This is my first fan fiction, but I had to get it out of my system after it had been playing on my mind for a couple of weeks. I wish this would happen (come on Fellowes, don't let us down) but for now, it's just a bit of wishful thinking! I know the title is a modern Christmas song but I thought it fitted quite nicely. Also, all characters etc are the property of ITV and JF, no infringement intended. Rated K+. Thanks for reading!
All I Want for Christmas...
Chapter 1
She sighed as the car turned and started up the long drive towards the house. Had it always been so imposing, she wondered. Obviously, she had come up this drive more times than she could count, but this time it was different. It was all different. She hoped they wouldn't ask too many questions. Pulling off her glove, she fiddled around in her little bag and slipped on her wedding ring. The metal felt like a band of ice around her delicate finger. She pulled her glove back on and took a deep breath as she saw her parents, her sisters, and Carson all waiting for her outside the front door as the car slowed to a stop.
"Welcome back my Lady," Carson's deep mellifluous voice filled her ears and her heart as she got out of the car. She smiled warmly at him as he directed her chauffeur and ladies maid. In an instant her family were all embracing her, even Edith. Sybil squeezed her hand through the crush of arms and hugs.
"Darlings!" Her mother's voice rang through the group. "It's very cold, shall we go in?" Mary was ushered through into the main hall, where her sisters released their grip on her, and allowed her to remove her hat and coat, which were taken with a discreet nod from Mrs Hughes. She smiled at the housekeeper, and various feelings started cracking through. She looked around and sighed at the Christmas decorations. Shaking her head, she braced herself and followed her family into the drawing room, where some tea was already waiting for them, along with the Dowager Countess. Sybil immediately headed towards her new husband, who was stood with a tall dark-haired man, and dragged them both over to Mary.
"Hello my Lady," Branson said with his soft Irish brogue, smiling almost meekly at her.
"Just Mary will suffice now Br...Tom," she corrected herself, smiled at him and glanced at Sybil who looked like she was about to bubble over with happiness.
"Mary, this is Dr James Lewis. I work with him at the hospital in Dublin," Sybil nodded to the other man, who was stood quietly observing the three people, and he beamed at Mary.
"Hello, Lady Mary, I've heard a great deal about you. And Lady Edith as well of course, who I met yesterday" he flushed ever so slightly at his own mention of their sister, and Mary and Sybil shared a look and a smile.
"Mary!" The group broke apart and Mary went straight to her beloved grandmother, and kissed her on the cheek.
"Hello Granny," she smiled.
"Now where is this husband of yours?" Mary knew it was inevitable. She fixed a smile on her face and gave the room her prepared answer.
"Richard sends his regards, but he cannot spare the time away from his business at the moment. He is truly sorry to miss his first Christmas here," at that she caught her father's eye. His brow was creased in concern. Oh she hoped Sybil hadn't said anything. In a flash though, he was smiling and nodding along with everyone else that yes, it was unfortunate that Richard could not be there, but they were still glad that Mary had been able to make it. Violet had been about to ask more questions but Sybil, sensing that Mary did not necessarily want all of the focus on her, changed the subject as to why exactly Dr James Lewis was with them for the festive season, directing her responses at Mary, as the rest of the family had already known him for a couple of days.
"His family are in America and he would have been all alone at the hospital so Papa said it was perfectly alright for him to celebrate with us," Sybil beamed to the room.
"Yes, I thank you. You're all very kind for letting me be a part of your celebrations," his cheeks were a little pink as he smiled at everyone.
They all talked a little more, and drank a little more tea, until Violet left to change for dinner. Mary headed up the familiar staircase, and to her old bedroom. It hadn't been changed. Thompson, her ladies maid was already picking out a gown for her to wear that evening. It was dark blue silk, with a fine net skirt over the more fitted silk skirt, with thin spaghetti straps and delicate beading on the front. Mary drew in a sharp breath. She hadn't worn that since... She didn't realise that she even still had it. Richard was very keen to ensure that she had all of the latest fashions.
"I thought this for this evening my lady," she held it out, waiting for the approval of her mistress. "I know it's an older one, but it is so pretty," she smiled.
"Yes, that will be fine, thank you. What else have I got to wear?"
"The black silk for tomorrow evening, the red and gold or the cream for Christmas day, the navy for the 26th..."
"Right, yes of course, thank you," she interjected. "Sorry Thompson, I didn't mean to snap. It's just very strange being back here." The woman nodded as she dressed Mary, and then started fixing her hair. Mary let her thoughts drift to before she was married, and this was her only room, and all of the times she had sat in front of this mirror as Anna had worked around her. She frowned as she thought of the maid, who she had not yet seen. She would speak to her later. A knock on the door brought Mary out of her reverie.
"Come in, thank you Thompson. Do you know where you are staying?"
"Yes my lady," she bowed her head as she left the room, letting Sybil pass her to enter.
"Mrs Branson," she smiled wryly at her sister as she turned in her seat, playing with her ring, the metal glinting in the low light as she twisted it around her finger.
