Amputation
Dedicated to my lovely pup, Blu, after he lost his leg in an accident, jumping off the four-wheeler rather than falling from a slide. He lost it many months ago and is doing amazingly well!
Summary - After a nasty fall, Riku loses his leg after it is broken beyond any hope of repair. He is devastated by the loss, knowing his life would never be the same again. So, what does he do now that he has lost all hope? How can his brunette boyfriend help him out of the mess he's in?
Disclaimer - Don't own, silly.
Warnings - Character death (don't yell at me, okay?), swearing, fluff and attempted lime
Pairing - Soriku
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"I feel so dirty," Sora whined, pressing closer to his love. The silver haired teen laughed lightly at the brunette's distress, leaning back against the top of the slide.
"Oh, my poor, precious Sora. What do you have to feel dirty about?"
"Riku! We're on a playground! Anyone could see us!"
"That's a problem?"
Riku chuckled softly once more as his lover whimpered. "It's okay, Sora. I won't do anything you aren't going to comply to."
"Yeah right. You never do as you say-" As if to prove the younger's point, Riku pressed their lips together, reveling in the moan that escaped the brunette.
"Don't worry, babe. I won't hurt you." Taking a quick breath, Riku backed away from the trembling teen, a smirk plastered on his features. Placing a hand on either side of the slide, he pulled himself up to sit on the joining plastic bar, that smirk still laced on his lips. Riku beckoned for his Sora to move closer, which the smaller boy did with only mild hesitation.
"I-I dunno, Riku. I don't wanna be here."
"It's a school day. No one's gonna come around here until the little kiddies have their recess."
"What if they look out the windows?"
"Well, then, that's their problem. Maybe we could help a few of them answer questions they have about themselves. Think, Sor, we could be doing them a favor!"
Another whimper escaped Sora's lips, but he moved closer to the elder teen, cerulean meeting aquamarine in desperate confusion. He allowed his lips to be taken by the silver haired elder, moaning lightly as that skilled tongue licked at and parted through his defenses. Trembling at the feel, Sora pressed closer, wrapping his arms around to pull Riku's hips to his navel. "Mmm, my Sora. You taste so wonderful."
"C-Changed m-my mind. Want you ... to take me... soon."
"Soon," Riku kissed the shorter teen once more, feeling Sora go on tip-toes for better access. The younger teen placed a hand on either side of Riku's manorexic hips and forced himself forward, less and less space between the lovers' bodies as the heat intensified. Riku forgot the need to hold himself up on the plastic to allow his fingers free roam over the younger, brushing over concealing fabric to bring Sora even closer, pulling up on his backside.
"Ngh, Ri. I ... love you, so much."
"I love you too, Sor. I want you. Mmm, I want you so bad."
Arching his back, Sora moaned, thrusting his hips painfully into Riku's seat as the elder ran nipping teeth over the younger's sensitive neck. "Ahh," Sora sighed, pressing into the elder's chest, feeling legs wrap around his own. Riku bit down almost painfully, causing a sharp twitch to run over his teen. "Ahh!" Sora extended the arms that had found their way between their chests, pushing the silver haired teen back from his thrown.
"Sora!" The brunette could only watch in stunned horror as his love toppled over, landing with a pained cry, rolling down the slide and out of sight behind the bend. "S-So...ra?"
"Riku?! Riku! Oh my God, Riku! I'm so sorry! Riku!" Not trusting the slide that had just claimed the elder teen, Sora turned to the pole beside him and slid down, not caring about hating heights or the painful sting of rust catching on bare hands or even as he crashed his knee against the wooden platform. He only cared about the teen laying in agony at the foot of the yellow, plastic, twisting slide. "Riku?! Riku, are you okay?"
Blurry aquamarine orbs flitted over his face before Riku let go, allowing the pain to take him away. It was then that Sora took in the damage a simple shock had given his love. Riku's left leg looked as though it would be in line with the rest of his body, if only his spine didn't look so grotesque, twisting his hips into an odd angle. A broken back? And leg. Just from falling from the top of the slide? Now Sora understood why everyone got mad when they would play around so high up when they had been in elementary school.
"Riku! Please, wake up! Riku! Someone! Help! Please! He's hurt! He needs help!" Despite how loudly he called, no one was out. They had made sure they were alone, many times. "Riku, don't do this to me. You were supposed to take me soon! You promised! Someone! Help, please! Please!"
