This story takes places in the upcoming season 20 but Noah, Jesse and Frannie don't exist. I just felt like writing some hurt/comfort fluff with my two favorite characters. :)

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Dark clouds are gathering on the horizon and swiftly creeping closer as Olivia Benson strides along the sidewalk, her gait unhurried despite the raindrops that have begun to splatter gently from the sky. She can hear the quiet pattering on the umbrella that is raised above her head, giving the metal pole a slight twirl with her hands as she walks and inhaling the sweet scent of rain with a deep, cleansing breath.

This has become a habit of hers over the years of working at the Special Victims Unit, and one she has taken up more frequently lately as the chaos and demands of her role as lieutenant weigh heavily upon her. Whenever the skies grow black and threaten to unleash a deluge of precipitation on the city, and it is feasible for her to do so, Olivia grabs her umbrella and heads outdoors with the intention of clearing her mind in the form of a long stroll through the wet streets and parks.

It is now her favorite hobby and something she looks forward to; the opportunity to settle her brain and body and soul, and think about nothing in particular as her neighborhood is washed clean and everything seems to sparkle anew when the rain is done, a chance for a fresh start. Olivia is never more calm and centered than when she engages in this simple activity and takes some much-needed time to enjoy nature, away from the craziness of the precinct and the television in her apartment.

She is oddly proud of herself for doing something so normal and uncomplicated on a fairly regular basis; for having the ability to pull away from the nearly-constant thoughts whirling around inside her head and from the horror and depravity that she and her squad are exposed to on a daily basis. It hasn't always been this way and has taken a very long time for Olivia to learn to put herself first once in awhile; to admit that it's perfectly okay to disengage from everyone and everything, as long as she eventually returns to her responsibilities and doesn't ignore them for too long.

Olivia suddenly halts in her tracks as the rain starts up a louder rhythm on the top of her umbrella, the drops beating harder against the fragile material and soaking the earth at her feet as she hovers at the edge of a small park fairly close to her building. She has begun to slowly wind her way back home with plans for a hot cup of tea and a warm bath, the autumn chill taking up residence in her bones and damp, colorful leaves sticking to the bottoms of her shoes, but a familiar figure sitting on a bench not too far away has caught her attention.

The small blonde woman has her head bent against the driving rain, long stands of hair clinging in soaked patches to her neck and shoulders, her slender form slumped and shivering as she drags the toe of one boot through the wet dirt below the bench. Olivia tilts her face to the side in confusion as she observes her forlorn co-worker and wonders what she is doing here on a Saturday evening, sitting by herself in the pelting rain as the remaining sunlight is swallowed up by the thick clouds.

"Amanda!" she calls out, her voice a mixture of perplexity and concern as she hurries toward the detective, watching as Amanda's head snaps up and the younger woman spears her with big blue eyes that stand out starkly against her pale complexion. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, hey, Liv, I didn't see you there," is the only response Olivia gets, a somewhat sheepish and apologetic smile playing at the corners of Amanda's lips; an expression she rarely sees from her most challenging subordinate.

"Amanda, what are you doing here?" she repeats firmly, her eyebrows pulling together in a frown as she takes in just how truly saturated and cold the other woman is, a bluish tinge to her mouth and rainwater rolling down the light fall jacket she is wearing.

Amanda's eyes are slightly bloodshot and there are droplets of liquid streaking her cheeks, Olivia's dark orbs narrowing in worry as she wonders if it's rain or tears on the smaller woman's face. She has still not received an answer for Amanda's unexpected appearance in a neighborhood that is nowhere near her own, and Olivia takes a seat on the damp bench beside her, holding the umbrella over Amanda's head even though the gesture is futile at this point.

Amanda's entire body is shuddering violently now, her teeth chattering audibly, and Olivia moves close enough to her on the dripping piece of wood so the younger woman's arm is brushing against her side as she continues to hold the umbrella over the quivering form. Amanda appears both amused and grateful by this unnecessary action and shifts closer to her in return, Olivia placing a palm over the detective's hand and Amanda's skin feeling clammy and freezing beneath her own.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" she asks softly, a note of sternness visible underneath her tender tone, as Amanda doesn't seem to be in the mood to chat but Olivia needing to know why she's here. "Did something happen? Are you hurt or sick?"

