"What did I ever see in you?! I can't believe I ever thought you were my type!"
Those words will forever be etched in my memory. I can't believe she was angry enough to say them. I can't believe, I refuse to believe, she ever would mean them. Right before she stormed out of the house for the last time, she missed the tears in my eyes. The pain had to be evident when my mind processed those words. What did she ever see in me? I'm a broken woman. I'm a needy woman. I'm a woman that underappreciated her. But, through all that, I'm still head-over-heals in love with her. I got too busy with work, too busy with my family. I lost sight of what was most important in life. And, because of that, I lost the one thing that was worth life in itself. I collapse on the couch, full of hopelessness. She patched my broken spots, made them her spots. Her fingerprints were on the healed parts of my soul, and there was no erasing that. I'm not sure how long I sat there, but I knew if I sat there any longer, I'd never get up. I had to do something.
I get up off the couch, put on some decent clothes and head out the door. I'm not 100% percent where she went, but I have some ideas. I checked her house first, no dice. I checked the park at our favorite bench, no there either. Why would she be? She was trying to forget the pain I put her through. The lightbulb went on in my head. I know exactly where she went. As I pull into the parking lot, I look around and spot her car at the end. I knew I was right. I walk up the door and walk into the Dirty Robber. When my eyes finally adjust to the dim light, I see plenty of heads around. I finally focus on the back corner to see her honey blonde hair covering her face. I'd recognize that hair anywhere. As I walk closer to her table, I hear the quiet sobbing. My heart breaks, knowing that I was the purpose for that sound. I stand right next to the table. I know she knows I'm here. She knows me well enough to know my presence without looking, but yet she still hides her face. I stand there silently, solid, not budging. I will stand here for hours, if that's what it takes for her to look at me. Even if my muscles start to ache, she's worth it. I would take more pain than I've ever inflicted on her, because she's worth it to me.
"Leave, you're not wanted here."
Though those words cut me to the core, I don't show it. I feel the slightest crack in my facade. I reach over to move her hair from her face. She swats my hand away angrily. She looks at me with those honey hazel eyes, her face wet from the river of tears. "I said you are NOT wanted here. Now LEAVE!"
I step back in total shock. I felt like I had just been slapped in the face. Not only because of her words, but the pure hurt and unadultered pain her eyes. I try one more time, "Please, you know I love you. I've always loved you. Tell me you love me like I love you. Please? I know it's in there under all that hurt. Don't let us end this way. Don't let our relationship get thrown away over a stupid mistake I made."
I never really saw Maura be furious before. Never saw her shaking from anger. If she were a cartoon, she'd have a beat red face and steam coming out of her ears. She stood up in a flash and shoved me as hard as she could. I lost my balance, falling into the table behind me. "I LOVED YOU, BUT OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS A JOKE ALL ALONG. YOU NEVER REALLY LOVED ME AT ALL. NOW LEAVE!"
After I finally grouped myself together, I got up off the floor. Trying to save some pride, I give her one last look. "As you wish." I walk out the door, head to my car and break down. If only I could change that one day, that one woman, that one dance. I'd still have Maura in my life.
