Disclaimer: I don't own anything. So beware.
Methods of Relaxation
So what? Robin had had enough. He'd already suffered enough at the hands of Slade and all those criminals who had apparently decided that their ultimate goal in life was to make the Boy Wonder's difficult. He didn't have to do this, he thought. Then he remembered that he had to. Because of the team. Because of the city. Because of stupid Batman.
He slung his towel over his shoulder, his steps droning heavy on the carpeted hallway. As he passed Starfire's room (which by some ridiculously impossible whim of fate always ended up being the one he passed everywhere he had to go. Or maybe it was just some stupid practical joke of Cyborg's. After all, he had been the one who'd designed the whole damn Tower) he heard noises. Not just any noises. Curious ones.
"Ohhh… Mmm, X'hal, that feels so good, Cyborg." Robin almost jumped out of his uniform. What? All various thoughts about just what they could be doing in there filled his brain like scrunched-up paper in a wastebin. He tiptoed over, out of curiosity, and pressed his ear to the door.
"I thank you for this wondrous experience!" Robin's face turned the colour of spoiled milk.
"No prob, Star. A girl's gotta know the right way to distress. Rob's gonna be soo jealous."
Starfire giggled. "I believe you might say… It is doing the 'loosening up' of me." Robin listened with ever- increasing horror.
All of a sudden, a deep, throaty noise erupted from the room- Starfire's moaning. "Oh, X'hal, a little faster… Harder… Further down… Yes, that is the right place… Harder… A little harder… Oh!"
She cried out. "Cyborg! It hurts…"
Robin, who by now had absolute conviction to whatever they were doing in there, had finally had the proverbial last hair torn off his head. He burst into the room. "Starfire? What the hell? Of all people, you would cheat on me with CY-?" He was cut off by the sight before him, his eyes now registering the scene that lay in the room.
Starfire was lying on her stomach on a sleek, new, shiny machine, which Cyborg hurriedly switched off. He grinned at Robin.
"Hello, Rob. Care to try?" Robin stared blankly at the words stenciled on the side of the machine.
AUTOMATIC VOICE-CONTROLLED MASSAGE MACHINE 2000.
Starfire sat up menacingly, eyes glowing, teeth bared in a feral snarl. "What is the meaning of this?" She brought a glowing fist down on the next readily available thing – her bedside table – and Robin watched with a mixture of fascination and horror as it cracked with a horrendous noise. He gulped.
Behind Starfire, Cyborg grinned. "Better run."
-END-
