Look, it's finally done! I honestly didn't think I'd ever finish this but I finally got the inspiration I needed to get it out. The title for this comes from the eternally hilarious "Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf". If you haven't heard it, I recommend going to have a listen.
Anyway, on with the horror tropes!
YOU'RE WALKING IN THE WOODS
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Tupelo, Mississippi
"Can we go?" Jet asked through a yawn. "I wanna get to Memphis with at least a little time to sleep."
"Sleep in the car," AJ replied, throwing her bag over her shoulder. "Spread out on the backseat."
"I don't like the backseat, I get sick."
"You're welcome to drive," Celeste shot back, perfectly happy to not be in charge of the two hour trip.
"Uh, no. I'm good."
"Yep, that's what I thought. We'll be in Memphis before you know it and you can sleep all damn day if you want."
Jet rolled her eyes, knowing she wouldn't have that option at all. She finally managed to herd the two of them out to their car, happily claiming the front seat to stave off her motion sickness, while AJ kicked out along the back and Celeste grumpily took up her role as driver for their drive to Memphis.
The radio was the only accompanying noise for at least an hour and a half. They were all far too tired to engage in any meaningful conversation, so they left it to the music to keep away the silence. Jet had curled up in her seat within ten minutes of starting the drive and had fallen asleep, as far as Celeste and AJ could tell. They'd called her name a couple of times and got nothing back, even when Celeste turned the radio to a heavy metal station that would usually have had Jet springing up to slam it off. AJ had put her headphones on, giving her eyes a rest as she leaned up against the door, only opening them occasionally to get a peek out of the opposite window. Time got away from all of them.
It wasn't until Celeste drove over a particularly deep pothole that Jet startled, her eyes opening slowly as she stared around groggily. "Wha'? What time is it?"
Celeste glanced at the clock on the dashboard. "2:28."
AJ always had her music quiet enough to hear the people around her. It was usually a good way to eavesdrop. She leaned forward from the backseat, her hands resting on either side of Jet's shoulders. "Half past two? Shouldn't we have been there an hour ago?"
Celeste paused, moving her jaw side to side. "Uh… yes."
Jet and AJ shared identical expressions of worry. "So, why aren't we?" the Brit asked.
There was another long pause before Celeste answered, "We may or may not be completely lost."
Jet shot up, staring hard at the driver. "You better be fucking around."
The Texan grimaced. "Nope. I have no idea where we are."
The car erupted into noise from AJ and Jet yelling over the heavy metal on the radio, and Celeste trying to defend herself. She'd hardly done it on purpose; being lost somewhere in the South in the middle of the night really wasn't what she considered an adventure.
"How?" Jet asked. "How in the fucking name of Jesus did we end up lost?"
"There was a diversion about an hour ago because of an accident or something and then I guess I just got turned off our route and I kinda… just kept going."
"So, you didn't think to stop in a town and ask where we are?" AJ exclaimed, throwing her hands up.
"No. I thought I could find my way back, and I didn't wanna stop because then you two would flip out about us being lost."
"Oh, like we are now?" Jet replied dryly.
"Yes, exactly like you are now," Celeste huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "C'mon, we can't be that far off track. I'll keep going a little longer and we're bound to hit a little town or something."
Jet rolled her eyes, sure they weren't getting to Memphis until well after the sun was up. She leaned back in her seat, regretting sleeping at all. She was hardly the best navigator in the world – that was an understatement, she was pretty much Christopher Columbus level bad at navigating – but she would at least have noticed Celeste getting uncomfortable when they got more lost and would have insisted on stopping somewhere.
AJ crossed her arms and legs in the back seat, stewing in her own frustration. If it had been any other time of day, being lost probably wouldn't have bothered any of them. They could have enjoyed the scenic route and paused in any of the well-lit bustling areas for some directions. Being lost in not lit at all and deserted areas in the middle of the night wasn't quite so pleasant.
All any of them could see was trees. They were the only ones on the road and were surrounded by miles of dense forest. Jet tried to ignore the growing anxiety in her stomach, reminding herself that they really couldn't be that far away from civilization. They'd be in a town before they knew it and be able to find some way back on course to Memphis.
They would have, anyway, if not for the sudden clunking noises coming from the engine as it stalled on the road.
"And, that's us out of gas."
Jet could have cried right then. "We're out? Great, we're lost and stranded."
