Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel, or any recognizable characters. Don't sue; I have about 5 bucks to my name.

A/N: This is another crack!fic that came to my mind. Seem to have quite a few lately. For those waiting for an update of Rogue, it's coming, I promise! I've been so busy with schoolwork lately that I haven't had time, but I really appreciate your patience. :)

Max had had a long day. It had all started off with her getting to work late that morning, and consequently getting bitched out by Normal. Then Logan called, needing a favour for Eyes Only, which resulted in her getting chased down by a bunch of guys with very big guns due to a mistake in the intel. Then on her way home some idiot crashed into her Ninja, breaking her taillight.

She broke his nose.

Of course the corrupt sector cops had to hassle her about the light, but by then she was beyond caring. She revved the engine and drove straight through them.

And to top it all off, it was raining. Again. She couldn't say she was surprised. It rained in Seattle practically 361 days out of the whole year.

So basically all she wanted to do when she finally got home was stretch out on her bed and go to sleep.

Then the phone rang.

Mentally promising bodily harm to whoever was on the other end of the line, she grabbed the receiver.

"Max?"

Definitely not the voice she was expecting to hear. That same old raspy, commanding voice of the on again/off again bad guy in her life. She briefly wondered whether he was in the enemy category for the moment or just a pain-in-the-ass-but-currently-not-a-threat type of problem. She could never keep up.

"Aren't you supposed to be dead?"

She shouldn't be surprised by that either. The man was incapable of going six feet under and actually staying there.

"Didn't take. Listen Max, I, uh, I need you to do me a favour."

She snorted derisively. "Oh sure, no problem. I mean, if you think of all the time we've spent together while you were trying to kill me, it probably makes us best friends."

"I never tried to kill you Max. You know that. Anyways, this is kind of important."

"What makes you think I'm going to do anything for you, Deck?"

"I got that doctor to help find that cure for you and... what was Eyes Only's name again? Logan something?"

"Yeah, and look how that turned out. The guy was a flake. Plus – wait. How did you know Logan's Eyes Only?"

Okay, she had to admit it. Everyone knew he was Eyes Only. Original Cindy knew, Lydecker knew, Alec knew... who the hell was Logan trying to fool? Only that dumb blonde Asha seemed unable to figure it out.

"It's not my fault that you decided to keep 494's head intact instead of getting the cure."

"Yeah well, it's not like I could – how did you know about that? Are you fricking following me?"

Which would make sense. What the hell did that guy do in his spare time? No wife, no job, on the lam... it was kind of sad actually. His life sucked even harder than hers did, and she was the one who was a genetically engineered mutant.

"Max –"

"Fine, what the hell do you want?"

"A television."

It took a second for that to register in her brain.

"You want what?"

"A television. Look, I'm holed up in some piece of crap dump that's probably going to collapse around me any moment now because Sandman's son is trying to kill me. I can't go out because I'm lying low, so I can't exactly go and buy one. I'm bored out of my mind, soldier. So use those goddamn skills we gave you and steal me a goddamn television."

This had to be a joke. She was sure of it. There was no way her apparently off-again nemesis would call her up out of the blue and ask her to steal a television for him. Any second now Alec would pop out from somewhere and tell her that he had set up this elaborate scheme just to piss the hell out of her. And then she would pummel him for it and life would go back to the normal crappy way it was.

"Come on Max. It would be a piece of cake for someone with your talent. You know, you've really made me proud over the years with the way – "

She cut him off. This weird so-called parental feeling he had for her gave her the creeps and honestly, she couldn't deal with it. All she wanted right now was to get into bed and get rid of the lunatic who had obviously lost his mind somewhere along the way.

"Where's the drop off point?"

A week later and life was back on track. She went to Crash, got annoyed by Alec, helped Logan with his crusade to save the world and got fired and then rehired by Normal. The best part? No more late night phone calls from Colonel Donald Lydecker.

She got home, threw her jacket on the tattered couch, and was just about to make some bad-tasting coffee when she noticed a folded sheet of paper that had been slipped under the door. Filled with dread, she picked it up.

My phone died. Would you mind?

A/N: Don't know where all of these weird stories are coming from. Maybe it's something in the water? And as for how Deck got that letter there if he couldn't go out, let's just say he made some poor kid do it by scaring the crap out of him with some good ol' menacing.