldn't they also take us prisoner?"

".. yeah. That. Which is kind of why we can't turn him in."

"sarcastically Ah. Darn."

"Shhh, he's gonna do it!"

"GASP Are... you...satisfied... yet?!"

Aang, Sokka, and Toph were all sitting around a table, laughing loudly at the sight of the drinking Zuko. Zuko's face, after taking several drinks, had turned from normal, to green, to puce, to violent red. It was hard to tell whether the red was from the drinking, or the pure humiliation he was suffering. Zuko actually silently wished that the waterbender was here to tell them to stop. But, silly him, being of nobility, he couldn't resist the challenge!

Zuko downed another drink, and his head started to hurt quite a bit. It was actually pounding pretty hard. He started to wonder how many glasses he'd already had, but then realized that he had no clue. It could have been three, or it could have been ten. He hoped it was less than ten, and it felt like it was more than three. Everyone crowded around him, their original drinks barely touched.

He felt like they were planning something... something that involved him drunk. But what?

"Look at his face!" Sokka cried out, his voice cracking; he was trying to keep himself from laughing.
"He looks like he has a giant tomato for a head!" Aang commented calmly, but there was clear amusement in his boyish face.
Toph said nothing; it was moments like these when she wished she could see. But she was having enough of a laugh just LISTENING to the three boys laugh and act stupid. More importantly, Katara wasn't here to rain on the parade! That made everything ten times funner. She sniffed her own drink and took a sip. The drink burned all the way down her throat. Smiling at the thought of Zuko having to do that over and over, Toph suddenly stood up and started cheering Zuko on.

"Come on, angry boy, bring home the bacon!"

Sokka and Aang, in their overcompetitiveness, joined Toph in cheering Zuko on. They all were completely oblivious of the weird looks they were getting from around the room - but even if they did notice, this was too sweet an opportunity to give up just because people thought they were weird.

Zuko did it. He had downed his thirteenth glass. Aang and Sokka had started cheering louder and louder as Zuko continued, and it wasn't until the angry tavern owner came up to them in an irritated manner did they calm down.

Zuko grinned, his previous thought of a conspiracy long forgotten and drowned in alcohol. He held up his now-empty mug in a cheer, and other others joined in, with their now-empty mugs. Aang handed Sokka what looked like a small amount of money... They were betting on him!?

Eh. He'd do the same thing.

It looked as if the Avata- .. No, Aang, as he had been forced to call him, was pouting, arms crossed. Well, serves him right for betting on him!

In the back of Zuko's mind, he felt humiliated. He had just been pushed into making himself completely and utterly drunk, and, more importantly, they were all laughing at him and had the nerve to start placing bets!

Well, he thought with his last bit of soberness, if I go down, then someone's coming down with me! He eyed the trio for a victim. He couldn't possibly see how he was going to convince Aang to drink, and he didn't dare press his luck with the temperamental earthbender. His eyes fell on Sokka. Despite the drowned drunkenness of his brain, he still had just enough sanity to pull him down with him. Sokka wasn't exactly the brightest, and was ridiculously easy to provoke. Perfect!

"Hey... you... 'almighty Water Tribe warrior!'" Zuko slurred, trying to suppress a hiccup.

"... Yes?" Sokka asked, slightly frowning at the name.

"I bet you can't drink as many drinks as I've.. drunk!" Zuko slurred again, attempting to smirk. "I bet your weak Water Tribe constitution'll make you pass out after only a few!"

Sokka glared at Zuko. "No way."

"Aw, c'mon, what're you, chicken?" Zuko provoked. "Pfft, I bet your little Water Princess.. Yur, wasn't it? Would be ashamed!"

"... " Sokka was silent, glaring in pure hatred at Zuko.

"I'll throw in 5 gold pieces to the winner!"

Meanwhile, Aang and Toph were attempting to figure out who to bet on, when it began. They all knew that it would start, as Sokka couldn't deny a challenge to his masculinity.

"... I think that Zuko is already pretty drunk," Aang began.

"But, Sokka might not be able to hold his alcohol," Toph replied.

Both of them were left pondering, as Sokka and Zuko continued to argue.

"Come on, boy, or do you need to be revoked of your 'almighty' title?" Zuko sniggered, almost choking on his own drink. "Surely someone as manly and almighty as you can handle a simple thing as a few drinks?"

"... Oh yeah?!?! I'll show you how manly I am! Bring it on!" Sokka yelled as he slammed his fist on the table. He picked up a glass and started chugging it down at light speed.

"Wow, look at him go!" Aang said excitedly, while Zuko watched with a smirk on his face, downing another glass.

"He won't last five glasses." Toph said.

"Oh yeah? You're on!" Aang replied, laughing.