"Stop it Mary," the grin she wore betrayed any other feeling she might have felt at her sister's teasing. "What do you think of James?" she sat on the end of the bed and looked eagerly at Mary.
"He seems very pleasant. I think he'll do very well for Edith. That is your intention isn't it?" she raised her eyebrows.
"Is it obvious? Do you think they know?"
"That you're trying to set them up? Darling, I think everyone but them is aware of it," she smiled at her youngest sister. "Marriage suits you." It pained her to say it, but she could tell that Sybil had never been happier. She wished that she could feel the same satisfaction from her own marriage, but then Sybil and Tom had married for love. Sybil beamed again, she was positively glowing. In fact...Mary studied Sybil for a moment.
"Mary, are you-" Sybil's face was suddenly serious and full of concern. Mary bit her lip and was about to answer when Edith entered and stood in the doorway. "Are you ready to go down? Mama was asking." It was like absolutely nothing had changed. The three of them in Mary's room as she finished getting ready, Mama waiting for them...except everything had changed, Mary thought ruefully.
"Yes thank you Edith. You look very nice this evening," both Sybil and Edith stared at Mary as she issued a rare compliment to her middle sister, who was dressed in a warm orange silk and chiffon dress that suited her fair hair and complexion. Mary would have said anything to stop Sybil's line of conversation, but this evening she did genuinely mean that Edith looked pretty.
"Thank you Mary," she blushed, unable her to hide her joy at the remark.
"Marriage seems to suit you as well Mary...you're far nicer than before!" It was meant as an innocent humorous remark from Edith, and they all smiled, but it stung Mary. Not because of the likely truth behind it, but because it was a show, all of it. Inside she was hurting, her heart shattered into a million pieces, but she was not going to let it spoil Christmas. No-one else needed to know. She had managed to fool everyone for years before now. A few more days wouldn't make a difference, and she was certain that she could trust her youngest sister. She waited until Edith and Sybil had left and pulled her ring off, letting it fall to the dresser. She pulled her gloves on, fixed her smile, took a deep breath, locked away all of the emotions that were racing through her, and headed out of the room, head held high.
Granny had returned for dinner. Tom and James were dressed in their formal evening wear. "He relented, just for me. Just for when we're here and dining with Granny," Sybil muttered in her ear, answering her unspoken question. Mary smiled. She stood and spoke to James and Tom, as Sybil and Edith were occupied with Violet.
"Mr Crawley and Mrs Crawley," Carson appeared in the room and signalled for them to enter. Mary hid her shock and steeled herself. It was inevitable of course, but she hadn't thought it would be so soon. She thought she would at least have another day before she had to see him. She had waited until two days before Christmas to arrive in the hope of not seeing him much. Isobel walked in first. It took him an age to enter, or so it seemed to Mary. And then she saw him. Their eyes met as soon as he walked in. The brilliant blue that stopped her heart. He looked much the same as he had done on the day of Lavinia's funeral. Maybe slightly less pale. However, his expression was completely unreadable, his mouth set in a firm line.
"Isobel, Cousin Matthew, how lovely to see you. It has been far too long," Mary stepped forwards first, smiling brightly, holding out a hand to Isobel.
"Mary! What a surprise! We weren't expecting to see you until tomorrow," Isobel smiled warmly at Mary, whose gaze had now shifted to the woman in front of her. "Where is Sir Richard?"
"He is unable to be here, I am sorry to say. His business...cannot allow him the time away," she hoped no-one had noticed the catch in her voice.
"Mary, you were aware that Isobel and Matthew would be joining us weren't you? I did tell Edith to remind you..." Robert could see through his daughter's facade: the too-bright smile, and the over-friendliness that she used to hide her surprise at something.
"Of course," she smiled, and she looked over at Sybil and Edith who were staring at the floor, their smiles just visible. Isobel looked between the Earl and his daughters and smiled, as if realising something. "Christmas is about spending time with family after all," said Mary, before turning to face Matthew. It was time.
"Cousin Matthew, how are you?" If he was surprised at being addressed by her, he didn't show it. She allowed herself to look over him properly. He still had a cane, but did not seem to be leaning on it as heavily as he first had. He was in his formal evening clothes, and she noticed he was not wearing a black armband.
"I...I am well thank you, Lady Carlisle," he used her married name. It came out far ruder than he had intended. "I am sorry that Sir Richard is unable to join us," he tried to recover. He wasn't sure, but he thought she had flinched at the mention of her absent husband. Their eyes were searching each other's faces. Everyone else had gone back to their own conversations. Out of the corner of her eye, Mary could see Sybil watching them intently.
"Please Matthew; you can still call me Mary. In fact I should like you to. There is no need to be so formal." She was trying, god knows she was trying. She hadn't thought that it would be so hard. His last words to her were now ringing in her ears. She had to be the one to make the effort. He smiled and nodded briefly, "of course La...Mary." He opened his mouth as if to speak again, but they were called in to dinner before he could say anything else. Her face ached from forcing her smile, but it didn't falter as he indicated for her to go ahead of him.
