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I own nothing. I know less. Naruto and the world he inhabits, belongs to another and I'm simply borrowing them for my own amusement. Thank you

Ruto's Big Adventure

Hiruzen Sarutobi was a smart man. He was the longest serving Hokage for a reason. He was called The Professor for a reason. He was known of and feared as The " Kami no Shinobi" for a good damn reason. Hiruzen Sarutobi was a very smart man.

However, even this legend needed a moment to process the information given to him by his most trusted physician, Dr. Kamo "Bones" Heboisha.

"Could you repeat that, Kamo-san," the Sandaime quietly requested.

"Which part?", the gravel voiced doctor asked.

"Why don't we start back at the beginning , hmm.", Hiruzen tiredly replied as a weary sigh escaped his wrinkled lips. He felt older than even his advanced years could warrant, but then, given the amount of stress laid back upon his shoulders six years ago from the sacrifice of his successor and the resultant dumpster fire of public relations that was the Fourth's legacy, one would really have to forgive him this small moment of self pity.

"Damn it Hiruzen, I'm a doctor, not a bloody secretary. If your gonna forget it the moment it leaves my mouth, then write it down, for kami's sake. Better yet, kill two birds with one stone and get that little brunette you've got manning the door in here. She can take notes for you and give me something better to look at than your saggy old ass!", the cantankerous old healer groused, "It's the least you could do for all the times I've sewn that leathery carcass of yours back together."

The third chuckled warmly at his ranting old friend. "Bones" was one of the very few people left in the village older than the Hokage himself, and despite his gruff nature, one of most caring souls he had ever encountered. An accomplished healer before Hiruzen even became genin, Bones had taken care of countless injuries to Hiruzen and his teammates through the years. During that time, he never missed an opportunity to lecture them on the idiocy of their chosen profession. The abrupt doctor hated needless bloodshed and would often say to them as he treated them 'Why would anyone choose to work in a field where the usual plan of action is to kill the other poor bastard before he kills you. I swear, shinobi are born crazy or stupid and then spend their short lives trying to be more of both!'.

Yep, Bones was a piece of work, alright. Brilliant doctor, adamant pacifist and a mouth that will have it's say, attending company be damned! Even the Fire Daimyo was not immune. 'I delivered the brat, I'll say what I damn well please! Besides, at my age it would be considered a mercy killing.' Not that there was any danger considering the Daimyo also had a great fondness for the good doctor. No, Bones was the one person Hiruzen could always trust to tell him the truth. Admittedly in the most stark possible terms, but the truth regardless. And in the world of shinobi , that was a precious commodity. Especially when the subject was a politically charged six year old. Resident jinchuriki, Uzumaki Naruto.

"Please old friend, humor me. Just hit the important parts." Hiruzen said.

"Fine, damn it. Take Two." Bones snipped to the Hokage's further amusement. "The patient, one Uzumaki Naruto, was placed under my care five days ago for evaluation of abnormal behavior reported by the boy's watchers. Why the boy is just now seeing me and who thought it was a good idea leave the boy in ANBU headquarters for six months, I don't have a clue!"

"We had no choice," the Sandaime said, almost apologetically, "After what happened at the orphanage, it was the only option given the boy's fragile state of mind."

The ancient physician, while not physically impressive with his average (for a man in his late eighties) build, close cropped grey hair, and slightly rumpled brown kimono, still possessed an aura that spoke of authority. And as Bones' steel grey eyes bore into him, Hiruzen could not help but feel like a child under the disappointed gaze of his father.

"That's not what I'm talking about. I agree the boy should have been taken from that hell hole, and I wouldn't piss on the ashes if you burned the place to the ground. I also agree that he should be somewhere safe, and it doesn't get much safer than "Spook Central" I suppose." Hiruzen smirked at Bones' nickname for ANBU HQ. "No, what I'm upset about is the fact it took you almost half a year to contact me about the boy. What I'm hurt about is that you thought those snot-nosed, bed-wetting, numbnuts you call medics were more qualified to deal with an imbalanced container than the personal physician of Mito Uzumaki. What I'm mad about is that those masked morons of yours showing him how to access his chakra. Then they proceed to teach an unstable six year old how to do some basic jutsu, specifically the Henge, the Kawarimi, and the Bunshin no Jutsu. Might as well give a pound of chocolate and a pot of coffee to aschizophrenic squirrel. No, no, that was simply not far enough for these geniuses, no. They had to go and top themselves by allowing the brat to oversee one of them doing the Kage Bunshin. I mean, what's the worst that could happen if a slightly psychotic six year old with a metric shit-ton of chakra were to learn the ONE seal needed for damn thing. It's not like the little blond tornado is gonna get bored and try to imitate the funny "Doggy-faced Man", right? Morons." As he said this, a certain Inu masked ANBU was sweating nervously in the corner of the office, trying hard to blend further into the background.

