My Immortal
Jowan/Amell
For the DA Fanfic Group's October Challenge
"Do you want a moment alone?" Irving asked, pulling Maeve aside from Greagoir and the other Templars, and from her companions.
Maeve gave a soft nod, wiping away the tears that had trickled down her cheeks in vast numbers moments ago, and she took a stroll in the mostly empty apprentices' dormitories, where she remembered meeting Jowan for the first time. She lay on the bunk that had once belonged to him, and she could feel his essence, smell his scent, and daydream of what was, and what might have been. She looked down at the amulet she was clutching, and spotted a glimpse of his , just for a moment, she smiled, and embraced her never ending love for him. A love that could not be.
She recalled all the times they'd shared, good and bad, and she sobbed quietly into the pillow of the bed, ignoring the possibility that it was occupied again by some other poor apprentice.
She remembered every detail of every prank they'd played on the Templars with Anders as teenagers, all Wynne's scoldings, and the day they'd stolen a kiss in the corridors when nobody was around to stop them.
Things were different now. Jowan was Tranquil. He would never love again. And neither would she.
She then recalled the day the apparition gave her the Amulet of Reflection.
"You have come so far since I saw you last. The last vestiges of your shackled life in the Circle have all but fallen away. You are free from the past, and nothing can hold you back. Be strong, my friend, do not falter." The apparition paused, reaching into its pocket and pulling out the amulet.
"I have something for you. Use it well. It makes me happy knowing you will be the mage I never could." He handed the amulet to her, then he…no, IT, was gone.
She broke down crying after the spirit was gone and Leliana had rushed to comfort her, and she thought of how she'd pushed the bard away and continued on, further into the gauntlet.
Then just for a moment, she thought of how she'd never forgive herself for failing her lover, and her dearest friend.
Irving came into the room as she sat up from the bunk. "Would it give you closure to speak with him before you leave, child? The ritual has been completed."
"And you have destroyed his soul." Maeve cried. But she stood and went with Irving. As they neared the stockroom, she spotted a figure, kneeling near a shelf, picking up some papers. A sense of dread and recognition came over her suddenly. This was it. She tried to hold onto his words of her being free from the past, and she tried not to falter, but her sob caught the hunched-over figure's attention.
"Maeve." Said the familiar soft-spoken voice, with that dreaded dryness to the tone.
Jowan's eyes were empty, and he had no way of knowing he was living his previous worst fear. They'd cut his once beautifully black and glossy hair to nearly nothing, and they had dressed him in the robes Owain and the other Tranquil wore. Maeve stuttered at first when she tried to speak to the husk of her former lover.
"Jowan, I'm sorry," she finally muttered.
"For what, Maeve?" he asked, a frightening lack of emotion in his monotonous voice. "I am no longer a danger to anyone, and I serve a purpose."
"And they have destroyed everything I cherish." Maeve said shakily. She clutched the dagger she kept at her side. "This was your worst fear. I'm sorry for this, Jowan. I love you."
Then she drew the dagger and plunged it into his chest. He choked on blood but did not cry out, and Maeve was grateful for this. He spared her one last bit of suffering, and hopefully now, wherever he is, Jowan knows how to feel again, and understands why Maeve did what she did.
A/N: I'm going to be completely honest, I teared up so hard when writing the end of this that I'm not sure I nailed the ending. I have never killed Jowan in a fic before. So please, let me know what you think, and remember that I cried like a baby writing this.