Scouting Party
The panicked shout was the fist clue they had that anything was wrong. The second shout had been for Alexander specifically which had caused even more worry because of one noticeable absence. Perdiccas was the one shouting, but Hephaestion was the one missing. Hephaestion who had gone with the scouting party—claiming he needed the chance to do something physical after so long dealing with reports—that was supposed to have returned an hour ago.
When the scouting party had left that morning there had been twenty of them. Three were returning. And of those, only two were capable of riding. It was immediately obvious that Hephaestion was not one of those two. When they finally reached the group of horsemen, Perdiccas was carefully lifting Hephaestion down from one of the horses. Like Hephaestion, Perdiccas had felt the need to get away from the camp, even for a short while, and it was clear his continued consciousness was a near thing.
"What happened?" Alexander demanded as he eased Perdiccas aside so that he could get to Hephaestion.
"An ambush," he grunted, leaning heavily against the horse for support. "They were hiding on that outcrop to the east. We got close and then rocks started tumbling down. Between the rocks and the Persians..."
As he slid Hephaestion into his arms, Alexander realized for the first time just how serious things were when he saw how matted and blood-soaked his lover's hair was. There was no much of it that if it hadn't been for the ragged puff of air against his neck he would have thought Hephaestion dead. Hephaestion was still alive, but Alexander knew that it would not be for long if he was not seen to immediately. With Cleitus at the forefront, shoving gawkers out of the way, they hurriedly made their way through the camp towards the surgeons.
It was only in the surgeons' tent, once Hephaestion's hair had been rapidly cut and shaved away that the true extent of his injuries came to light. His skull had been fractured. And while all the pieces were roughly where they were meant to be, there was no telling the damage such a blow had done to his brain.
"We can only wait," Philip told him, his expression letting Alexander know that he wished there was more he could say. "Provided there is no fever he should wake in a few days. Beyond that it is the will of the gods."
Alexander nodded his head mutely, his eyes fixed on Hephaestion's still form. To ensure that he would not move about, his wrists had been bound to the frame of the cot and there was a linen strip holding his chest immobile. The lower half of his head had been shaved, the wound left open to promote healing. His body was covered with an array of other cuts and bruises, all of them minor compared to the head wound.
Alexander did not know how long he sat staring at Hephaestion, unable to believe what he had been told. Losing friends was inevitable when fighting so long and so far from home. But Hephaestion was meant to be different. The worst injury he had ever received was when they were eighteen at Chaeronea. An arrow had sliced across his calf, leaving a scar that remained to this day. Hephaestion had walked with a limp for a few weeks, but otherwise suffered no ill-effects. Philip could not even guarantee that Hephaestion would wake up this time.
"How's Perdiccas?" Alexander asked when Seleucus came to stand next to him.
"His wrist is sprained and he's been bumped around a bit, but he'll be fine," Seleucus assured him. "Nicanor's the same except he also has a broken collarbone."
"There weren't supposed to be any problems," Alexander said, mostly to himself. "It was just supposed to be an easy recon mission. Now seventeen are dead and there is no guarantee that Hephaestion will wake. How did it go so wrong?"
There was no answer forthcoming, not that Alexander had truly expected one. The only response that he wanted would have been from Hephaestion himself. Hephaestion who was utterly silent and still as death.
By the evening of the third day, Alexander was very nearly ready to give into despair. Philip could give him no reason for Hephaestion's continued unconsciousness. Hephaestion should have roused at least somewhat. Alexander knew that the dangers increased the longer Hephaestion slept and could not bear the thought of losing his friend. Even the thought of leaving him behind caused a knot of dread to form in the pit of his stomach. But very soon a decision would have to be made. Bringing him on the march in his current state was also completely out of the question. It had been something Alexander had contemplated until Philip had informed him that doing such a thing before they knew the full extent of Hephaestion's injury could very well kill him.
