Ok, I lost motivation to write this for quite sometime and I apologize. I've edited this a bit and I plan to continue this story. Just need to keep up motivation and all that.

I don't own the characters. Thank you for reading. (:

"Balin, may I ask you a something?" Bilbo Baggins, master of thievery, questioned rather loudly while sitting around the fire. All the dwarves had their eyes on him then, but what else was new? Everybody, with the exception of Dwalin, Balin, Gandalf, and Thorin, had had their eyes glued to Bilbo for most of their journey so far. It was getting rather irritating for the hobbit.

"Ask away, laddie." Balin broke Bilbo out of his aggravating thoughts. It was rather quiet before Bilbo had started the conversation with Balin and now everyone was interested.

"What have I done?" He asked with a sarcastic hint in his voice. Balin just looked at him in confusion.

Just then Ori, who was sitting beside him, slowly turned to him with a blush on his cheeks.

"Bilbo, I- uh… you look very lovely today."

Bilbo looked up at Ori with a muddled expression. Why were these dwarves acting so strange?

"Well, thank you very much, Ori." What else was he meant to say to that?

"You look nice today too…" Bilbo thought he would add a compliment to be nice as well.

Ori grinned widely and leaned back in his spot beside Bilbo.

Bilbo felt the heat of someone's glare and turned his head slightly to see a terrifying look on the face of Thorin Oakenshield.

How peculiar.

"You have done nothing, Bilbo." Balin chuckled softly.

"You are not well-versed in the customs of dwarves, Burglar." Dwalin snarled out with a roll of his eyes.

The custom of dwarves? What in Middle Earth does that have to do with it?

"No, as you may have notice that I am a hobbit." Bilbo spat back with a smirk lingering on his face. Dwalin growled at him like he always did. Bilbo was starting to believe that was Dwalin trying to be friendly.

"The way you have been dressing, Bilbo, you have not been wearing your regular clothing." Gandalf finally piped up.

"My regular clothing? I just thought that I should be comfortable while traveling across Middle Earth."

Bilbo shrugged his shoulders and sputtered a bit as the company stared at him. His attire was not revealing at all, so Bilbo didn't very well see a problem. His trousers were at mid leg length and he had taken his jacket off, rolled his sleeves up, unbuttoned his collar, and he was dressed pretty respectably in his mind.

"Walk with me for a bit, my dear friend?" Gandalf stood and led Bilbo away from drooling dwarves, amused dwarves, and one very furious dwarf.

He and Gandalf walked for quite a while. The wizard talked for hours about the customs of dwarves and Bilbo eventually understood that he was dressed inappropriately in their eyes. They were so lost in the conversation that Bilbo didn't realize they had almost made it back to camp.

"Gandalf, may I ask you wh—

"You wish to know why Thorin is angrier with you than he usually is, but I am afraid that it is he who must tell you."

Gandalf smiled at him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Hobbit ears are very receptive, so Bilbo couldn't help but here Gandalf whisper "Jealousy" under his breath as he left him there with his thoughts.

Jealousy Jealousy Jealousy Jealousy

The whispered word was on repeat in his head. What would Thorin Oakenshield have to be jealous about? Bilbo thought back to earlier when Ori walked up to him and recalled the fire in Thorin's eyes.

No, absolutely not. A Baggins from Bag End could never be the reason for a king's emotions. While Bilbo was trapped in a battle with himself, Kili decided to strut up to him with a smirk for a smile, and his brother encouraging him by providing cat calls and wolf whistles.

"Master burglar, I don't mean to be so straight forward, but do you wish to join me between my blankets tonight?"

The blasted dwarf wiggled his eyebrows, his smirk widening as Bilbo floundered around like a fish out of water. Most of the other dwarves either laughed or grunted their disapproval of Bilbo being involved with anyone but themselves.

Once Bilbo caught sight of Thorin glaring at Kili, trying to restrain himself from murdering his nephew, his Took side decided to make a grand entrance and the devious Halfling smiled wickedly. He quickly unfastened his shirt a couple more buttons down to reveal more skin.

"Is that a genuine offer, Kili? I would accept it, but I'm simply afraid that you could not keep up with me."

Bilbo winked quickly and walked to his blanket with a satisfied smile on his face due to Kili's stunned silence. The young dwarf recovered in no time and was by Bilbo's blanket in an instant.

"I think I could satisfy well enough and make you quite happy for a night, Master Boggins." The dignified tone was evident in his voice and Bilbo couldn't help but grin like a mad man.

"You think you can make me quite happy? Why, are you leaving?" Bilbo quirked an eyebrow and smiled innocently. Kili applauded him for their battle of wits and all but one dwarf cheered Bilbo and his sharp tongue. Thorin Oakenshield was fuming and before he could snap at his company, he stomped off into the woods.

The next few days got progressively worse for Kili, who was constantly being snapped at by Thorin. Even Fili was catching a bit of their uncle's wrath, simply for encouraging his brother to approach Bilbo, but the king would never admit that that was the reason. Once Bilbo found out that Thorin was truly jealous, he decided to have a tiny amount of fun.

Almost two weeks since Kili had been receiving the king's wrath, it was Bilbo's turn. He was in the middle of bending over to pick up something that Bofur 'accidently' dropped when Thorin snapped at him.

"Burglar, be an unpleasant whore on your own time!"

After that the entire company fell silent until the sun went behind the trees and they set up camp. Bilbo looked very unnerved and most of the dwarves, as angry as they were, didn't want to squabble with their own king.

"That was very much uncalled for, Oakenshield." Gandalf stated calmly, although you could see the disappointment on his aged face.

Thorin chuckled loudly and looked over at Bilbo. "Do you agree, burglar?"

The Halfling was startled by the question, but surrendered an answer anyway.

"Yes I do agree. I have never sold my body, Thorin, nor do I plan to. I apologize greatly for being so bold as to say that you have obviously forgotten our traditions are different."

The king of Erebor laughed tastelessly and turned his nose up at the smallest member of his company.

"You may have saved my life, Master Baggins, but you have thrown away my respect. Tell me, how many of this company have you had sexual encounters with thus far?"

The bewilderment on every face of the assembled group could have made anyone second guess themselves and Thorin was no exception.

"You think I've slept with everyone? You've gone absolutely mental, Oakenshield. I'm a virgin, for Yavanna's sake!"

Bilbo was so angry at the accusation that he had lost his filter and began spewing obscenities at the dwarf. The company had been shocked by the use of foul tongue, especially since that foulness was directed towards their king. Dwalin was the first one to snap out of it.

"You think that is any way to speak to a king, Baggins?" In all his big and burly glory, he marched right up to the small being and got in his face, ready to defend his king. Bilbo was not impressed with Dwalin one bit and took a step towards the dwarf, ready to defend himself and his pride.

"That'll be enough, Dwalin." Thorin said calmly, his eyes never leaving the Halfling as he spoke again. "Bilbo, I must remind you to hold your tongue before I change my mind."

Bilbo didn't understand how everything got screwed up so quickly.