Returning

Returning

Kwon BoA sighed as she allowed herself to sink into the airplane's seat. Lightly massaging her temple, she allowed herself a rare moment of silence.

She was heading back to Korea for a comeback, to work on her sixth Korean album after three years of activity in Japan. Yet…. she felt… nothing. Empty. Tired.

"I no longer enjoy working…" Those words still rang in her head. She could still remember her manger and staff's shocked reaction to them, but they were true. She was tired, tired of nonstop work, always singing and dancing, having everything already decided for her, being just a money machine to SM Entertainment. She just couldn't do it anymore. Three years of not being in her home country…. of not seeing her family.

BoA tried to quell the slight trembling in her lips as she remembered her family. She hadn't seen her parents or her brother since she went to Japan three years ago. God, she missed them. How much has changed? What have I missed?

Closing her eyes, her mind wandered to that question that had been bugging her ever since her Best of Soul Tour. Who am I now?

"Ms. Kwon, would you like a drink?"

Looking up, she forced a smile on and politely declined the air stewardess. "No, but thank you."

"Very well."

Left alone once more, BoA gave one last sigh, before dropping off to sleep.

As she stepped onto Korean soil, a slight smile crept onto BoA's lips as she saw the familiar skyline, felt the soothing air on her skin for just a second before her bodyguard whisked her. She would head home for just a bit, and then be taken to the studio.

As she approached the cab, BoA eyes widened and tears started forming in her eyes. There, in person, were her parents.

Breaking into a run, she fell into their waiting arms, hugging tightly after three years of no contact. Unable to talk, she cried into her mother's shoulder as she patted her shoulder comfortingly.

"Umma… Appa…"

"Shh… shh…we're here for you now," her father whispered gently into her ear for his wife, who was sobbing uncontrollably. "You're home."

Uncaring if the public saw this or not, uncaring of her bodyguard who was urging her to get into the cab, BoA broke down completely into her mother and father's embrace.

"BoA, you've grown so much since we last saw you!" her mother exclaimed inside the cab as she gently squeezed her daughter's hands, eyes still red from crying.

"T-thanks u-umma," BoA stammered out, still choked up as she laid her head on her mother's shoulder. "How have you and appa been?"

Tenderly stroking her daughter's head, BoA's mother proceeded to fill her daughter in on everything that had happened for the last three years. How her younger brother had gotten married and now, his wife was expecting… how her oldest brother already had a child with his wife.

"They named the child 'BoA' after you, her aunt," her mother said, smiling softly at her daughter.

As for BoA, she felt a sharp pang in her chest at all the things she had missed out on. What was her niece like? What must it have been like for her brothers to know that their own sister wouldn't be present? What about her parents?

"I-I'm so sorry that I wasn't present, Umma. I was a really bad daughter, wasn't I?" BoA choked out, tears spilling down her cheeks again.

"Oh honey." Drawing BoA in for a warm hug, her mother gently patted her daughter's back reassuredly. "You had your career in worry about. You know that we'll always love and support you no matter what." This only elicited a sob from her daughter. "You're staying in Korea now, so there'll be plenty of time to catch up, 'kay?"

She hesitated outside the door of her manager for a bit, a little unsure. She didn't know what she was doing in the SM Entertainment building anyway. She could have technically called the company to request for more time with her family…. but her work ethnic wouldn't allow it. Yet still… that regret still lingered there.

Taking a deep breath, she knocked lightly three times.

"Come in."

Frowning when she heard a female voice coming from within, BoA still entered nonetheless. Her eyes widened as she saw the voice's owner.

It was a female. Who was sitting at her manager's desk.

Eyes lazily flickering up, she locked eyes with BoA. "I'll take it that you're Kwon BoA, my client? And before you ask," she added when she saw BoA's confused expression, "I'm Yukina, you're new manager."

"W-what? B-but nobody informed me of-"

"You think SM Entertainment will inform you of every one of their damn decisions?" Yukina interrupted, a smirk playing on her lips. "Think again. Come on, sit down," she stated, gesturing toward a chair in front of her desk.

