A.N: Thank you for reading.

Secret

The dim, orange lamplight was starting to make his eyes ache, but he pressed on, the hard plastic pen digging into his stiff fingers. Just a little bit more, he told himself desperately. He didn't dare look at the clock, knew it was the early hours of the morning, and knew he'd been writing this damn essay all night. He squashed a wide yawn, pausing to glance at the open, dog-eared textbook for yet another reference.

His usually neat hand-writing had morphed into untidy scrawls, the bones of his hand creaking with every movement. He'd most likely lose marks for that. In his defence, it was insane to write a paper of that required length and calibre in just one short night. Then again, he half-wondered if that was the idea, if he was supposed to fail. He quickly banished the bitter thought before it had chance to develop into anything else and took a clumsy swallow of lukewarm tea.

It was getting difficult to continue. His eyes kept drooping and his shoulders were screaming from being hunched over for so long. But he was almost finished. Another thirty minutes, an hour at the most, and he would have completed his conclusion. The end was so close he could almost feel it, dancing just out of reach. He forced himself on, filled with a dogged determination.

He vaguely heard sounds suggesting someone else was up, the toilet flushing, water gushing from a tap, muffled footsteps shuffling along the walkway, but he ignored them. He didn't want to risk leaving this productive mind-frame for barely a second, fearing that once he'd stopped, he'd never be able to start again. It was a mantra he'd come to fiercely adopt over the course of the last couple of years or so. Just keep going.

But it was getting hard. He was slipping, could feel it in the draining practice sessions, in the long meditation periods. Splinter knew it too. His perfect student was starting to crack under the relentless weight. He didn't dare to pause and adjust his hold on it just in case it would crush him. So he powered through, taking each punishment, each extra assignment, and each disappointed frown, without complaint and just tried his best. The only problem was he wasn't sure how long it would be until his best was no longer good enough.

"Leo?"

He jumped at the sleepy mention of his name, his pen jerking in his hand and leaving a long, messy line across the page. He groaned a swearword in frustration, throwing the pen across the desk with a clatter. He let his forehead hit the wooden surface, the dull thud and slight twinge echoing in his mind. Stupid. He was so goddamned tired that if he closed his eyes he'd fall straight asleep.

"Whatcha doin'?"

It was Raphael. He silently crossed the room, rubbing his eyes and peering over his shoulder. He was no doubt curious as to why flawless big brother was still awake at this ungodly time. They had to be up for training in just three short hours. It wasn't like Leo to forego a full night's rest by choice.

"Essay for Splinter," The older turtle muttered, his words slurring as a result of pressing his face to the cold wood.

"Oh,"

Raph blinked, his sleep-muddled mind taking a few moments to process the scene before him. His brother was flopped dramatically over his desk, surrounded by papers and war textbooks and yellowed scrolls of ancient Japanese. He looked like hell too; his normally bright blue eyes were dim and bloodshot, with dark circles beneath them. He kept closing them too, before forcing them wide and attempting desperately to keep them open.

"It due today?" Raph wondered quietly. Leo sluggishly nodded his confirmation. "Why'd ya leave it 'til last minute?"

Leo shrugged, too tired to admit that the essay had actually only been set at eight pm the previous evening. Their master had a habit of setting writing tasks, particularly as punishments, so it wasn't entirely unusual. However, he did usually give them an acceptable amount of time to complete them. But Splinter had been most displeased with him for a badly-run patrol and had decided to assign him a five-thousand word paper to be finished within twelve hours. Leo had balked at the absurd assignment, but had kept his mouth firmly shut. Any protest would have simply extended the word count.

"Ya gotta take a break bro," Raph suggested kindly, nudging him persistently. Leo shook his head awkwardly.

"No. Gotta finish," He burbled, forcing himself to sit up and search for his pen.

"Half an hour will do ya good Leo," Raph pestered gently, prodding him in the shoulder now.

Leo didn't answer; too busy scrambling around for his pen that had conveniently vanished under the many scrolls. With a suffering sigh, Raph curled a hand around his shoulder and more or less dragged him from the chair. Leo squeaked in shock, easily stumbling after him due to his exhaustion and the fact that Raph was just so much bigger. Mike and Raph had recently had crazy growth spurts, shooting them both closer to Donny's height, though none of them could truly match the genius's lanky frame. Leo, much to his chagrin and his brother's amusement, had stubbornly stayed the same height for ages now, a good few inches smaller.

Wordlessly, Raph pulled him onto the bed, leaning his shell against the wall and tugging his older brother until he allowed himself to curl up on his chest. It wasn't often Raph offered comfort, but it was even rarer for Leo to ask for it, so he gave it willingly whenever he thought his brother needed it. He circled his arms around his slim shoulders, fully expecting him to be asleep within seconds. So it surprised him when Leo opened his mouth to speak.

"We don't talk much anymore," He lamented sadly, fingers delicately tracing the large nick on the top of his brother's tough plastron.

Raph grunted and shrugged, too busy concentrating on Leo's tender touch to think of a coherent answer. It was soothing, feeling his brother's fingers stroking his body in a way that Raph couldn't quite explain. So he simply held him tighter, resting their heads together and inhaling everything that made up Leonardo. Green tea and sandalwood incense, mixed with their own unique, natural musk. Over time, Raph had come to realize that it was probably his favourite smell, though he'd never admit it out loud.

"Yer busy all the time," He offered lamely in a way of explanation.

Leo nodded, it was true. Between his extensive private sessions with Splinter, his required meditation and studying leadership and warfare, they didn't find much time to hang out anymore. In fact, any free time was usually spent arguing, as there were so many ways they irritated one another lately. The heated debates never really meant anything, but the angry barbs thrown left them feeling hurt and betrayed. If nothing else, it made these rare, private moments all the more special.