AJ sighed from the back seat, hearing the panic seeping into Jet's voice. "Calm down, I'm pretty sure I saw us pass a gas station a couple of miles back. Can't take that long to walk there and fill up a can, right?"
Just as AJ reached for the door handle, Jet's hand grabbed tightly onto her wrist. "Don't," she hissed.
Celeste lifted her eyebrows. "Why not? That's a good plan."
"No, it's really not. As soon as any of us start walking to the mysterious and likely run-down gas station, weird things start happening. Someone will disappear. There will be creepy shadows moving in the trees. It will inevitably lead to all our deaths."
AJ and Celeste glanced at each other. "Um… have you been watching creepy movies?" AJ asked gently. Jet and horror didn't go together at all, judging by the fear that had carried over from seeing those movies in her childhood.
"Not recently. But the point remains that some of those are based on true events and I do not want to be the next true event adapted into a blockbuster. We've gotta stick together." She paused, making sure that AJ didn't have any intention of starting a journey back to the gas station. "Good."
"Okay then," Celeste sighed, "I guess we can just try to get some cell service and call someone.
Jet slapped the hazard lights on the car, then stepped outside with the other two women. They all did the standard lifting their arms above their head manoeuvre, only to find all their phones without a single bar of signal. Judging by the frustrated groans from the others, they weren't having much luck either.
Jet flopped helplessly over the hood of the car. "This cannot be happening," she mumbled to herself. "This absolutely cannot be happening."
"Calm down, it's going to be fine."
"Fine? April, we're lost with a broken down car and no cell reception in the middle of Deliverance territory!"
"Deliverance was set in Georgia," Celeste replied easily, not even glancing up from her phone while she still tried to find a spot of service.
"How about creepy hick territory? Does that work for you? Because honestly, I've seen enough of these movies. This is right about the time a guy drives by in a pick-up truck, or something jumps out from the trees. In either case, all but one of us ends up dead by the end and I do not wanna run the odds of it not being me who survives, so we really need to get the fuck out of here."
"How do you propose we do that when we have no gas and no cell phone service, and you won't let us head to the gas station?"
"We can just wait in the car," AJ suggested. "Wait for someone to drive past who Jet doesn't think looks like a crazed killer."
"I'm good with that plan," Jet nodded.
Celeste sighed, climbing back into the driver's seat to wait. It couldn't be much longer before someone else came along.
An hour later, Jet had given up on sitting in the car. She was perched on the hood while Celeste rested her head on the steering wheel, and AJ had her legs hanging out the open backdoor.
"You stupid, useless, overpriced fucking waste of energy," Jet growled, shaking her phone furiously.
"Yelling at it isn't going to make it get any service," AJ called.
"No, but it makes me feel better," Jet shot back. "Just let me call someone, you piece of shit!" she screeched. As if the iPhone was offended by her tone, her battery finally died and turned off. "Are you kidding me?!"
"Told you it wouldn't help."
Jet glared at AJ as she tossed her phone onto the passenger seat with a huff. "This is fucking ridiculous. I should have been asleep in Memphis hours ago."
"I said I'm sorry!" Celeste yelled, not bothering to lift her head.
Jet dropped down onto the ground to lean against the car, not caring that her jeans were being covered in dirt. "I kinda wish Punk were here," she sighed wistfully. "He's got a zombie apocalypse plan, so he must have a plan for inadvertently getting stuck in a horror movie."
AJ and Celeste shared a grin. "Uh-huh, that's totally why you want him here," Celeste nodded seriously.
"Yeah, it is."
"It has nothing to do with maybe wanting to snuggle together for warmth?" AJ added.
"Shut up, I don't want to do that!" Jet protested, her cheeks flushing. "He's annoying as fuck, he just seems like the type who'd know what to do right about now."
"What we should do is just head back to that gas station," Celeste suggested with a half shrug. "Sitting here obviously isn't working. Not many people are on the road at half-three."
"I vote for the gas station," AJ nodded.
Jet looked helplessly between the two of them. Walking miles back to the gas station in the dark and unknown wasn't appealing at all, but staying behind alone was even less so. She sighed heavily, letting her head drop forward.
"Fine. Gas station it is."
Just as Celeste was about to lock the car up, Jet dived for the door. "What are you doing?"
"Do we have a weapon?" the Brit asked, digging around in the footwell and peeking under the seat.
AJ blinked. "What?"
"A weapon. Is there one in the car?" Jet repeated, standing up straight to look expectantly at them.
