Peter Mcquack was a duck who came to the island of Copi by the Migrator. On his journey to the island's town he got conked on the head with a coconut and passed out on the beach.

Peter had a dream where he proposed to his ideal love interest: a swan. The swan was all lovey-dovey over him. Then a human came along and Peter watched his soon to be spouse beat the crap out of him. She came back with the guys severed arm and Peter took the ring off the arm's ring finger. He held it out to the swan and that's when the dream ended.

"Hey, wake up, sleepyhead!" Peter found himself being prodded by a penguin. He got up and examined the folk who woke him from his slumber. The penguin was orange and had a Buy and Large T-shirt on. That's when Peter noticed the most horrible thing: The penguin had no pants on and his peas were sticking out.

"What's going on?" Peter asked in an astonished manner.

"Oh, welcome to Copi Island!" the penguin said.

"Not that! Where are your pants?"

The penguin started to cry uncontrollably when Peter brought his lack of pants to attention.

"Oh, did I offend your culture or something? I'm sorry!" Peter quickly said.

"We never get to wear pants!" the penguin said, "The cruel and evil dictator of our island, Mickey Mouse, has put a huge tax on pants! It's because of him the peasants are walking around with their pea peas out! And there's nothing we can do about it!"

Peter gasped. "Holy cow that is horrid!" he said. The duck took some moments to think, and then a lightbulb went off in his head.

"I have a great idea!" Peter said, "Have any of you thought of protesting against the filthy rat king?"

"Actually, no we haven't!" the penguin said, "I think we shall protest against the malevolent Mickey!"

"That's the spirit!" Peter said, "I'll come and help you guys out!"

And so Peter and his newfound friend headed toward the main town of Copi island. When they reached said town, Peter's eyes widened in shock.

The majority of the penguin population was pants-less. Most of those without pants had huge frowns on their faces. Any males who were victim to the pants tax had peas poking out from their feathers, like there was a priapism epidemic.

However, that was secondary to the dark overlord Mickey's face being plastered everywhere. The outline of his head was all over the buildings, and there was a statue of the Mouse's likeness in front of the town hall. Behind the town hall, atop a hill, was the fortress that Mickey ruled from, which was also shaped like him.

"This guy looks like a lunatic," Peter said.

"He's even worse in person," the penguin with him said, "Take it from me, his ears always seem to point towards you no matter which way he's facing. It's almost as if he's always listening to your every move. Now if you'll excuse me, We have a protest to organize."

The penguin then rallied up the other villagers, and soon everyone paid attention to the duck in town. Peter cleared his throat.

"My fellow penguins," Peter announced, "Even though I be a duck, I feel the pain you go through in your daily lives. In the midst of the priapism waves spreading against the seas, we are all walking without shields because a vile rodent put an expensive tax on an important article of clothing. But we will stand for it no longer! Tomorrow we will fight against this violation of avian rights! Who's with me?"

"WE ARE!" said a group of penguins.

"I AM!" said a singular penguin.

"NOOT NOOT!" said another.

"Alright!" said Peter, "Follow me, we've got some preparations to do."


The next day, the higher noblesmen of the village, who could actually afford pants, were startled awake by voices from the plaza. The moment they opened the front door of their igloos, they were greeted by an amazing sight.

"QUACK MY SACK! BRING FREE PANTS BACK!" Hundreds of pants-less penguins crowded the plaza, shuffling their feet and stomping the ground. In the front was the single duck who led the march.

The higher class couldn't get anywhere with this huge mob in the way. They couldn't even use detours; At the entrances to the back roads stood protesters wearing very bulky Mike Wazowski costumes, which were stolen from Mickey's personal store on the island. The costumes formed effective blockades.

"QUACK MY SACK! CAUSE PANTS WE LACK! QUACK MY SACK! BRING FREE PANTS BACK!"

The gates to Mickey's fortress opened, and the dreaded Mouse himself strolled on out. He was now overlooking the hundreds of protesting penguins.

"What the hell is going on here?" Mickey said in his trademark voice, "I was just about to count my money, haha!"

"QUACK MY SACK! BRING FREE PANTS BACK!"

"No! You stupid peasants will never get pants for free! Living on this island is a service, and you stupid birds need to pay for luxury, haha! Plus my friend Donald never wears pants, so shut up!"

One of the penguins then produced a snowball and flung it at the stupid mouse. Other penguins began doing the same thing.

"QUACK MY SACK!" the crowd chanted again, "CAUSE PANTS WE LACK!"

Mickey wiped the snow off his face, and growled viciously.

"Okay, you know what?" Mickey stated, "from now on, the word "pants" is now banned from being spoken! Except for me, ha ha! Anyone who even utters the word will be punished by DEATH!"