" Now, instead of one sugared up spider monkey, we've got two hundred sugared up spider monkeys. I am too old for this shit, Hiruzen.", Bones huffed.

The Sandaime shook his head slowly with a bemused look on his face. "Yes, I'm aware of the efforts of certain subordinates of mine going outside the mission parameters and have spoken to them at length. I assure you, they were only trying to bond with Naruto-chan, in hopes that the friendship would help his fragile mindset. And I'm sure," he says as he stares at the corner of the room Kakashi is standing, "it was never intended for Naruto-chan to learn the Kage Bunshin at such a young age."

At that moment, Kakashi was trying to squeeze further into the corner, thinking this would be a good time for a national emergency.

"When a normal person tries to bond with a child," Bones said, " they buy 'em some ice cream, maybe take then to the park. What does a ninja do? Teach the kid how to kill a man with a paper clip. I'm starting to believe little 'Ruto may be the only sane one amongst them."

Hiruzen let out a heavy breath. "Bones, please, if we could return to the main topic of discussion. As I've said, I'm aware of the chakra training, and it's not the point. What I want to know about is Naruto's mental state at the moment. Now, if we…,"

"NO!", Bones shouted while stomping his foot beneath his chair, causing the Hokage to raise his eyebrows in surprise. " That is the point, Hiruzen."

Those techniques," Bones continued, "especially the shadow clone jutsu have made a touchy situation exponentially worse. Let's see if I can put this in terms even Hatake could understand." He sniped.

"When a child is born, it, like most animals, begins the process of imprinting. It starts learning, more or less, how to be human. How to act like any other member of society, everything from communication to hygiene. This early childhood is crucial for development, and if something is missed during this time, it will NEVER be fully fixed. There will always be something missing, so to speak, in the child's behavior as he grows. "

"In 'Ruto's case," Bones continues, "he was placed in a tiny room with almost no human contact for the first five and a half years of his life. Besides the bare minimum contact for feeding and washing, his sole form intellectual input was a small television and basic cable. Even taught himself to change the channels. He learned to speak watching reruns of M.A.S.H. and Happy Days. His only reference for social interaction was Monday Night Raw and Soap Operas. He was educated by the Science Channel and learned of God from TV Evangelists. Simply speaking, there is no Uzumaki Naruto. There is no real life for him. We are all part of another TV show to him and he believes he can simply change the channel when he get's bored."

"Now, that in itself is bad enough," Bones said," however, thanks to Wonder Mutt over there, this problem just got a whole lot stickier. In most children, when they learn to use their chakra, they start from a position of 'what can it do', meaning they have built in governors, or limiters of what they're physically and mentally capable of doing. This is important due to the imprinting process. By setting the boundaries, their own sub-conscious stunts their growth to a certain degree, but by doing so it allows for safer growth overall. This is necessary. It keeps all these chibi psychopaths from blowing out their own chakra coils in an attempt to do something they're not physically capable of. A circuit breaker, if you will. Normal. Healthy."

"Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. Occasionally you get the young prodigy that pushes the envelope further than their peers. Take Wonder Mutt , (the rain clouds deepen over Kakashi as he realizes that name is staying) or that freaky, little Uchiha zombie,.."

"Itachi." Sarutobi interjects.

"Whatever." Bones growls back, "Little bastard gives me the creeps. Anyway, those two were able to achieve things no one at their age should be able to, due to these inhibitors. They instinctually push past these barriers while their bodies adapt to the stresses and allow growth at an accelerated rate. However, keep in mind, accelerated - not exponential. They still conform to certain rules. Remember, this is Kami's game and everybody has to follow the rules. Everybody." He emphasized with a fist to Sarutobi's desk.