"No, nothing happened," Amanda replies with a shrug, those unreadable cobalt eyes swinging briefly in Olivia's direction before darting away. "Don't worry, Liv, I'm fine."

Olivia arches a disbelieving eyebrow and nudges Amanda with her shoulder while giving a shake of her head. "I don't think you're being honest with me right now."

"Okay, I'm not exactly fine," Amanda concedes surprisingly quickly, still avoiding Olivia's penetrating gaze. "But I'm not hurt or sick either. I'm just..."

"Just what?" Olivia probes gently when the other woman trails off uncertainly.

"Just...lost."

"What do you mean?" Olivia murmurs in concern, aware that Amanda is not talking about her physical location but something much deeper.

"I don't know," Amanda mutters dejectedly, her head hanging low as she speaks and the strengthening rain making it difficult to hear her voice over the water drumming steadily on the umbrella above them. "I just...I just needed someone today, Olivia...a friend, I guess. So I came to your neighborhood and then chickened out because I didn't want to bother you on the weekend when you finally have some time off."

"You're not bothering me at all," Olivia assures her, neglecting to mention that this is the only time all week she has finally had a chance to be alone, but realizing that she really doesn't mind Amanda's presence. "I was just about to head back to my place for a hot cup of tea. You're welcome to join me, if you want. You can take a warm shower and borrow something else to wear, since you're looking pretty soaked and miserable there."

"You don't have to do all of that for me," Amanda mumbles in a self-conscious voice, causing Olivia to frown again at the other woman's uncharacteristic demeanor. "I'll just be on my way. I really am okay, Liv."

"Amanda, you said that you needed a friend today and you have one sitting right next to you, offering to spend some time with you," Olivia replies with a touch of exasperation in her tone, elbowing Amanda gently in the arm. "So why don't you take me up on my offer and come home with me and get warmed up? The weather is getting worse and you shouldn't be out here if you don't have to be. You're going to catch a cold."

"Well, you're out here too," Amanda points out wryly as she finally throws a glance at Olivia, their eyes meeting and locking together. "And the umbrella isn't doing much to keep you from getting just as soaked as I am."

"I like to walk in the rain to clear my head," Olivia explains with a soft smile, deciding to open up a bit to Amanda in the hope that it will be reciprocated. "It's actually become one of my favorite things to do."

"Why do you need to clear your head?" Amanda inquires gently, their gazes still trained intently on one another and a look of concern shining in her eyes now. "This week hasn't been too bad, has it? I mean, it wasn't great, but we've definitely had much worse at the precinct."

"No, it wasn't terrible," Olivia agrees with a shrug of her own and a self-deprecating smirk. "It was just busy and I find that I need more time to unwind from everything now. One of the joys of getting older, I suppose."

"You're not old, Liv," Amanda chuckles lightly, giving her a nudge with her elbow in return. "And I understand needing to clear your head as much as possible. I do the same thing sometimes. But today I just...needed to clear my head with someone else, I guess."

"Are you sure you're okay, Amanda?" Olivia prods quietly, feeling honored that her detective has chosen to come to her instead of Fin or Carisi, and glad that their friendship has been deepening incrementally over the past year. "You seem really down and I can't help but notice that you've been crying."

"That's rainwater, Liv, not tears," Amanda scoffs with a roll of eyes, but her gaze slides away to focus on the muddy ground once more.

"I think you're being dishonest with me again," Olivia acknowledges softly, trying to keep the judgment from her voice and eager for Amanda to open up to her. "But we can discuss that once we're warm and dry. Come on, let's get you inside."

She coaxes Amanda up from the bench, the two of them struggling to their feet together as a gust of wind causes the rain to lash even harder against their drenched bodies. "Stay under my umbrella," Olivia encourages as she hooks an arm through Amanda's and begins guiding her from the park back to the street, wanting to protect the younger woman from the elements even though Amanda is already sopping wet.