Obediently sitting down, BoA waited for her new manager to start. Silence.

"Why are you here?"

Blinking in confusion, BoA stared at Yukina a bit. "What do you mean? Isn't it to start planning-"

"You're Korean comeback?" Yukina interrupted as she interlocked her fingers and gazed into BoA's eyes. "Supposedly. But what about your family?"

"But you said I should come here…" BoA trailed off, confused.

Snorting, Yukina rolled her eyes. "Yeah, the last manager said that. Go spend time with your family. Actually, I'm giving you a month off. You said in that interview in Japan that you'd lost yourself, right? So go rediscover yourself then."

BoA couldn't help but continue staring, shocked at her new manager's words. "S-seriously? I can go home to my parents."

Casually waving her off, Yukina distracted replied, "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just get out of my office," as she scanned a sheet of paper in front of her.

Bowing and thanking her, BoA quickly slipped out of the room.

"Aw, you're so cute!" BoA cooed as she lightly tickled her baby niece, smiling as BoA Jr. squealed in delight.

"Lil' Sis, you're taking my little baby away from me," her eldest brother, Ramee, complained from his sprawled position on the couch. His wife, along with his younger brother's wife and his mother were in the kitchen preparing dinner. All the males and BoA were in the living room.

Sticking her tongue out at her brother, BoA retorted, "Hey, this is the first time I've seen my baby niece. I think I get the right to steal her from you a bit."

Rolling his eyes at his sister, Ramee eyes softened as BoA played with his child., making cooing noises as she played peek-a-boo with BoA Jr.

A sharp ding-dong interrupted the moment. Looking up, BoA made to get the door, but her younger brother beat her to it.

"You stay there, Lil' Sis. I'll get it," he said as he opened the door, flashing a grin over his shoulder.

"BoA!"

Looking up in surprise, BoA barely managed to catch her best friend from middle school as the latter then proceeded to squeeze the life out of her.

"S-sam… you're strangling me… can't breath… air essential for life…" BoA managed to choke out as purple dots started appearing in her vision. From below, BoA Jr. just stared at the spectacle with wide confused eyes. Not sure of what was going on, she crawled over to her daddy. With a laugh, Ramee lifted his daughter onto his lap, leaning back to watch the "movie."

"Aw, so sorry. But I'm sooooo excited to see you!" Sam exclaimed as she finally let go of Boa, the latter almost collapsing from weak knees while she gulped in air desperately.

"That's great… but did you almost have to kill me?" BoA panted out as she weakly smiled at Samantha Kim.

Staring into her best friend's eyes, BoA almost couldn't recognize. She had cut her hair opting for a pixie cut, and died it brown. Sam now stood a little taller than her, but still dressed like a tomboy, in hoodies and jeans.

"That just shows how much I love you!" Sam answered, a bright smile on her face. "Now, spill everything's that's happened since middle school!"

"Everyone, dinner's up! Sam dear, you will be staying, right?" Mrs. Kwon called as she looked out the kitchen.

"If that's okay with you!" Sam answered, her eyes asking BoA for permission. Giving her best friend a light hug, BoA just nodded.

"So, now that you know everything that's happened to me, what about you? You should almost be done with college now, right?" BoA asked as she hugged her pillow.

Both Sam and her were sitting cross-legged on her bed in their pajamas. For three hours straight, BoA had updated Sam on everything that had happened. They had kept contact with e-mails and phone calls, but over time, it had become increasingly difficult to keep in touch, whatnot with BoA's schedule becoming crazier.

"Well, actually, you see… I, well, didn't exactly go to college," Sam answered hesitantly. Upon seeing BoA's shocked expression, she hastily added, "No, it's not that I failed my entrance exams. It's just… well, I've already started my professional career."

Blinking a bit, BoA stared at Sam for a bit, before asking a stream of questions. "What's your job? Does it pay well? Don't you need college to get a good-"

"Hey, hey, look, don't worry, it pays very well. Remember I took Latino and ballroom dancing classes all through elementary school, then middle school?" When BoA nodded, Sam took a deep breath. "Well, I started entering amateur competitions in middle, and then, because I was placing first a lot in the international amateurs leagues, I went pro when I was fifteen. I still continued high school, but I decided not to go to college."