"The men are getting restless," Cleitus prodded from the opposite side of Hephaestion's sick bed. Even though he knew Hephaestion would chastise him for it later, Alexander had his lover moved into his own tent and had taken to conducting as much business within it as possible. "They don't understand why we've delayed so long. The longer we wait, the more time Darius has to gather his forces."
"We will continue on," Alexander insisted, running his fingers through his unruly hair. "We have not come this far only to turn back."
"Even if it means leaving Hephaestion behind?"
Alexander did not answer; could not. The words simply would not form in his mouth. He knew, though, that in the end, he may very well be forced to leave Hephaestion behind. The longer he put things off, the more opportunity it gave Darius to increase his numbers. But after Issus and the slaughter of those left behind... He had been disgusted when he had learned the lows that the Persians were willing to sink to and saddened by the loss of so many good men. Soldiers who had been injured and unable to defend themselves. That Hephaestion or any other of his long-time companions could be numbered among those losses frightened him.
It was a few hours later as Alexander was preparing for sleep that he heard a quiet moan. He paused, not quite sure if he had actually heard anything, when the panicked, pained whimper reached his ears a second time.
A heartbeat later, he was kneeling next to Hephaestion, running fingers over his shorn hair. "It's okay, Phae. You're safe. You're safe."
Hephaestion's eyes fluttered open and Alexander rejoiced to see slits of that familiar and loved blue. He smiled brightly, his free hand reaching out to clasp one of Hephaestion's hands. His beloved's eyes opened a bit more, but Alexander could see no recognition in them.
"Phae?"
"M' 'ead 'urts," Hephaestion moaned, squeezing his eyes shut tight.
Grinning, Alexander leaned forward to brush his lips against the other man's forehead, lingering a moment. "Somehow I think that is an understatement."
"Wanna see you."
That caused Alexander to frown. Hephaestion's eyes were open once again and in the dim lamplight, Hephaestion should have easily been able to see him.
"I'm right here."
Hephaestion's brows furrowed and he tried to reach a hand towards Alexander. He became panicked when he could not move his arm, struggling against the bonds that held him still. Alexander was momentarily caught off guard, unable to react. It was Hephaestion's frantic struggling that spurred him into action. Shouting quickly for one of the guards to fetch Philip, Alexander turned his full attention onto his injured lover. He knew that words would mean nothing to Hephaestion in his frenzied state so he simply laid a hand over Hephaestion's cheek and leaned in close, their foreheads touching. It was a familiar gesture and Alexander whooped it would reach the other man.
It was a relief when Hephaestion leaned into his touch.
Alexander. He could feel Alexander. Hand on his cheek, forehead against his own, warm breath ghosting over his features. Familiar, but not. No half-lidded grey eyes, no soft smile. Just black. Black where Alexander's face should be.
He cried out at the sudden sound behind him, trying to push himself closer to Alexander. His lover was immediately pressing kisses to his cheeks and eyelids, calming him. Even knowing that it was only Philip, Hephaestion still tensed when he felt a second pair of hands on him. He still had no idea what was going on, why his head and boy ached so badly, or why he could not see. His head was probed and his world exploded into painful white light.
"Hephaestion? Phaesté?"
Philip had barely even touched the wound to Hephaestion's head when the other man had cried out and promptly lost consciousness. It had happened so suddenly that it truly frightened Alexander. Hephaestion had certainly been injured in the past, but never so seriously. Never in such a way that Alexander actually feared for his friend's survival. They had taken part in battles since they were sixteen years old, nearly a decade now and their injuries had never been more than minor inconveniences. But now Hephaestion had apparently lost his sight.
"It is likely a swelling of the brain that is causing his sightlessness," Philip was quick to tell him. "As the brain heals, the swelling should go down and the general will regain his sight."
"Should?" Alexander echoed nervously.
The aging physician patted him on the shoulder before lurching to his feet. 'I would give you a definite answer if I could, but brain injuries are unpredictable. But I do not see why things should not go accordingly in this case. Hephaestion is young and fit so there is nothing to prevent his recovery."
