Hello everybody, I'm drew829, the author of this here fic. I've been a big RvB fan since season 2 and Vandread is one of my favorite anime, so I figure I put the two together. Before I begin the story, I'm going to read the disclaimer. (take a piece of paper of his pocket and clears throat) This story is a crossover of Red vs. Blue and Vandread and I don't own them. Red vs. Blue is owned by Rooster Teeth Productions and Vandread is owned by Gonzo. Also I would like to state out that no women got offended or laid by Tucker during the making of this fic. Now sit back, relax and enjoy the story.

Insert Blood Gulch Blues (Bloody Mix)

FanFiction dot net, MediaMiner dot org and Vandread Library
Presents

Reds

Roses are red,

Sarge

and violets are blue.

One day we'll cruise

Grif

down Blood Gulch Avenue.

It's red versus red

Simmons

And blue versus blue

It's I against I

Donut

And me against you

Violets are blue,

Blue

Roses are red

Tucker

Living like this we were

Church

already dead

Tex

Caboose

Hop in my car

It don't have any doors

Sheila

Lopez

It's built like a cat

It lands on fours

Doc

O'Malley

My car's like a puma

Vic

It drives on all fours

Red vs. Blue

The Vandread Chronicles

Episode 0: Prologue - The Big Bang

Inside a box-canyon called Blood Gulch, the most weird but funniest thing just had happen. A soldier in pink armor was running towards a base wanting to a baby of some kind but as he was running, a ship came out of nowhere and landed right on top of him. Two other soldiers, in red and orange armor, were standing next to the ship looking at it…and nothing else.

"Wow. It sucks to be Donut right now." the orange soldier said.

"Shut up Grif! Donut, can you hear our?" the red one said in a gruff, southern voice.

"Yes Sarge I can…somehow." Donut answered, despite still being under the ship.

"Good. Now can you move out from under the ship?"

"Uh…no, I'm stuck."

"Ah hell, Grif start moving the ship."

"How?" Grif asked.

"What do you mean how? By pushing it so we can get Donut."

"Uh incase you haven't notice, a ship this size weight a hundred ton. I don't think I push that much."

"Quit complaining dirtbag and get your lazy-ass to work!"

Just as soon Sarge finished speaking, another soldier walked out of the ship. His armor was maroon and was carrying a SMG and a piece of paper. He walked up to Sarge and Grif.

"Hey Sarge, I think I found out why the ship crashed on Donut." The new soldier said.

"What was it Simmons?" Sarge asked.

"Well, after looking inside the ship, I believed the person that was piloting killed himself." Simmons replied.

"What make you think that?" Grif said. Simmons then hands Grif the paper he has and Grif started to read it. "'This is last letter I am ever going to write. In this hell hole called life, I learned one thing about everybody I have known. They are all total cockbites. Signed…the Pilot.' The Pilot? Why the hell didn't he just put his real name on the letter!"

Meanwhile over at the base near the crashed ship, another group of soldier along with a bomb was standing around what look like a mini version of the elite from Halo 2. The soldiers' colors were cobalt, teal, blue and purple. They were staring at the small alien for the last ten minutes.

"What, the fuck, is this thing?" the cobalt soldier said.

"I told you on the radio, this Tucker's gross baby. Tucker's gross baby, this is Church. He is the mean one." The blue soldier told the alien.

"Blarg!" the baby elite cried out.

"I already know that Caboose! I meant where did this thing come from?" Church yelled in an angry tone.

"Didn't I tell you? Tucker was pregnant and gave birth to this…thing." The purple soldier said.

"He was not pregnant!"

"Do I have to explain the little green light thing again?"

"Doc, they're the same goddamn color!"

Unaware to the blues, the reds had stink inside the base and all had their weapons pointed to their backs.

"Hold it right there, blues!" Sarge yelled out. All the blues and Doc turned around and saw the reds armed and ready.

"How the hell did you get in! More important, how the hell did you get past our defenses!" Church said.

