I started writing this several months back when Manic Taser Dream Girl was giving me headaches ... and now I've started to edit it, as the stuff I'm writing now is giving me headaches. It's totally AU, though everyone is pretty much in-character (feel free to disagree with me on that one) ... and all the Avengers will eventually show up. It's just some fun, and won't be as long as MTDG ... and also won't interfere with my planned one-shots for that world, or the sequel. Thanks for reading, you guys :-D

XXX

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August 28

Sorry I haven't gotten to update in awhile, as I've been busy with moving out to the middle of bum-fuck-nowhere. Good news is, I'll be with my friend Jane again … bad news? There doesn't seem like much to do here, which is probably why Asgardia is known to be such a party school. I've only been able to unpack a few things at my new place and take a quick look around. Hopefully, soon I can get into the kitchen and create a new post. Perhaps something new and inspiring will come my way …

Darcy fiddled with her phone as she sat in a cozy coffee shop waiting for Jane. It had been awhile since she'd seen her best friend, as she'd taken up residence in the middle of nowhere, residing in a picturesque college town, nestled in the Appalachian foothills.

One was in the middle of her residency at the university hospital, while the other had recently been accepted into an MFA program. Jane the med student was a few years ahead of Darcy the major hopper in her education, who had quite dramatically chosen to stick with something very unlikely only three years into undergrad. She'd decided that she didn't want to major in political science after all … she instead wanted to paint.

After a few minor (okay, major) freak-outs from her parents over spending quite a bit of money for college, only to be a starving artist, she transferred from the midwestern university she'd fled New York for, and started attending a prestigious art school in Savannah. For her masters, she'd applied at a few places, hoping for Yale, but when she was accepted into Asgardia, she knew it would be a good decision somehow. She could be with Jane again, her best friend since childhood. They'd always been complete opposites, but somehow, they worked. They seemed to balance each other out. Jane was the epitome of practicality, making every good decision a person could make along the way … where as Darcy was anything but practical, and had colored her life with many stumbles and detours.

Jane was a little late, so Darcy sat and cupped her hands around her coffee mug, feeling the warmth. She'd missed autumn in a proper seasonal setting … she'd been living in the south for the past few years and had desperately missed the northern fall. She inhaled her latte spiced with cinnamon and nutmeg and dreamed of the coming football weather and being able to wander around in hoodies and cute knit hats.

"Darcy!"

"Jane." She looked up to see her friend rushing to the table.

"Sorry I'm late … got held up at the hospital."

"Hey, saving lives … I get it."

"I can't believe you're here! Now all we need is for Erik to visit, and we're complete," Jane said as she pulled out a chair and sat down.

"He'll be here soon … I talked to him yesterday, he said he needed a vacay from the vultures," Darcy said. If there was a person that qualified as the third member of their exclusive tight group, it was Erik.

Jane fished around in her bag for her compact and began to brush away imaginary flaws while looking into the little mirror. "I can't imagine him down here in the middle of nowhere, it's gonna be a trip," she said half-heartedly.

Darcy eyed her friend with suspicion… she had always been strikingly beautiful, with her rich chocolate-colored hair and natural sandy highlights … her big beautiful doe eyes. But it always seemed to go unnoticed by Jane. She was never ever vain, never cared too much about her appearance … instead deciding to concentrate on her studies more than anything else.

"What's going on? What's all this," Darcy asked as she waved at her friend's make-up bag that she'd just retrieved from her purse.

Jane quickly applied a natural and sensible shade of taupe lipstick, "okay, so I know you just got here and you're not even settled in yet, but I was wondering if you'd do me a huge favor?"

"What's … that?" Darcy said slowly, all of a sudden quite scared.

"Go on a double-date with me?"

Yep. All the reason in the world to be scared.

"Oh, God … not again. Dude. It never works out … so many horrifying memories. We don't need to make new ones, trust me."

Jane tried to look reassuring. "No. This is different … it's cool, I swear."

In the past, Darcy had typically been set-up with some science nerd who almost never saw the sun, let alone a real girl who wasn't also a science nerd. She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Okay, give me details … I'm not agreeing, mind you … I'm just listening."

"Okay. So. I started seeing this guy."

"Uh-huh."

"He's actually kind of a big deal."

"Oh, really," Darcy said, sardonically.

"He's a football player. I met him at the hospital ... after his father had a heart attack. His father who happens to be president of the university, actually."

"Football ... like a coach or something?" She couldn't imagine Jane actually dating one of the Asgardia football players … the seniors would only be around 22 years old.

"No. Like, the NFL."

This got Darcy's attention. "Who?"

Jane's mouth turned up into a grin. "Thor Odinson."

"WHAT?! The Vikings tight-end?"