Still, Alexander did not feel the least bit assured by what he was told. "Should" was a long way from "will." A very long way. And with the added restriction that he was to keep Hephaestion bound for the foreseeable future, Alexander once again felt that small knot of fear curling up in the pit of his stomach.
"Is he fit enough to travel?"
The look Philip gave him spoke far more than words ever could. "I would wait a few more days, at least, before making such a decision. For now he needs to be kept still and rest. Give the swelling a chance to go down."
It was not the news Alexander had hoped for, but it was what he had expected. A few days was not too long. He could keep the army camped where they were for a few more days without raising suspicions any further. Messengers were due back the following day with information on Darius' movements and he could certainly use up another day or two devising strategies to work against them... He could give Hephaestion those three days.
It was what the others would be told that would prove the greater challenge. There were a great many who would take advantage of Hephaestion's current handicap and use it for their own benefit. Others who would simply try to make Hephaestion look weak; as though his loss of sight had been his own doing. Those same ones who had always been so jealous of Hephaestion, believing that he had gained his position because of their relationship when it had been anything but. Even if he had wanted to, Hephaestion would have never let him do anything like that. His lover was far too stubborn to take anything he did not feel he had earned in his own right. It was something Hephaestion's friends had always understood about the quiet man, but not his many detractors, those who insisted he used he prowess in bed to get what he wanted. Both he and Hephaestion knew that it was jealousy which spurred many of the comments, but it did not make it any easier to hear. So with the exception of a chosen few, Alexander intended to keep Hephaestion's current condition a secret. He doubted that it would be for very long. Hephaestion had always healed quickly in the past.
It was as though all of the breath was being stolen from his body. His head pounded with all the force of a battle march, constant and deafening, and when he tried to curl his body inwards, he simply could not. A hand was on his cheek then, so blissfully cool.
"Easy, Hephaestion. Try to relax."
"Xan..."
The cool hand was replaced by warm lips against his forehead, followed by a damp cloth. "I'm right here. Philip said that you need to rest, to relax. So just lie still."
He tugged his arms briefly, feeling cloth binding his wrists, but they still would not move. "Why 'm I...?"
"You need to stay still," Alexander murmured, pressing the wet cloth against the back of his neck. "Can't risk you rolling about while you sleep. And we both know you are quite prone to that."
Breathing in as deeply as he dared, Hephaestion slowly blinked his eyes open, hoping that there would be something other than blackness when he opened his eyes.
Not even a speck of light.
He tried not to allow his disappointment to show too much, but Alexander knew him too well.
"Nothing?"
His frustrated sigh must have been answer enough because Alexander was once again pressing a kiss to his forehead, followed by one on each of his eyelids.
"Doesn't matter. It's only been a few days. Give yourself a chance to heal."
Alexander forgot that he knew him just as well and could hear the worry in his voice despite his best attempts at hiding it. And though he would never admit it to Alexander, he was just as terrified. He had to stay calm and in control, even if it was the last thing he felt at the moment. What he wanted most of all was to hide himself away in a corner until everything went back to normal. However, even if they were back in Pella, or even somewhere stationary, he would not have been able to do that. Alexander depended on him to be the calm, rational one. The one always in control. He could not fall to pieces.
"You cannot wait for me," Hephaestion insisted, turning his face in the direction that he hoped Alexander's was sitting. "You've probably already stayed too long as it is."
"I cannot afford to leave you behind," Alexander argued, laying his hand on Hephaestion's shoulder. He was grateful for the touch. It made him feel less disconnected. "You are a general, Hephaestion; one of my advisors. You're not a foot soldier who can temporarily be replaced. In any case, it is only another two days until Philip will allow you to travel."
Hephaestion frowned, but did not bother to argue because he knew it was an argument he would not win. Nor did he have the energy to even attempt it. All that he wanted to do was sink back into oblivion because there, at least, his head did not feel as though it was still being battered by rocks.
"The others, how are they?" Hephaestion murmured, knowing that he would be able to distract Alexander by going over the names of the injured. What he did not expect was that there would be only two names on that list.