She is relieved that her building is not too far from here and ends up wrapping one arm around Amanda's vigorously shivering frame while holding the umbrella up with the other, keeping her co-worker pressed close to her taller body as they hurry along the sidewalk. Amanda is leaning more heavily into her the farther they walk, as if she is too cold and tired to remain upright and just wants to collapse onto the flooded ground, Olivia tightening her hold on the shuddering figure.

They are both soaked to the bone when they reach the door of her apartment, the umbrella having quickly become useless as the rain had pelted down harder and harder with every passing second. Olivia ushers Amanda inside where they drip giant puddles onto the floor as she leans the soggy umbrella against the wall and dashes into the bathroom to retrieve some towels, trying without much success to keep from trailing water all over the place.

They dry themselves off as best they can while standing in the entryway, rubbing the towels roughly over saturated hair and clothing and skin, shrugging out of jackets that are weighed down with rainwater and hanging them over the coat hook to dry. Olivia urges Amanda to get in the shower first when she notices the younger woman's shivering has only intensified even though they are now indoors, Amanda actually agreeing with her instead of insisting that she's fine the way she is.

After finding the detective something suitable to wear and taking a shower of her own, Olivia prepares boiling hot cups of tea and ducks beneath the woolly red blanket she keeps on the couch, offering to share it with Amanda. When they are sitting side by side on the cushions, sipping from china cups and snuggled together underneath the blanket, Olivia finally begins to feel some warmth seeping back into her chilled body and heaves a contented sigh.

When she glances over at Amanda, expecting to see the same contentment from the blonde now that she is warm and dry as well, Olivia is surprised that Amanda's chin is wobbling and her hands are trembling as she raises the cup of tea to her mouth. "Hey, what's going on?" she asks softly, taking the drink away from the other woman and setting it on the coffee table before she can spill it on herself, watching as Amanda blinks rapidly in an effort to hold back tears.

"Talk to me," Olivia urges quietly when Amanda inhales a shaky breath but otherwise doesn't respond, taking a small hand into her own and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Tell me why you needed a friend today."

"It's just...everything," Amanda finally blurts out in a voice that is choked with sudden emotion, the words spilling from her mouth in a tidal wave of anxious sadness. "I'm still having nightmares and flashbacks about what happened with Esther Labott. My last relationship was a complete disaster but my cheating ex has been messaging me because he wants to get back together, even though I never want to see him again. I've started having urges to gamble because I'm so stressed out; urges that I haven't had for years now. Everything has just seemed so overwhelming and hard to handle lately. I just feel lost, like nothing is going right and my life is a complete mess and I don't know how to make things better for myself. It just made me realize-"

Amanda pauses abruptly in her frenzied tirade, cutting herself off mid-sentence and Olivia somewhat taken aback by the unexpected amount of personal information that is being shared with her, but glad that Amanda has decided to open up to her instead of keeping it all bottled up inside. She squeezes her hand again in silent encouragement for the younger woman to keep talking, dark eyebrows pulling together in a disconcerted frown when the detective pulls her hand away and scrubs her palms across face before shifting over on the cushions to create some space between them.

"Hey, is there a reason you're trying to get away from me right now?" Olivia asks in a gently teasing tone, choosing to remain in her spot on the couch instead of sidling closer to Amanda in an effort to provide more of the physical comfort that comes so naturally to her. "I know you don't usually like sharing issues that are so private, but you don't have to be embarrassed about it, honey. I'm happy to listen. Why don't you finish what you were saying? What has it made you realize?"

Amanda simply shrugs in response, a pinkish tinge coloring her pale cheeks, and Olivia can practically feel the embarrassment radiating off of her, wishing she could do something more to convey how much she really doesn't mind having this discussion. She feels privileged that Amanda has chosen to confide in her about topics that are difficult to speak of and would normally be kept hidden, and is grateful for their gradually deepening friendship; a relationship that Olivia has actually wanted for years, but has taken such a long time to develop for a number of different reasons.

