Title: Annie Get Your Gun (1/?)
Author: Carly
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Study group, J/A
Spoilers: Up to 2.17 & future speculation
Rating/Warnings: PG
Word Count: Part 1: 2,650
Disclaimer: I don't own Community.
Summary: It's gonna take some true grit to get out of this adventure unscathed...
Notes: Based on spoilers for future episodes & some of the scrolling text in 2.17 - so if you're not into spoilers/spec, please don't read!


"Seriously," said Jeff, flipping through his Anthropology book in exasperation, "does anyone know what chapters Duncan has based the final exam on?"

Britta gave up and threw her book across the table. "Who the hell knows. Maybe if we write 'penis' for every answer we'll get at least fifty percent right."

"That's what I did for the mid-term and I ended up getting a C," said Troy, folding a torn out page into an airplane.

"Well I'm not prepared to litter my exam with weiners and whatnot, so let's just pick a chapter and start studying," said Shirley.

"Weiners and whatnot," mused Abed. "Sounds like an adult dime store."

Pierce snickered, quietening down when Shirley glared at him. "What? I haven't made a penis joke all day, can't a guy live vicariously?"

"Where's Annie?" asked Jeff, glancing at her empty seat. "She's usually the gatekeeper of scholarly things. I'm sure she's got the answers in her notes somewhere."

"I think she's hanging out with that Jessica girl again," said Britta.

Troy's eyes lit up. "Jessica Rabbit?"

Britta sighed and folded her arms. "Just because she's a red head and she's attractive doesn't mean you should objectify her, Troy. Portraying her as some cartoon hottie just..."

Everyone cut her off with a collective groan. While they were busy flinging insults around at her expense, Britta took out a key and calmly made a notch on her 'Interrupted Speech' tally.

"First of all, I don't even know what you're talking about," said Troy.

"Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"

Troy blinked slowly. "I'm pretty sure you just said words, but the order has no meaning for me. Second of all," he continued, "Her name is actually Jessica Rabbit."

"It's Jessica Abbott," said Abed.

"Whatever."

"Annie sure has been spending a lot of time with her lately," said Shirley. "We were supposed to buy our end-of-semester picnic costumes together but I've hardly seen her all week. I hope this Jessica's not a bad influence."

"I wouldn't worry too much," said Abed. "Jessica's just appealing to Annie's mentor side. She's new to the area and has been checking out classes for next semester so Annie's acting as tour guide. Jessica also has three cats, is allergic to pineapple and thinks the word 'moist' should be banned from the dictionary."

"And you know all this random information because..." Jeff drawled out.

"She asked me if she could borrow a pen in my film studies class."

"Of course," said Jeff, flinching when a pointy paper missile hit him in the forehead. "OK, as fun as this conversation is, it's not bringing us any closer to passing this stupid exam." He unfolded the paper airplane that had fallen onto his lap. "This says page twenty-one so let's just start from there."

"Um, Jeff, can I have my page back now?" Troy sheepishly asked, not moving out of the way fast enough when Jeff crumpled it up and threw it at his face. "... thank you."

They were all staring blankly at their books when Annie scurried in to take her seat. "Hi guys!" she chirped. "Sorry I'm late; I was just with..."

"Yeah, yeah, moist pineapple girl, we know," said Pierce.

Annie raised her eyebrows as if to say, 'OK weirdo' and continued to unpack her bag. "How far have we gotten with studying? I have my MP3 recording of yesterday's class if you guys want to listen to that?" Everyone nodded vigorously, snapping their text books closed in relief. Annie plugged the device into Abed's laptop and pressed play as Duncan's voice filtered through the room.

Today's revision class is very important so I hope you're all listening... Who am I kidding, I really don't care. Anyway, I have some notes in my briefcase that will... OK, well this is off to a good start. I appear to have misplaced my notes and brought you a pamphlet for my local pizza parlor instead. Delicious yet not at all helpful. Thank you 2AM vodka shots for that tremendous brain fart. Alright, new tactic, who can tell me about the importance of the penis in the caveman lineage? Anyone? Anyone at all? Pierce, brilliant, let's start with you...


Annie paced the hallway, waiting for the rest of the group to emerge from the exam room. Abed and Troy were first, comparing notes about the multiple choice section.

"What did you pick for the question about ancient relics?" asked Abed.

"Oh man, that one was hard," said Troy. "I went with A because I noticed my answer pattern spelt out 'ABBA', but I was really tempted to circle D, 'Clint Eastwood'."

Britta followed them not long after, then Pierce and Shirley. Jeff was one of the last ones to finish. He massaged his temples as he walked over to the group.

"How do you think you went?" asked Annie in concern. "You looked stressed."