"You may have developed a permanent follower in Nicanor," Alexander chuckled quietly. "He will not stop praising you to anyone who will listen. Apparently you were fool enough to place yourself between him and a very big rock."
"Don't 'member."
"That doesn't surprise me," Alexander said, trying for mirth, but falling desperately short. He told Hephaestion what he knew of the attack at the outcropping. Hephaestion heard only half of what he said, his mind too fuzzy to focus on much. Instead, he simply enjoyed the sound of Alexander's voice, allowing the sound of it to wash over him and distract him from everything else. Making everything start to fade...
It was a crash and some muffled cursing that drew Seleucus' attention. Rolling his eyes, and muttering his own curse, he nodded to the two guards standing watch over Hephaestion's tent and went inside. As expected, he found Hephaestion on the ground, curled on his side and clutching pitifully at his head.
"I thought you were supposed to stay in bed," Seleucus mused as he reached down to help Hephaestion to his feet. "If I remember correctly, that was the condition of Philip letting Alexander untie you."
Hephaestion's response was mumbled, but there was no mistaking the annoyance or frustration in his voice.
"You're being impatient, Phaesté," Seleucus scolded as he helped him over to a chair. He was not fool enough to try and steer him back towards the bed, it would only set him off again. "It's only been a week. Alexander went longer without his voice."
"There is a massive difference between losing your voice and not being able to see," Hephaestion grumbled, scrubbing a hand over his face. "All Alexander needed to do was write things down and get me or someone else to read them out. I can't even cross from one side of my tent to the other without falling flat on my face because every day things get put in different places. Not to mention my head feels as though it's about to burst apart most of the time."
"So that's what's brought about this cheery attitude of yours," Seleucus mumbled under his breath.
Sighing, Hephaestion leaned back slightly. "I'm sorry for taking my frustrations out on you. I just feel so utterly useless."
"Of course you do," Seleucus agreed immediately, sitting himself down on a nearby chest. "You never have been good at sitting on the sidelines. We all thought you'd murder someone that time you threw your shoulder out of joint and were stuck at the campsite while we were off hunting. Though I must admit, you are an excellent shot with your left arm."
Had the situation been anything other than what it was, Seleucus would have laughed when he realized that Hephaestion was glaring at a spot just over his right shoulder instead of at his face. Even stranger was seeing the other man with his hair cropped short. Leonnatus had once jokingly said that the only time Hephaestion would ever cut his hair would be for Alexander's funeral. It had earned him a glare from Alexander and a chicken bone thrown at him by Hephaestion, but the rest of them had all secretly agreed with the statement. That night, Hephaestion's aim had been perfect, the bone landing square in the centre of Leonnatus' forehead. Seleucus hoped to one day see such an amusing sight again.
"I'm terrible company right now, Seleucus. Thank you for helping me, but I'm sure you have better things to do than make sure I don't trip over my own feet," Hephaestion said at last, his glower fading.
Seleucus snorted in amusement. "All I need to do is give you two cups of wine to get the same effect."
"Do I need to remind you what you're like when you're in your cups? What's that song you're so fond of? Something about the pleasurable prostitute from—"
"That's Perdiccas you're thinking of, not me."
Hephaestion merely smirked. "Of course it is."
Life on campaign offered little opportunity to make a proper offering to the gods. At least those meant for more personal matters. There never seemed to be enough hours in the day. Nightly, as he held Hephaestion in his arms, Alexander prayed to Aesclepios, begging that revered healer to give Hephaestion back his sight. He had offered up his own blood and pledged to build a temple in his honour if only Hephaestion would be granted the return of his vision.
As much as his lover tried to hide it from him, Alexander could tell easily enough when his head began to ache once again. He could stay awake for only a few hours at a time before the pain became unbearable. It made riding completely out of the question, forcing Hephaestion into a litter; a further indignity on top of everything else. But he bore it all in silence. Though he had every reason to, Hephaestion never once complained. At least not to him. If the other Companions heard any of his complaints, they kept quiet about it.
