Break the Quiet
47 Seconds post-ep. Spoilers for that episode.
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Drinks? Can he go? Should he go? After what she's done? Or is not done?
This is the pattern of his thoughts. There is only one ending, and that is secrets.
"Old Haunt?" he asks. Decisiveness. Is that possible when he can't even maintain a train of thought? He can stare at her eyes forever and ever, and all he would see now are secrets. Maybe it was time to air what was hidden. Maybe he should… yes. He couldn't cause her the kind of pain he's been feeling now.
"Sure," she replies, grabbing her coat. He smiles softly, can't manage something bigger, not right now, not even for her.
They are in the elevator. He had considered trying to take her hand. At least, he hopes, to give gravity to this emotional free fall before they start with the drinks. When actions fail him… maybe words shall not.
"What was it you wanted to talk about, Castle?" she asks. Random. Out of the blue. Sudden.
"No Castle, no Beckett. Tonight, it's just you and me. Rick and Kate," he replies.
And gravity knocks the breath out of her.
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They are alone. Castle took them down to the office, his place. A little refuge.
"What's going on, Castle?" she asks. Takes a sip. The whiskey is strong. Not too strong. She would remember this conversation.
"I heard you in the box," he murmurs. She can barely hear him, but she can. She freezes. Gulps down the sip. Glass on the table, hand shaky. At least, she didn't drop it. Wide eyes. He looks at her, through her, into her. She feels it, that feeling. Open souled, an unbarred book, she waits. Frozen. And pale.
"I heard you in the box, with Bobby," he says. "You remembered."
Erratic. Breathing and heartbeat. Slightly different reasons. Mind would be racing, but there isn't much to race to. She can't think. Can't breathe. Chest feels like it's caving in. And he sits there. Staring at her soul, her heart, her.
"I never forgot, Rick. I just…" she says. She can't finish her sentences. What reason can she give? She can't even finish her sentence.
"Needed some space. To think. To breathe. Yeah, I can get how you felt," he says. "But you lied, Kate."
Pause. Break. She doesn't move. He does. Finally. A blink. She can let up. But she can't. Her eyes are glued to his, hers wide and alert. His are small, burdened, with weights and other things.
"But I can get that too. I told you about the board, we dealt with it. Put it aside. And I thought, now I just need that moment. Turns out it's come and gone," he says. "Gone in secrets."
"Secrets are the undoing of beautiful futures," she replies. Philosophical. Tired. They both are. They can't think. Their thoughts are simple, trained. On each other, their eyes, their minds, their hearts. All trained on each other.
"Is that you?" he asks. She nods. It's too methodical for her. "You can love, Kate. You never lost that. Don't fear beauty."
"Is that you?" she asks. He nods. It's too simple for him. Some things are good simple. This is maybe simple. It's short. But short things often mean the most.
"I just need to know, Kate. Yes or no," he says.
Surprise. She gets up. Walks out the door. For a moment he sits. Breathes in. Breathes out. Sips courage. Sighs. Gets up. Follows. Everyone is watching as he leaves.
Rain. Pitter patter in semi-quavers. It's fast. It's beautiful. So is she. Running.
"I love you," he calls.
She freezes. Again. Rain soaked and turning, coming back. To him. In his arms. Sobbing into his chest. Wrought with distraught.
"Yes or no?" she asks. Pulls away. Looks at him.
"To sin in silence when one should protest is only cowardly. One word is a thousand silences, Kate. Yes, or no," he says. She blinks. God, he's good with words. But here… it's more. He is the words. He is in them. Around them. Through them. His heart, the tiny pieces left, are being given, gift wrapped in beautiful words to her, to put together, or to let the rain wash them way.
"Rick?"
Kiss. Blink. It's so fast. So small. So tentative. And yet, a protest. A promise. Both. All of them. All of them is in this kiss. Emotions. Free fall. Truth. Lies. Secrets. Loves.
She pulls back.
"Yes."