Prologue: Alone

He was running into the deep, cold darkness. He was running to ensure that the one person who had ever cared about him did not sacrifice himself in vain, and also to keep safe those in the castle he had left behind. He felt sick to his stomach, as if his non-existent heart was being crushed, for he had killed his only friend. Albus Dumbledore, the greatest wizard who had ever lived, and the closest thing to a father that he had ever known, was dead. Oh yes, it was true that he had been under Albus' orders to carry out the gruesome act when the time came, but he never thought that the moment would come so soon. It would have been easy to yell, "NO!" and to instead turn on the Death Eaters that were gathered there, fighting them off for as long as possible before he died from the unfulfilled vow or, more likely, from being sadly outnumbered. Voldemort would know whose side he was really on and Draco would have to face his own fate–but the time had not yet been right for the Order to show their cards: Harry was not ready. Even if the boy could kill the Dark Lord, there was the matter that he would not be truly dead; not yet. Yes, Severus knew of the Horcrux locations; he already had his eye on one. Somehow he had to relay that information back to Harry. This was the mission Albus wanted him to complete. This had to be done before the final confrontation. If it wasn't, everything (including the death of Albus Dumbledore) would have been for naught.

Severus Snape sat by the fire in his Spinner's End home, a brandy in hand. He had been reliving the moment of Dumbledore's demise over and over again in his mind since it happened, for he now had no one to turn to and no one to confide in, as Albus had been his only confidant. He could never go back to the Order now. They wouldn't believe in his innocence, and by going back he would expose everyone to danger. He would be sent straight to Azkaban, without a second thought. All their careful planning would end up meaningless, just like Albus' death, if he failed. No one else was as highly trained in Occlumency, and no one else could keep the secret from the Dark Lord. He could not risk the Order; there was still so much to be done before the end. Dumbledore had known that at some point, along the way, he would be called on to sacrifice himself. He had told Severus this, and they had planned for it, to a certain extent. However, at this critical point in the fight against Voldemort, Severus was not sure how to proceed. He was alone, and could not just go back to the Order. He had to find a way of relaying important information back, for the sake of all wizard kind. He grimaced as this thought was quickly followed by another, 'and yes, for Muggle-kind too,' His mind revolted–not at the thought of Muggles in general, but of his abusive, non-magical father. More dark thoughts crept in, and the Potions Master went back to his sulking and his brandy…

He stood alone and unnoticed (thanks to a disillusionment charm) at the edge of the forest, looking over at a large group of people gathered by the lake's edge. As Hagrid brought Dumbledore's body down, Severus felt his throat tightening. He wanted to die. He wanted to run down there, and beg forgiveness for what he had done. But, he would do neither of those things. He would be alone in his grief, and he would continue to drown it properly in brandy. 'This is what I have earned, what I deserve, and what I will have until the end of my life. Nothing. No kinship, no friendship, only myself, and my self-hatred for the man that I allowed myself to become. I will bear my shame and wallow in self-pity–I deserve no better. Alone.'

His gaze found where Potter, Granger and Weasley were sitting, and he watched them as they cried. Anger filled him momentarily, as he remembered Potter calling him a coward. If he only knew! The anger passed quickly, though. Severus knew that Potter and his friends would never forgive him for his actions, and that they would never try to understand those actions either–except perhaps that Granger girl, she was smart, that one. But, Severus knew that what he had done was for the good of everyone, including Potter, in the fight against Voldemort. That he was now effectively a fugitive mattered not in the larger scheme of things. Kneeling on the grass, his head in his hands, he wept bitter tears for the father he never had.