"Welcome home, William."
It was his voice. What scared William the most was that it was his own voice saying the words. It was easy to tell himself that the form he was looking at was a copy, a cheap ploy. But XANA had never spoken before. It had never sounded… so human.
There was no trace of metal echoing at the edges of his voice. The body moved fluidly, almost gracefully, and bore a smirk that was perhaps more like William than William himself. Here he was, face to face with XANA – and XANA's face was his face.
The rage was familiar. Boiling from within for just a moment, but then settling – filling his entirety with a simmering, burning anger. He was so angry, he couldn't move, he could hardly think – just like he had been all those… days? Weeks? Months. He had spent months trapped on Lyoko while XANA had stolen his body and made it its… minion. Its toy. But in all that immeasurable time, XANA had been far away, a looming and dark presence just at the edge of his perception. The only thing that William had truly felt then was angry – not even sad, hardly lonely. He felt that way now, but the difference was that XANA was here, so very close, so mockingly, insolently intimate. Yumi moved first. William did not follow.
Yumi was angry, and for a moment, William respected her anger. A part of him was proud, touched, that Yumi would be so angry on his behalf. But as she ran, William remembered that he had once run so brazenly to face XANA – and he had lost.
He would never forget his eagerness, his stupid excitement, as he ran with his sword hefted above him to take on the… thing. The Scyphozoa. There he was, up against the monsters, as if he actually bore a hope of being able to stop them. As he saw Yumi's staff materialize, he only felt foolish. And as he saw Yumi hit the ground, he felt defeated. Again.
Yumi fell slowly. It was strange to see himself punch someone. It was strange to see anyone on Lyoko punch someone. Nothing so… real ever happened here. Lyoko had always felt somehow cartoonish. The lasers and the monsters and the violence weren't real. But as XANA stepped forward, stopping for a moment to regard the fallen girl lying in the dust with disdain, William realized just how real XANA was. It could speak like anyone, move like anyone, and now it could attack them like anyone. It wasn't some kind of distant, incomprehensible bad guy. It wasn't just a name to tack onto dangerous events. It was almost a person.
"I'm glad you and your friend came here. Now I can have some fun. I needed it, I was getting bored." XANA was close now. It spoke in cool, sleek, almost oily tones. An underlying darkness in its voice resonated deep in William's core, and it made him feel sick. If wrong had a sound, it was the sound of XANA's voice – but it was his voice, too. Rage gave way to fear.
XANA circled around him as it spoke. Even though there was no air on Lyoko, William could feel its breath on his neck. His skin turned to gooseflesh, and the prickles on his skin told him that XANA's hands were mere centimeters from him. William tensed, but he could not move. XANA's words oozed through him, they permeated him with an evil that weighted him and rooted him to the ground. Even in the heat of the desert, he felt cold.
"Tell me, William, why didn't you defend your friend? I sense you have feelings for this girl."
It felt wrong to hear XANA call him by his first name. XANA spoke to him as if they were old friends who hadn't seen each other in a long time. XANA was at ease around him, and it sickened William even more to wonder how much about him XANA had learned while using his body. It was familiar with the concept of friendship, even attraction. Once, William had taken XANA for a fool who used silly monsters to undertake an impossibly stupid plot to take over the world. But as XANA stood before him, it was clear that XANA was no fool. It was intelligent, and it was playing at the darkest corners of William's mind. William felt helpless but to give in.
XANA did not wait for an answer to its question. "You didn't defend her because you felt betrayed. Deceived. Manipulated. And you know I'm right." At the last word, it grinned, its eyes alight with a devious happiness. Part of William wanted to know how XANA knew. How did XANA know of, or even comprehend, the sting of Yumi's constant rejection, or the sadness of being called on by one's only friends only when they needed him to do something for them? William didn't really want to know the answer.
"You're the one left behind." XANA began circling again. "The nice guy, useful for fights but who gets rejected or ignored when he's no longer needed." He shut his eyes, if only to try to shut out the world for a moment so he didn't scream. XANA was in his head. It had to be. Maybe… it had never left. The nightmares, the fear of the dark… perhaps he had never really escaped.