"That's the one."

Darcy sat back and squinted her eyes. "And I'm supposed to go out with one of his football bros?" She shook her head. "I'm not so sure dude, I hear those guys can be kinda rapey."

"No. No, nothing like that. I thought maybe you'd hit it off with his brother … he's visiting with his dad too, and Thor doesn't want to be rude and leave him alone, since he just got here."

Darcy thought that sounded weird, like he needed to be babysat. "Is his brother twelve?"

"No, he's our age … or might be a few years older. He's actually a pretty well-known writer … Loki Odinson, heard of him?"

She tried to place him. "Nope." But the name "Loki" sounded familiar for some reason … as it wasn't your everyday dude-bro name. Oh … right. "Wait … is he the one that wrote A Soul Crushing Story of Utter Brilliance?"

"Yep. That's him."

Well, that was an easy answer. "No, thank you."

"Darcy! Give it a chance."

She shook her head and crossed her arms. "That was the most obnoxious piece of shit I have ever read, scratch that, tried to read. I couldn't make it past the first few chapters, it was so pretentious … and I'm from fucking Brooklyn. We grew up swimming in it."

"Well … maybe just leave the part, where you think his book is shitty, out."

"Hn.'

"Please?"

"Ugh."

Jane smiled and waved a finger in Darcy's face. "I'm wearing you down! I know you."

She put her face in her hands. "Fine," she mumbled into her fingers … "but just for the laughs."

"Yay! Always for the laughs," her friend beamed.

"So when is this double date supposed to go down exactly?"

Jane averted her eyes. "Ummm … in like, ten minutes?"

"WHAT? I'm so not dressed for something like that, what the fuck, Jane?"

"I'm sorry, it just kind of came up … and you look beautiful, as always."

Darcy looked down at her ensemble … she certainly didn't feel beautiful. The seasons would change soon, but that hadn't quite happened yet. She'd been walking around in the cargos she painted in and a snug Led Zeppelin t-shirt. She'd never really liked summer clothes … she hated shorts and tank tops, preferring fall and winter garments. Sweaters to hide in, and comfy jeans to lounge in. At least she'd thought to put on makeup, and her hair was cooperating today … it hadn't chosen to frizz up as it air-dried from her shower earlier, and had actually relaxed into its nice chestnut waves.

Not that she cared what Loki Odinson thought about her. Like, at all.

"Don't worry," Jane reassured. "Thor might be a professional football player, but he's really just a big teddy bear, like, really super sweet. You wouldn't even think he was famous. I'm sure his brother is just like him."

Darcy laughed. "You're kidding, right? Spoken like an only child. Siblings are not always exactly alike. They might have some of the same mannerisms, but I doubt the guy who wrote that novel is anything like a big teddy bear."

Jane sighed, obviously beginning to become annoyed. "Just have an open mind, please. I really like this guy," she said truthfully.

Darcy could see from the expression on her face that Jane did in fact, really like Thor … and it wasn't every day that her friend would just open herself to that kind of thing. Open herself to new theories on surgical procedures? Sure. Open herself to a guy? Not very often.

She sighed. "Alright. I'll be on my best behavior … but you owe me, Foster."

Jane smiled. "Of course."

"Like, first-born child stuff."

"Come on, he's not gonna be that bad. If he looks anything like Thor, he's gonna be hot as hell. You're gonna thank me."

"Jane!" shouted a deep voice.

Speak of the devil. Both of them.

The girls looked up to see two guys walking towards their table. It seemed as if the only genes they could have possibly shared would have been the ones involving height, as they were both quite tall, and both had shoulder-length hair that they'd pulled back ... but that's where the similarities ended. The very recognizable Thor, looked even bigger and blonder in person, and he wore a smile that practically lit up the room, along with an old and worn Asgardia t-shirt that seemed well-loved, and a pair of perfectly fitted jeans.

His brother, on the other hand, wore not a smile, but a blank expression, as if his body was standing in the middle of the coffee shop, but his mind was elsewhere. His hair was very dark, naturally black, and he was pale, though his skin had a certain glow to it. And his eyes … Darcy couldn't quite tell what color they were ... either an iridescent blue or green, which contrasted quite dramatically with the rest of him. As for his clothes … he wore garments that seemed out of place in the late-August heat. A light black jacket over a green V-neck, one of those kinds of t-shirts that probably cost way more than it should, and inky-black tight jeans. Not skinny jeans, but well-fit, as if they were tailored to his exact measurements.

Even though Thor was dressed casually, it was obvious that him and his brother carried themselves with a posh confidence. They were both well-off, and probably had been their entire lives.

Darcy looked down at her cargo pants and the paint splatters that marked them … she felt extremely out of place and wanted to ring Jane's neck.

