Basically how I wanted the whole scene after Castle and Beckett being rescued from the freezer to go.

Yet again another attempt of mine to get rid of motorcycle boy.

Enjoy.


The paramedics were telling Castle of all his physical injuries and how he should expect to feel sluggish for the next several days from the effects of the hypothermia, he wasn't listening. Yeah he would give an understanding nod of his head when they told him it would be normal to have spurts of involuntary shivering and that he should refrain from exerting too much energy until his body fully recovered from the ordeal, but he couldn't hear them. None of his physical injuries mattered to him, they would all heal.

His thoughts were screaming in his mind. He was looking at Beckett as her back was facing him. Seeing her have what looked like an 'I'm so glad you're alive' conversation with her boyfriend. Not him. Castle was her partner, not her boyfriend. Sometimes he couldn't tell the difference.

They spent the majority of their days together and enjoyed each other's company. But he didn't get to walk her to her door, he didn't have the privilege of kissing her goodnight, and even worse, he didn't have her. And not being with her was more excruciatingly painful than anything he had experienced. Because seeing her with Josh cut his heart open wider with every longing glance.

Since it hurt so much to see her, he decided to stop looking. Paramedics gave him the okay to leave and he was doing just that. He would walk away from the ambulance and never look back. Text Esposito and Ryan saying thanks for everything. But not Beckett. He knew he wouldn't be able to bring himself to push send. So he would just leave. A cowardly way out he had to admit, but they weren't in anything.


He was just leaving the glow of the flashing blue and reds when he heard someone call his name.

It was Beckett. He thought to himself to just keep walking, but then his hurt started to switch to anger and the person reciting his name became an enticing punching bag.

He turned around and waited until she was close enough and then he threw the, metaphorical, first punch.

"Beckett you don't get to call my name. You aren't allowed to string me along when it's convenient for you.

I keep making the mistake that you want me around. And I think I'm done pretending you do. I'm a writer so naturally I have a pretty vivid and active imagination. Up to today I actually believed you liked having me pull your pigtails. If I wasn't just imagining some wildly thought-out conspiracy, I remember you telling me, more than once, you enjoyed having me follow you around. But after everything we've been through together I'm starting to see I'm not needed around here. I think I just woke up and stopped daydreaming. I've put two and two together and I can see it now.

Anything related to your job, insights or clues or whatever, you've got Esposito and Ryan to theorize with. And anything that isn't case related, you've got some other guy, that isn't me for. It's taken me three years to figure that out, so maybe I'm a bit slow. Maybe it's the chill running through my bones from the freezer we almost died huddled together in, but the chill seems to have me thinking clearly.

I'm going to regret telling you this but a couple minutes before I became unconscious, I thought you had died. I couldn't feel a pulse and you weren't responding anymore. Then when I woke up in the ambulance, I didn't see you and I thought... But then, I saw you talking to Dr. Motorcycle boy and knew you were okay.

I was just going to leave and not even say goodbye. Text Esposito and Ryan telling them good luck with the case and thanks for finding us. I wasn't even going to tell you bye."

Castle noticed Beckett choke up a little at that but he continued to speak, knowing if he stopped he would never finish.

"I'm a writer, but when I see you with him, or any other guy that isn't me, and they make you laugh and they get to comfort you, I'm lost for words. All I feel is this sucker punch to my stomach and a constricted sensation in my throat. And this horrifying darkness rolls over my chest.

So I was just going to leave so I wouldn't have to feel it anymore. But, since you started walking towards me and calling my name, I figured it would be rude of me to run away. So go ahead and tell me I'm right so I can stop following you like the little puppy dog everybody thinks I am and your pigtails can be left alone. And if any part of this isn't true, and you actually may want me around, that you may even feel the same way I've felt, now would the time to speak up.

Just know though, this is the last time I will come back. I'm not going to plead or degrade myself anymore. It hurts too much. I may play poker from time to time, but my face isn't fooling anyone. If you want me around, know that I used all the strength I had left to come this far. To turn around and tell you this when I was already walking away.

Please don't give me anymore false hope."