Yumi cried out, trying to convince him XANA was wrong. But it was still hopeless. XANA was right. Yumi didn't even understand, but XANA did. William didn't like it, but it was true.
"Here, you're a king. Nothing can hurt you, especially not a girl like her."
William felt like he was drowning. The anger, the fear, the sickness, they smothered him. He wished he could run to the edge of the desert and leap into the sea. XANA on one side, and Yumi on the other, each of them responsible for the biggest pains in his life. When someone finally touched him, it sent daggers of pain and rage through his body – but it was Yumi.
His body caught fire, and he forced Yumi's hand away. A scream almost burst from him, but he caught it on his lips and forced his face into a scowl. Yumi had no more right to touch him than XANA did. XANA may have taken everything from him, but Yumi was the one William had tried to give everything to, and she rejected him. XANA was the one who had defeated him, but Yumi had never given him a chance. And as her face fell, William felt a glimmer of victory deep in his soul.
XANA began to walk towards the tower, and William followed. Yumi called after him, pleading with him, but her words just made him angrier. "Keep back!" he shouted, holding his blade at her throat. He had never been able to get this close, to be this powerful, against the Schyphozoa.
"It's fine, William, go ahead. She won't be able to hurt you anymore when she's far away."
That was all William really wanted, for Yumi to go away. He just needed her out of here; he could hardly deal with one of them, let alone both.
She tried to make one final plea, but hardly waited for an answer. She turned and ran, and William watched as her figure grew smaller and smaller. XANA said something, but he hardly listened. Almost compulsively, he walked to follow her, and XANA followed. He wasn't sure if he was doing it because he wanted to, or XANA did.
By the time William reached the canyon, both Yumi and Jeremie were talking to him. Jeremie's voice came from nowhere, but it fell on deaf ears. Something about letting XANA win, but Yumi kept running, and William ran after her. Blood pounded in his ears and his body shook with each footfall that hit the hard desert ground. Was he running for her, or running from XANA? He didn't know, but there was something in him fueling him. A fire of rage and hate pushed him forward, directed at everyone and no one at the same time.
Jeremie was speaking again. His voice filled William's head, and it did nothing but fan the flames. "You have never let us down," Jeremie said flatly. "You're our friend, my friend." As if Jeremie knew anything about being a friend. Jeremie was just as robotic as XANA was, but at least XANA tried to say something that could stir him.
XANA materialized on the far side of a narrow pass, behind Yumi, as William walked slowly in front of her. She was trapped, her face a mask of fear. For a moment, William wondered if this is what he had looked like, facing the Scyphozoa. Is this what the monster had seen, before it had stolen everything from him?
"It's time to choose your side. Let the real William free."
Time stopped. There were two figures before him, one afraid and one menacing. Yumi cowered, wanting to step back but not daring to get any closer to XANA behind her. XANA leaned forward, rooting William on. Encouraging him, almost begging him.
William's heart beat. XANA took a step forward and William felt the ground pulse. This was Lyoko, and XANA wasn't just in front of him, it was everywhere. William suddenly realized just how much of the pass was in shadow – he felt surrounded, as if XANA could reach through them and grab at him. Surely it must, surely it could do anything, if it could do this. Power radiated from the body that looked like his, a dark power. It was familiar, and for a moment, he allowed himself to relish in the familiarity. It was an embrace that, at least, he could count on. He could never trust that from Yumi.
The girl stepped backward, her mouth parting open as if she wanted to plead, or to scream. She didn't care for him, he realized. Not truly. If she cared for him, she would have tried to save him, stopped at nothing until she was sure he was free from XANA's grasp.
A voice, deep in the back of William's mind, told him that once, she had. He had been in XANA's grasp before. But William had already made up his mind. Yumi was just afraid, and William had had enough fear.
"You're right. I have to make a choice. It's time to take care of you."
William brought the sword down. He did not look at her face as she disappeared. He could feel XANA smile, even from several feet away, even as he refused to look up. It prickled at his skin and burned his soul, but it was warm. XANA stepped forward in silence, the world shaking as he stepped, and brought his arms around him.
He felt at home in XANA's embrace.
Some liberties were taken. Thanks for reading.