Rather than assigning Hephaestion's column to another, Alexander had temporarily integrated it into his own. There were too many others—Philotas chief among them—who would gladly take command and try to undermine Hephaestion's position. There were too many who still insisted that it was his and Hephaestion's relationship that had earned the latter his command. Even if he had wanted to, Hephaestion would have never let him get away with such a thing. It would have been so easy for the other man to take advantage of their close friendship, he would have denied Hephaestion nothing, but he had never asked and refused when Alexander tried to give him honours he felt he did not deserve.
Stopping briefly at his own tent, Alexander lit incense and offered up prayers at his personal alter, praying once again that Hephaestion's injuries would at last show signs of recovery. He managed a quick bite to eat then departed once again, hoping that Hephaestion would be awake.
Hephaestion was half asleep when he heard someone shuffling towards his camp cot. He tensed for a moment, but then the familiar sound of the footsteps registered in his sleepy mind and he relaxed once again. The guards knew better than to allow anyone in unannounced, but there was one exception to that.
"I got here as soon as I could," Alexander murmured as he slipped in behind him. He draped one arm over Hephaestion's waist and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to his shoulder. "How is your head?"
"Doesn't ache as much as it did yesterday, but I still can't see anything. Not even a speck of light."
Alexander's lips were at the base of his neck then, puffing hot breaths of air against his skin. "It is as Philip said, you need to give it time. You will see again."
"And if I cannot?"
"That is a bridge we will cross when we come to it and not before."
"It is not something we can push aside, Alexander. Two weeks have passed already and I still can't see a single thing. I can hear it in Philip's voice every day when he examines the wound, he's starting to worry. There should have been some change by now. Shadows at the very least. But there's nothing. When the new reinforcements come, you should send me home. I'm useless now."
He startled at the sudden movement, not sure what was happening. He reached immediately for the knife under his pillow, stopping short when he felt Alexander's hands holding his face. Hephaestion struggled to control his breathing, straining his ears to hear if there was any sign of attack. There was only Alexander.
"You're not useless," Alexander insisted, leaning in close so that his breath puffed hotly over Hephaestion's features. "Your mind is as sharp as ever. You still argue with me when I'm being a fool. I trust your counsel more than I do any other's. I need someone that I can trust. Someone who will always tell me the truth."
"And do you really think that's how the other's will see it? " Hephaestion snorted in disbelief. He pulled himself out of Alexander's hold and sat up. When Alexander tried to reach for him again, Hephaestion fumbled and grabbed hold of his wrists, pulling his hands away. "The entire army will think you're carting me around like some sort of concubine. Do you honestly expect me to live like that? As some kept thing?"
"A kept... Hephaestion, where is all this coming from?"
Breathing deeply, Hephaestion scrubbed a hand over his face. "I apologize, Alexander. My temper has got the best of me. I've been inactive too long."
"You have nothing to apologize for, Phae," Alexander insisted, placing a hand on his thigh. Hephaestion had to resist the urge to shudder, Alexander's skin warm as though he was heated by a fire from within. "Absolutely nothing. By the twelve, if anyone has an excuse to get angry right now it's you."
"You have enough to worry about without me throwing a tantrum on top of it."
Alexander lifted his right hand a pressed a kiss to his palm. "You are speaking your mind, something that I have always loved about you. Can you imagine the spoiled princeling I would have become without you to put me in my place?"
"It's not in you to be a spoiled princeling."
"Same as you could never be useless."
Hephaestion floundered for an argument, but Alexander kept him short, catching his lips in a quick kiss. Hephaestion leaned forward, resting his forehead against Alexander's, inhaling that familiar, comforting scent. He wanted so much to believe what his lover was saying, but after living in complete darkness for two weeks it was becoming more and more difficult.
"Please, Phae, no more of this talk about leaving," Alexander murmured against his lips. "Even if you can't fight for the time being, you're excellent at keeping this army functioning. I could assign you an assistant and you can do that logistical magic of yours."
Hephaestion could not help the smile that tugged at his lips. "Flattering me will not get you what you want."
