Once again, the Gorillaz's band members went their separate ways. It wasn't a rough, tear-ridden farewell. The little eviction notice gave way for the band's own personal agendas.
Russel went soul-searching, literally. He wanted to know more about his previous incidents with demons and spirits, so he went out on a journey for knowledge, as one could say.
Noodle stayed with Mr. Kyuzo for the time being. She wanted to get in touch with her past, not as to become a super soldier again, but to know every detail she could get from Kyuzo about it. The fact that she missed him was another thing as well, although this won't push aside the fact that she dearly misses her bandmates throughout the whole endeavour.
Murdoc said no word about his goings, no plans whatsoever. "None of yer fucking business.", his reply to the question. Seems like he'd be dicking off to anywhere he pleased.
2D, to everyone's surprise, merely said he had some unfinished business to take care of.
It was a month after the bands disbanding. 2D approached an all-too-familiar hill, a resting place of what he used to call his home. The word "KONG" plated on the gates in front of him made him feel a sense of nostalgia. The end of the bluenette's crooked mouth curved slightly upward for the moment, but he frowned back as his mind shifted back to reality. As nice some past memories are with the place, remembering good memories was not his intention for coming there.
The former singer worked his way up the hill after going past the rusty gates. He looked ahead to see what remained of the burnt studio, rotting debris and ashes. Looking around, he was amused to find that zombies still roam the area. He had no concern for this danger. The undead were of a good distance from him, letting him assume they wouldn't foil his crude intentions.
To his fortune and dismay, he reached the top of the hill. Admiring the view, a cool wind blew past him and chilled him to the bones. He didn't complain, he never did, but he saw no use of complaining for the last sensations he would feel in this life.
He heaved a deep sigh.
"I'm finally gonna do et.." He said sadly to himself. The voice normally happy and usually teased by others have uttered too woefully to be mocked by.
He was good, so good at masking. No one ever saw him when he weeped alone, no one noticed the redness of his face and the wetness of his obsidian eyes. Not a single soul felt his sorrow. Who would ever thought a dullard like him would have such misery?
Aye, but he was in love. In love with someone he knew would never accept him or love him back. He was okay of having intimate feelings, but of all people…He had to have it for Murdoc.
He aggressively questioned it, for a while and until now, why he had fallen for such an abusive, shameless, and heartless bastard. Denial was normal in this case. But in the end, he admitted in defeat.
Behind the backs of others, he spiralled in anxiety and depression. How can you not when the person you love beats you up nearly everyday? He hoped with every down of alcohol he took, his feelings would drown with it. It ends up with him drowning himself in his own emotions. His fellow band members question the days of when he wakes up deeply hungover, but never wonder the nights beforehand.
Even if he had the courage, he would never tell his best mate how he felt for him. The satisfaction and relief of admission would never overcome the pounding feeling of rejection and regret. He was so scared, terrified even.
With a frail hand, 2D took out his cellphone from his pocket and dialled Noodle's number.
*…*
"Hallo. I'm busy at the moment, so please just leave a message and I'll call back as soon as possible. Sorry for the inconvenience. Thank you!"
*beep*
Her voice seemed so content.. How he wished he knew what that felt again.
"H-hey, Noods. Uhh, I wos just-just callin' ta ask how my lil lovely is doin', but I see yer sort'a busy… So yeah, I-I just thought ta say…"
A tear snuck out of his left eye. His jaw began to lightly shake.
"I miss yew.. I'll miss yew so much. I'll always luv yew like me lil sister, neva forget that."
Originally, he planned on a casual conversation to not worry her, but now he had no control of what was coming out of his mouth.
"I con't take et anymore. So much bullshit happened in mah life already.. I dun no wot ta do anymore, Noods. I just dun! Yew ha' no idea wot I've been through..."
Both of his eyes streamed. His breath trembled. He would have broke down again, if it wasn't for him taking a deep breath then exhaling.
"…I probably deserve et.. A worthless sod like me dun deserve luv. Yew'll be better off, Noodle, better off without me, and so will Russel, and Mur-…"
He paused. Even saying his name pained him at this point.
"Forgive me, luv."
Call ended. 2D knows the poor girl will be heartbroken, but he has suffered enough. It was time he became selfish. It was always him giving and never receiving, but now it ends.
Sighing, the bluenette dialled for Russel's number this time. As it rang, he wiped away the dampness on his cheek.
"Hello?"
"Hey Russ." The singer greeted, doing the most he could to sound nonchalant.
"Oh, hey D! What's up?" The drummer greeted back. He doesn't seem to suspect anything.
"Nofink much."
"You need something?"
"Just..Missed yew, man. How are yew?"
"Heh, missed yew too, D. I'm okay, just doing something at the moment."
"Oh, I'm sorry fer disturbing yew.."
"It's aight. How about you?"
"Fine."
He lied.
"Good. So, what're you doin' these days?"
"Talking to yew right now."
"Haha, no D, I mean like, what have you been up to lately? I see you're still the thickhead we all know and love."