Stunned, BoA could only stare at her best friend. Uncomfortable, Sam fidgeted nervously with the hem of her t-shirt.

"Please don't look like that," Sam begged as BoA continued staring at her. "Look, my current world ranking in the professional leagues is number three and I am making a really good living off of dancing, so…."

Unexpectedly, BoA threw her arms around Sam.

"W-wait, what are you doing?" Sam questioned as BoA hugged her tightly.

Letting go of her best friend, BoA smiled brightly. "Because I remember that you dream in middle school was to become a Latino dancer, right? And now you've become one! So congratulations!"

Beaming, Sam thanked her. "Aw, thanks so much! You've achieved your dream to, right? To become a singer and dancer? So congrats to you too!"

At this, BoA's face fell slightly, but the smile still stuck to her face. 'Yeah, thanks a heap," she replied.

Frowning, Sam stared intently at her best friend for a bit, before hitting her with a nearby pillow when BoA fell silent.

"Ow! What was that for?" BoA asked confusedly as she looked oddly at her best friend.

"Come on, don't take me for an idiot. I may not have seen you for a really long time, but that doesn't darn well I can't see when my BFF's lying. So you better damn tell me, or else I'm going to tickle you. And I know where you're most ticklish," Sam threatened, a wicked glint in her eyes.

Gulping, BoA backed away. "Uh, Sam, isn't that going too-"

"Tell me NOW," Sam ordered, her facial expression serious.

What is it with people interrupting me today, BoA wondered as she sighed in defeat. "I don't have a choice do I?" she asked.

"Damn straight you don't," was the answer she got.

"It's just that…. I know I wanted to be a singer, a performer when I was young…. But now…it just feels so… dull. I'm so tired. I'm tired of always being in the spotlight, of always having the press trying to find something to criticize. I'm sick of people always telling me to be "sexy" or "cute" when it isn't really me at all. I don't know how much longer I can deal with having people tell me what to do everything single second. Even singing and dancing… everything's decided for me and I have no say. It's like at times that I'm just a money cow to SM Entertainment," BoA murmured somewhat bitterly.

Taking a deep breath, she continued. "I feel like I haven't had a single break. It's all work, work, and more work. I-I feel like I can't breath, like I'm being suffocated by the industry, you know? I really don't know how much longer I can remain in it. I work hard, I work as hard as I can to improve, but sometimes, I don't even know why. I mean, why have I spent half my life in this industry? What have I missed? And even with all my hard work… it sometimes feels like it's for nothing, you know? I mean, there are all these new groups and singers rising and well, I know as a sunbae, I should 'pass the torch down' but still, it's, it's-"

"Hard, right?" her best friend completed, a knowing look in her eyes. Looking up in surprise, BoA listed as Sam lay down onto the bed and continued.

"I'm a dancer. Even it it's not as cutthroat as the music industry, it's still tough. I mean, there are so many amazing dancers that debut every year. It's not easy keeping up with them, consistently, every year, keeping your choreography fresh and original. And sometimes, you feel like everything's going to fast because you're always worrying about the next one, the one that might take your ranking."

Sitting up, Sam slid off the bed. "Come on, I want to take you somewhere."

Confused, BoA just looked at her best friend. Seeing BoA's confusion, Sam smiled reassuredly. "I promise you won't regret it. Now change! Casual, 'kay?" was the only answer that BoA got.

Nodding, though still perplexed, BoA grabbed a pair of jeans and t-shirt and went to change in the connecting bathroom.

As she walked down the streets of Seoul, BoA felt a twinge of nostalgia. How many times had she sneaked out when she was younger to cheer her older brothers on in street-dancing competitions? When she couldn't sleep, so she snuck out for a walk?

So immersed she was in her memories, that BoA didn't notice Sam open the door to a building and enter, calling for BoA to come in.