Tears were dancing in his cerulean orbs, guilt flushing through his stomach. But he had to stay calm. Things wouldn't straighten out on their own. He had to call for help, had to go get someone to help. Neither teen had their cell phones, taking a day for themselves. "R-Riku, stay there. I know that's hard to do, when you're not even friggin' conscious, but I'm gonna go get you help! I promise!" Just don't let the bell ring. If the bell rings, everyone would come out here and see him and hurt him more! Sora was up, rocketing off, putting his one-hundred-meter-dash title to good use, flinging himself over the waist-height fence that separated the jungle-gym from the basketball court and the school. Distraught, Sora couldn't think of going inside the school. Instead, he crashed into a window, visibly causing the entire class to jump in fright at the crazy-man. "Someone, help! Please!"
"Young boy, do you ha-"
"Never mind! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! But my friend! He just fell from the slide. I know we aren't even supposed to be here and we're trespassing but please! Call an ambulance or something! He's seriously hurt! Please!"
The teacher that had opened the crashed-into window to talk to the distressed teen gazed at him in confusion, but seemed to believe that he wasn't just pulling some prank, convinced by the real tears falling down his cheeks. She nodded and dug into her jeans. Of course he was just lucky enough for it to have been casual Friday and the woman dialed 9-1-1.
--
"It was a horrendous break. His leg will never be the same. We could repair it, but it will just break all that much easier. It would be too weak. In my professional opinion, I'm thinking of just amputating the leg. He would go through much less pain, suffering and it would heal all that much faster. But we do not yet know how his spine fracture will affect him. Typically with that type of injury, the patient becomes paralyzed. We'll have to wait until he wakes up, however, to find out the extent of the damage."
--
Sora gazed down at his broken love, stroking his hand as the elder teen's mother dozed in a chair beside his bed. The sheets crumpled ominously where the silver-haired boy's leg had once been and it broke Sora's over caring heart. He had caused this injury. If he hadn't been such a wuss and just let Riku do to him what he normally did, this wouldn't have happened. If he hadn't jumped, he wouldn't have pushed the elder off of the slide. If he had been less of a tease, Riku wouldn't have had to seduce him on the playground. All these 'if's bounced around Sora's mind and each brought another painful stab of guilt.
"So...? Sor? So...?" That croaky voice was barely audible over the pulsing heart machine and the constant murmur of noise outside of their room, but Sora jumped to attention.
"Riku?! Riku, oh my God! You're awake! I can't believe you're awake! Oh my God!" Sora couldn't move any closer to the elder teen from the guilt coursing through him, tears streaming down his cheeks.
"So ... ra? So-ra? Sora? Wh-What happened?"
"Oh, Riku! I'm so sorry! I pushed you back and you fell and you hurt yourself and broke your leg and your back and I just feel terrible!" Groggy, Riku couldn't make out a single word the brunette had just rushed.
"Huh?"
"Riku ... I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!"
Unsatisfied with the response that his boyfriend was giving him, Riku peered down at his body, noticing the loss of his leg, but not really taking it in as losing the limb. "I-I'll be right back, Ri. I told the docs that I would tell them when you woke up." Sora drifted away for a moment, his voice slowly floating back into the room behind him. He came back in a few minutes later, a set of doctors in tow.
"Good evening, Riku. This is Doctor Lockhart and I am Doctor Strife. We're here to check up on you." The blonde doctor stated, moving closer to the half-awake teen. The woman stayed back with her clipboard of notes. Sora refused to move past them. "This may be difficult for you to bare, son, but when you fell, you broke your leg and it had to be amputated. There was nothing we could do for it." Riku just stared up at the man, not seeming to comprehend the loss.
"So ... I only ... have one leg right now?"
"Correct."
"It doesn't feel like it."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't feel anything. I'm trying to move my legs right now. Why can't I?"
"It may just be that your body hasn't completely woken up..." Riku lifted first one arm and then the other, thrashing his head from side to side and sitting up, causing both doctors to back away slightly, thinking the teen was mentally ill.
"No, I'm awake, man. Er, sir. I'm awake. Tell me why I can't move my legs. They're the only things that I can't move right now. Why?" There was no fear in his voice. No fear, no confusion, no sorrow. Just anger. Mild anger and comprehension. He didn't need to ask the questions that he already knew the answers to.
"Well ... You see ... when you fell ... you broke your back." Sora crumpled to the floor in a sobbing mass, unable to hold himself up any longer. "You broke your back and apparently are paralyzed from the waist down. I'm sorry. There is nothing else we can do."
"I ... I won't be able to ... I can't walk anymore? No more running? No soccer? What can I still do?"