"QUACK MY- Uh oh," said Peter as he realized the danger they were in, "Everyone, fall back, FALL BACK!"

Many penguins followed the duck's command and scattered. Some did not and ended up saying "pants". Those unfortunate few were targeted by floating white gloves that launched from Mickey's fortress. The disembodied hands crushed the penguins against the ground, killing them.

"Feathered fiends, ha-ha!" Mickey said as he went back inside his fortress, laughing.


Later on, in a remote cave of Copi island, Peter and his crusaders were plotting their next course of action.

"Thanks to that retarded rodent, we lost 25% of our people," one of the penguins said with anger and lament, "However, a couple high-class folk joined us because banning an innocent word is such a stupid thing to do. What are your thoughts, Peter?"

"What do I think?" said Peter, "Ask yourselves: would a good ruler ban the utterance of an innocent word just because people were angry at not having what said word describes? No! No king, mayor, or president does that and gets away with it!"

"My pea pea hard!" complained a penguin, trying to hide his genius in shame.

"Don't worry," Peter reassured, "You'll get something to hide that soon enough."

Peter turned back to the crowd. "Mickey has proven himself to be a corrupt leader," he stated, "I think it's more important that he's taken out than arguing about the tax on pa-TROUSERS! Remembered we can't say that."

"MICKEY MOUSE IS WATCHING!" said a penguin from the crowd.

"Yes, I know." said Peter, "But we will tell that mouse that he is not wanted here. Mickey will not divide us. We will overthrow his hold of the island."

"MICKEY WILL NOT DIVIDE US!" the penguins said triumphantly.

"Now," Peter continued, "we've got ahold of buckets with yellow paint and a few jackhammers. I have a few ideas on where to go with this. Be sure to get a good drink early tomorrow morning!"


The next day at the town started just like any other. Some of the higher class was moving about, others were just chilling. And then one penguin noticed something in the distance.

"What is THAT?" he said.

Peter was coming into the town, but behind him was an army of penguins coated in yellow paint. Peter stopped at the edge of the plaza, but the yellow army marched on. They congregated at the statue of Mickey in front of the town hall. The other residents were wondering what was going on.

Then, a few penguins whipped out jackhammers and started chiseling at the statue's feet. Within moments, the giant statue toppled over and crashed into the center of the plaza. The high-class residents stared, mouths agape at what was happening. Then the yellow penguins started to chant.

"BISS ON MICKEY!" the yellow penguins yelled, "BISS ON MICKEY!" As a few penguins continued chanting, the rest of the yellows aimed their peas and gees and urinated on the fallen statue. In no time flat the statue was covered by, and resting in a pool of yellow foul-smelling liquid.

Mickey opened the gates of his fortress again and... just stood there watching. No emotion was visible, but there had to be a violent storm running within his mind.

Two of the penguins urinating looked up at the mouse. They smiled and waved with faux innocence.

"Excuse me for a moment," Mickey said as he went back into his fortress. He left the gates open.

"BISS ON MICKEY! BISS ON MICKEY!" A bunch of penguins started throwing snowballs again at the gates of Mickey's fortress. This time most of them were soaked in penguin pee.

In a few moments Mickey came back out of the fortress, except now one of his gloves was made of gold and had crystals in it. A urine-flavored snowball hit Mickey on the head as he reached the fortress gate. The mouse shook the filthy snow off and looked down upon the town with a scowl.

"BISS ON MICKEY! BISS ON MICKEY!"

"I have a message for all you pingos, ha-ha!" Mickey said, "Since I'm getting less money from the taxes in this joint, I decided i'll be ending this island and move on to greener fields! Toodles! ha-ha!" Mickey then raised his golden glove in the air and snapped his fingers.

"I don't feel so good…" a yellow penguin said… then another, and another. Soon all the penguins on the island were falling dead like dominoes. Surprisingly, Peter wasn't affected, probably because he was a duck.

"Mortimer Mouse, you are a monster…" said Peter softly, "All the peasants wanted was pants, and you killed the whole community. No one's going to forget this, Mick! Not on my watch!"

Suddenly the hill the fortress was atop started to give way and crumble, revealing a massive flying battleship with the fort itself being the bridge. The ship lifted into the air and turned to face Peter. A cannon on the ship's front started charging.

"Pants, eh?" Mickey said through a loudspeaker.

"Crud." Peter said.


And that's the story of how Club Penguin Island fell to capitalist greed. CPI may be gone in the blizzard, but the tale of how Disney screwed the popular online game will not be forgotten. Spread this story along, and continue to fight! BISS ON MICKEY!