2D softly whimpered at the hear of those words. He didn't know how to respond to that. All he did the past few weeks were drinking and crying in a worn out apartment.
"I-I've been.. Doing whateva, et's not important really." He muttered in fits of restrained sniffing.
"Are you okay, 2D? You sound a little… Off. You sick or something?" Russel inquired worriedly. He noted the hint of sadness in the Brit's voice.
"Yes! Yes, I am very sick."
Of living.
He shammed coughing to add effect, although there were warm streams coming out of his ducts along with his wheezing.
"F-fanks fer reminding me, Russ! I need ta take my meds.. I've gotta go, yeah."
Russel frowned. "Oh, okay D… Take care of yourself, okay?"
"…Goodbye, Russel."
With that, he hung up. Another call ending him in weeping. He was cursing to himself for not telling his friend everything he wanted to tell him, but he'd never understand. No one ever will.
2D stared at his phone, thinking about his last call. A tear landed on the screen.
"This call is gonna hurt…" He murmured to himself as he dialled Murdoc's number, bringing out a pistol from behind him.
*riiing* *riiing* *riiing* *riii-*
"Niccals here. Who are yew and wot the fuck do yew want?"
His heart sank at the sound of his voice. He was debating whether to respond or to end the call.
"..Hello? This isn't focking funny, yew wanka. I'm hanging up."
"Wait! Muds!"
The bluenette's voice cracked as he yelped.
"Dullard? Issat yew?"
"Y-yeah.. Et's me."
He heard the bassist sigh on the other line. What tickled him is that it sounded something in the lines of relief. It couldn't be that though, must've been his fantasies acting up again.
"Yew changed phone numbers, eh? No focking wonder...Anyway, wot're yew callin' me fer? I'm kind of in the middle of somthin' here."
"I-I-uhh.. Wonted ta ask how yew've been doin'."
"I'm quite... alright."
Hesitation. There was hesitation to that reply.
"Good, good… Where yew livin' these days?"
"Wot's that ta yew, Stupot?"
"I wos just askin'…"
Another sigh from the Satanist.
"An apartment in a shitty hotel. And how about y-"
Murdoc stopped mid-sentence when he heard loud, raspy moans from 2D's end. He heard some cursing and shuffling.
"2D? Dullard!"
It was for a few moments did the hellspawn listen to the shuffling and struggling of his caller. It then transitioned to heavy pants from the singer.
"M-Muds? Are yew still there?" The latter queried anxiously.
"Yeah, wot the FUCK was that, 2D?!"
"Et wos..E-errr…"
The bassist thought for a moment. That moan, it sounded all-too-familiar to him…
"Wos that a fucking zombie?! Are you at Kong?!" He exclaimed.
"H-how...-"
"D, yew KNOW how bloody dangerous that damn place is! Wot the fuck are yew doin' there?!"
"…Bringing back some memories.."
"MY ASS. Satan, yer pissing me off... Yew better get the fuck out of there this instant!"
Murdoc actually sounded worried.. Is that even possible, for that cruel sod to care?
No, no. It can't be. He was just messing with him again. He's sure of it.
"WOT IS ET TO YEW, MUHDOC?!"
2D yelled, cocking the loaded pistol and aiming it at his temple. He was stuttering amidst his cries. He thought he expelled all of his sobs the past few weeks, but he proved himself wrong.
"2D…? Wos that a gun?"
"YES, MUDS. ET FOCKING IS."
"Wot are yew planning with that sodding thing?!"
"OH WOT THE FOCK DO YEW FINK, FOCKING BASTARD?! I'M GONNA SHOOT MESELF!"
"Why- WHY THE FOCK WOULD YEW DO THAT?"
"WHY DO YEW CARE?! OH CAUSE YEW WON'T HAVE A SINGER AGAIN?! The only damn fing that kept yew from killing me wos my fucking voice. But I die from yew everyday anyway. I am so fucking done with yer bullshit, Murdoc.."
He closed his eyes and placed his finger on the trigger.
"Yew w-want this anyway… Right?"
"No..Wait, Stuart!"
2D gasped, slowly lowering his gun.
"Muds...Did yew just-"
The bassist anticipated for what his singer had to say, but what he heard was a very surprised gasp and eventually… A gun shot.
"Stu…? Stuart, fucking talk to me."
No response.
After a few moments of piercing silence, shuffling was heard again, then a voice boomed.
"Muds!" The bluenette called out.
"Sweet Satan, I thought…"
2D heard the older man sniff. Did he actually..cry? For him?
"Wot happened?" Murdoc assertively asked.
"There wos a zombie comin', so I shot et.."
The Satanist heaved hefty relief, although he was still trying to recover from the sudden heart attack earlier.
"Yew have ta get out of there. With that loud'a shot, the flesh ea'ers will surely come fer yah." He advised, paying no mind to the stray tear running across his cheek.
His first tear shed in forever.
"I could feed em…" The bluenette sadly said.
"Don't yew fucking DARE."
"And why not, Muhdoc…?"
"Becos…"
The bassist halted to think. No, it didn't feel right to talk about this over the phone.
