Looking-Glass

A two-part songfic, by That'sMyFiasco

Summary: Beauty is said to be in the eye of the beholder- sometimes, events are the same way. Feautring our favourite preistesses.

Part I- Shell of What I Had

Disclaimer: Um, no, Inuyasha's not mine. Why? Because he's so damn expensive! I mean, 30 manga times $10 per volume is a lot of money! Geez.

On the other hand, whereas Relient K merchandise is fairly affordable, I don't technically own the perfect musical genius that is Matt Theissen. Which is a rather depressing thought, actually.


I feel like I was born

To devastation and reform

Destroying everything I loved

And the worst part is

I pull my heart out, reconstruct

And in the end it's nothing but

The shell of what I had when I first started

Usually I'll cause my own first hit

It seems to me to be slightly masochistic

But there'd be no story

Without all this distention

So I inflict the conflict

With the utmost of contemption

So lock the windows

And bolt the door

Cuz I've got enough problems

Without creating more

-the song Devastation and Reform, by Relient K

I sat down on a convenient rock, pulling my robes around me. I did not feel the cold anymore, but the semblance of being under covers was comforting to me, somehow. Above me, my soul-stealers drifted lazily in the slight breeze. It was a cool night, for it being late summer- I was sure that Inuyasha and my reincarnation were in front of a campfire somewhere, enjoying their evening meal.

Looking up, wisps of ebony hair drifted in front of my eyes. The moon was bright, almost full, and the stars glittered peacefully. Then, from somewhere behind me, a high laugh pierced the night air. Though my expression never changed, it felt as if someone had shoved an icicle through my chest. That sound... carefree, airy- the embodiment of youth- that was her laugh. It says so much about her, her lightness, her passion... her love for life. And something in me knew that he was with her, enjoying that laugh and basking in the warmth it created.

That same something felt sick at the thought.

I debated moving for a moment- I had not intended to be so close to them. I told myself it was just because I did not wish for company, that having to converse would be a trial, but I knew what my true motives were. Another part in me, some part that wouldn't shy away from the truth, knew that it was no guarantee that even if he did catch a sight of the soul stealers, he would come. It was a scary thing, not to be sure of the affections of the one who had once loved you. Of anyone, really.

You never really value your place in humanity until you're no longer part of it. It was something that Inuyasha had always known- and something that I was now learning, day by day. Another emotion for me to deal with- sympathy. At times, the feeling of aloneness consumed me, and it took all I had to affix my face, shield my eyes, and continue on. Now, vulnerability is everything- it cannot be tolerated. The merest fracture could be the fault line that splits my heart into a million pieces. Which is why it's the best thing to let no one have access, and make sure that they stay far enough that there isn't the slightest chance of them being able to penetrate my defenses.

I shook my head, frustrated that I had allowed myself to slip into my deep musings. It was dangerous, letting them take over. Suddenly, I became keenly aware of my body... cold, hard- and tired. So tired. I leaned back and rested my head on the stone, my cool cheek pressing against the equally cold rock. The stealers drifted down, one winding itself around my ankles, the others winding around the nearby trees.

Another sound from behind me startled me once more.

"Kikyo?" I didn't even need to turn around before I knew him. I knew his voice better than that of my own thought. I sat up slowly, until I was kneeling on the soft, damp ground.

"Hello, Inuyasha." The steadiness of my own voice was surprising to me. He stood there, head held high, silver hair blowing gently and looking for anything like someone from an old legend I would tell Kaede before bed. Yet, despite that, his eyes were soft, and concerned.

"Are you... alright? Did you need me?" I smiled slightly at the expression on his face. Even if he did not want me any more, even if he did not feel for me as I do for him, he would still come. Dog-like, in a way- always intensely loyal. I met his eyes and smiled wider for a moment before getting to my feet and tucking my hands into my sleeves. He was so passionate, so young.

I am not young anymore.

"Inuyasha..." His ears flicked forward at the sound of my voice. I shivered involuntarily- I had never liked those ears of his. They were a constant reminder of the fact that he was different- that we were different. And would never be the same. I lifted my chin and continued.

"This is goodbye, Inuyasha." He started, a sweet, somewhat angry look on his face. I spoke quickly before he could- I didn't trust myself not to waver, to be strong, to resist the warm, limpid pools of his eyes. "It's time for me to leave- I don't belong here anymore." He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. I smiled gently, though I'm sure it had a bitter edge to it.

"You truly love her, don't you?" Though I posed it as such, it wasn't a question; and though he had the good grace to blush slightly, he still didn't speak. I walked up to him quickly, my feet leaving marks in the dewy grass. Gently, light as a butterfly's caress, I pressed my chill lips to his warm, blood-filled cheek. I could feel him shiver slightly at my touch.

"Wh-" He had to stop, and clear his throat. "Where will you go?" I looked down, lashes sweeping my cheek.

"Does it matter?" I put a smile on my face. If nothing else, my leaving would leave him happy. I wanted to do something worthwhile in my time here- something that didn't cause people pain. "Goodbye," I repeated. "You are released from your promise." I almost couldn't believe what I was saying- but it was the right thing to do, I was sure of it.

He smiled down at me, and I was pleased to see a little longing on his face. My cold heart gave one last, desperate lurch, as if willing itself to be alive again, to beat as it once did. Involuntarily, I pressed my hand to my chest, and closed my eyes for a moment. When they opened once more, I had to blink back a few rouge tears. I would not spend my time on tears, not anymore.

Stepping out of the moonlight and into the dark of the forest, I kept walking and did not look back.

Pull my heart out, reconstruct

And in the end it's nothing but

The shell of what I had when I first started

The shell of what I had when I first started

I feel like I was born

To devastation and reform

Destroying everything I loved

And the worst part is

I pull my heart out, reconstruct

And in the end it's nothing but

The shell of what I had when I first started

(When I first started)

(The shell of what I had when I first started)