"No. Why the fuck would we have a weapon in the car?"
"I dunno, Celeste, maybe in the event we get lost in the middle of nowhere and await our painful and violent deaths at the hands of an inbred maniac," she shot back.
AJ and Celeste shared a look. They knew her fear of the dark and unknown wasn't being helped by her being tired, but they weren't sure if they could handle much more of Jet insisting they were all going to die soon. It was exhausting.
"We're professional wrestler, we count as weapons."
Jet scoffed. "Tell yourself that when you're being cut up by a guy with a chainsaw," she muttered.
Every single noise from the wind made Jet squeak or jump. She had a death grip on Celeste's arm, fully prepared to throw her friend in the path of the serial killer who was obviously after them so she could make her escape. Besides, Celeste totally stood the best chance of fighting off a weapon wielding maniac.
As far as they could tell, they didn't pass a single other living creature, despite what Jet insisted she could sense in the trees. The road was as quiet as it had been all night and even the animals seemed to have disappeared.
"They know when something's about to happen," Jet whispered in Celeste's ear. "That's why there's none around, they have a sixth sense for serial killers."
"Or they're cold so they're in their little animal houses."
"Yeah, right," Jet scoffed.
"Of course, because that's the unreasonable assumption here."
"Little animal houses or serial killers? C'mon, it's definitely a serial killer!"
"You are insufferable and I hate you," Celeste deadpanned.
"Do you really want that to be the last thing you say to me before our untimely deaths? That's how you want our friendship to go?"
"Our friendship isn't going anywhere, because we are not going to die!"
Jet shrugged, "You're clearly going to be the first to kick it."
"Are you two done back there?" AJ called over her shoulder from a few feet ahead. "Because I can see the gas station up ahead."
Jet groaned pitifully. "I really don't want to go there."
AJ clamped her hand around Jet's wrist, keeping her in place so she couldn't do a runner. The gas station was, without doubt, their best option and neither she nor Celeste wanted to ignore that option because Jet had hightailed it away from her imagined murderer and they had to chase her before she got lost.
Just as she got close enough to see the place, Jet let out a laugh that was halfway between triumphant and terrified. "Oh, look at that – a rundown gas station. Who saw that coming? That's right, me!"
"We're in the middle of nowhere, of course it's rundown," AJ replied.
"C'mon, you've seen The Goonies. Rundown places invariably have dead bodies and very disabled siblings chained up in them."
Celeste sighed heavily. "You have to stop believing real-life turns out like the movies you watch."
Jet shrugged helplessly. "When I'm right…"
"When you're wrong, you can apologise for all the hysteria."
The place looked exactly how Jet imagined it to – terrifying. There was one flickering light in the whole station, giving enough illumination to show no one inside and no cars getting gas. Jet figured the place probably hadn't been open since the late seventies.
"Well, that was a waste of a two mile walk," AJ sighed. "I guess we're just gonna have to head back to the car and hope someone will drive past."
Her words must have been the cue. Before they could leave the abandoned lot, car headlights shone brightly in their eyes, blinding all three women for a moment. Jet held a hand up to her face, trying to see what was coming toward them. When the rusty pick-up truck became visible, she shook her head.
"Fuck, no."
Celeste waved her arms rapidly above her head to attract the driver's attention, despite Jet hissing for her to stop. The car pulled up beside them, the after-effects of the blinding headlights keeping the driver's identity hidden. When the car came to a halt, Jet could just about see him through the open window. He looked… grizzled, for lack of a better word in her vocabulary. His thinning hair was pulled back in a low ponytail and he clearly hadn't shaved in days. His clothes were dirty and holey, really completely the look that Jet had warned her friends about.
"Creepy guy in a pick-up," she whispered to AJ, reminding her of the warning earlier.
"Shush," she replied, just as Celeste was taking a few steps towards the open window.
"Do not speak to him!" Jet hissed quietly.
"Juliette, don't be stupid. He can tell us where we are and show us where to get some gas."
"Or he can pretend to be a sweet old man until he gets us back to his reclusive farmhouse where he slowly psychologically tortures us before using a rusty meat cleaver to slit our throats and hang us from barn rafters."
Celeste blinked. "You really need some kind of therapy."
"I can't get therapy if we're dead!"
The Texan rolled her eyes, stepping away before Jet could stop her. "Excuse me, sir. Hi, hello, uh, I don't mean to be a nuisance, but could you help us out? We got lost and our car has run out of gas."
