Popuri
Love. Love, love, love, love.
No matter how many times I repeat that tragic catastrophe of a word, no matter how many times I hear it repeated back at me, I'll never be able to comprehend what the hell love is good for.
Ha, besides breaking your heart into a million pieces, of course.
"Popuri, you're absolutely beautiful, you know?" I used to love hearing these words come out of your mouth. These saccharine, honey-covered lies you used to let spill out of your mouth, that would soak me as I basked in my glorious naivety as I foolishly believed you.
"Have a meal, on the house," you'd so often say, heaving unlimited amounts of baked corn at me. Why? Why did you put so much effort into treating me like a princess if you were going to drop me like this same freshly baked corn?
"Gee, thanks Kai!" I'd always exclaim in undisguised delight. Gee? I disgust myself. Whenever you spouted your lies at me, I was incapable of keeping even the smallest shred of dignity. You had this crazy ability to turn me into this ball of squealing mush – you were my prince charming in purple. Goddess, I was so irrevocably in love with you.
"You know, Popuri, in some of the countries I've been to, you can see these brightly coloured lights in the sky. They're gorgeous.
But you wanna know something? I never feel content looking at them. I always feel like there's something missing." You stroked my hair out of my face, gazing at me with what I was sure was pure, unadulterated love.
"What is that, Kai?" Say it's me. Say it's me. Say it's me. Oh dear Goddess, if you had said it was me I would have dropped Ma, Rick, the chickens, everything. I would have gotten on that next ship with you and never came back.
"I'm not sure yet," you sighed wistfully, knowing full well you'd drawn me in, only to leave me absolutely hanging.
I'd gotten in a fight with Rick, and I'd run to your shop for comfort.
"Kai, he says you're not right for me. He says you could never truly love me, that you could never love anyone! I told him he was wrong, that you love me. I told him we're going to travel the world together. We're going to get married and leave this stupid town because you love me, right?"
"Oh, Pop, of course," you consoled, rubbing my back as I spewed curses at Rick.
How easy it is to lie.
Even now, I still doubt whether you ever actually loved me at all or if I was just a filler until someone better came along. I guess you made me believe that I was already the best for you. I suppose I should have known. I should have listened. Everyone told me you were a player from the start. Once a player, always a player right?
But we all know now that that's not true. Because you changed yourself for her.
I still remember the day you first met her. I was there. We were talking about our plans to travel the world together, when Rick finally got the hell off my back and when Dad finally came back.
Then she walked in, gorgeous blonde hair down to her waist as she managed to pull off that farmer outfit without looking like a hillbilly. Her eyes were crystalline blue, her smile – it was the kind of smile men and women and everything in between fell in love with.
One glance at her and I could literally see you lose every last bit of interest in me. Like I said, you dropped me like that damn hot corn you once cooked so lovingly and generously for me.
"Hey, what can I do for ya?" you asked with that gorgeously charming grin on your face. I could see it Kai. Your eyes were twinkling they way they used to at me.
Claire flashed that gorgeously white smile of hers, and I knew. You were hooked.
What was it about her? Was it because she was blonde? Guys like that right? I can be blonde too, Kai. I'll be anything you want me to be. Just tell me what you want, and I swear on my mother's life that I'll be that for you.
Why Claire? Why? Why did you have to pick that perfect, down-to-earth, never-made-a-mistake-in-her-life Claire? Hell, Goddess knows she's never returned your stupid feelings. We both know she thinks you're too flighty, that she thinks of you as that careless snack-store owner who's so indecisive that he can't stay in the same place for too long.
But… Why did you decide to stay in Mineral Town permanently for her, but not me? She doesn't even love you! She doesn't love you the way I do, the way I always have. What could she offer you that I couldn't? What is it about her that possessed you to give up your dreams of travelling the world and stay rooted in this boring old town? Why couldn't you have done that for me?
Oh Kai, I could give you everything you ever wanted from her and everything you'd never even known you wanted. I'd travel the whole world with you.
How could you have just dropped me so easily? We had plans… We were going to leave this damn town behind and you were going to show me everything there was to see. It hurts me to no end, seeing your eyes follow her like damn puppy dogs every day when she walks into the Inn for her nightly routine of drinks with Karen. I see you every night, Kai. Buying her drinks and trying to charm her with words you used to say to me. She rarely gives you the time of day. I can see it though. And I know it – you love her. I know it because it's clear now that you never loved me.
Love. Love, love, love, love. It's disgusting. It's beautiful. It's grotesque. It's the worst thing that's ever happened to me. It feels like the deepest depths of the ocean, the depths nobody has ever journeyed to – it makes me feel so very alone. It fills me with dread, fear, horror. It fills me a wistfulness for what we never discovered together, the places we never visited together. I feel like I'm in this unescapable abyss, where I can only watch as these memories of us play over and over again. I was a young girl who fell in love, and who never fell out of it.
Love is good for nothing, and I love you.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harvest Moon.
Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed! Just something I came up with spontaneously and didn't put too much thought into so it may not be my best work. Hope you enjoy reading and review if you'd like!
