Alfred looked out the window, a sigh escaping from his lips once again. He hated it when it rained like this, it brought back memories he didn't want to remember. "Alfred," Matthew spoke from where he sat in front of the TV. "Are you okay? That the third sigh in ten minutes, are you not feeling well?" He asked his brother looking at him in slight concern. Alfred smiled and nodded. "Yeah Mattie, I'm fine. I'm just going to go take a walk okay?" Alfred said quickly making up his mind. Matthew stood up, "But it's raining Al! You'll at least take an umbrella right?" Alfred nodded, and let his brother fetch the umbrella for him. "Do you want me to come with you Al?" He asked, and the American shook his head. "Nah, I'm just gonna go an pick up some burgers. Go watch your show Mattie." Alfred said, and opened his umbrella before stepping out into the pouring rain. He waved to Matt as he left; he walked slowly, listening to the rain fall fast and steady. When it rained like this he hated to get out of bed. Some birthday this was turning out to be. No one was on the street; all were inside, safe from the rain. A bitter smile made its way up on his face. What was Arthur doing now? Was he thinking of him? Did he remember that today was his birthday? This cold, rainy miserable day?
'All I wanted was freedom.'
He took a step forward; it was a difficult step to take. Maybe he should go a diet again?
'I just wanted the freedom to walk besides you Arthur.'
The umbrella was suddenly too heavy to hold above his head, maybe he was getting sick? Yeah, that was it. He didn't need a diet, he just needed to go home and get some sleep and rest. Maybe Mattie would make him some soup. He kept walking, one step in front of the other.
'I wanted to protect you Iggy, and show you I wasn't a child who needed to be protected anymore.'
He was beginning to slow down, his feet felt like weights were attached to them, and he was getting this uncomfortable, heavy feeling in his chest. The rain kept falling, and the umbrella was just too heavy. Slowly his arm dropped, and he came to a step as the first drops of rain hit him.
'But you wouldn't give me that chance, I had to take it by force and I hurt you when all I wanted to do was protect you.'
The umbrella dropped from his hand as he stared up into the gray sky's that was raining down; in no time he was drenched. God, he hated this kind of rain. It just kept coming, with no end in sight.
'I don't know what to do… You were there for me for so long Iggy, and even afterwards your still here. Even though I've been such a ass to you since! You must really love me, but I can't accept it.'
He couldn't tell if he was crying, if he was the rain was mixing with his tears. There was so much it. So much rain, so much pain, and too many memories.
'Why am I feeling like this even after all of these years? When will I forget this pain?'
He asked him himself, but he already knew the answer to his questions. He would never forget, not the pain, and not the memories. Not while it rained. When it stopped, he would have some relief from all of it, but it would be back soon. It would be back in his dreams, in the rain, and on his birthday. It was always there, he could always feel it, it was a dull ache. He could feel it when he saw Arthur smile painfully at him, trying to act as if everything was okay. He lowered his head; this was his birthday, the anniversary of when he broke free from Arthur's reign, so why didn't he feel proud?
'Because I know how much I hurt him then, and how much I continue to hurt him now.'
Yeah, he should feel proud of what he accomplished, but when he did so, he hurt the person that he cared the most about in his world. What was there to be proud about in doing that?
He didn't know how long he stayed out there in the rain, he had plopped down on the sidewalk and leaned against a wall and just stared into space as the rain pounded down on him. It was like a balm on his skin, but at the same time like it was like needles on his skin as memories played over and over again in his mind where no one but him could see them. Suddenly the rain wasn't falling on him anymore, startled he looked up and was shocked to see Arthur's red face as he panted for breath, holding a umbrella over him. "You stupid git! Is this where you've been this whole time? Matthew's worried sick about you!" Arthur scolded him, as Alfred stared up at him with blue eyes. "You've been gone since eleven, it's three now Alfred! I just arrived and he rushes out to me saying he you left and he can't find you anywhere, get up now you twit. Is this any way to be celebrating your birthday? You'll catch a cold at this rate!" Arthur straightened up and grabbed Alfred by his arm, helping him stand up. "Come on, let's get you home and showered. What possessed you to stay out here for so long anyways lad?" Arthur asked as he made sure to keep the other under the umbrella. "It wouldn't stop…." Alfred muttered as they started on their way back. "What? Do you mean the rain? Isn't that an even better reason to hurry on him lad?" Arthur asked sounding slightly confused. "No… The memories, they wouldn't stop playing…" He murmured quietly. Arthur gave him a concerned look, but didn't say another word until they reached home. Matthew rushed out of the house, and helped him usher Alfred into the house where there were towels waiting for them before rushing Alfred into a hot shower. Soon he stood under the hot drops of the shower, much different than the cold rain.
'How can I accept your love after I hurt you so badly?'
P.S.: I do not own Axis Powers Hetalia! I wish… Anyways, there will be more soon! Please REVIEW if you fave the story, it annoys me when people fave the story but don't review. So please do!