"It ... depends on where the paralyzation starts in your body."
His mother awoke to the scene of her son jabbing himself with his free hand, the other struck with an IV tube. Starting at his chest, he pressed his fist into his body, shaking. He stopped at his navel after pounding into it for a moment.
"What does that mean? I stop feeling anything there."
Two sets of sobs now racked around the room. Sora was curled up next to the wall, shaking, rocking, crying. It was all his fault. Riku's mother sat with mouth wide open, tears streaming down her face as quiet sobs shook her. Only the doctors and Riku held their composure.
"I'm not sure. It depends on -"
"Can I fuck my boyfriend?"
"Riku! Watch your mouth!" Despite being traumatized at her son's newly acquired condition, mom-mode was still able to kick in.
"What does it matter, Mom? If I can't still fuck around with Sora, there's no reason to be around anymore. My life would be ruined."
"Watch your mouth," she whispered, still trying to seem like a responsible mother, but failing as the weight of her son's words crashed against her. Sora could only cry harder.
"I ... We would have to wait and see. That's all we can do right now. I'm sorry."
"Bullshit. Just get out." Riku slammed himself back against the raised mattress, not letting the tears that craved to be released fall over his cheeks. He shook until the duo departed. "Mom ... can you leave me and Sora for a while? I need to talk to him." The woman looked shocked and slightly put out that her pride and joy chose his boyfriend over her, but nodded, standing on wobbly legs and shuffling out of the room. "Sor? C'mere, please? Sora? C'mon, babe. I can't see you. I know you're there but I can't see you."
"Ri ..." Sora sobbed loudly, trying to force himself to his feet, but failing. Instead, he crawled forward to the edge of the bed and pulled himself to stand. He awaited further instruction from the elder. Riku lifted himself, moving over to be more in the center of the small bed. He took Sora's hand and guided him to kneel in front of him, straddling the remaining leg and stump. Taking in his love like this caused Sora's heart to break even further and he crumpled forward, nuzzling into the first part of Riku's body he came in contact with even if it was the remaining stub of the elder teen's leg.
"Sora ..." Riku winced, looking away from the devastated brunette. "Sora. Sora, I hate this. Normally I wouldn't be able to wait to get in your pants or thrust into your beautiful face with you like that but ... I can't feel a thing. Please, Sora, don't do that. You're just being a tease and it hurts."
Sora forced himself up on shaking arms, pulling his weight off the useless waist. Riku put a hand on each wrist, pulling forward so that Sora's cheek slammed into the elder teen's chest. He only sobbed harder, but loving arms wrapped around his shuddering shoulders, attempting to comfort him.
"Sora, why are you crying so much?"
"Because... I did this! I did this and I hate myself for it! I did this!" Sora cried out into that hospital gown.
"It was an accident."
"But now you ... you ... oh Riku, don't die!"
"Die?"
"You said ... you'd have no reason ... to be around anymore ... If you couldn't ... have sex with me ... that there'd be no point ... in living!"
"Sora ... it's the truth. If I can't do anything that I used to ... what type of life would I have? You honestly think I would be able to just veg in front of the TV?"
"Don't say that! Don't say that, Riku! You'll always have a reason to live! I'll always be here! Stop talking like this! It's crazy!"
"It may be, but it is true, Sora. I would rather die than have to be taken care of for the rest of my life."
"Then take care of yourself! Riku, we can work through this! I swear we can work through this!"
Sora could barely breathe as the weight of Riku's words crashed into him. Pressing his face farther into Riku's chest, he shook his head, unbelieving of what the elder was telling him.
"Let me go, Sor. I can't even live a half-life like this. You have no right to force me to. You did it to me."
Sora choked on the words that Riku stabbed into him. He could feel a constricting in his chest but still the silver haired teen refused to look at him. He knew Riku was just trying to hurt him so that he would end up hating the elder. He had to be hated in order to die, guilt-free. Because if Sora still cared, he wouldn't be able to go through with it. And he sure as hell was going to go through with it. He would not 'live' a cursed, half-life. He refused. Even if it was the shock of the situation talking, he would not 'live' like that!
"I ... I ... Riku .. no." He couldn't even force the words through his lips.
"I don't want to live like this. I'm not going to have to get around in a wheelchair. I'm not going to be a burden to anyone. I'm killing myself, Sora."