"It made me realize how truly alone I am," Amanda finally mutters in a nearly inaudible voice, Olivia's gaze full of empathy and compassion as she watches the other woman lean over to pick up her cup of tea from the coffee table. "And how I've always thought I was so good at being by myself and that's what I actually preferred, but I was wrong. I have to deal with everything on my own all the time and I have no one to turn to-"

Olivia gasps and winces as the cup suddenly slips from Amanda's grip and hot tea splashes down the front of the borrowed sweatshirt she is wearing, staining both the soft material and the delicate skin of Amanda's hands, listening to the whimper of pain that follows. She immediately springs up from the couch and rushes into the bathroom to run ice cold water over a washcloth, returning to the living room and kneeling down in front of the sofa to press the cloth lightly against the growing red splotches on Amanda's hands.

The smaller woman's head is bent forward and her shoulders are shaking, no sound emitting from her lips but Olivia quite certain that she is crying, and reaching up to thread her fingers through the curtain of long hair that is hiding Amanda's expression from her gaze. She smooths one palm over the silky golden tresses while continuing to hold the cloth to Amanda's hands, impulsively placing a light kiss to the crown of the detective's blonde head and hearing a slight sniffle in response.

"Let me go get you something else to wear," Olivia offers gently when Amanda takes the cloth from her grasp and puts it under her shirt with a quiet hiss of relief, Olivia figuring there are some minors burns on her stomach and chest as well.

She can see tears falling from those big blue eyes when she finally gets a glimpse of Amanda's face, her beautiful features pinched and her front teeth biting hard into her lower lips as if trying to stifle a sob, and she decides the clothing can wait for a moment. "Come here, honey. It's okay, I've got you," Olivia whispers tenderly as she takes Amanda into her arms, the younger woman not resisting at all and instantly melting into her embrace.

They hold each other for a few minutes without speaking, Amanda crying softly into her shoulder as Olivia rocks the trembling figure back and forth until she can no longer ignore the ache that has taken up residence in her knees from kneeling on the floor. She lets go of Amanda long enough to tuck herself back under the blanket beside her, assuring her friend that she's not going anywhere when she hears a faint noise of protest at the movement, and taking Amanda back into her arms once she is settled.

"I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now," Olivia says quietly when Amanda has started calming down and is curled into her taller frame on the cushions. "But when you said that you're alone and have no one to turn to...well, if that were actually true, you wouldn't be here with me right now, would you? We wouldn't be sitting on my couch together, drinking tea on a rainy Saturday evening while you talk to me about what's going on in your life."

"I'm sorry," Amanda blurts out shamefully as she raises her tear-stained face and Olivia gets a peek at the loneliness and melancholy that reside in the depths of those watery orbs. "I shouldn't be bothering you outside of work; I shouldn't be at my lieutenant's apartment on the weekend. It's pathetic-"

"Amanda, stop, honey, just stop," Olivia interrupts with a shake of her head and the hint of a chastising smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. "I wasn't looking for an apology and I've already told you that you're not bothering me. I was just letting you know that you're not alone, even though it might feel that way. I feel the same way too sometimes, but then I remind myself that it's not true; that I have people around me who love and care for me and will be there if I ever need them for anything."

When Amanda doesn't look entirely convinced, her eyes narrowed and her forehead puckered with worry, as if the younger woman is trying to ascertain whether her boss is being honest or not, Olivia strokes her hand over a prominent cheekbone and wipes away a stray tear with the pad of her thumb. "And it's definitely not pathetic to need help when things seem overwhelming and out of control," she continues with a soft vehemence. "You're welcome here anytime, Amanda, and I mean that, okay? Thank you for trusting me enough to start opening up to me about what's been going on. How about we keep talking while I make you another cup of tea and find some more dry clothes for you to wear?"

Amanda nods slowly in response, a tentative smile stretching across her face and a light chuckle emitting from her lips. "That sounds great, Liv, thank you. But hopefully I won't go through every single outfit you own while I'm here. I'll try not to spill tea all over myself this time, and I'll remember to carry an umbrella if there's rain in the forecast."

"I've got plenty of clothes to spare," Olivia assures her with a gentle grin and a pat on the knee, glad to be ensconced with Amanda in the cozy warmth of her apartment while the rain patters steadily against the windows and darkness overtakes the last bit of daylight. "And I don't mind sharing my umbrella with a friend."