"I was doing—"
"However, I accept your proposal," Hephaestion interrupted him. "I could do with the distraction."
He could not see Alexander's face, but from the way the other man slumped against him, Hephaestion knew that there was a wide, relieved smile on his face. In all honesty, he knew that he would not have been able to leave if it came down to it. It was only his frustration talking. Hephaestion only wanted some sign that his vision would return. Each day brought them closer to Darius and his army and he wanted to be able to fight at Alexander's side.
"I think that will be all for today," Hephaestion groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. His head had been aching for the past hour, but the pain had become nearly unbearable. All he wanted to do was lie down and sleep. "Thank you for your help, Nicanor."
"It's better than having nothing to do," the young soldier chuckled. "Though I'm thankful to be alive. I don't remember much of it, but I do remember you shoving me out of the way. I want to thank you for that, General."
Hephaestion waved a hand absently as he heaved himself up out of his seat. "There's no need, Nicanor. I saw an opportunity and took advantage of it. I am merely glad that it was a worthwhile endeavour."
Very cautiously, Hephaestion made his way towards his bed. Since he had become more mobile, the pages under Hephaestion's command arranged the contents of his tent in the exact same way every time the army advanced. With things in the same location, Hephaestion could move easily about his own tent. It gave him some amount of autonomy. It was the world outside his tent that made him nervous.
"Tell the guards I don't want to be disturbed," Hephaestion mumbled, rubbing the palm of his hand over the shorn hair on the top of his head.
"Will do, General."
If his head had not hurt so much, he would have rolled his eyes at Nicanor's exuberant farewell. He had to give the boy his due, though. Nicanor was a quick study and even though he was temporarily confined to using one hand while his broken collarbone healed from what Alexander had told him he was an excellent note-taker. Though his assertion that Nicanor had the better handwriting was just Alexander teasing him. Alexander had the worst penmanship Hephaestion had ever seen. His mind moved faster than his hand and more often than not left words unfinished. Entire thoughts sometimes.
Stifling a yawn, Hephaestion unclipped his chiton, letting it fall to the ground. He had not bothered with his boots earlier, knowing that he would not be leaving his tent, and simply crawled onto the bed. He did not want to take the tonic Philip had given him for his headaches because it left him feeling sluggish and disoriented. It was better to sleep for an hour or so.
Hephaestion woke briefly when Alexander came in, but after a few minutes was asleep again right in the middle of a conversation. He awoke a few other times, but the steady sound of Alexander's breathing soothed him right back to sleep.
It was a scream that woke him. There was a flurry of movement next to him and by the time he opened his eyes, Hephaestion was no longer on the bed. Alert instantly, he was about to bound to the other side of the camp bed when Hephaestion's head popped up. He did not say a single thing, made no movement whatsoever, but still Hephaestion's eyes found his face.
Hephaestion's eyes found his face.
"Phae?"
Hephaestion's brows furrowed and he shook his head briefly as though to clear it. He kept his eyes closed for nearly a full minute during which time Alexander said absolutely nothing. When Hephaestion opened his eyes again, his lips curved upwards in a small smile.
"I don't think I've ever been so relieved to see a giant grey blur."
Alexander stared at him in confusion until Hephaestion reached out to cup the side of his face.
"You can see me?" he gasped in surprise, turning instinctively into his lover's hand.
"I can see a blurry outline in the shape of you," Hephaestion clarified, opening and closing his eyes repeatedly to make sure that what he was seeing was real.
Immediately, Alexander clasped Hephaestion's face between his palms, kissing him soundly. It was minor, Hephaestion could only see a vague shape, but it was more than he had been able to see yesterday. It was the first, most difficult step in Hephaestion's recovery. Philip had said that once Hephaestion could differentiate between light and dark the healing process would continue at a much quicker rate.
Wonderful as it had been at first to see at least the shape of Alexander, it soon became far more frustrating than manoeuvring around his tent blind. It soon became obvious that he could see things better when they were lit from behind, so Alexander had insisting on lighting as many lamps as possible without actually burning the structure to the ground. Of course that meant there was a great deal of smoke which only made his headache worse so he had promptly had all of the unnecessary ones doused.