"Loki! This is Jane Foster … and this must be Darcy Lewis, who I was telling you about. It's a pleasure to finally meet you," Thor said, speaking with a mild British accent. He pulled up a chair beside his girl, and reached his hand out to shake Darcy's with enthusiasm. He seemed really happy to be there, which proved to be quite infectious. She realized why Jane liked him so much.

"It's great to meet you Thor," Darcy said genuinely … she then looked over to his brother, who was pulling out his own chair, the one next to her … but he set it so that he was seated at an angle towards the table, but not exactly at the table.

She already had a bad opinion of him, and this only made it worse … it was obvious that he didn't want to be there. "Loki, it's nice to meet you," she said, smiling sweetly to him. She took it as a challenge to try and cheer him up a bit. Not that she cared, of course … it would just be kind of a game … for a laugh.

Loki barely looked up at her as he adjusted the sleeves of his jacket. "Likewise," he said blandly, in a sultry baritone.

Darcy mentally checked herself … no describing anything about Loki as "sultry"! No looking at those gorgeous eyes to try and figure out what color they were! Bad bad bad.

Thor seemed too excited about being near Jane to notice that his brother seemed to want to be anywhere but the coffee shop. He all of a sudden stood. "I'll go get us some drinks … Loki, the usual? Jane, what would you like?"

"Ah. Coffee. Large. Black."

"Very well, Darcy?"

"Thanks, but I've got my latte."

He turned to go to the counter and left the three of them alone … the girls instantly feeling awkward. When Jane felt awkward, she got twitchy … when Darcy felt awkward, she was prone to rambling.

"So. Loki …" Jane said, trying to spark a conversation with the brother of the guy she liked. She wanted to make a good impression. "You're a writer?"

He looked up from the phone he'd started to fiddle with. "Yes."

"Darcy's a writer too!" she said excitedly.

Darcy, with heat creeping up her neck, started to shake her head. "No, I'm not. I'm a grad student."

Jane looked confused. "But you are!" She looked back over to Loki. "She is."

Darcy tried to kick Jane under the table and missed. "I'm not. Really. I dabble. Nothing more."

"She's just being modest. She has a very popular blog … Darcy is internet-famous!"

Darcy stared at her friend, sending her mind-bullets.

"Fascinating," Loki said, seemingly bored out of his mind.

Darcy fake-smiled. "Jane, future surgeon-extraordinaire, tell me … what is your opinion of chiropractors and acupuncturists?" she asked, between her teeth.

"Why?"

"Just. Tell. Me."

"Nothing but a bunch of snake-oil charmers, using the power of suggestion. Poseurs. Why?"

Darcy looked over at Loki and raised a brow … he now actually seemed interested with their exchange. "Because that's exactly what real writers and novelists think of bloggers … isn't it?"

Loki gave the very slightest of grins, though it didn't reach his eyes, making him look slightly villainous. "Perhaps," he shrugged.

Darcy rolled her neck slightly, the no-nonsense New Yorker inside of her demanding to make an appearance. "Do you ever say more than one word at a time?"

Loki blinked at her for a few seconds. "Forgive me," he said, almost as if he'd come out of a trance. "What is the name of your … blog?" He said the last word like a republican would say the word "Obama".

She internally winced as she didn't want to be talking about herself like this, with an author who had spent as many weeks as he did on the New York Times best-sellers list.

Darcy took a large drink of her latte, wishing she could spike it with whiskey. "Um … it's a blog about recipes inspired by famous paintings … and a bit of personal commentary thrown in. Stories. Memories. That kind of thing. It's called 'Painting With Your Food'."

She looked up at him and found that he was staring at her with an unreadable expression on his face … this made her uncomfortable, so the rambling began. "Umm, it's like, a play off of the phrase 'playing with your food' … which is actually one of my favorite lines from The Addams Family, when Morticia is like, 'Wednesday, play with your food!' … I always thought it would be funny to intentionally play with your food …"

Loki interrupted her musings, "Yes, yes … I quite understand, but doesn't 'Painting With Your Food' imply that you are literally painting with food? Isn't that a bit misleading?"

Darcy stared into her mug. "Yeah, I've thought of that … but I like the name. Plus, I've read that you only need to hook your readers with the title of your blog once, and then it doesn't matter. They'll return to your site if they like the content. Like, 'The Pioneer Woman' is kind of a silly name for a blog, but she gets millions of hits a week and people just love her and are loyal readers, they don't care about the name. It's a moot point after a while."

Loki seemed to take her reasoning as a challenge. "I find a name or a title to be very important," he said haughtily. "Not something to be written off, after you've read the cover once."

