1 I do not own Rurouni Kenshin, or anyone in the story with the exception
of Guy Deadtree.
2
3 Kenshin's Little Secret
It's a fine day in Tokyo; everyone is going about his or her normal activities. Yahiko and Kaoru are training in the dojo hall, Megumi and Dr. Gensai are working in the clinic, Sanosuke is trying to convince Tae into giving him a free lunch, and Kenshin is doing the laundry. He calmly washes the white clothes, and hums quietly to himself. A dark shadow falls over him, and he looks up.
"Konnichiwa, sir," he says, "May I ask what business you have here?"
The man looks in both directions, and then pulls a stack of papers out of the western style briefcase he is carrying.
"I am glad I made it here before the others did. I have a deal for you." The man claps his hands, and four other men come into the yard. "My name is Guy Deadtree. I have come on the behalf of your Shisho and his new business. He has offered to become a corporate sponsor for this program, if you do commercials for his new products."
"Program? Corporate sponsor? Commercials?" stutters Kenshin, "What do you mean?"
"It's simple really, you talk about your Shisho's products, and he gives you money for it. How can you pass up in idea like that?" replies Guy.
"He won't be passing it up as long as he lives here," states Kaoru, who overheard part of the conversation. "I can use that money to help feed everyone, and to repair my dojo and to buy us all some new clothes."
"But, Kaoru-dono, we don't know what we really have to do. It can't be as easy as Guy-dono says, or we wouldn't get any money!"
"You will do it, or I will hurt you," threatens Kaoru, her eyes slanting downward into an evil glare.
"Ok, ok, I'll do it. What do I have to do?"
Guy pulls out a pen and points to the stack of papers. "You get to sign these contracts."
Kenshin dries his hands, and proceeds to sign all of the contracts, not bothering to read the fine print. Kaoru jumps up excitedly,
"Ok, that's the last one, Do we get the money now?" she asks.
"Oh no, not yet, Young Lady. This man has to make the commercials, first."
The four men who followed Guy into the yard grab Kenshin, several boxes of stuff, and drag him into the house. Guy then proceeds to set up lights and filming equipment around the yard.
********
Kenshin walks out of the house, wearing a sake jug shaped hat, and a cardboard box instead of clothes. The sake hat says "Shisho Sake" and the box says "Shisho's Special Seasoned Seaweed Soba Noodles". Sano and Yahiko both fall to the ground, laughing. Kaoru quickly follows suit.
"Kenshin, you look so funny!" she exclaims.
"I can't do this," Kenshin says, blushing, "Everyone is laughing at me."
"Ignore them, they aren't important." replies Guy.
Then, Kenshin turns pale. "Shisho! What are you going here?"
"Watching my commercials, what else would I be doing here, Baka Deshi."
"But Shisho, everyone is laughing at me! I look stupid like this!"
"Kenshin, no one is laughing, and you look fine."
Kenshin looks at Sano, Yahiko, and Kaoru, who are rolling around on the ground, laughing. He then looks to the gate, when Megumi is giggling. Saitoh, who happens to be patrolling the area, looks over the top of the fence, and laughs hysterically. Shishio and Yumi turn on the TV set that they were given in hell, see Kenshin, and laugh hysterically. Kenshin then glances at Guy, the crewmen, and his Shisho, who are all laughing.
"Shisho! STOP LAUGHING AT ME!"
"You know, Kenshin, if you don't do these commercials, I'll have to sue you, and then your little group will lose what little money they do have. Do you know what that means?
Kenshin shakes his head no.
"It means, my Baka Deshi, that there will be no more laundry soap."
Kenshin looks anxious.
"There will be no more Golden Battousai contact lenses."
Kenshin begins to snivel.
"There will be no more bottles of red hair dye."
Tears run down Kenshin's face.
"There will be no more plastic surgery to keep your scar nice."
Kenshin begins to sob.
"And most of all, there will be no more sword sharpenings, fights with Saitoh, enemies causing trouble. Bad guys cost a lot to hire, you know."
Kenshin throws himself at his Shisho's feet.
"Please, Shisho, please, don't sue us. I'll do whatever you ask! I'll wear the costumes! I'll do anything! ANYTHING!!!"
"Alright, anything. You have a deal."
********
The Kenshin-Gumi are sitting around their new TV set, watching Sailor Moon, when Kenshin's commercial comes on.
Cute music begins to play, then Kenshin, wearing his costume dances onto the set.
"Hello, everyone! I'm Shisho's Baka Deshi, and I'm here to tell you to try Shisho Sake, and Shisho's Special Seasoned Seaweed Soba Noodles! They're the best!
He then begins to sing:
"Shisho Sake's good to drink,
Makes you think about the sink!
Tastes so good on long, cold nights,
Helps you get through every fight!
So, everyone take it from me,
Shisho's own Baka Deshi!*"
Everyone begins to laugh, except for Kenshin who is trying to find the easiest way to sink through the floor.
"Ah well," he sighs, "At least I saved the plot."