"This isn't an exam headache, it's a Chang headache," said Jeff. "He kept me awake all night watching crappy DVDs like Encino Man to help him 'study', and then spent the whole exam trying to copy off me."

"That man is useless," said Shirley, resting her hands on her stomach. "If he spent less time making puns about his name and more time acting like a normal person then..." she guiltily trailed off when she noticed him loitering behind Jeff.

"Then what?" said Chang. "You'd actually have a proper conversation with me about the potential Chang-by in there? You're going to have to one day you know."

Shirley lifted her head up a little higher. "Well I'm afraid today is not that day, Chang."

"Whatever. I'm gonna go Chang out with the cool people, you guys are lame." He sprinted down the hall. "Yo, Starburns, hold up!"

Britta gave Shirley a gentle nudge with her elbow. "I'm not defending the guy, but for someone whose mission statement is 'That's nice', you kind of gave him the short end of the stick there."

"You're not in my shoes, Britta, so don't tell me how to live my life, OK?"

"Shirley I wasn't trying to..."

"I'm going to grab some lunch." She walked off towards the cafeteria.

Britta turned to the rest of the group who all gave her uneasy smiles in return. "I wasn't being awful was I?"

"It was probably just pregnancy hormones or something," said Troy. "That's a thing right?" he murmured towards Annie.

"Yeah, I'm sure that was it," Annie brightly agreed. "Give her some time and she'll be fine."

"Or she'll hate you forever and kick you out of the study group," said Pierce.

Jeff rolled his eyes. "You're not helping, Debbie Downer."

"What? I'm speaking from experience."

"How about we all just go eat?" Annie said, motioning them forward. She went to follow Britta when someone tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hey Annie," grinned Jessica, adjusting her backpack. "I was hoping I'd catch you."

"Jessica, hey!" Annie smiled. "We were just about to go get some lunch."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I don't want to interrupt you when you're with your friends."

"Don't be silly. Guys," she called out to the group. "I know some of you have spoken to her before, but this is Jessica." They all called out greetings to her, Troy blurting out something that sounded like 'rabbit'. "Did you want to join us?"

"That sounds really nice but I was wondering if I could get your help with something first?" Annie nodded so she continued. "I need to drop off some application forms to the Dean but there's no one at reception. He said he wanted them ASAP and I remembered you mentioned you had a spare office key so..."

"Say no more," said Annie, puffing out her chest in self-importance. "I'll take you there now. Save a seat for me, OK?" she said to her friends before walking away with Jessica.

"That was weird," said Abed.

Jeff nodded. "I know. When did she get an office key?"

"Not that. I meant Jessica's newly acquired backpack and yellow sweater." He tilted his head thoughtfully. "I hope she's not planning on going all Single White Female on Annie."

"Abed!" scolded Britta. "Why would you even say that?"

He gave her an unblinking look. "Why would I compare real life to a movie? To quote a popular Willy Wonka internet meme – you must be new here."

"Ha! Chocolate factory burn!" Troy high-fived Abed.

Britta threw up her hands in annoyance. "How can you get every other movie reference in the world and not Roger Rabbit? Come on!"

Pierce shook his head. "None of you clowns are making any sense. Can we just go eat before all the mac and cheese is gone?"

"They're not serving mac and cheese today," said Abed, pointing at a flier for the upcoming picnic. "The Dean's saving all the pasta stock for the 'Spaghetti Western' stall tomorrow."

"Does the Dean even know what a Spaghetti Western is?" scoffed Britta.

Jeff paid closer attention to the poster. "Well he's also having a stall for 'Bandito Burritos' and 'Outlaw Coleslaw' so I don't think understanding is high on his list."

"I don't care what we eat," said Troy, leading everyone down the corridor. "I'm just hanging out for the paintball re-match." He frowned at the memory of last year's game. "Those glee club geeks are gonna have a song in their heart and a paintball pellet in their ass."

"I can't believe the Dean's allowing another game after all the crap that went down the first time," said Britta. "The whole experience was a nightmare."

Jeff smirked at her. "The whole experience, huh? Even a certain moment spent in a certain study room, wink wink, nudge nudge, table sex?"

'You're right," said Britta with a sarcastic smile. "Some parts were even worse than a nightmare."

"Ha! Sex burn!" Troy suddenly flinched. "Ooh, that sounds nasty."

"It is," Pierce sagely advised him.

"Speaking of hastily changing the topic," Jeff said, looking nauseated, "let's go have lunch."


