DISCLAIMER: I don't own this beautifully frustrating show.
The song used in this story is from "The Prince of Egypt". I was too lazy to think up something on my own.
Regina groaned as she struggled back to consciousness, feeling as though her entire body had been roasted like a game bird in an oven. She ached all over, and her head seemed to have a thousand tiny dwarves swinging pickaxes inside. Something wet and cool was on her forehead, and soft sounds of movement nearby told her that she was probably in Charming and Snow's house. Memories of what had happened rushed through her, the pain and terror and her overwhelming desire to finally be reunited with Daniel and her parents in death.
No sooner had her feverish mind processed all of this than Regina became aware of another noise: Someone was singing. She lifted her eyelids, or tried to, but the task was so monumental that the brunette only made it halfway before they drooped back down. Fingers gently readjusted the cloth on her forehead and then touched her cheek, feather-light and deliciously cool.
"Hush now, my baby, be still now, don't cry. Sleep as you're rocked by the stream…"
Sleep and remember my last lullaby, for I'll be with you when you dream.
Only one person would know that song other than Henry. Regina gathered every ounce of strength she possessed and forced her eyes open, and sure enough, Snow White was sitting in a chair next to the bed. She stopped singing, dark eyes (eyes so much like Regina's) widening in surprise. "Regina! You're awake. How do you feel?"
"Like shit," the older woman mumbled, resisting the urge to snap. How the hell did Snow think she felt? "That song…."
Snow paused, a melancholy smile etching itself across her face. "Do you recognize it, Regina?"
How could I not? I sang that song so many times….
She tells herself she hates Snow White, but it's hard to hate such a little girl, let alone when that girl fearfully bolts into the room she and Leopold share in the middle of the night.
Regina had had her fair share of bad dreams as a child, but even though her father pleaded with his wife, Cora had refused to participate in what she deemed "coddling" and always sent Regina back to bed. Eventually Regina stopped going to her parents and simply stayed in bed, pulling the covers over her head and biting her lips to stifle the tears. Eventually she would drop back to sleep out of exhaustion, but she always felt tired and drained the next morning.
Regina cannot, therefore, find it in herself to send Snow White away.
Thankfully Leopold is gone on business; she can mask her disgust for the man well enough in daylight, but at night it is an entirely different story. Regina rubs her eyes and blinks somewhat stupidly at the sobbing nine-year-old standing by the edge of the bed. "Snow? What's wrong?" asks the queen, pretending that she has to try a lot harder than she actually does to sound concerned.
"H-had a bad dream….ogres," Snow whimpers. "They tried to eat me….I couldn't save you or Father…"
Regina only hesitates for a second before lifting the covers, and Snow is underneath them and snuggled against her stepmother in a heartbeat. Slowly the brunette wraps her arms around the girl and wonders why it feels both so wrong and so good to be holding the person who is supposed to be her mortal enemy. Snow, of course, is oblivious to Regina's turmoil, blissfully nuzzling close and hugging the queen as tightly as she can. A few minutes pass before Regina says quietly, "In your dream…you said the ogres ate us?"
Snow sniffles and hugs tighter. "Yes."
"I'm offended," Regina huffs, and Snow White looks up at her in surprise. "Do you really think I would let some nasty old ogre get the better of me? I know magic, you know."
"You do?" Snow's eyes widen, and for a moment Regina panics, because she didn't mean to let another secret slip. But then she figures that it can't do any harm as long as the girl doesn't know that her teacher is the Dark One.
"Of course. My mother is an extremely powerful sorceress, after all." Anger and hatred and grief close her throat for a moment at the thought of Cora, but Snow doesn't notice. "I'm more than a match for them."
"Promise?" Snow White looks up at her, eyes shining with love and trust, and Regina almost breaks down sobbing at the sight.
"Yes. And I promise you something else." She strokes the girl's hair, loving and hating how Snow curls into her and how her head fits just right under Regina's chin. "As long as I love you, I will protect you no matter what it takes."
The kiss that Snow presses to Regina's cheek makes her heart ache, and as the queen hugs Snow closer, she has the absurd notion that the gesture is meant to protect the girl from, well, her. Feeling Snow's body beginning to relax in the first stages of slumber, Regina closes her eyes and remembers a lullaby her father used to sing to her a lifetime ago when he knew that Cora would not catch him.
"Hush now, my baby, be still now, don't cry. Sleep as you're rocked by the stream. Sleep and remember my last lullaby, so I'll be with you when you dream…"
Regina's voice is low and soothing, and almost before she has finished, Snow White is asleep.
Her promise to Snow is not a lie. One day Regina will force her heart to obey her, to take whatever tenderness she harbors for Snow White and brutally crush it. One day she will hate her. But for now…..for now she can allow herself to love.
Regina swallowed and looked away from Snow White. The younger woman didn't know it, but she broke the promise to herself. As much as Regina tried, as hard as she stamped on her feelings, a shred of love for her stepdaughter remained. She tried destroying it, tried locking it in a box and ignoring it. But in the end, even as she claimed victory with the curse, that small part of her cried. And a part of her still hated herself for that even now.
"I've lost track of how many times you sang me that song," Snow White said quietly, drawing Regina's attention back to her. "There were times when I was on the run, and I was scared and alone….and I would sing that song to myself and remember. It helped me believe that you could still be saved."
Regina thought that she must be getting sick, because her eyes were stinging and she was having one hell of a time managing to swallow. "Well, you were wrong," the former queen answered finally, voice hoarse. Snow shook her head.
"I know I was right. Regina, you had so many chances to kill me, but you never did. There has to be a reason, and I think I know what it is."
Regina opened her mouth again to snap that Snow didn't know a damn thing, that she was still a child after all these years, but to her mortification, all she could utter was a choked sob. Quickly the dark woman turned away, wincing at the rush of pain that the move engendered. Damn that bastard and whatever cursed contraption he used.
She felt Snow's hand gently stroke her cheek, fingers drawing a lock of hair behind her ear. Regina squeezed her eyes shut and tried with all of her strength not to break down. "It's all right," the younger woman whispered. "It's all right….Mother."
Regina didn't say anything, throat too thick to speak without tears coming to the fore. A moment later she felt the bed dip, and shock forced her eyes open in time to see Snow White move to her side. Snow's head came to rest on her shoulder, and although Regina tried, she couldn't bring herself to push her stepdaughter away. After a long moment, neither of them speaking, Regina lifted a hand and very slowly set it on Snow's back, resisting the ingrained urge to stroke the younger woman's hair. A small, almost inaudible sigh escaped Snow's lips, and to Regina's surprise, she felt her tense muscles beginning to relax. As sleep beckoned, far too welcoming to resist, Regina heard Snow beginning to sing again.
"Hush now, my baby…."
