Author's note:
O god! It's me, and I'm at it again! I've got stuff I'm working on, but do you think I can leave things be when the muse hits? Argh, I am so bad. This is an idea I got from something cjh4eva wrote:
Jack's explanation sounded true and he was not about to press further. He had got as much as he was going to get, for now anyway. He loved Jack and that meant he could forgive a lot. He resolved to help him feel better about his immortality. He didn't know how but he was going to do his best.
I hope you don't mind… Anyone who hasn't read any of these stories, they come highly recommended by me and in my opinion they're much better than mine, so give them a read if you will. And now, on with the story… My story.
Be There / Thank You
He's died again. And I'm there. I promised myself I'd be there, to try, in some small way, to make him feel better about his immortality. This time it's a weevil, and the whole team is out. We're after a large group of them, which have ventured into the older part of the city. I've left the others to find the last one; I know they'll manage. Some things are more important, and when Jack gasps back to life, his blue eyes wide with terror, or something still unknown, for just a second; before he sees me, leaning over him, holding his hand and stroking his face. Then his eyes return to their usual unfathomable depths and he smiles.
I've forgotten the world around me, hearing nothing, and seeing nothing but his beautiful face in front of me. And in that moment that he smiles, I know. I've done the right thing. He appreciates it- my presence, my attempt at comfort, to a dead man. I can't help him on the other side. In the darkness, there is no place for me there- yet. I can offer my support here though. Now, as he recovers. I lean down and place a chaste kiss on his lips, which are no longer cold and uninviting. Now they are soft and sweet. The kiss is platonic, and it is short lived, but it means the world to us both. To me, it is a reassurance he is alive. To him, a thank you. Thank you for being there beside him.
Gwen understands something. It has taken a few occasions before she sees it, but now she knows why Ianto stays behind with Jack's body. She heard Jack describe coming back to life as being dragged over broken glass. She had no idea until many nights later, while chasing after a shape-shifter, she'd slipped and fallen in some broken glass. The white hot pain of the lacerated flesh had been painful. Even after it had been cleaned- which was more painful than the fall had been, the pain remained. A dull, constant throb, beneath the dressing. Anything she touches, shoots more pain into the flesh. It hurts!
That was the analogy Jack had used to describe his resurrection. Now, after suffering that pain herself, she understands a little of what Jack goes through. That is why she no longer complains when Ianto abandons the team to chase after the last weevil, falling instead to Jack's lifeless form. And when one day Ianto isn't there to hold Jack's hand, when he can't fall to his side, Gwen does it. She stops the chase and kneels beside Jack. She can't do the same thing Ianto does, but she does her best. Grasping Jack's larger hand in her own, warming it between her fingers, and when he gasps into life, she meets his troubled gaze with reassurance. She tries to understand the disappointment that it's her and not Ianto, explains the young man's absence from his side and when he is ready, she helps him to his feet, doing her best to steady him herself and together they make their steady way back to the SUV.
Another time it happens and Jack dies, he's just saved our lives. At first we are all furious with him, because he locks the entire team in the SUV, so we can't get out, striding off on his own. But he knew what he was doing, and in the 60 seconds it took Tosh to override the systems, he'd taken in a lethal amount of poison, which painfully killed him, enabling us to neutralize the target and save the planet. This time it is more than one death that takes him, the poison not completely out of his system, and I remain in a kneel by his side. But there are no unceremonious jibes about hurrying up, and no suggestions of man handling him into the SUV. Everyone is there, but no one is heard. Instead they stand in a reverent circle, just waiting, patiently, for him to return. Our Captain, Our Leader.
And when he does, Jack is stunned to find, not only is the threat cleared and made safe, but his entire team understand what he has done. For once the sacrifice he made did not go forgotten by the world, because his team, will remember, Owen, Tosh, and Gwen stand around him, and Ianto kneels beside him. They will remember. And in turn when they are all dead and gone, he too will remember them. They are the best. Each of them, and he's proud.
Not a word is spoken, but when Jack staggers to his feet, supported by Ianto, he meets the eyes of each of them, Gwen, Owen, Tosh… Ianto and nods. It is a silent thanks, for their solidarity, their trust. They'd follow him to the ends of the Earth if he asked them now and although he never would, that alone means the earth.
Jack has never been heard by Tosh or Owen, speaking after a death. But that's because it is whispered. Only heard by a young man, kneeling close to his face, or a woman in his place, offering her own form of support. He does not make a big deal of it, despite how important it is. They'll never know how much he needs that gentle kiss, or those soft spoken words. Never understand how he relies on them for comfort. He hates this gift and curse he has been damned with, but each time there is someone there, it makes that first breath, that little bit more bearable. And so to show his thanks, explain in part what he means. He tries for two words, which now mean so much more:
"Thank You"
He whispers, once he has a breath. That first breath for life.
And in their eyes he wonders, do they know what he means?
Do they understand he appreciates it?
As much, if not more
Than they could offer him another way,
If someone would only stay.
And let him say
those heart felt words;
Just a simple: Thank You
Thats it. I'm sorry it got a little poet-ie the end but I couldn't help it! Hope you liked it still. ; ) Carrie
08.04.2009