The Dean stepped up onto the podium in the middle of the quad, adjusting his leather chaps as they rode up his jean-short covered legs. "Welcome Greendale students to the very first 'Howdy Doody Foody Farewell!'" His voice boomed through the microphone and was met with a smattering of applause. "It's great to see so many of you wore theme-appropriate costumes for our Western extravaganza." He glanced over at Leonard. "And some of you just wore whatever..."

Leonard looked down at his saggy grey leotard and blue underwear and shrugged. "I thought you said 'Adam West' theme."

"Right... as I was saying, this picnic is a chance for everyone to celebrate their achievements for the semester and to get their energy going for this afternoon's paintball shootout in the Greendale Corral. I know last year we had our issues," he said, embellishing the last word with air quotes. "And that the prize wasn't technically a 'prize'. But trust me, this year's winner will be blown away! So as your trusty town sheriff I say eat, drink and yee-hah!"

Jeff took a sip of his critter cider (horribly warm apple juice) and turned back to Shirley. "Are we having fun yet?"

Shirley grinned at him. "I don't know about you but I'm having a nice time checking out your buns in those jeans."

"Why, these old things?" he said, posing with his hips to the side. "Whatever do you mean?"

"No wonder you were so keen to attend a school function for once in your life," Britta called out as she joined them. "Any excuse to break out the cowboy costume." She smiled at Shirley's pink hat and matching vest. "You look nice."

Shirley gave her a small nod in return, still not completely past yesterday's incident.

Jeff appraised Britta's outfit. "And you look... layered?"

Britta smoothed down her fringed vest over her white shirt, which were offset by her brown skirt worn over jeans. "We shouldn't have to define ourselves as cowgirls or cowboys in this day and age so I chose to make a stand and come as a cowperson."

Shirley and Jeff just stared at her as some fake tumbleweed from the podium rolled by.

Britta fidgeted with the bandana around her neck. "I'm going to get a drink."

Troy and Abed gave her weird looks as she passed them by. Shirley's eyes lit up when she saw them. "Oh, you two look adorable dressed up in matching outfits," she cooed.

Troy hooked his thumbs around his braces. "We both wanted to be Captain Mal from Firefly but couldn't decide who got to wear the costume."

"So after about ten unsuccessful games of rock, paper, scissors, kick, punch we thought it was only fair we both got to be him." Abed fixed the gun holster around his waist.

"Plus the long brown coat really brings out both of our eyes."

Jeff was about to make a retort when he saw Annie heading towards them in her costume and all coherent thoughts left his mind.

"What in the good Lord's name..." Shirley said, her eyes going wide.

Annie sheepishly came to a stop next to Troy and Abed. "Howdy..." she said, trying to fix her jacket so it would cover her up more.

"Howdy," Jeff managed to breathe out, eyeing up the gold lasso attached to her waist and her knee-high cowgirl boots. "Boy howdy."

Troy tried to suppress a giggle. "I don't know what part of town you're from, but I've never seen a sheriff with two badges. You must be pretty skilled."

Annie folded her arms across the sheriff stars sewn onto her shirt – one on either side of her chest. "OK, you can all shut up now. I've been so busy lately with study and work and overseeing the new students that I forgot to buy a costume." She tugged at her black short-shorts as if more material would magically appear. "I didn't want to show up without one but the only place near me with anything resembling a cowgirl costume was Dildopolis," she said, her cheeks flushing a slight shade of pink.

"You bought your costume from a sex shop?" Shirley exclaimed.

"Marital aide store," Annie shot back. "And yes. It was either that or my little cousin's Toy Story cowboy outfit which, mind you, would have been just as short."

"You seem to know Dildopolis' stock range pretty well there, Annie," smirked Jeff.

"You get to learn a lot of things you really don't want to living over a store like that." She cleared her throat. "Anyway, you're all looking good. Where's Britta and Pierce?"

"The chairman, sorry, person of the cow people committee is off getting a drink," said Jeff.

"Pierce is around here somewhere," said Abed. "I heard him practicing the school song on the piano in the makeshift saloon. Then he started singing about saucy schoolmarms."

"He told me this morning he was dressing up as something called a Roy Rogers?" Troy said, screwing up his nose. "It just sounded like a wrestling move to me."

"Well, let's go find them and have a look around before the paintball madness sets in," said Annie. "I hear the John Wayne Quiche Lorraine is tasty."

"Oh come on, he didn't even try with that one," said Jeff.


When the coast was clear, two sets of spur-adorned legs leapt inside the stage coach parked outside the library. All of the paintball supplies were waiting for them like a bank vault full of gold. With not much time to lose, one varmint stole a quarter of the supplies while the other exchanged them for cartridges laced with black mold.

The Dean's voice crackled over the loudspeakers. "T-minus one hour until the paintball match of the year! Will you be the quick or the dead? I'm excited to find out!"

Continued...