— Wherever this goes —
„Wherever this goes
No matter how far
Baby you are the song that's written on my heart
Wherever we stand
Wherever we fall
It don't matter at all because I will be forever yours
From this moment to the day the curtains close
Wherever this goes…"
[wherever this goes - the fray]
summary
"Truth be told, I didn't want to fight. I just wanted a simple relationship with a man who loves me. A man that made my life easier, not ten thousand times harder. But sadly that's not possible in Donna-Land." What if Donna and Harvey give their relationship a chance? How do Jessica, Mike, Louis and co. react to this change of mind and what happens if someone totally new comes into the picture and complicates things for the both of them? Will they be able to make it work? Starting 4.05, ignore everything that happens later this season.
— wherever this goes —
— Pilot —
[boom clap]
„First kiss just like a drug
Under your influence
You take me over, you're the magic in my veins
This must be love
Boom clap, sound of my heart
The beat goes on and and on and on and on now"
[boom clap - charlie xcx]
„The only thing I've got going on tonight…is you"
I could have died right here and then. What had happened to us? Since when have we gone from insulting and pranking to flirting and being couple-y? I knew it for a couple weeks that something's about to change, that Harvey was about to change but I never expected it to be for the better, to be honest.
I gladly took the flowers and sat down in Harvey's Lexus. Right next to Harvey who looked at me with the most adorable look I've never ever seen on a man's face, let alone on Harvey's.
„So, the Specter charm is real after all." I breathed out, trying to hide the embarrassment behind my words. Once again: Who are we?
„What do you mean?" Harvey answered nonchalantly, flashing me one of his famous Specter smiles. My second death today.
I decided to ignore his question and looked outside, watching the city's lights drift past us, leaving everything around us in a flashy blur. „What is it, Donna?" He tried again and I was not sure if he was referring to his last question or my odd behaviour. But was it really that odd? Could he just decide, without even the slightest warning, that there was something more between us? We decided to bury our feelings in the ground after what happened 14 years ago in my apartment, determined to never talk about it again in order to not destroy our „work relationship". And now he could simply decide that our work relationship doesn't matter anymore? What the fuck was wrong with this egomaniacal son of a bitch sometimes? And here I was, thinking myself in a rage because Harvey tried to be nice. „Why Harvey?" I blurted out, maybe a bit too forceful for someone who wasn't following my trail of thought as precisely as I did.
„I realized something today." he replied sadly, maybe even depressed as if expecting my question. „I don't have anyone, no one gives a shit about me. Except for you. You're all I've got left now, Donna and I'm constantly letting you down, constantly lying to myself about what I feel for you." I swear my left eyebrow has never been as high as in this precise moment. I'm pretty sure it was already touching my hairline.
„Harvey, I…" I was thunderstruck, to say the least, where the hell did that come from? But I somehow managed to smile. This was what I always wanted. I might have forgotten about it along the way but deep down this was what I always wanted. Since our early days at the DA's office and he knew it. „Don't say anything, Donna. Tonight's your night. Enjoy it, have an amazing time and think about what I just said. I'm waiting for you in your dressing room after you've finished being the next Meryl Streep. Just way prettier." Specter smile number two. Wow, now he really was going overboard with his kindness. And being a human being. And not being the Harvey Specter I know for 14 years now. If I wanted to explain the term out of character to someone, believe me, I'd choose this situation to illustrate.
I didn't have time to answer, as Ray pulled up right in front of the theatre and opening my door. „You look beautiful tonight, Miss Donna." he said, causing me to laugh. „Ray" I answered, „I know that you meant this as a compliment but please, how many times do I have to tell you: I do not like limitations being set on my beauty!" Now it was my time to flash a Paulson smile. He erupted in laughter and gave me a quick hug. I don't know what it was but for the first time in a long time, the theatre was intimidating me. Since when have you gone so soft, Paulson?
And that's when I felt his hand on the small of my back, his attempt to reassure me and calm me down. My mind was racing, I could feel the sweat on my forehead, desperately trying to somehow not forget my part 30 minutes before the show starts. Harvey led me through the crowd and I smiled, maybe a bit too goofy given the fact that I should be terrified by now since the show was about to start.
I could feel his hand leaving the small of my back and I didn't have to think twice. Seize the moment, Paulson. Without second thoughts, I took his right hand into my left one, his gaze instantly falling on our interlocked hands. His turn to flash a goofy smile. By the time we reached my dressing room, I turned around without ever losing the touch of his hand and simply looked at him, hoping my eyes could convey the gratefulness and affection I had for him right now. And they did. How I know? Harvey simply looked back, showing the pride and love (if I can call it love at this point) he had for me on his part before coming even closer to softly caress my cheek. I leant into his touch, closing my eyes as I sensed his lips on my forehead.
„Go kick their asses!" was all he said before turning about and getting lost in the crowd, leaving me standing there totally dumbstruck and entirely happy with my life.
