You Taught Me the Courage of Stars Before You Left (How Light Carries on Endlessly, Even After Death)
Summary: Jacob lied about imprinting on Renesmee and lost everything. Now all he has left is a baby to take care of, a coven of vampires who can barely tolerate him, and an impostor of Bella who refuses to speak to anyone since the moment she woke up. But is his Bella really gone for good?
Chapter One: What I Did For Love
"I love you every day. And now I will miss you every day."
― Mitch Albom, For One More Day
Jacob was in the kitchen, getting Renesmee a snack. Taking care of Bella's baby had become his coping method. Keeping her happy, keeping her healthy, keeping her from becoming a monster. He ignored the cold bottles of blood in the fridge, reaching behind them to the formula he had brought from the store.
He'd figured out that drinking milk, instead of blood, made her aging slow down to that of a normal human's. She was already a little older than she should be, after having just been born a few months ago, but he couldn't do anything to reverse the damage.
He grabbed a jar of baby food too, putting it in the microwave for ten seconds. It felt good to take care of something.
He wasn't allowed on the reservation anymore after imprinting on a vampire baby. His loyalties were divided, Sam said and Jacob understood.
It was just too bad that he had lied about the imprinting thing.
It was a hard decision to make. It was so hard, that it had brought him to his knees, but it felt right. He loved Bella and would've done anything to keep her alive. Then she died and he found himself staring into the eyes of the one thing she had wanted more than Edward. The one thing that she wanted more than being a vampire.
It had been a tough decision, but Jacob had made up his mind to save the one thing he had left of Bella when he thought she was dead.
And in a way, she still was.
Jacob turned around, then flinched dropping the bottle of formula, and a pale white hand caught it. Bella watched him, curiously, tilting her head to the side. Her red eyes were blazing with questions.
She held out the bottle to him and he reluctantly took it. She continued to stand there, silently scrutinizing him.
She hadn't spoken since being brought back from the dead. Not a word.
Jacob was grateful. He wasn't sure he'd be able to take hearing his Bella's voice come from…whatever she was now.
Bella reached her hand out, almost as if she wanted to touch him, and Jacob stepped around her, feeling sick to his stomach. He had to get back to Renesmee, the one thing he hadn't fucked up. He'd already ruined enough.
He thought about Bella a lot. Not the impostor in the kitchen. The Bella he knew and he thought about that day on the beach.
If he never told her the story of the cold ones would she still have found out? If he'd never left her alone that day on the cliff, would she still have jumped? If he'd never answered the phone, would Edward still have come back? If he never pulled away from Bella after Edward came back, could he have stopped her from falling under his spell? If he had stayed after their kiss on the mountain, would thing have been different? If he hadn't run away, those months before her wedding…? If he hadn't lost his temper at her wedding….? If he hadn't done CPR…? If he'd just agreed with Sam and killed her while she was still human…?
Would any of those things have kept Bella from becoming…that?
Most days, Jacob didn't let himself think about it. Because there was nothing he could do about it.
What was done was done. Bella was gone…but her child was still here and she needed him.
Just like her mom did before her.
Sometimes he got lonely. Being in a house full of vampires who barely tolerated him, and a baby who wasn't old enough to speak yet.
He'd made a deal with Sam so Seth could go back to the Reservation and Leah had taken off as fast as she could once the fighting was over.
He could still feel her when he phased, but she was trying to forget about Werewolves, Sam, and the shitty life she'd left behind her in Forks. He couldn't be mad at her. He had once done the same.
Memories of the time he'd spent running from Bella's decision came back to him. Those months in the forest, trying to find peace with in himself, had been nothing but constant pain. Missing Bella so much that he had to make a constant effort not to turn around, especially with Seth spying on him and giving the information back to Bella. The second he stopped fighting, he found himself halfway back to Forks to attend Bella's wedding.
Bella.
He knew how disillusioned everyone thought he was. No one believed that his feelings were real. Because if they were then wouldn't he have imprinted on Bella when he saw her in the meadow? He didn't have an explanation, maybe the timing was wrong, or maybe imprinting needed both sides consent to work?
If that was the case, then he never had a chance. Bella wouldn't even admit to herself that she loved him, never mind consenting to the spirits linking her forever to someone besides her precious Edward.
And he wasn't bitter about it. These last few weeks had put that love triangle in perspective. He loved Bella because he loved Bella. He didn't need his feelings returned for it to be real. He didn't need the spirits to point it out to him for it to be real. Because if love needs something in return then it isn't love.
Edward was the only person who knew he didn't imprint on Renesmee. He went along with the plan he heard in Jacob's mind to save Bella during her transformation. He didn't even think about his daughter when he told that lie. He was always reminding Jacob that he could tell everyone the truth if he wanted. He could go home. It would be fine, everyone would understand, but Jacob couldn't go home.
Because without Bella, he had no home. Taking care of Renesmee was the only peace he had and he was okay with that.
Seeing Bella walking around, silent, beautiful, and dangerous messed with his mind. When she'd been laying on the table, she had looked at peace, almost like she was sleeping.
Now she looked constantly on edge. Red eyes looking at everyone and everything like it would attack her at any moment. She had to be dragged along to hunt, and she refused to pick up a pen to write down what she wanted to say.
She was extremely curious about Jacob though.
He often woke up to find her standing over him, soundlessly staring at him, and she sometimes followed him around the house. For a while, he'd thought that she wanted to eat him, or maybe she remembered him from when she was a human. Eventually, he decided that it was because he was the strangest thing in the house and she couldn't figure him out.
A lone wolf in a house full of vampires, his sworn enemies. Yeah, he could see why she was curious.
And he was okay with it. He was okay with living in the same house with the monsters who took Bella from him.
He shook his head fiercely, getting rid of those dark thoughts.
Bella was never his. You couldn't own a person. Bella had made her choice and blaming someone else would be disrespectful to her decision. So, Jacob wasn't going to be upset. He wasn't going to lose his temper anymore. He was going to smile and take care of Bella's daughter.
Because he chose to do this. He chose to turn his back on his pack, his friends, his family.
He wasn't even allowed to talk to his dad anymore. His dad may have been his family, but he was also Chief of the tribe and it was too dangerous for him to associate with his Vampire loving son, who ran off, imprinted on a vampire baby, and joined a coven.
He might as well change his name to Jacob Cullen.
He shuddered, and glanced over his shoulder.
Bella was trailing silently behind him, in full hunter mode. Jacob sighed, and turned around to face her.
"Do you want something?" he asked, carefully and her eyes narrowed into slits.
She stepped closer, reaching out for him, and this time he just stood still and let it happen. She laid her hand over his chest, right above his heart, and every part of him wished Bella had lived.
Then he wouldn't have to deal with weird shit like this.
Her hand is so cold that it burns, and she smells like Bella took a bath in bleach, blood, and sugar. Beneath that he could still smell a hint of his Bella's smell. Strawberries and Vanilla.
She looked up at him, her features smoothing out into something almost gentle. Jacob wondered what she was thinking.
Renesmee started crying and Bella jumped away from him, landing all the way across the room, crouched and ready to attack. Jacob stared at her for a moment, then looked down at the bottle and food in his hands.
He turned away from Bella and went to go take care of the baby.
There was nothing more he could do for her.
Author's note: Don't like imprinting. It seemed like a quick fix to the love triangle and all it did was bring more questions, and gross me out. So I took the two things I liked from Breaking Dawn and made a new story.
Jacob being away from his pack and living with the Cullens'
Feral! Bella.
Please Review and let me know your thoughts.