Zuko really hoped Sokka didn't reach thirteen drinks. He really didn't have five gold pieces. Thankfully, before the whole thing would be over, both of them would be too wasted to care.

But as Sokka downed glass after glass, Zuko was getting a bit nervous. Sokka was already on drink number three, and it had only been a few short minutes. However, on drink 4, Sokka burst out giggling.

He pointed over Zuko's shoulder, and everyone stared.

"Wha?" Zuko asked, thinking that Sokka was pointing at him.

"Look!" Sokka shouted, giggling more.

The group, drunks included, all turned to look at where Sokka was pointing. They then stared in surprise (except Toph, of course), while Zuko attemped to scramble under the table.

"Z...Lee!"

Zuko had just about gotten himself under the table when he heard Uncle Iroh's voice call out his name. The back of Zuko's head then had the rather unfortunate pleasure of meeting the bottom of the table. He heard the sound of glasses falling over, and two glasses had just smashed on the floor. Sokka was giggling even harder now, and Aang was saying "Oooooh, he's busted!" in a loud, taunting voice. Toph was greeting the sound of the old man with a loud "Hi there!" Zuko could have killed himself, right then and there. Why he didn't, he had no idea. It was probably because he was drunk. And then Sokka's foot found his side, and he was propelled out from under the table, and he sprawled out on the floor. For a moment, his red face looked livid. And then -

Zuko started laughing.

It was hard to believe that such an angsty, angry boy could laugh so hard, but it just must have been making up for all the years he DIDN'T laugh. Aang was now staring at Zuko with disbelief, and Toph was starting to giggle herself. Sokka, however, had just gotten up out of his seat (which he had just convienently knocked over onto the floor) and started dancing around Zuko to the tune of "I Feel Pretty," which he was singing himself.

"I believe you owe me, Aang." Toph said, giggling, turning to the boy sitting next to her and motioning towards the dancing Sokka, who was flapping his arms around wildly, and then to the four empty glasses on the table.

Iroh was staring at shock at the group. He'd lost Zuko in the large city.. and it seems that Zuko had somehow ended up in a tavern, with the Avatar - Aang, was his name, wasn't it? - and his friends. A very odd group for him to be hanging out with. No, not just odd - downright strange.

Judging from his current actions, Zuko was most definitely drunk. Very, very, horribly drunk. Although, Iroh wasn't sure if he should restrict Zuko from drinking after this.. If this was how he acted, it would be a fine break from all of the angsting and complaining.

In fact, it sort of reminded Iroh of how Ozai had acted when he got drunk that one time at the party...

But that wasn't the current situation.

The current situation was that he had a horribly drunk nephew, the Avatar, a young girl, and a drunk - though not as drunk as Zuko was - Water tribe boy.

What did he do to deserve this? Oh. Right. Attempting to take over Ba Sing Se was one thing...

Zuko continued laughing maniacally on the ground, while Iroh sighed. He looked around more, and saw that the young girl was the girl who he had tea with in the forest, while he was still following Zuko.

"Hello!" Iroh returned the greeting, as he watched Aang hand Toph a small sum of coins in defeat.

"I really need to make better bets." Aang said sadly. Toph laughed as she tossed the coins in her hand. As Aang watched Sokka and Zuko, he seemed to cheer up instantly. Who wouldn't cheer up at the sight of two drunken idiots dancing around each other? For Sokka had pulled Zuko up off the floor, and the two were now doing what resembled a squaredance, still to the tune of "I Feel Pretty."

"I feel pretty!"

"Oh so pretty!"

"I feel pretty-"

"-and witty-"

"and BRIIIIIGHT!"

Toph, Aang, and even Iroh were all having laughing fits now. The dancing didn't even match the song at all, which made it all the while funnier.

"And I pity.."

"Any girl who isn't me..."

"To-oo-niii-"

"SHUT UP!"

"Hey! Why should I!?" Zuko asked the tavern owner, glaring and frowning, "I'm the son of-"

Suddenly, Iroh put his hand over Zuko's mouth, dragging him back to his seat.

The tavern owner snarled, then went back to whatever he was doing before.

"Zuko," Iroh began softly, "Are you drunk?"

"What makes you think that?" Zuko slurred, holding back giggles.

They waited a few seconds, as Zuko began to giggle insanely.

" ... I think he is," Aang spoke.

"Really? How could you tell?" Toph said sarcastically, still tossing the coins up and down in her hand.

THUD.

The foursome turned quickly to find Sokka sprawled out on the wooden floor, waving his arms around as if to make a snow angel.

"I love them penguins..." Sokka said dreamily.

"... I think Sokka might be drunk too." Aang said in the same manner. Toph shook her head.

"I think..." Iroh said, looking at Sokka with a mix of revoltion and amusement and standing up, "that it's time for me and my nephew to go now."