Darcy inclined her head. Who did this asshole think he was? She could tell him a thing or two about the names of books, Mr. Soul Crushing Story of Utter Brilliance, otherwise known as the douchiest title in the history of ever.

She opened her mouth to say exactly that, but then felt Jane kick her in the shin under the table.

"Alright guys," Thor said, as he mercilessly returned to the table carrying drinks. Coffee for him and Jane … tea for Loki. Darcy rolled her eyes … of course he'd like tea. Probably rooibos, or something equally irritating.

Loki's phone rang and he answered it, thankfully taking him out of the conversation … he began speaking in rapid Italian. "Ciao. Come stai? I'm so glad you called me."

Jane raised an eyebrow.

"So what did I miss?" Thor asked, obviously used to his brother talking on the phone while real life went on around him.

"Oh nothing," Darcy said, "We were just discussing the importance of book titles."

Thor rolled his eyes slightly. "Oh really," he said, as if he already knew Loki was a serious asshole.

Darcy already liked Thor. She decided that she was pro-Thor. Yay for Jane!

"Malissimo. The plebeians are already out in full-force, Coulson. Everyone has returned to this backwoods middle-American University town for the fall … not really a town, more like a village, a hovel, and not even a quaint or a charming village, but a place where the nation's youth go to learn a few things they'll no doubt forget, and then vomit in the streets on the weekends."

Darcy looked over at Jane with a grin on her face … her eyes getting wider.

"And you should see the new girl that Thor is after …"

Jane ducked her head slightly and Darcy barely shook her head, willing her to not out them.

Oblivious, Thor kept asking questions. "So, Jane tells me that you've entered the masters program in painting? That must be exciting."

Darcy smiled at Thor. "Yeah, but I'm a little nervous about teaching the freshmen. I've got my first drawing 101 class in a few days."

He grinned back at her. "I'm sure you'll be wonderful."

Wow, what a nice guy.

"Yes yes, I know … but the girl he's trying to set me up with ... it's almost insulting. Some hipster with horned-rims and fake tits ... paint splattered all over her person, as if that's supposed to be charming. I really don't know how he finds these people … they must be sports groupies. Star fuckers."

Wow, what not a nice guy.

Jane pressed her lips together, angry, ready to say something … but Darcy kicked her under the table … and this time she was successful.

"How's work going today, Jane?" Thor asked, having no idea what was going on, poor thing.

"Fine," Jane squeaked out.

Loki sighed into his phone, as if he was irritated with the person on the other end ... though the girls pretended to not be paying attention.

He kept talking in Italian, "Fine. But I'm only doing this until Thor has this one in the bag. He said it would be nice to fuck a smart girl for once, though I'm not sure he understands the definition of 'smart' as this one seems about as bright as a goat … yes, he said he wondered if intelligence would make her better in the sack … then I'm sure he'll move on to his next experiment. Always does. This one seems to have the personality of a piece of driftwood and no style … it's just one of his passing fancies. There are dozens of her."

Darcy felt a punch to the gut for her friend, who had always been known to be sensitive and had probably never heard anyone insult her in such a way. She instantly saw tears welling up in her eyes.

"You wanna get out of here?" Darcy said quietly.

Jane nodded her head rapidly, a tear escaping down her cheek, which she quickly wiped at with the back of her hand.

"What's the matter?" Thor asked, looking between the two girls, confused. Loki looked up from his phone conversation, a bit baffled as well.

Darcy ignored him as she gathered up her things. "My place or yours? We can watch episodes of Grey's Anatomy and you can pick apart all the medical procedures? It'll be fun," she tried to force a smile.

Thor began to shake his head. "I … I don't understand. Ladies?"

Loki's brow furrowed, also not understanding why the girls were leaving abruptly.

Jane hurried out the door, but Darcy hung back for a second and looked Loki straight in the eye. She motioned towards her tits. "Oh, by the way … they're real. And they're spectacular."

She turned on her heel and followed Jane out the door.

What Fuckass McDouche didn't know, was that when the girls were nineteen, they'd spent their summer in Rome with Darcy's aunt. They'd taken night classes beforehand to firm up their Italian before the trip, though Darcy had listened to it all her life from her mother.

Her father's last name might have been Lewis, but her mother's was De Luca.

The last thing the girls heard before the door shut behind them was Thor's booming voice. "LOKI! Not again …"

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XXX

Loki's novel is a spoof off of Dave Eggers' A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. I used to not be able to stand Dave Eggers, thinking he was pretentious and just … too precious, and obnoxious. Kinda how I feel about the Arcade Fire. Now I kinda love him (but not the Arcade Fire). It's kind of meta ;-)

I realize it's hokey as hell to call the college "Asgardia" and for Thor to be playing for the Vikings ... but it couldn't be helped. I regret nothing.