The look on Bones' face was not missed by anyone in the room. An already ancient man seemed to age further and had an expression that wavered between awe and denial. "At least," the good doctor continues, "everybody but 'Ruto."

"What does that mean, Kamo-san? Why would Naruto be any different." The Third ask. He had become nervous at the change in Bones' demeanor and almost dreaded the forthcoming answer.

Dr. Heboisha took a long drink from his sake saucer and slowly placed it back on the Sandaime's desk. "As I told you," he began, " most children begin with " what can it do" and crawl forward. Naruto, on the other hand, was raised without that grounding in reality. Thanks to his boob-tube upbringing and his almost unlimited source of chakra, he asks " what can't it do" , sprints forward and proceeds piss on the very rules the rest of us are shackled with."

A bewildered Hokage wrinkles his brow in thought, " I'm afraid I don't follow."

Bones cackles lightly, "Of course you don't," he croaks, " you think in the same three dimensions the rest of us do. 'Ruto is unique. He is a perfect storm of incredible genetics, bijuu chakra, heartbreaking childhood and absolute belief."

"In just the few days I've known him, I've come to see him as my own. You can't help but be drawn in by the smiling little ball of sunshine and insanity. But, he scares even me, Hiruzen," he finished softly.

The Hokage raised a graying eyebrow at that last bit. "Surely you're not afraid of the seal being weakened,. Jiraiya has looked at…"

"Nothing to do with the damn fox!" Bones injected forcefully, "A 50 meter murderous chakra construct bent on world destruction I can wrap my mind around. A six year old chakra generator with a questionable grasp on reality , a terrifying ability to bend said concept to his will and absolutely NO restraint to do so at any time for his own amusement scares the piss out of me. I'm not afraid of dying, hell, it'll be the first real vacation I ever got. But the thought of being trapped forever in a world of Ruto's making…"

"That's the part I'm not following," the Hokage interrupted, "what is this ability that has you so wound up? How dangerous could it be?"

An uncomfortable silence descended on the office as the aged healer simply stared out the window at the slowly fading light of day. When he finally spoke, it was with a soft and somewhat haunted tone.

"You ever wonder where God came from?" Understanding the obvious rhetorical nature of the question, no one answered and Bones continued. "Did He develop over time or just wake up one morning and fall into divinity. I only ask because that's what I wonder every time I watch Ruto "play" with the world around him. You could compare it to the Kurama clan's Genjutsu techniques, in as much as you could compare a tin butter knife to a masterwork katana. They create lifelike illusions that fool the person into believing what the Kurama wish them to, illusions so realistic that they can physically affect the victim to certain degree and, in the cases of certain clan prodigies, to an even more devastating degree. But still, these are just illusions. Incredible illusions, but illusions nonetheless."

"Naruto Uzumaki, however, is no illusionist." As Bones spoke, his gray eyes inferred a mix of childlike wonder and an ancient fear, equally calming and upsetting. "No," he shakes his head slowly "Naruto's chakra saturates everything around him, both inanimate and living, and injects itself. It's not painful and unless told so, you would never be aware. It's really insidious that way. There is no way we know of to stop it, with jutsu or seal. It imprints itself into everything but still remains HIS. This is the key. Because the chakra around him now belongs to both him and the those around him, he exerts his will upon it, and changes it to his desire. Now you might think this is impossible, I too felt that way, at first. But remember what we said about his development. If two ninja of equal chakra levels and ability were given a challenge to Kawarimi with the same object at the same time, all other things being equal, the ninja with the greatest WILL would succeed. In Naruto's case, he has more chakra than any thirty ninja in this village combined and one other key ingredient, absolute belief. No doubt, no fear and an unshakable will. To stop him from changing his environment, and subsequently you, to his whim would require not only equal or greater chakra levels but even greater willpower. And once he decides to change things, there is no real limit to what changes he can affect."

The other's present inside the Hokage's office grew pale with that statement.

"In essence, by giving him access to his chakra, those stupid spooks have given an insanely powerful, utterly believing, and firmly convinced of his own worldview - chibi-kami - the one thing you should never trust to a child."

"The remote control."

Just an idea I have been playing with. Opens a lot of avenues for plots and twists and funny business. -ShakePapa