"But I don't wanna go!" Zuko protested. "I wanna stay and count my toes!" Zuko raised his foot into the air, moving it over to Toph's face, under her nose. Toph's nose wrinkled and she recoiled.

"I don't need to smell your stinky feet!" Toph said loudly. Aang laughed. Toph stomped her foot on the ground threateningly, and Aang immediately shut up.

"Come on, Zuko, it's time to leave... Say goodbye to your.. er... friends..." Iroh said unsurely, eyeing the group and tugging on Zuko's shoulder.

"I'm not gonna go!" Zuko whined, sounding much like a spoiled five-year-old.

"Yes you are, Zuko. We need to find a place to stay," Iroh logicked.

"But..." Zuko sniffled, looking as if he was close to crying. He rubbed at his eyes with his hand, still sniffling.

Iroh and Aang were staring at Zuko, while Toph was listening to his sniffles, and Sokka was singing quietly about 'Frosty the Snowman'.

"Er," Iroh began..

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME DOWN!" Zuko cried out immediately, scrambling from his chair and running out the door.

"Lee, wait! Come back!" Iroh called out, chasing after his nephew.

Aang looked at Toph quizzically.

"Should we help him?" Aang asked unsurely.

"I think he can handle it." Toph replied, referring to Iroh.. "I think the only one we should be helping right now is the karaoke star." She pointed over at Sokka, who was now banging his fists on the floor and singing what seemed to be some sort of screamo rock song.

Aang sighed and stood up, walking over to the jammin' Sokka. Toph followed suit.

"I'M JUST TRYING TO BE MEEEEE!" Sokka half screamed, half sang, " I DONT WANT TO BE LIKE YOUU!"

Aang was resisting the urge to join him in the angsty screamo song. Toph sighed, shaking her head.

Sokka suddenly grabbed an empty bottle, and held it upside down like a microphone, singing into it.

"OHHHHH. I LOOOOOOOVE MY... FEEET!" he scream-sang.

"Somebody SHUT HIM THE HELL UP!" the tavern owner shouted, losing his last nerve. But right as he was doing this, Aang and Toph were already muffling Sokka's yells with their hands.

"Sorry, we'll take care of it!" Aang said, forcing a smile at the tavern owner. The owner rolled his eyes and wiped the tabletops bitterly, still casting furitive glares every once in a while in the direction of the remaining three.

Meanwhile, Zuko was running around the streets like a retarded idiot. There was a driving force in the back of his mind that he never knew of - and it was telling him to avoid the fat man at all costs. Zuko was so unbelievably drunk, in fact, that if Azula showed up in front of him that moment, he would have most likely thought that she was a friendly dungbat and would try to give her a great big loving hug.

Thankfully, before that ever had a chance to happen, Iroh had managed to catch up to his nephew by taking several shortcuts. For a drunk guy, he ran pretty fast! Iroh panted heavily as he grabbed a hold of Zuko's shoulders.

Zuko attempted to spin around to see Iroh... and then fell to the ground, passed out. He really was going to have a hell of a hangover when he woke up. Iroh wondered what he should do...

Leave Zuko here and stay with him? Or attempt to drag wherever they were going to sleep?

Sighing, he dragged Zuko against a building and sat down, stroking his chin in thought.

Blast! If only he had a friend to stay with here, at least until they got decent accomidations..

...Hold on a second.

A friend? Here?

Iroh was pretty sure he DID have one of those.

And now he was also pretty sure he had a plan.

"Uuummph!" was the sound that Aang and Toph both made as they dragged a drunken Sokka out of the tavern.

"Uugh! This guy needs to lay off all the meat!" complained Toph as she kicked Sokka for licking her foot. Sokka was now leaving a trail of drool behind the group.

"Come on, Toph, we just need to get him out of here." Aang said, looking around. He was finally drinking in the fact that they were getting weird looks from everyone.

"I know that!" she said irritably, resisting the urge to kick him again. "I just didn't think it would be so hard!"

The two finally mangaged to drag the drunken Sokka (who was currently engaged in a thumb war against himself, his left thumb always won for some reason) out of the door and into the street. Aang looked around frantically.

"What now?"

"I don't know, I thought you were the brains of this operation!" Toph said. Sokka then bit at her foot.

"Mmm... tasty... just like Fufucuddlypoops..." he said, drooling all over Toph's foot.

"That's IT!" Toph yelled, dropping the half of Sokka she was dragging. "I'm not gonna let this guy just keep tasting my feet! Ugh!" Toph leaned against the wall, crossing her arms.

"Toph, you can't just leave me to carry him all by myself!" Aang pouted. "You yourself were just complaining about how heavy he was!"

"Well what do you suggest we DO with him, then?" Toph asked sourly.

