This was it
This was it. He was going to murder that prude of a Soul Reaper—that orange haired Kurosaki bastard. The kid was seriously injured; he could hardly stand up and parry attacks. His time was up—Pantera hummed with anticipation, eager to slice flesh, and shatter bone.
Grimmjow raised his zanpatou for the final strike then—
"Grimmy?! Grimmy, is that you?!"
That voice. That fuckin' voice Grimmjow cringed as a chill went down his spine.
Oh, God. Not now! Not here!
"GRIMMJOW! You better answer yo mama when she talkin' to you boi!"
Oh, dear God! Why?!
He turned, plastering on a fake smile.
"Ma, I wasn't expecting to see you here," he said to the elderly woman standing behind him.
The woman was short, and stocky with pouted lips, thin wire-rimmed glasses, a huge ass purse, and a large bonnet on her head.
When was the last time Grimmjow had seen his mother? Hell. It was so long ago that he'd forgotten.
"HAROLD!" shouted the woman. "Look who's here! Our Grimmy! Look at how he's grown up!"
A tall willowy man stepped out next to the woman.
"HUH?!" he nearly shouted.
"Oh, look at that hair; haven't I taught you better than that?!" demanded the woman, pulling out a brush from her purse. "Come have. Let mama fix it all better, baby."
"MA! I'M KINDA BUSY!"
"Oh," said Grimmjow's mom in a falsetto. "Did…did you just raise your voice at me?"
"Yes!" Ichigo shouted. "YES HE DID!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, BASTARD!"
"Oh damn," Harold said, his eyes wide.
"Did…did you just cuss in my presence?!" demanded Grimmjow's mom.
"Look, ma, I'm all grown up, so leave me the he—OW! WHAT THE FUCK, LADY?!"
Grimmjow's momma planted her hands on her hips, and rolled her neck.
"Oh no, mister, you DID NOT just go there with me! Hitting you in the head with my purse full of bricks should've given you a warning, but noooooooooo! You're grown so you need a grown-ass whuppin'!"
Grimmjow growled, and opened his mouth to respond, but his words died cold in his throat as his mother pulled out a long, thin, zanpatou from under her bonnet.
Suddenly, he began to have flashbacks.
"RUN, BOI, RUN!" shouted his father.
'He doesn't have to tell me twice!'
"STRIKE, CEINTURE [French for belt]," cried the woman, and her sword transformed into a giant belt. "IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG!"
She snapped the belt, hitting a telephone pole in the process. The giant beam of wood snapped in half, and toppled over, smashing loudly into the ground.
"Oh, shit!"
Grimmjow ran, but his momma was faster.
~Owari~
Alternate ending:
He was done. After 18 hours of labor, and hiding away in his office, Kenpachi Zaraki had finished the cooled card-building ever.
Just…one…more…card…!
SMACK!
"HOLY MOTHER OF SHIT!"
SMACK!
The exclamation had come out of nowhere, and actually startled Kenpachi, causing him to jump and ruin his structure. As he watched the cards flutter to the ground, Kenpachi swore to murder the first person to walk into his office.
He was just that fuckin' mad.
Knock, knock!
Hanatarou stepped into the office.
"I'm here to clean—why are you looking at me like that?! Wait—put the sword down! No! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I SHOULD'VE STAYED IN MIME SCHOOL!" he cried, running away with a VERY pisse-off Kenpachi right behind him.