"Stop being so selfish!" He was still crying, sobbing, shaking, but his voice was strong. "Think of who you'll leave behind! Think of your parents! Your friends! Your family! Me! What am I supposed to do without you, Riku?! What the heck am I supposed to do? You would just leave the one you love? The one you've known since you were four? The one you fell for in grade three? The one that's been with you for twelve years? The one whose virginity you were supposed to steal? You're just gonna leave me? I won't let you. I refuse. Your life is mine just as much as it is your own! Anything you decide affects me too! If you die, I die. If you pull through this, I pull through this! If you forgive me, I forgive me too! So, don't kill us, Riku. We'll pull through, both of us together!"
"Sora ...."
"No, Riku. I'm not gonna let you. I don't care if you have one leg! I don't care if you can't move from the stomach down! I don't care that you won't be normal! I just can't let you die!" He was shaking like a leaf in a hurricane, barely able to stick to its life-force, but knowing that if it gave up, all would be lost. Sora was a leaf in a hurricane. Riku was his tree. His tree was smiling, finally looking at him.
"And you call me selfish. Think of how many times you just said 'I'."
"This isn't a thing to joke about, Riku!"
"Lighten up, babe. I can't leave you. But look. Back up a sec. Sit down. Don't worry, I can't feel it." Sora did as he was told, wiping his nose and tears away on the back of his hand. He sat back on the elder teen's leg. Riku moved the covers back a bit, just enough to expose his hips. Removing the gown flowing over his waist, he allowed Sora's cerulean orbs to take him in. Moving a hand down, he gripped his penis and pumped it a few times, knowing that it would normally have sent him writhing with pleasure. But there was nothing.
"L-Let me try." Sora brushed his hand over Riku's, but the elder teen shook his head sadly when not even his love could cause any sort of reaction.
"I can't even get it up for you, Sora. I'm not gonna do this. I can't. Why not just hate me and walk away? It would be easier for both of us." He covered himself once more and smoothed down those wild spikes the he found back against his chest.
"I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving you. I can't."
"Then I have no other choice."
"What are you gonna do?"
"Kiss me."
"What?"
"Kiss me. I want you to kiss me before we die."
"We?"
"Yes, Sora. We."
Riku could feel the younger's breathing quicken and he trembled once more, but complied, an obedient pup until the end. Their kisses were soft, slow, loving, calming. Riku's caresses brought Sora down to Earth. Those touches made him realize what they were about to do.
"Are you ready?" Riku asked with heavy breaths. He could hear the heart monitor betraying how nervous and in love he was. Sora shut his cerulean orbs tight, forcing out a few remaining tears before taking a deep breath, nodding. "I love you with all my heart, Sora."
"I love you with all my being."
"We'll do this together."
"Together."
Riku left one last kiss on his love's lips before moving one of the pillows keeping him 'comfortable' out from behind him. With one arm he pulled Sora close, pressing their stomachs together. The other arm moved the pillow onto his face before curling his fingers in his love's hair. "Remember," he whispered hoarsely, his breath muffled already by the pillow. "You can back out at any time. I won't force you." All Sora could do was shake his head, completely focused on not letting himself pull away. His fingers were curled tight on Riku's shoulders and the elder teen pressed his love's head close to his through the down and feathers - or most likely cotten, due to allergins in the bird byproducts.
Hearts beating in unison, breaths coming short, bodies craving the oxygen that was only on the other side of their love, they writhed. Besides the burning in his lungs, Riku felt something in his chest shatter as Sora moved, gripping tightly onto his shoulders, still sobbing. But then it stopped. The writhing, beating, breathing, craving stopped. Being Sora stopped.And that killed Riku more than having the pillow shoved into his mouth ever could. He tried to scream, to get someone to save the brunette, but couldn't move. He never realized before this just how bulky the teen was.
Everything was black. He was falling, losing, lost. Sora. No more Sora. He had killed him. He had destroyed the thing that meant the most to him. And he regretted it.
--
By the time that the doctors noticed the screeching from the flat-lined heart monitor, the two were long ago lost into the black void of death. Even though there was hope for them sweet hours ago, neither boy could live without the other and so died, knowing that there was someone out there that would easily throw their life away from them. Riku loved Sora with all his heart as Sora loved Riku with all his being. Proving this to the other, the teens left the world behind them, moving onto the next in the other's soft embrace.
--
The End
--
I fought for my dog's life like Sora fought for Riku's. Sadly, I was far more successful. Like I said, don't yell at me for killing them please. I know that suicide is no way to end it but that was what I felt like writing, so that is what is going up.
Tonight I'm so alone. This sorrow takes ahold. Don't leave me, you're so cold - Falling Inside The Black
Skillet
~xbuttonsx~