"Oh, just go ahead and tell him exactly how vulnerable we are," Jet murmured hysterically, flapping her arms at AJ, hoping the smaller woman would do something to stop this rapid descent into danger.
The old guy lifted his sunglasses onto his head, surveying the three of them silently.
"Why is he wearing sunglasses?" Jet asked AJ quietly, hoping he couldn't hear her. "Sunglasses at night always equals villain."
AJ shrugged, finally seeming to be a little unnerved by the way the guy was staring at them.
"Sure, I'll help ya out," he nodded slowly. "This place has been closed for years but I keep some spare gas canisters back at my place for emergencies. I can take you there and bring you back to your car, if you'd like."
"Oh, no, that's so much trouble for you–" AJ began, prompting Jet to internally fist pump at her best friend finally understanding the danger they were in. Who the hell was driving around at this time of the morning anyway?
"That would be awesome, thank you," Celeste cut in firmly, glaring at the other two.
"Hop on in."
Jet would have prepared to walk as many miles back as it took to find civilization but she was soon being bundled into the backseat with AJ by Celeste, who then moved around to take the front passenger seat. Jet skipped over the middle seat to give AJ room, feeling something scuff on the bottom of her jeans as she moved. Her eyes went wide and she squeaked loudly, drawing the driver's attention while she nudged AJ's leg.
"Oh, don't mind that," the driver smiled, displaying his missing teeth as he reached back to move the blood stained knife. "I hunt deer sometimes."
"Hm, deer," Jet nodded, her lips quickly pressing into a tight line while she stared in terror at AJ. Her friend looked back at her, her eyes making it clear that she felt the same impending doom.
The two of them gripped hands. If they were going to die, at least they could die together. Or maybe Jet could push Celeste into the killer's path and slow him down long enough to escape. She totally deserved it for not taking this life threatening situation seriously.
The drive went on far too long for Jet's liking. They drove past their broken down car on the side of the road and then kept going for at least another thirty minutes. The driver introduced himself as John ("that's a murderer name" Jet whispered at AJ) but didn't talk all that much besides. When he drove off the main road onto a dirt track, AJ whimpered quietly.
Up ahead they could see a farmhouse, surrounded by nothing but open fields. The building looked just as rundown as the gas station had but a light in one of the lower floor windows made it clear someone was in.
"Great, two people we have to escape," AJ muttered.
If the driver heard them, he didn't say anything. Celeste did, reaching back to slap AJ's knee and shooting her a glare as if to say this nice man is helping us, don't be rude. AJ replied with her own silent remark of he's going to kill us and you're going first.
Celeste was the first to step out of the truck, happily following the stranger on the path to the front door. AJ and Jet hung back, still eyeing the 'deer hunting' knife in his hand warily. Just before they reached the door, a blood curdling scream filled the air, making the two of them jump back. Even Celeste straightened up, her eyes wide and startled.
"Uh, what was that?" AJ asked quietly.
"A guest," John replied simply, not bothering to elaborate.
Jet covered her face, actually feeling tears pricking her eyes. Hours straight of terror was really taking its toll on her. "Oh god, oh god, oh god," she murmured quietly to herself as they were ushered into the door. The knife in John's hand made it very clear that denying his offer of entry wasn't a good idea. The place looked big enough to hopefully find a room to hide in or a window to jump out of. The kitchen in the back of the farmhouse had something on the stove and it didn't smell great.
"What if that's a body?" AJ whispered, moving a step closer to Jet.
"That shouldn't be there," John muttered, shaking his head as he turned off the stove. "It's a deer I picked up. Gone bad now, my wife must have fallen asleep. I work odd hours, y'see, and she likes to have food ready for me when I get home."
"Deer," Jet hissed again.
Another scream pierced the quiet, making AJ jump so far she clattered into the wall. Celeste looked up through the ceiling to where the screaming was coming from, her eyes narrowed in concern.
"Are they okay?"
"It's one of my guests," John repeated. "Probably watching something scary, she does that."
"Probably watching her friend get murdered."
"What was that, dear?" John asked, turning over his shoulder to look at Jet.
"Oh, uh, nothing," she replied hurriedly. Don't piss off the killer or you'll be the first to go.
"Okay. Come on down to the basement, I should have some gas down here for your car."