— wherever this goes —
All I could hear was the hurricane of applause. I did amazing, I knew that but I always loved the sound of applause. Tonight was MY night, I knew it all along, and it definitely was. In more than one way. But tonight was also about to change everything and I don't know if it's solely for good. My lack of knowledge about my situation was killing me, I hated losing control over something so important more than anything. My negative trail of thought came to an end as I saw him standing there oh so perfectly, giving me a standing ovation and looking entirely happy. And proud. I grinned at him, hoping he would realise that it was only for him. That he made my night. That he was the reason for all of this. That's when I felt someone nudging me in the side. It was Meredith, someone who grew on me during this whole theatre thing and probably one of my best friends by now. I would definitely miss her now that the show is over. She gave me a smile that exposed what felt like 80 teeth and tugged me behind the curtains.
„Who the hell is that hot cookie?" she whisper shouted in my ear while jumping up and down, her radiant eyes seemed even bigger than usual. I got the feeling that she might get a bit too involved in my „new relationship". But that's just a guess.
„Well, if he was a cookie, he would definitely be an Oreo." I replied a bit sarcastically, partly because I was really tired and partly because I didn't even know it myself. But it was kinda true, I mean hey, I love Oreos, I can't get enough of them… What the hell was I supposed to say? Ha, that's my boss. I slept with him once but we tried to bury it in the ground and never talked about it ever since. And now he just kind of told me he loved me and tries everything in the world to make me happy but I have no clue what's going on right now and if I even want THIS. Yep, fuck my life. I have a feeling this version will not go down that easily. „Oh come on Donna, seriously? Stop overthinking and analysing every single part of your life, just enjoy tonight. Do me a favour, okay? Give him a try. Have you seen the way he looks at you? I would kill to find someone who is that passionate about me. And not just into my awesome, breathtaking and utterly perfect exterior. Gosh, it's so exhausting to be hot…" I laughed, her answer reminding me of why she was one of my best friends, the first part of her answer still swirling in my head. Was it really that obvious to everyone but me? Have I, have WE, overlooked and simply ignored something so perfect over the last decade? I was at a loss for words, overwhelmed once again tonight so I simply hugged her. I never hugged, Donna never shows personal involvement but oh well, tonight seems to change a lot, I guess… „Thanks, Mer. That's why I love you so much." Another 80 teeth smile on her part and I turned about to make my way to my dressing room, hoping to already find him there. For the first time in a long, long period of time I could feel butterflies in my belly. A fact that was making me entirely happy but also scared me to death. I stopped in front of the door that said „Donna Paulson, actor", proud to finally see my name somewhere written out and slowly opened the door. There he was, in all his perfection, giving me the same look he gave me when I was still standing on stage. „Hey you" he said, „you were amazing. I never thought you were that talented. Gosh, even I enjoyed Shakespeare tonight! But I have to tell you something." Confusion on my part now. He stood up now, torturously slow and made his way to me. He cupped my face with his hands, his gaze shifting between my eyes and my lips before leaning into me and brushing his lips against mine ever so slightly. I slowly started to gain confidence, leaned further into him and my lips parted, his tongue following my invitation suit as it worked its magic in my mouth. I don't how how long we were standing there in the middle of the messy room, smaller than most people's bathroom and without proper lighting but in this precise moment, neither of us wanted to complain about a thing in the world.
When our lips started to pull apart to catch our breath, we simply kept standing there and I could feel him smile against my lips. „What is it?" I whispered in a barely audible voice, yet loud enough for him to hear. „Well, that's what I was wanting to do since that one night." I rolled my eyes to hide my adoration, the man was already full of himself, he didn't need to know how perfect he was to me. „Ouch, that was really cheesy"
„Sorry, couldn't help it." He laughed, taking my hand in his for the second time today. Damn, that's really something I could get used to.
„Let's go home" he said as he looked at me with determination. Confusion making it's way through my body. Harvey was too much of a Gentlemen, he wouldn't attempt something on the first evening of our, well let's call it change of minds. Or would he? „I'm not gonna sleep with you tonight, Harvey." He laughed once again. What the hell is that supposed to mean, Mr Specter? „I wasn't planning to do so. I'm still some kind of a Gentlemen and even though it's really challenging my self control, I'm not trying anything, I promise." Even more confusion making its way through my body.
„Then why do you want me to go back to yours?"
„I guess I just don't want to miss you already."
Alrighty, that's the Pilot.
1) Every chapter is going to have a "theme song", a song that's representing what the next chapter is going to be about. I'll tell you the next song at the end of each chapter, so listen to the words closely and you know what it's going to be about. I really hope that made sense ;) An example would be Boom Clap, like I did for this chapter.
2) have 5 chapters already done and saved on my computer so if you like it, there's more waiting for you ;) Cut me some slack, that's my first post on FanFiction so I'm desperate to get some feedback :D Can't wait to get started on here & please please tell me what you think xx L
3) Song for next chapter:
Happy As The Sun - Tyrone Wells