"Will you go already," Hephaestion snorted as Alexander continued to hover about. "I know that you have a great deal of work to do today and my vision won't repair itself between blinks."
The dark shape that was Alexander ducked its head down. "I cannot help it. I had never thought on it much in the past, but now that your eyes are following me about the room... How is it that such a simple thing can be so miraculous?"
Smiling, Hephaestion reached out to hold the side of Alexander's face. "I don't know, but all morning my thoughts have been the same. However, it does not change the fact that we both have work to do."
Alexander groaned and leaned into his hand. "Must you remind me?"
"I must," Hephaestion murmured, lowering his head to what he hoped was Alexander's lips. Catching the side of his lips, Hephaestion pressed a soft kiss there before adjusting his aim.
"You do realize that this doesn't strengthen my resolve to leave, don't you?" Alexander chuckled against his lips. "In fact, it does quite the opposite."
Groaning, Hephaestion stepped resolutely away, sweeping his tongue over his lips. "I will see you tonight and not a moment before." He shook his head, scrubbing a hand over his face. "We're worse than school boys."
"I'm going," Alexander said resolutely, turning towards the exit. "Don't push yourself. Just because you're healing doesn't mean you can push yourself."
If he had been able to identify the things on his desk, Hephaestion would have been sorely tempted to throw something at his lover. There would be no point, however, as he had said the same thing to Alexander often enough when the other man was injured. Knowing that he would have no chance to rest once Nicanor arrived, Hephaestion sat back down on his bed. He leaned back against the pillows, inhaling the scent of both himself and Alexander. It helped to ease the tension he could feel building behind his eyes. A few minutes was all he needed to last him the day. Until he could be with Alexander once again.
It had been Hephaestion who suggested walking through the camp that night. It was the first time Hephaestion had wanted to venture outside his tent since his injury so Alexander was quick to agree. They did not go far, merely joining some of the other generals who had gathered around a large fire.
"I vote that we send back to Egypt for some of those wigs," Perdiccas said loudly as they approached. "It's far too unnerving to see Hephaestion with such short hair."
Hephaestion scowled in Perdiccas' direction. Perdiccas was on the far side of the fire so Hephaestion could not pinpoint his location, but Alexander had noticed over the past few weeks that the other man's sense of hearing had become much more acute. It certainly made cursing the other man's stubbornness under his breath more difficult.
"I was wondering when we would see you about again, lad," Cleitus said, patting Hephaestion on the shoulder as the younger man sat down next to him. "You're beginning to look like an invalid from spending so much time indoors."
"I didn't feel much like being led about like a dog on a leash," Hephaestion told him.
Alexander was desperate to say something, but wisely kept silent. He was desperate to contradict Hephaestion, but knew that anything he said would be hollow. As much as he sympathized with Hephaestion's ordeal, it was still his lover who had been without his vision for the past three and a half weeks and not him. No matter how much Hephaestion told him about what it was like to be without his sight or how often Alexander stumbled about his tent with his eyes closed, it would never equal what Hephaestion was still going through.
It was a relief that it was now finally ending.
He knew that the remainder of the healing would not be instantaneous, but now that Hephaestion's vision had returned at least somewhat, it would happen much quicker. Philip had been unable to give an exact timeline of the return of Hephaestion's sight, but his rough estimate was a few weeks before it returned completely. Whether his vision as a whole had been affected by the blow to the head would not be known until then.
"Oh, and in case I didn't tell you earlier, you are a complete and utter fool," Seleucus said to Hephaestion, his voice utterly serious.
Beside him, Hephaestion merely raised an eyebrow. "You didn't tell me this earlier, but I'm curious to know why I'm being called a fool this time."
"You are kidding me, right?" Seleucus inquired, putting on a show of being utterly mystified. "In case you failed to notice it, my friend, you had the perfect excuse to take a brief respite from your work. All of those forms and reports and countless other tedious things that make me cringe just thinking about. Instead, you work. You get someone to do the reading and writing for you. It makes no sense whatsoever."