"The basement. Great," AJ whined, glancing behind herself to see how far the door was. Maybe if they waited for John to head down the steps to the basement, they could make a run for the door. Of course, they had no idea where they were so he would undoubtedly catch them before they got far.
Celeste grabbed them both by the arm. "You two are being ridiculous. Quit it," she ordered, pushing them both in front of her down the basement steps.
The place was full up of everything Jet could imagine. Frankly, it looked like a good place to hide a body. You'd never find it amongst all that crap. Above them, the floorboards creaked with the unmistakable noise of footsteps. They were coming closer, heading for the door at the top of the basement steps. AJ and Jet huddled close together, knowing this was it. This was the moment that they'd be faced with two assailants in a basement they couldn't escape.
"We're gonna die!" Jet wailed, seeing no more point in trying to stay quiet.
A figure appeared in the shadow at the top of the stairs, looming over all three women. AJ squeaked, wrapping her arms around Jet's ribs.
"Who's dying, honey? Should I call 911?"
Jet blinked slowly and the soft voice. "What?"
The figure took a few steps down, lighting themselves under the bulb. She was an older woman, wearing a rumpled apron and looking tired.
"Do you need a doctor?" the lady fussed, hurrying down the steps. She glanced across as John, smacking him lightly with her hand. "Why didn't you tell me we had guests? Look at these poor things, they're cold and tired! I'm so sorry, honey, I would have met you before now but I must have dropped off. The stew will be ruined."
AJ and Jet shared a bemused glance while Celeste smirked smugly.
"Silly me, not even introducing myself. I'm Marge. Of course you've met my husband, John." She turned to look at him again, frowning heavily. "What do you look like? You're all scruffy, you'll give these girls a fright. And would you put down that knife? I've told you a million times to clean that off after you've been hunting!"
John cowered in front of his wife and, all of a sudden, he didn't look at all as frightening. "Sorry, dear. I will next time."
"Yes, you will. Now, you three come on upstairs and we'll get some food in you. What on earth are you doing down here?"
"They need gas, hon," John replied.
"Oh, I see. Well, you leave him down here to deal with this, we'll head up to the kitchen."
Marge lit up the kitchen, showing the same kind of homely space that Jet was used to back in Manchester. She frowned over the large pot of stew, then rolled her eyes when another scream came from the floor above them. Despite most of the tension having evaporated following Marge's appearance, Jet and AJ still jumped.
"No need to worry, dears. That'll be Casey. She's one our foster children, she just loves to stay up all night watching those awful movies. All we ever hear in the screaming. I can't understand the appeal, to be honest."
"Me neither," Jet replied weakly. She had thought a foster couple who were too helpful for their own good were going to murder them. Whoops.
"Let me get you some cocoa. You must be freezing."
Marge went to work, filling up three large mugs with the nicest hot chocolate Jet had ever had the pleasure of ingesting, then pulled out some of her home-baked muffins. Celeste calmly explained how they'd found themselves needing assistance, right up until John reappeared from the basement holding a jerry can of gas. With the gas waiting for them and some, frankly delicious, food being freely offered, Jet finally eased up.
"I thought I was going to die in freakin' Mississippi," she almost wept with relief.
Marge and John shared a glance but seemed to assume Jet meant dying on the side of the road rather than at their hands. "Mississippi?" John repeated. "Honey, you're in Jasper."
"Jasper, Tennessee?" Celeste asked hopefully. At least they'd made it to the right state, even if Jasper was hours away from Memphis.
"Jasper, Alabama."
Jet almost threw her empty mug at Celeste's head. "You drove in the wrong direction!"
"It wasn't my fault, blame the diversion!" she shot back, poking her tongue out.
"Well, no harm done," Marge smiled. "As soon as you're done with your food, John will get you back to your car and on your way."
"Thank you so much," AJ smiled, leaning over to hug Marge. "I don't know how long we'd have been stuck out there if not for you guys."
"Oh, it's no trouble, honey. Everyone needs some help every now and then."
Jet smiled thankfully at the couple before shooting another glare at Celeste. As the five of them finished eating muffins in silence, Jet suddenly chuckled.
"What?" AJ asked.
"I was totally right."
"You were not right about a single thing you said tonight."
"Sure, I was. We are right next to Deliverance territory."
AJ couldn't help her giggle while Celeste sighed heavily. "Jesus Christ, Juliette. Shut up."
I tried to pull on all the crappy lost in the middle of nowhere horror movies I can remember seeing. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, especially since it's been an expedition to get it finished.