Shedding Tears

Patrick Died, I didn't cry. I was denied my inheritance, I didn't cry. Kamal Pamuk died in my bed and I still didn't cry. Then Matthew refused to listen, understand and most importantly wait for me and for the first time in years I shed a tear. That afternoon I made myself the promise that never again would Matthew Crawley be the cause of my tears. I must keep strong and hold my head high, no matter what.

Papa announced on that dark afternoon that we were at war with Germany, but I wasn't shocked or even scared by the prospect of a war in fact I felt like it gave me a chance, a chance to finally do my duty and if I couldn't do it to Downton I would do it for Queen and country.

I felt like there was nothing left for me here, I had no inheritance, no title to arise to and nobody to help me. My family, good enough as they were wouldn't help. I was a disappointment to Mama, Papa didn't even care, Sybil already has her own problems and Edith lied and betrayed me.

I had made my decision, there was no going back and I was determined to go forwards to a better, more purposeful life. As soon as the wretched garden party was over and the last of the guests had gone I retired to my bedroom and planned my way forward.

I'm leaving tonight and will not contact with family or friends until my duty is done and the battle is won. I packed my bag with all the essential items I was going to need, wrote a small goodbye letter to my family and silently went downstairs. I grabbed my coat and had final look around the entrance to the house I had spent my whole life in, I was suddenly flooded with memories of past and childhood. The time I fell off Diamond and broke my arm as a girl, when In lost my front tooth in t6he grass and Carson helped me look for it for over an hour. These memories were enough to make me hesitate in me leaving but I had no choice, my decision was final and I would not come back. I walked to the stables and saddled up Diamond for the long journey ahead and rode off into the dark.

Sybil's point of view

"Mary?" I asked softly before knocking again, "Mary, its Sybil can I come in?" I didn't wait for an answer. Upon walking into Mary's room the first thing I noticed…there was no Mary. I noticed a note addressed to "My Family" lying on her pillow, as quickly as I could I opened it and began to read,

To My Family,

I'm truly am so very, very sorry about what I have done but there is nothing left for me here. No inheritance, no title and no help, I am a disappointment and I have to do my duty elsewhere.

Yours truly,

Mary Crawley.

Oh my God, she's gone. Without wasting a spare second I bolted downstairs to alert Papa and start a search but knowing Mary she will make sure that we don't find her. Bursting into the dining room I alerted Papa who read the note and immediately sprang into action. Mama on the other hand was in tears and it took everything I had not to cry in order to be able to comfort her myself.

"Sybil" shouted Papa but not angrily, "Send a telegram to Crawley house telling Matthew and Isobel to be here as soon as possible, don't tell them why though let them here it from one of us"

I sprang into action myself and ran as fast as I could to find Carson.

"Carson!" I shouted when I noticed him walking up the stairs.

"Yes Lady Sybil"

"Can you please make sure that a telegram is sent to Crawley house as soon as possible; just tell them it's an emergency"

"Consider it done your ladyship"

As I walked out to the front garden to find Papa my mind was racing with all thoughts of dreadful thoughts, nobody knew where Mary could be she might be lying in a ditch dead for all we knew, but the most important thought that was going through my head was the thought that Matthew is going to blame himself entirely for this and Papa as well. God Mary, how could you do this to Matthew or any of us for that matter, just please stay safe. About a quarter of an hour later Tom's car arrived bringing Matthew and Cousin Isobel to face the news. Papa was inside and Mama was upstairs being comforted by Edith, which meant I had the hard job of trying to break the news to them as delicately as possible…

Well that didn't go exactly to plan as now I am pretty sure Matthew is going to try kill himself and Isobel is just shocked but thankfully not to the same extent as Mama.

The search is over and nobody has found Mary, I'm not sure what's worse knowing where she is even if it is at the bottom of a ditch or having no clue whether she's safe or not. Mary, please come home