Leonnatus smacked him on the arm, the others alternatively laughing and rolling their eyes. Seleucus himself looked completely unrepentant, grinning broadly, even when Perdiccas stole his wine jug from him, declaring him to be cut off for the night.
"Just be happy I didn't pass the work onto you," Hephaestion smirked, earning him a shudder from the other man.
"I wouldn't let him anywhere near it," Alexander added, shaking his head. "There's no telling what would happen with our supply lines if Seleucus was left in charge of them."
Seleucus did his best to look put upon, but failed miserably when the corners of his lips began to twitch with the beginnings of a smile. To cover it, he promptly took his wineskin back from Perdiccas. Perdiccas, however, was not too keen to see is prize go, and a brief tussle ensued. It was ended only when Nearchus stepped up behind them and snatched the wine from Seleucus who had been in temporary possession of it. Hephaestion, like all the rest, were laughing uproariously by this time, all of them at least temporarily relaxed.
"What would you have done if I had remained unconscious longer?" Hephaestion asked as Alexander climbed into the bed beside him. The lamps had already been doused so even if his vision had been perfect, he would not have been able to see the other man's face. "Would you have left me behind?"
Alexander wound around him, holding tight to him. "I don't know."
Sighing, Hephaestion brushed his nose against Alexander's. "I know that I should tell you not to worry about such things, that you should treat me as you would any other soldier, but I can tell you now that I don't think I'd be able to do the same. Regardless of what I know I should do, it's a far cry from what I would want to do."
"I was thinking of everything that I could to delay departure at least until you had woken up," Alexander confessed to him. "Had it not been for what happened at Issus, I would have still resisted, but in the end I may have ceded to my better judgement and left you behind."
Raising himself up slightly, Hephaestion stared at what he hoped were Alexander's eyes. "I would not have held it against you if you had chosen to leave me with the other wounded. Even if the worst had happened, I would not have blamed you."
"I would have blamed myself. Until the end of my days I would have blamed myself for having played a part in your needless death."
"You cannot always keep me safe," Hephaestion reminded him, pressing a kiss to what ended up being the corner of Alexander's lips. "Just as I cannot always keep you safe. We do what we can and hope that it's enough."
Alexander made a disgruntled sound, one that Hephaestion knew very well. It meant that Alexander knew the truth to what he was saying, but did not want to admit to it. So instead Alexander tilted the angle of his head to kiss him more thoroughly. Much more keen to feeling alive than dead, Hephaestion responded enthusiastically to the kiss, sliding his body so that he was resting half on top of his lover. He only wished that he had the stamina to do more. Unfortunately, a head injury and several weeks of inactivity had had a greater effect on him than he would have liked.
"As soon as I feel up to it I'm going to give you a good rutting," Hephaestion groaned as he slumped against Alexander a short while later.
Alexander snorted in a most undignified way, hugging Hephaestion tight to him. "I look forward to it. Once you can actually see where to stick your cock you are more than welcome to give me that rutting."
Neither of them needed to mention that there was no need for either to see the other's body to know it entirely. They had spent so many years learning and mapping each other's bodies that it was now second nature. Every scar, every freckle, ever line of muscle was imprinted on the other's mind. They knew each other's strengths and weaknesses, and knew what made the other shiver in pleasure. After so many years there were no longer any secrets between them.
Still, Hephaestion chuckled darkly, nibbling on the corner of Alexander's jaw. "I'll hold you to that."
Staring across the plains towards the massive Persian army, Alexander did not need to look to know that Hephaestion was just to his right, seated atop his horse. It had taken longer than expected for Hephaestion's vision to return completely, but it had been several weeks since there had been any fogginess to his vision or since he had had a serious headache. There was nothing to prevent Hephaestion from fighting in that battle.
Gaugamela was where it would be decided and Alexander could think of no one he wanted at his side more than Hephaestion.
By nightfall, the Persian Empire would be theirs.