~End~
* The Shisho Sake song is sung to the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.
2
3 Kenshin's Little Secret
It's a fine day in Tokyo; everyone is going about his or her normal activities. Yahiko and Kaoru are training in the dojo hall, Megumi and Dr. Gensai are working in the clinic, Sanosuke is trying to convince Tae into giving him a free lunch, and Kenshin is doing the laundry. He calmly washes the white clothes, and hums quietly to himself. A dark shadow falls over him, and he looks up.
"Konnichiwa, sir," he says, "May I ask what business you have here?"
The man looks in both directions, and then pulls a stack of papers out of the western style briefcase he is carrying.
"I am glad I made it here before the others did. I have a deal for you." The man claps his hands, and four other men come into the yard. "My name is Guy Deadtree. I have come on the behalf of your Shisho and his new business. He has offered to become a corporate sponsor for this program, if you do commercials for his new products."
"Program? Corporate sponsor? Commercials?" stutters Kenshin, "What do you mean?"
"It's simple really, you talk about your Shisho's products, and he gives you money for it. How can you pass up in idea like that?" replies Guy.
"He won't be passing it up as long as he lives here," states Kaoru, who overheard part of the conversation. "I can use that money to help feed everyone, and to repair my dojo and to buy us all some new clothes."
"But, Kaoru-dono, we don't know what we really have to do. It can't be as easy as Guy-dono says, or we wouldn't get any money!"
"You will do it, or I will hurt you," threatens Kaoru, her eyes slanting downward into an evil glare.
"Ok, ok, I'll do it. What do I have to do?"
Guy pulls out a pen and points to the stack of papers. "You get to sign these contracts."
Kenshin dries his hands, and proceeds to sign all of the contracts, not bothering to read the fine print. Kaoru jumps up excitedly,
"Ok, that's the last one, Do we get the money now?" she asks.
"Oh no, not yet, Young Lady. This man has to make the commercials, first."
The four men who followed Guy into the yard grab Kenshin, several boxes of stuff, and drag him into the house. Guy then proceeds to set up lights and filming equipment around the yard.
********
Kenshin walks out of the house, wearing a sake jug shaped hat, and a cardboard box instead of clothes. The sake hat says "Shisho Sake" and the box says "Shisho's Special Seasoned Seaweed Soba Noodles". Sano and Yahiko both fall to the ground, laughing. Kaoru quickly follows suit.
"Kenshin, you look so funny!" she exclaims.
"I can't do this," Kenshin says, blushing, "Everyone is laughing at me."
"Ignore them, they aren't important." replies Guy.
Then, Kenshin turns pale. "Shisho! What are you going here?"
"Watching my commercials, what else would I be doing here, Baka Deshi."
"But Shisho, everyone is laughing at me! I look stupid like this!"
"Kenshin, no one is laughing, and you look fine."
Kenshin looks at Sano, Yahiko, and Kaoru, who are rolling around on the ground, laughing. He then looks to the gate, when Megumi is giggling. Saitoh, who happens to be patrolling the area, looks over the top of the fence, and laughs hysterically. Shishio and Yumi turn on the TV set that they were given in hell, see Kenshin, and laugh hysterically. Kenshin then glances at Guy, the crewmen, and his Shisho, who are all laughing.
"Shisho! STOP LAUGHING AT ME!"
"You know, Kenshin, if you don't do these commercials, I'll have to sue you, and then your little group will lose what little money they do have. Do you know what that means?
Kenshin shakes his head no.
"It means, my Baka Deshi, that there will be no more laundry soap."
Kenshin looks anxious.
"There will be no more Golden Battousai contact lenses."
Kenshin begins to snivel.
"There will be no more bottles of red hair dye."
Tears run down Kenshin's face.
"There will be no more plastic surgery to keep your scar nice."
Kenshin begins to sob.
"And most of all, there will be no more sword sharpenings, fights with Saitoh, enemies causing trouble. Bad guys cost a lot to hire, you know."
Kenshin throws himself at his Shisho's feet.
"Please, Shisho, please, don't sue us. I'll do whatever you ask! I'll wear the costumes! I'll do anything! ANYTHING!!!"
"Alright, anything. You have a deal."
********
The Kenshin-Gumi are sitting around their new TV set, watching Sailor Moon, when Kenshin's commercial comes on.
Cute music begins to play, then Kenshin, wearing his costume dances onto the set.
"Hello, everyone! I'm Shisho's Baka Deshi, and I'm here to tell you to try Shisho Sake, and Shisho's Special Seasoned Seaweed Soba Noodles! They're the best!
He then begins to sing:
"Shisho Sake's good to drink,
Makes you think about the sink!
Tastes so good on long, cold nights,
Helps you get through every fight!
So, everyone take it from me,
Shisho's own Baka Deshi!*"
Everyone begins to laugh, except for Kenshin who is trying to find the easiest way to sink through the floor.
"Ah well," he sighs, "At least I saved the plot."
~End~
* The Shisho Sake song is sung to the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.