As Castle finished speaking, he could see a few tears escaping her eyes moving down towards her lips. Kate didn't say anything. She just looked at his tired, saddened face and his surprisingly dark grey eyes that normally shown blue with a depth of happiness she didn't know anyone could possess.

Instead of speaking, she turned around in her high heels, the high heels Castle couldn't fathom that she ran in. Nevertheless she ran.

He didn't know who she was running to but he was pretty damn sure he knew what she was running from. Him.

Castle felt his heart tear further with each hurried step she took away from him. As much as it killed him to see her leave, he watched her until the street, still filled with cop cars and their drivers swallowed her up.

He counted the steps she took until he reached nineteen. After that he had lost his view. Castle had to watch. He needed to remember how it felt to see her leave. Remember how painful it was to see the person he cared about walk away and not look back.

He wanted to make sure he knew the feeling so he would never allow it to happen again. But also, he watched because a small part of him knew, if Kate had looked back, even if it wasn't to look at him, he wouldn't have the willpower to stay away. And part of him didn't want to stay away.

She kept her back facing him and didn't falter once.


Beckett waited around until he finished his speech, he had a lot to say and she wanted him to say it. She'd been afraid to say how she felt and even more so to admit her feelings to herself. She almost told him how she felt in the freezer but was physically unable to finish.

When the last word left his lips she hesitated a few seconds just to take it all in. She wanted to remember how horrible it was to see him hurt. She had never wanted to make him feel this way. After storing the picture of the sad, non-Castle like picture of him in her head, she ran.

Every other time a guy told her something like Castle just did she would run. Run as far away as she could because she needed to get away.

This was the only time she ran to be able to stay.

Beckett had to find Josh. He was somewhere nearby and she couldn't wait any longer.

She stayed in the relationship with motorcycle boy because it was easy. It would be easy if things didn't work out, she always picked relationships that were easy to leave. But now, she realized she wanted to stay in her relationship with Castle because it was difficult. Difficult because if things went wrong she had something to lose. And it would be so devastating to lose Castle.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed Josh's cell. She knew he could only be a couple blocks ahead of her, heading to her apartment. He answered and she told him to start walking back and meet her halfway. She told him they needed to talk.
She saw him coming towards her and she quickened her pace.

She told him it was over and she was sorry. He didn't take it well but he didn't have to ask to know the reason why. He knew.

"It's because of Castle isn't it?" Josh asked not needing an answer.
"Let him know I say good luck if he wants to be with you. I mean hell Kate, you and I could be inches apart and I felt like you were miles away."

"I'll be sure to tell him he's crazy. I've told him that before."

And with that she walked away. She was a little surprised how Josh took things, but she was pretty sure he'd known how she felt from the start. She never really was with him. Not how two people are supposed to be together. She was always thinking of someone else.


She didn't bother calling Castle because she knew he wouldn't pick up. Instead she went straight to the loft. She entered the lobby and the doorman said good evening with a smile. If he only knew the kind of 'evening' she had.

When she reached his door she paused for a second just to catch her breath. She took the stairs because she knew what she wanted to say couldn't wait. She knocked on the door and heard footsteps heading towards her. When the door opened she almost didn't recognize the guy staring back at her.

She had never seen Castle so defeated. So devoid of life. His eyes were a cloudy grey and he was still shivering from their last near death encounter. But she was still taken aback when his voice sounded as cold as he looked.

"Beckett what do you want?"

She didn't miss a beat as she looked back at him and said just above a whisper, a confidence in her voice she only had when talking about her mom's case.

"You. I just want you."

She reached both hands up to touch his face and kissed him. It was a shy kiss at first and he barely kissed her back. In between breaths Kate whispered, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Castle."

She pulled away from him to give him reassurance.

"I only walked away so I could break up with Josh. I couldn't dive in to anything with you before ending things with him. So I ran. I wasn't running from you, I was running to you."

This time it was Castle who kissed first.


At least for now this story feels complete to me, I'm not calling it a one shot though. You never know.

Feedback is encouraged and appreciated, unless you actually like Josh the motorcycling douche. But you can still give feedback too.