"BoA? BoA? Hello, you there girl?" she inquired curious, as she noted BoA's somewhat distant expression.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm here," BoA replied as she was abruptly jerked back into reality.

"Right. Well anyone, come on inside. Air conditionings turned on here, so come on, get inside," Sam ordered as she held the door open.

Nodding, BoA quickly went up the steps leading to the building and stepped inside. And blinked.

She was in a brightly lit dance studio. One side of the wall was a mirror and on the other side were windows with all their shutters down. The room was empty.

"Uh, Sam, why are we here?" BoA asked, a perplexed look on her face.

"Oh, you'll see. Come on, warm up," Sam commanded as she started to stretch.

While still not sure what was going on BoA complied anyway.

Ten minutes later, finished, BoA watched Sam go through her last stretches, before straightening up and walking over to a CD player in a corner. Staring at her best friend, she watched her pop a CD in and the first tunes to a salsa come on.

"Come on, let's dance!" Moving to the middle of the floor, Sam fell into the quick-quick-slow step spanning two 4/4 beats, typical of salsa.

Still a bit unsure, BoA nonetheless joined her friend anyone, trying to keep up with Sam's easy beat. As she got more and more used to the motions of the dance, she started improvising, breaking out of the beat once in a while for a wave or one of her hip hop dance moves.

Smiling at the challenge given to her, Sam upped her game as well, going in for a leap, moving straight to a split and then, without missing a beat, back on her feet.

The competitive streak ignited in her, BoA did a flip before going straight into a series of popping, waving, and locking motions.

Unaware of the world around them, the two friends danced for the heck of it, each pulling out all stops with their moves.

Plopping onto the round in exhaustion, BoA made herself go through the breathing exercises that her trainer had taught her.

"Hey, you okay?" Sam asked, tired, but still able to stand at least.

"How are you not dead?" BoA asked once she exhaled, frowning like a child who had been beaten at her game.

Chuckling, Sam sat down next to BoA. "Because, I wasn't the one doing all the street dancing. Which, by the way, was pretty cool. You learn that from SM?"

"Some. Rest was taught by my brothers." Her breathing normal again, BoA pulled herself up into a sitting position. "Wow, most fun I've had in a while."

"Nice, isn't it? To dance for the heck of it?" Turning pensive, Sam asked, "Is that why you're sick, no, a little tired from dancing these days?"

Turning to face Sam, BoA was going to say something, but her best friend beat her to it. "Dancing and singing are both forms of expressions, art forms. Do you sometimes dislike performing of it because you're told to express things that you can't relate to? Pretending can only go so far. Sooner or later, you'll be frustrated because you're being told to represent something that you're not, but the public will assume you are."

BoA remained silent. Did she dislike dancing or singing? No. The dance off she had just had with Sam proved to her that she still loved performing. The music, the beat… it always energized her, and it always would. But was the reason that she didn't enjoy it as much as she had used to… because it didn't really reflect who she was?

She remembered her Love and Honesty album. She had felt that it had truly represented her many different side and who she really was. When she had sung, it had just felt so natural and she had really been able to connect with the music, the lyrics. Was that the reason that she had been in, as the public called it, a slump?

That song… that powerful beat…

"Sam?"

"Hmm?"

"What was that song?"

"Oh, a salsa. Why?"

"It's a Latino dance type song, right?"

"Yeah."

"Can you use the Latino beat for ballads and mid-tempo songs? Or use, say, electric guitar or mix it with jazz, R&B, soul, rock, or techno?"

"Obviously. Wait, BoA, are you thinking of-"

"Lend me some CD's, please? Oh, and you are free now, right? So…."

"BoA-"

It's nice to do the interrupting for once, BoA idly thought. "Sam, mind helping me work on the choreography for my new album?"

Blinking a bit, Sam just stared. Then, a smile slowly grew on her face. "Well, seeing as the competitive season doesn't begin until next year and I am a choreographer when now in contests, why the hell not?"

Smiling, BoA got up. "Come on, it's late. You better go home."