If Prim was Saved

A one-shot in Mockingjay on if Katniss saved Prim. Major Spoilers. Do not read unless you've finished The Mockingjay. I warned ye. (I barely slept the night I finish that book. Finnick, Prim, 12, Cinna, the lost friendship of Gale... Too much death and lost friends for me to bare. )

First I get a glimpse of the blonde plait down her back. Then, as she yanks off her coat to cover a wailing child, I notice the duck tail formed by her untucked shirt. I have the same reaction I did the day Effie Trinket called her name at the reaping. At least, I must go limp, because I find myself at the base of the flagpole, unable to account for the last few seconds.

What is she doing here? She's not old enough to be on the front line.

I run towards her, shouting her name, but being drowned out by the panicking crowd. There are so many ways she could die out here, even if she's helping wounded. Oh. Oh God no.

Wound the young with the first round, and when the real prey comes to help them, you drop round two.

I speed up, barrelling past people, and they quickly learn to get out of the way. Any second now it could happen...

I'm almost there, and think she hears me calling now, she turns, and her bright face is a beacon amidst this seemingly endless sea of pain and fear. I'm crying now, scared 'm going to be too late. I'm mere steps away from her when I almost sense the hovercraft appearing above us, blocking out the light. I realise at the speed I'm going at, slowing and turning will take far too long and we'll both die.

I grab her, spin in the air, and fling my precious Primrose as far as I can. In the milliseconds it took to do that, I whispered to her "Forgive me for it all." She would understand I'm asking her to forgive me for all of Panem for not just facing death a mere year ago. She disappears into the crowd, and I smile, knowing she be protected from the brunt of the bombs by the mass of people, before all I know becomes excruciating pain, heat, and darkness.

I walk through desolate, empty streets, peering into burnt-out shells of houses with roofs collapsed, looking at fractured memories of so many forgotten.

Some of the surviving population returned after the war, but for many it was too hard to bear, surrounded by the ghosts of family, friends, neighbours, work partners, loved ones. Haunting them eternally. With every victory comes a great loss. So they left to find a better life elsewhere, like Gale. And Mom. I miss them, but... I miss her most of all. Fifteen years later and i still wake up screaming for to run.

The rest of us, the ones who returned here, and stayed to rebuild it, live near the market, living in nice houses, for most of us for the first time ever setting foot in one in their life. Very few strayed to their old shattered homes. Just living here was hard enough.

I reach my old house, at least, what used to be my old house.

Only four walls still stood, thanks to Peeta, me and some others stepping in and not letting its remains collapse. I walk through our bedroom door, and look at the bits of metal that used to hold the mattress that we would sleep on, curled into one another for warmth and comfort. I feel a wet warmth slip down my cheek. I put my hand to the Mockingjay pin I always have with me. I leave, and keep walking away from the centre of 12, and find myself at The Meadow. I walk across it to the fence we haven't taken down in fear of the animals on the other side.

I find the metre-long gap hidden by bushes. I smile sadly as I slide through it on my belly. I remember when we both went into the forest together, but we didn't go very far in. She didn't want me to know how dangerous it was out here, where she went every day, to find food. I take out my knife as I continue deeper into the woodland for protection. No one needs to poach anymore. Everyone has enough food now. I keep going until I find their place, where they'd meet every day, where they met the morning when it all started.

I pick a berry from the bush, throw it in the air and catch it in my mouth. They did this that morning. They discussed leaving 12 and living in the forest. Why couldn't we have done that? Then they'd all still be here, Finnick, Boggs, Madge, Mags... and Katniss. I can't forget that moment, as I flew through the air, as the second round of bombs went off, her face with a small smile before it disappeared in a flash of light and smoke. At least what she fought for won out. Snow was killed, and when it became clear that Coin's reign wasn't to be much better, she was assassinated, on a Victory Tour. Paylor took over, and formed a republic. Everything seems better, pain forgotten, life so much better.

But the world can never be perfect without her. That would've never happened. I thought we'd be together forever. I'd always known that she could've been picked to die horribly, but I never really thought that that could actually happen. But then she volunteered for me, sacrificed her own life for me, and now... she's gone. And then I found her 3 journals, full with everything that happened after that faithful morning up to the worst day of my life. And now, after I've read her thoughts, feelings, actions... I wish that before she died I'd been able to reply with one thing. 'Always.'

Deep in the meadow, under the willow

A bed of grass, a soft green pillow

Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes

And when again they open, the sun will rise.

Here it's safe, here it's warm

Here the daisies guard you from every harm

Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true

Here is the place where I love you.

Deep in the meadow, hidden far away

A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray

Forget your woes and let your troubles lay

And when again it's morning, they'll wash away.

Here it's safe, here it's warm

Here the daisies guard you from every harm.

Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true

Here is the place where I love you.