"Agh, yer fucking miserable...Y'know wot, go ta that big-ass tree we used ta smoke at. Et'll be safer there. I'm coming over there."
"Yew-yew're? B-but-"
"Shut the fuck up and wait fer me there."
Murdoc cut the call there, not wanting to hear anymore of his singer's restrictions. Hurriedly, he got out of his apartment and into his Astra.
Half an hour later, the hellspawn got out of his car and took in the sight of the burnt down Kong Studios, his ex-home.
"Just as miserable as I left et." He remarked.
He trailed onward, being cautious of zombies. It seems like majority of them went to the place where 2D shot the gun, seeing he saw only two of the undead so far.
Arriving at the discussed place, he eyed the tall, big-trunked tree. It was burnt, to his expectation. He spotted a tuft of light-blue hair sticking out behind the tree.
Going around the trunk, he found the bluenette sitting on the ground, leaning against the tree with his big hands covering his face.
"Stuart."
Upon the hear of his name, 2D looked up at the gazing man. It was evident in his face that he cried.
With obsidian eyes on him, the Satanist sat beside him, silence looming. It got awkward a some minutes passed by.
"Heh, how many times have I saved yer damn life, dullard? Two?" Murdoc queried in hopes to lighten the somber mood.
"Three." The Buddhist softly answered.
"Uhhh. No. I'm pretty sure et's just two, including this one."
"Et's three."
Niccals widened his eyes; he didn't expect that answer. He had this disturbing hunch, to which he wished wasn't true.
"Wh-when wos the second one, then?"
"I…" He paused to gulp.
"I tried committing suicide before, back when Kong was..Well, wasn't like that." 2D pointed at the mass of ruins Kong became.
"Yew almost broke me rib one night. Yew were so mad out of nowhere, I assumed yew were drunk as shite.. I wos depressed at that time, an' yew pushed me over.."
The bassist cringed. He was a good guesser.
"I ran ento me room and cried. I have no idea fer how long, but et felt like forever. I then saw my pills on the table. Fer a long time, I stared at the bottle and thought about wot luxury would it be ta just get away from here, from this damn life…"
The singer felt a tear yet again escape from his eyes.
"I wos gonna take the whole bottle, the whole lot of the pills, but then yew came in. Yew..Yew asked me ta drink an' have a smoke with yew. Wot a fucking miracle yew were at that moment. Hell, yew even apologised. Murdoc Niccals apologisin'? And ta me? That was enough fer me ta hang unto life fer just a lil' longer."
"...But then yew went back ta yer old ways."
For Murdoc, that was a rollercoaster of emotions. He remembered that day like it was yesterday. So many questions suddenly raised in his head. Before he could even ask one of them, the younger man lightly chuckled. It wasn't of joy, but of amusement.
"Et's ironic."
"Wot is?"
"Yew saved me from killing myself, when et wos yer fault in the first place."
As if he didn't feel guilty enough, that had to add insult to injury, lemon on an open wound.
"Satan, Stuart.. I wos nothing but a fucking asshole to yew. Why the hell did yew fucking think I was worth giving yer life?!"
2D shook. At this point, there was no use hiding anything. Despite the nervousness and anxiety, he was ready.
"Becos, Muhdoc… Yer my best mate."
"No, no. That's not fucking ri-"
The bassist went eye-wide, unable to finish his sentence due to his mouth overtaken by the singer's. After a few moments, the latter broke away, sporting a pink tint on his cheeks.
"..A-and I love yew." He breathed out.
As satisfying as it was for him to have done that, a quivering anticipation befell upon him. Murdoc was still in a state of shock, staring at nothing and moving not an inch. After some moments of this, 2D felt a heavy weight on his chest, disappointed and saddened.
Maybe it was a huge, regretful mistake.
"I-I'm so sorry, Muds.. I'm gonna go now…" He muttered woefully as he slowly stood up
only to be pulled back down by the Satanist.
"…Muhdo-?-!"
The tables turned; the bassist held down his singer and captured his lips roughly, as if it has been something he wanted to do all this time.
And it was.
Satisfied, he let go off him.
"First of all, I wosn't drunk that night, but I wos pretty pissed at yew."
"Wo-…"
"Becos for Satan-knows-why, I somehow focking love yew."
2D froze. His heart skipped all beats and the world seem to have stopped spinning. Did he hear that right?
"I-I didn' wanna accept that shit at first, and et went fer a looong-ass time. Niccals? A fucking poof? No way in hell. I tried to scare yew away, in honesty, for the sake of us both."
"But no, seems like yer fucking stubborn, Stupot. Even with my assholery, yew somehow manage to deal with me, when all of the rest can't."
2D didn't let him finish as he leaned his head and placed it on Muds' shoulder. He's heard more than enough to die happy.
Murdoc silenced, grinning. Maybe they could explain to each other some other time.
For now, they took in the bliss of the moment.
"So uh, about yer shitty apartment…" 2D spoke.
"Can I stay with yew? Sort of homeless." .
Murdoc chuckled.
"Yer really fucking miserable."