My first EVER Peter and Carla fiction. Feedback would be amazing. Thanks.
Alone.
I'd like to say you were always everything to me and I couldn't survive a day alone, but you know as well as I do that you weren't.
You are now though.
Now I can't survive a day alone
'Til now, I always got by on my own
I never really cared until I met you
And now it chills me to the bone
How do I get you alone
Peter, I don't know how you did it but one day I just woke up and I knew that I didn't want to wake up another morning without you. I didn't know how I was going to get through every day without your gentle touch and your caring glance. But I was doing so well, actually was tempted to give myself a gold star. You know like the ones you give Simon. I was Carla Connor the fierce factory boss who never took no for an answer, who lived on her own and ate men for breakfast. Suddenly my life centred on those few stolen moments we had alone.
I am 100 percent blaming you for all this. For me falling head over heels in love with you, and for the mess in which we have now found ourselves. For me lying here on my couch tear stained, with old makeup and greasy hair. Four days I have continued to lie here and blame you and somehow it's working. Somehow it is explaining everything. You're the reason Frank is not guilty. Because you wanted me in a hotel and couldn't wait another fucking week. Peter 1 fucking week and he would have been sent down for this, for my heartbreak and suffering. Instead he's in the Rovers having a drink with Sally and his staff celebrating his win. His WIN, Peter, how sick is that. I'm here, on my own, bottle in hand and you're not here to hold me. That however, is 100 percent all my fault.
"Get away from me," I didn't mean to scream at you Peter I really didn't, but you where there and you where in my face and you wouldn't leave me alone. I needed to be alone and you wouldn't leave. Not Guilty. It was whirling around my head at 90mph and you kept touching me and whispering in my ear. I didn't need that. His hands where crawling all over my body his frame crushing mine upon the factory floor, and all you could do was tell me you loved me. It wasn't what I needed Peter and that's why I told you to leave.
Four days later, and I'm still here. Mobile died yesterday but I didn't care enough to charge it. I had my wine. My wine always knew how to treat me, it just numbed the pain. If you can do that Peter you are more than welcome to come back, but I highly doubt it.
You had held me the night before the trail like a precious stone. Yours completely, I wound my legs around yours in bed, under the light warming comfort of the duvet. Completely the gentleman you didn't initiate anything and I was more than grateful to instead feel your hand reach for mine as you gripped me as if you life depended on it. You kissed my forehead, told me you loved me and that you couldn't wait to see him go down tomorrow. But he didn't did he.
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh, I hope that it won't end though
Alone
I haven't heard from you since I left you at the court alone. Didn't want to for the first few days but by now I realise you could have come round, you knew where I'd be if you'd cared. Now instead I realise that your clearly not bothered about me. I wonder how happy Leanne is to have you back? You know we were better don't you? You should have fought for me harder. Are you in bed with her now? Are you both reading Simon a bed time story? Have you gone out on your weekly Saturday date night?
I don't resent you; I think I would have done the same. Run at the first sight of a nutcase alcoholic who was cracking at the seams when there was a stable step in mum for my son at home, only a phone call away. I just never said goodbye. Never appreciated my last kiss or the last time we would share a laugh together. Never got to snuggle into your arms that little bit more when you reach over to turn off the bedside lamp or pull the duvet off you as I sleep.
Even if you did turn up now I'm not sure sitting here in my leggings, fluffy socks and your over sized jumper is what you'd want. Maybe should shower? Maybe should do something other than sit and wallow in my own self pity. Do I really want to spend another night alone. Alone without you?
Did you leave because you knew I'd crumble. Did you leave because you didn't love me and wanted her back? Did you leave because Simon wanted you to? Oh wait- you didn't leave, I did.
Right. Standing up from the sofa I grabbed my phone charger and a towel. Running into the bathroom I turned the shower on to its hottest setting, its 7pm and I'm very much hoping I may have a date by 9pm.
Running out the bathroom, sopping wet locks around my shoulders, smudged eye makeup down my face and the fake tan beginning to fade I grabbed my blackberry as it began to spring into life alerting me to 9 texts, 4 bbm's, numerous facebook notifications and 1 voicemail. Peter.
"Carla, babe its me. Just wanted to check in with you and check your ok. I know you didn't mean to push me away the other night. But I'm here. I'm right here when you've realised what a daft cow you've been and want me in your bed again," she smiled as she heard his light laugh after his last statement "Anyways don't go getting silly ideas in your head about me sleeping with Leanne, or me doing a runner with Simon…..I have nowhere else to go except hopefully your flat before the end of the week…but seen as its Friday its not looking too good….anyways….call me. Please. Even if you just want to tell me we are done. Bye love."
"Can't apologise enough in a text. I'm ready to admit I was a 'daft cow' and would love you to turn up with some form of takeaway at approximately 9pm. Car x"
And the night goes by so very slow
Oh, I hope that it won't end though
Alone
No text back, and it is simply a case of hope that I have that he will arrive at 9.
9.10pm and you're not here. Don't blame you really. Why after a massive row with your new shag, after you've just broken up with your wife for her would you have bothered? Why on earth would you have wanted a woman who has ignored you for the past 4 days? I glance at my phone, the photo of you and me stares back. Nothing, no little red flashing light. Nothing. Sighing as I stand up I pull my outfit straight in the mirror. May as well put my PJ's on now I know you're not coming. I look ok. I look better than I did this afternoon. Pale blue jeggins, cream t-shirt blouse, hair loose around my face with my eyelashes coated perfectly in a few coats of jet black mascara. I smiled slightly at my reflection. Perhaps I would be ok alone. Not that I wanted to be.
The door. My phone rang as I practically leapt across the floor to the receiver.
"Hello," I breathed into the handset barley able to contain my excitement for the hope of who would be on the other end.
"Hey," and with a press of a button he was on his way up. I took a deep breath in and out, counted to 10 and he was knocking. I really didn't deserve you here. I really didn't. Opening the door I look you up and down. You look tired. You look worried. Battered jeans, grey tee and batter leather jacket. So familiar.
"Peter," I look at him then, he's smiling at me with a look that I can't help but melt. Everything I wanted to say, everything I had been rehearsing I was out of the window as he held out his hand to mine. I smiled slightly watching as our hands entwined. He pulls my body in close. Sighing into his chest I close my eyes as he holds me. All I had wanted for the past 4 days and just hadn't known it.
"I was so worried about you," He breathed into the night as he kissed my forehead as my hand slipped down his naked flesh. We had soon moved into the bedroom after his arrival with steaming cartons of Chinese. We had made love that night. Not had sex, we actually made love. Something I really hadn't understood the difference between until now. He had kissed every inch of my body before pushing himself inside of me. His eyes never left mine as he picked up pace. His right hand gripped my left as I held onto the headboard, scared of letting myself go completely. He had groaned about much he loved me. His lips caught on every word as I watched him mouth my name as he came inside me. I shuffled under the covers at the sweet memory as I place my left leg over your body.
"Yea I know. I'm sorry. I just thought I needed a bit of space. I didn't realise what I actually needed was you." I rolled onto my stomach and looked at him. He smiled and kissed me.
Alone.