Losing Yourself
I wasn't always cruel, you know. I lost myself.
I trained my whole life in District Two. Not because of bloodthirst, or wanting to get in on the action. I did it to protect myself. They taught me how to survive. Gave me an edge that later proved useful.
It proved useful when my name was called at age fifteen. I was whisked into the arena. I did well. I killed a minimum of people. At the end, it was another girl and I. She had threw my weapon. I couldn't retreive it. I wanted to get home. So I did what I had to do. It was brutal.
It was sickening the moment I ripped her throat out.
The fear in her eyes terrified me. I had lost myself in that fear. At first it scared me.
Later, I thrived on it.
President Snow called one day, and offered me a Capitol surgery for my teeth, said it'd be good with the audience. I accepted, and my teeth were filed to points.
As a sign of my ruthlessness.
At that table, remembering the innocence I once had, with Coin presenting an idea for vengeance.
On the Capitol.
For changing me into something I wasn't.
I don't hesistate. Years ago, I might've. But the Capitol turned me into something I wasn't, so now I didn't.
I could've stopped it. But I wanted revenge. So I didn't.
"Why not? It seems fair to me. Snow even has a granddaughter. I vote yes," I smile smugly.
Years ago, I would've said no.
Absolutely not. I would've wanted to save the twenty three kids, doomed to death.
Instead, I doomed them.
Possibly to the same fate as mine.
But I didn't think of that.
I wanted revenge.
That's what happens when you lose yourself.