"I'll try not to be," Leo promised, tucking his face in the crook of his brother's neck.

He was finding it difficult to stay awake. The steady rise and fall of Raph's chest beneath him and his soft breathing was like a lullaby singing him to sleep. But he was determined to make the most of this time together. Besides, he couldn't risk not being able to wake up again and failing to complete his essay. He'd spend a stolen half an hour with his brother, and then he'd finish his work even if it killed him.

"'S'okay," Raph shrugged, lazily tracing patterns on Leo's shoulder. "I know it means a lot to ya,"

Leo nodded and made a weary noise of agreement, because it really did. He wanted to be a good leader, a hero, so bad that it hurt. Even if Splinter wasn't training him for it, he knew he'd fall into that role naturally anyway. Keeping an eye out for his brothers felt like second nature to him, and he was always willing to lay his life on the line to keep them safe. No matter how complicated the training was proving to be, he'd stick through it, because there was nothing he wanted more.

And Raphael had always been destined to be his second in command, he just wasn't aware of it yet. They shared so many admirable qualities – bravery, passion, protectiveness. But Raph was hot-headed, quick to anger and keen for unnecessary fights. Leo didn't need him as a rival; he needed him as a friend, a comrade. He needed Raph to be his shoulder to lean on, the one to hold him together when things became too much to bear. He wanted these special, intimate moments every single night.

"Tell me a secret," Leo demanded softly, rubbing his cheek against the rough skin on Raph's plastron.

The bigger turtle smelled of motor oil and salted pretzels – a bizarre scent, but not at all unpleasant. Raph laughed, a deep, uplifting sound that made Leo smile and want to hear it more often. He was warm, encased in his big arms like this, and Leo mused that he had never felt safer. If he could fall asleep with Raph like this every night, then it would be easier to face the next day.

"Tell ya a secret?" Raph chuckled in disbelief at the odd request.

He had many secrets, and a good majority of them he'd wanted to share with his big brother at some point. Once, when they were much younger, Raph ran away from home but came back after two hours because he missed his brothers too much. Once, he ate Leo's cupcake and blamed it on Donatello. Every Friday night he and Casey visited a dive bar on the edge of town and all the regulars knew him as 'Loudmouth' because all he did was sit in a dark corner in his hat and trench coat all night. And, finally, there wasn't a day that went by when Raphael didn't long to hold his big brother just like this and kiss away his frowns.

"'Kay. Promise ya won't tell?" Raph wanted to know, smiling in amusement.

"Promise," Leo agreed sincerely.

Raph paused to think of a good one, something that would strengthen their relationship rather than cause another argument. It wasn't that he mistrusted Leo with personal information. It was more about the fact that he was frightened of Leo thinking badly of him. He already knew it was a risk after how much they fought; he often said hurtful things he never meant. He only wanted to affect Leo as deeply as the other turtle touched him.

"I think…I like dudes," Raph revealed slowly, warily.

He remained calm, watching carefully as Leo sat up straight to look at him curiously. Peering into Leo's questioning blue eyes; Raph had never felt more vulnerable. He was exposing himself in the hopes that Leo would lay himself bare also. It wasn't entirely true. Raph looked at both human men and women and felt no sexual attraction whatsoever. In reality, the only being that could get him flustered was already curled up in his arms at that precise moment.

Leo studied his face for many long minutes, only slightly surprised to see that Raphael seemed one hundred per cent serious. Of all the revelations he expected to hear, homosexuality was not one of them. Leo found that he did not feel shocked, or confused, and not one bit upset. Instead, he felt a growing happiness blossoming through his chest like warm embers.

"Me too," He whispered with a smile.

Of all the things that were racing through Leo's mind at that time, only one thing screamed at him louder than the rest. Eyeing Raph's open, exposed expression, there was only one thing the leader could do. He didn't care about the consequences, and besides, deep down, he knew that this was the right thing to do. There would be no going back after this, he was going to change everything, and for once he was ready to embrace it.

Assertively, Leo leaned forward and firmly pressed their mouths together. It was clumsy and weird to start with. Raph froze as if thinking his big brother had finally cracked under the pressure and gone mad. It wasn't until Raph threw caution to the wind and kissed him back did things begin to make sense. Their otherwise awkward mouths seemed to melt together, caressing with a gentleness neither of them knew the other possessed.

It was just a chaste kiss, but it still left them breathless and dazed. Leo was aware of his heart thumping erratically against his ribcage but he was more concerned with the excitement soaring in his stomach. And from the amazed look on Raphael's face, he felt it too. Slowly, he grinned and leaned forward to lovingly nuzzle his brother's jaw. Things suddenly felt like they had fallen into place.

"Get some sleep Fearless. I'll wake you in an hour," He pledged, already addicted to the smooth touch of his brother's skin.

Leo smiled and snuggled tight against him, burying his face into Raph's neck. For now, the essay could wait. Nothing was more important than Raph's hands, gently petting him and sending shivers of delight coursing through him with every touch. All of his worries seemed insignificant, leaving him with nothing but an exhausted bliss. He inhaled that beautiful scent one more time, and then closed his eyes. He had drifted off within seconds.

Raph grinned gleefully to himself and settled back to doze for a little while. He wasn't sure what kind of crazy leadership training Leo was undertaking, but he certainly knew it was taking its toll on his brother. It was at that moment Raph vowed that he would always be there to pick up the pieces and glue him back together again, because he knew that Leo would do the same for him. He didn't know what would come tomorrow, but that just made him hold Leo even tighter and savour every moment. As long as Leo was still there in his arms every morning, he'd face life and death itself head on without fear.

The End