"Well," Aang began, and he paused for a moment to think. "We can always just... get some kind of... wheelbarrow?"

" ... A wheelbarrow?" Toph asked half-sarcastically.

Aang shrugged, looking around. He found nothing except for another drunk laying out in an alleyway, muttering something about pink hog monkeys.

"Well... Maybe we can stay with him until he sobers up?" Aang suggested.

"Yeah, and someone will eventually figure out that the little boy with the arrow is the Avatar!" Toph shouted.

"So? It's not like these are people from the Fire Nation.. Why would they care?" Aang asked.

Suddenly Aang looked around. An interesting crowd was already forming nearby... and Toph seemed to notice them, too. Aang looked over at Toph, who could not look back, so that was pretty pointless.

"Run?" Aang said, getting a firmer grip on Sokka, who was flailing around happily.

"Run." Toph grabbed Sokka and together she and Aang ran the best way two twelve year olds dragging a drunk sixteen year old behind them could run.

Iroh sighed, trying to find the small home of his friend. He knew it was on the outside edge of town... However, he did not know which outside edge. There certainly were many outside edges.

Sighing again, he readjusted how he was half carrying-half dragging Zuko.

Hopefully, he thought, his friend was still living there.. And still alive.

Tonight would be a long night.

Iroh just hoped that Zuko would wake up soon.

After about a half hour of dragging Zuko - who was still passed out - Iroh got tired. He set Zuko up against a wall, and sighed, sitting down to rest.

He sighed, glancing around. Iroh had no idea where he was, or where his friend's house was. Sudeenly, he heard someone mumble something...

Turning to the previously passed-out form next to him, he blinked. Zuko seemed to be awake, and either in pain or angsty.

"Er.. Zuko?" Iroh questioned, still blinking.

"...meh," Zuko replied, squinting and glaring at Iroh.

Currently, Zuko was realising something. Well, many things.

1) Hangovers suck. Period.
2) Water Tribe peasants who get you even more drunk are pure evil, and deserve to be roasted alive.

And finally,

3) 17 drinks were waaay too much.

Letting out a quiet snarl, Zuko held his head so the world wouldn't spin.

Stupid alchohol...

"Do I even want to know what you're doing?"

Katara had just wandered outside of the city to find Aang and Toph trying to stuff a passed out Sokka into his sleeping bag. Aang immediately stopped what he was doing and turned to face Katara , slightly embaressed. Toph ignored Katara and continued helplessly trying to stuff Sokka into the bag - it was proving quite difficult, judging from the noises of strained effort she was making. She did seem to be a bit angry after Aang abandoned the attempt, though, considering her eyes narrowed once Aang stopped helping.

"Ummmm.. Hi, Katara..." Aang began, rubbing the back of his head. "It's a funny story, actually... You see..." Katara crossed her arms as she watched Aang intently.

"Skipper went and got himself drunk." Toph said bluntly, still failing at her attempts. It was rather hard to stuff someone in a sleeping bag by yourself, and it didn't help to be blind.

"I see... and how did he get drunk, exactly?" Katara questioned, raising an eyebrow at Aang.

"We kind of... er... went into a tavern." Aang said nervously, twiddling his thumbs. Katara stared for a moment, then smacked her forehead and shook her head.

"But it wasn't our idea!" Aang protested, as he saw Katara's look of disappointment. "We were just passing by! And then Sokka saw Zuko in there and got this crazy idea to challenge him! I told him it wasn't a good idea! And then Zuko challenged him shortly afterwards..."

"I think you're forgetting the part where YOU said it should have been a DRINKING challenge." Toph interupted. "And I could use a little help, here!" Toph said, as she had just dropped Sokka on top of a rock. Katara looked from Aang to Toph, and then from Toph to Sokka. She sighed.

"I'm not even going to ask why or what happened to Zuko. I'm never leaving you guys alone in the city ever again." Katara groaned as she and Aang both proceeded to help Toph.

"'Bout time..." Toph muttered so none of them could hear.

Zuko had determined that they'd waited long enough, and attempted to stand up. Wobbily, he pulled himself to his feet.

Then he fell, landing on his back. Hard, And painfully.

Letting out a growl of frustration, he pulled himself into a sitting position, deciding to just sit there for a little while longer.. After all, the world would stop trying to explode soon, right?

The next thing Zuko knew, he was lying in a comfy bed with bandages wrapped around his head, his Uncle snoozing somewhere nearby. He held a hand up to his forehead. He didn't know what happened. All he knew is now the headache he had earlier was now accompanied by a dull pain in his forehead. He didn't really know what happened, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know. He rolled over and fell asleep, swearing never to take a challenge suggestion from the Avatar ever again.

--END.-- or is it? -shot-