"You mean your tank? We just tolled it that we'll upgrade its hardware." Grif said.

"Now give us your-" Simmons stop mid-sentences as he saw the elite baby biting on Caboose's lag. "What the fuck is that!"

Church just stared at it and then turns his head back to Simmons.

"You don't want to know."

"This is Tucker's new baby." Doc said. All the reds reaction was '…'

"It's not mine." Tucker said (the teal one).

"Shut up Tucker! Andy, this is your fault!" Church said.

"Me? How it's my fault?" the bomb said.

"Because you should've told us that this could happen before you left with Tucker and Caboose on their stupid quest."

"Ah shut up ya Shisno."

Back at the crash ship, Donut somehow manages to claw out from under the ship. The pink lightish red soldier had got unstuck and started to dig a hole to get out in amazing time.

"Man, I can't believe I got out of there. I'm glad I got on that diet. Now, where is everybody?" Just as Donut finish taking, he started to hear a beeping sound coming form inside the ship. Being a curious guy, he walked into the ship to fine out what it was. When he got to the cockpit, he found a man in the pilot seat lying against the control panel with blood coming out of his head. "Oh carp someone got shot! Don't worry, I'll save you!"

Donut then picked the man up and laid him on the floor. He then started to perform CPR on him in an effort to save the pilot's life. After about a minute, the pilot coughs and got up with Donut's help.

"Oh my god, you save my life! Thank you." The man said.

"Oh it was nothing. I came in here to fine out where that beeping coming from and I found you shot."

"Yeah, my co-pilot went nuts and shot me, put a fake suicide note next to me and jump out of the plane."

"What's your name?"

"The Pilot."

"…That's a weird name."

"Yeah, I think my parents were high when they named me."

"Or the author was too lazy to give you a name."

"That too. You can call me Earl."

"My name is Donut."

"Thank you Donut. Now, did your sergeant ordered a-" Earl stopped speaking as he also started to hear the beeping sound that was coming from inside the cockpit. "What is that sound?" They both walked back to the cockpit and look at part of the control panel that was labeled 'Mega Super-duper self destroy sequence' with just under a minute left on the timer.

"OH SHIT! The ship is about to blow!" Donut yelled.

"Where's the nearest base?" Earl asked.

"The Blue's. Why?"

"We have to warn them!"

"What? What about my team?

"It's too late for them; we have to warn the others."

Donut and Earl then ran out of the ship and towards blue base before the ship blows up. Meanwhile, back at blue base…

"Ok, we'll let you have Doc so he can take a look at Donut while you give us your shotgun." Church said to Sarge.

"Unless hell freezes over, there's no way I'm going to give you my favorite thing about my team…no offence Simmons." Sarge said.

"Non taking Sir." Simmons replied.

"Finally kissing Sarge's ass again Simmons?" Grif said in sarcasm.

"Also we'll give this…thing so you can use it on Grif." Church said about the alien.

"What!"

"Deal." Sarge agreed. He then swapped the shotgun for Doc and the alien. Church then started to look at his new pleased by the deal he just made.

'I hope I get better accuratcy with this thing then I did with that stupid sniper rifle." Church thought.

"Are you gonna let them take you baby, Tucker?" Doc asked.

"They can have it, I don't care." Tucker replied.

"You know, I hear the women are attracted to guys with kids."

"Doc, don't encourage him." Church said.

Just then, Donut and Earl came into the room both out of breath.

"Sarge!" Donut shouted, still short of breath.

"Donut, you ok. Give me back my shotgun, blue!" Sarge said.

"Aw hell." Church said disappointed. He then gave the shotgun back to Sarge to break off the deal they just made.

"Hey, aren't you the dead pilot?" Simmons said surprised to see Earl was not dead."

"Yes I am but that's not important right now." Earl said.

"He's right…" Donut said. "The ship is about to-"

BOOM!

Well that was the intro for the story. I'll put the first chapter of the story sometime within the next 2 to 3 weeks. Until then, please leave a review.