And if there was one thing in the world that he couldn't, couldn't, regret…couldn't hate himself for, it was finally letting go.
Giving up his dreams and asperations and everything he had ever thought he wanted. Leaving that place to fill the one that gaped in his heart, as it had for two agonizing years. Had it been two? It seemed so much longer. But he supposed lonleyness had a time flow of its own. A numbing, mute, forgetful stream of never ending. It didn't make the heart grow fonder, as he had once thought, but desperate. Desperate and weak and tired. So tired. And with that exaustion came the weakness. And with the weakness came the desparation for normalicy that warped things as far from normal as they had ever been. But Naruto knew that now. And he wouldn't forget. He had refused all the times he lost the face, or the smell or the feeling, and he would not forget now.
How could he, when the one he had come so close to forgetting was right there?
Back to back they sat, silent.
Naruto was cold. He pressed closer to his partner, feeling his shudder and returning it as he let loose a feathery breath. It trembled with the quivering of his jaw. Mist ghosted outward with the sound. Naruto's head fell back against a tense shoulder. His eyes searched for the sky, but not before flickering to the face beside his. Dark pools were illuminated by the orange of the fire, blazing and churning and confused.
And Sasuke had never been confused about anything. It was always- what was it? It was always necessary. Yes. It was neccessicary. It was all for a greater cause, and even in those moments of doubt he had always known…that there was a reason. But now those reasons were dead, and what he had lived for was gone, and he was left to pick up the pieces of something that could have been. So why was he so confused? Was it because he had managed to actually do it?
Or because he had never realised just how easy it would be?
Naruto's shallow breaths brushed his ear. They shook. He realised, then, that Naruto was freezing, though the blond had been trembling against him for quite some time. Opening his mouth to apologize, he twisted it shut once again. His lips formed a pale, taught line on his shadowed face. He wouldn't start apologising now.
He couldn't.
"Cold, dobe?"
There was a great pause. Sasuke knew the distance it it. There was, at last, a weak sigh.
"…Yes…"
It was like a slap to the face. There was no stuttering denial. No snapping rebuttal. No fight in the words. Just complet and total exceptance. And Sasuke didn't know what to do. They had always fought, and without it…what was left? The scars of battles not yet finished? The blood spilled out of selfishness and equal agony? Appearently Naruto thought there was something… But Sasuke wasn't sure. For once, he wasn't sure. It was Naruto's revenge. Teeth clenched and eyes unreadable, he lifted his arm from it's resting place on a bent knee. Naruto moved with him, turning so that he, too, faced the flickering tounges of orange and red. The Uchiha let the limb fall somewhat limply over Naruto's shoulder. The blond leaned against him.
More silence.
Sasuke couldn't take it. He broke the tradition – if you could call it that- and spoke.
"Why are you here, Naruto?"
"Because I'm tired of being alone."
Dark eyes shifted to look at a tan face. They found it paler and less sun-kissed than was remembered. Naruto's gaze was straight ahead, as though focused on something in the horizon. Something that Sasuke couldn't see.
"You weren't alone…"
He wouldn't bother mentioning any names. Naruto knew who he was talking about. He was surprised by a scratchy laugh. The kind made by those pretending. The kind made by those about to cry.
"Yeah, I was. I really was. But you wouldn't know, would you? You were off chasing your stupid, pointless-!"
There was a disgusted, squeaking growl.
Naruto huddled closer to him- violently- grinding his shoulder into the ravens side. Dark azure eyes fell forward to watch the flames.
Watch the licks of orange and red feed off of the wood and bark, destroying it.
Pulling his face to his knees, Naruto trembled.
Now Sasuke could feel that old instinct to defend himself rise up deep in his chest. There was something else, though. It was flickering somewhere, right behind his heart…
"You're right."
Naruto barked a laugh, grinding his knees into his eyes –rubbing his tears away, Sasuke realised.
"Damn right I'm right! I don't even know why I'm out here-!"
"Then why don't you go back?"
Naruto suddenly snarled, whipping out his arm, knocking Sasuke backwards. He rolled on top of the raven, who simply looked up at him, an eyebrow arched. Blue eyes bled red, ringed a similar color and leaking, leaking, spattering Sasuke's no longer straight face. Looking like he much wanted to hit something-break something- he ground his teeth, jaw straining and pulse rapid. Then he shut his eyes…
And he cried.
He cried and cried and cried- untill finally Sasuke could take no more and grabbed him, pulling him close to his chest and holding him there. His own dark, mournful orbs soon sheltered themselves, clenched tightly with a look of such pain it could only be described as agony. But he said nothing as Naruto sobbed into the crook on his neck, the cold, cold tears making his shudder even as the feverish head made him cringe.
"Naruto…"
"Shut up! SHUT UP-SHUT UP!"
He pounded a fist against Sasukes chest once -twice.
"Don't you say anything! I don't want to hear it! I don't-!"
Then he fell into a silence.
Sasuke waited, as he never had before.
"Don't tell me to go. Don't-Don't- Please- I can't…"
"I know, Naruto. I know…"
Sasuke embraced him.
He had always known.