A/N: Please Enjoy :) I would much appreciate some feedback and opinions!
~The Little Trancy~
I couldn't believe the day…
When I caught Claude masturbating to a picture that wasn't of me.
Morning was here. It was trying to seep through my drapes to blind me with its harsh orange beams. I groaned as I heard my foster mother walk up the stairs to tell me to get ready for school.
"DON'T COME IN!" I yelled before she was even able to reach the doorknob. I heard her give out a disappointed sigh as she walked back downstairs.
Reaching out for my cellphone, I was hoping that the events of yesterday were just a dream. They weren't. I could tell because the two voice messages I had listened to over a million times were still on my phone, undeleted.
I couldn't bring myself to delete them, instead I tortured myself and listened to them again.
The first voice message from Claude:
Alois, I know you're there. Pick up... –long pause-
Alois… I'm sorry you had to see that. –hangs up-
I remember hearing this message for the first time, I was actually happy to hear real sorrow in Claude's voice. I was willing to forgive him, I just wanted him to grovel some more. I wanted to know that he would fight for me. I was willing to leave everything behind, as long as he would be fighting to keep me.
I wanted to forgive him even before he was sorry.
The second voice message from Claude:
Alois, I'm sorry, but we should end this.
Infidelity is no longer the issue. This thing we have, it's not healthy, for either of us.
.
-hangs up-
This was the message that killed me.
I was expecting a longer message, a message with more "sorry"'s and with a bit more grief.
But instead, I got a 10 second message, one sorry, and an accusation that I am not healthy, whatever that meant.
I've never hated anyone like I hated Claude right now, then again, I've never had any real emotion towards anyone besides Claude.
But this intense feeling of hatred, it didn't feel right. I've felt hatred before, but this feeling wasn't it. My chest just felt empty, as if a blackhole had replaced my heart. In that moment, I realized why anyone would ever freely choose to take his or her life. Death seemed a lot better than having to deal with the pain of living such cruel reality.
I wrapped myself within my arms, reminding myself that in the end, I couldn't depend on anyone but myself.
My demise was my own. I chose to be vulnerable, I chose to give up everything to a bastard. That fucking pedo.
"Why are humans so stupid to want the one thing that'll destroy them," I wept in my room for a while, trying to release these uncertain emotions with my tears.
I ended up getting my ass to school that morning. I don't know why, it was Tuesday. Claude only came to school on Wednesday and Fridays as a teacher's assistant, but it was probably a good thing that Claude wouldn't be at school today.
I remember the first day I ever saw Claude. He introduced himself as a college student who was majoring in Elementary Education and Cognitive Science, whatever that was. I automatically labeled him as a pedo, I mean, what kind of right-minded adult would want to study kids.
What intrigued me first was that he had this odd habit of playing with his glasses a lot, which I ended up stealing from him one day just to find out they didn't even have a prescription on them.
Little did I know, every passing week that he came to observe my 8th grade class, I found him more and more interesting. He was quite foreign to me, like a new toy you got for Christmas, but unlike stupid toys, I never got tired of Claude. I wanted to know him, and I wanted him to know me completely. I enjoyed his very existence.
I remember the first time I ever got to feel his touch. The day he asked me to stay after class to be interviewed for his research topic. He asked me about my family, if I had any pets, what my favorite kinds of food were, it made me so happy to have someone listen and record the things I said, as if I were so important. He then offered to buy me fro-yo, which was stupid because every kid would prefer ice-cream over fro-yo, but I didn't bother to correct him. I was just happy to have him near me, following me like he had a purpose of doing so.
That same day, I gave him purpose. He offered to drop me home since it was getting dark, I still remember the pine-scent of his leather car seats. I don't know what happened exactly in that moment, but I knew then what the annoying girls in my class were referring to when giggling about that "spark". That "spark" that fires up when two individuals have mutual interests for each other. However, rather than a measly spark, a fucking lightning bolt struck us instead.
He had grabbed my frail body from the passenger seat, unbuckling our seat-belts, and placed me on his lap, against the rigid steering wheel. He held my chin, starring into my eyes for a while as if arguing with himself if he should go any further. I started to rub my thighs against his crouch to give him the green light. He placed his lips softly on mine, interlacing his tongue with my very being. Claude wasn't my first kiss, so it was nice not feeling like an inexperienced noob, but his perfection in the sport really did leave me feeling like a kid.
The car's steamy windows were proof of our heated movements, but despite Claude driving a sizable SUV, the tight space did not give us much room to explore. I brought him up to my bedroom instead, since it was the late afternoon my foster mother had gone to work for her regular night shift. That night was the first of many. Although it was my first time ever doing anything with a man, I wanted him to leave nothing out. I gave him everything I had from the start.
"What the hell am I reminiscing about," I muttered to myself. I no longer enjoyed Claude's existence. In fact, I wanted him gone, forever.
Our 8th grade homeroom teacher, Miss Hannah, never failed to bore us to death with her complaints about her life, specifically about her boyfriend who seemed to only want her for her oversized tits. I don't know if she understood that boys our age were engulfed with hormonal tendencies as well. Fortunately for me, I surrounded myself with friends who didn't stare at our teacher's voluptuous tits all day.
Oh wait, I don't have any friends.
"As many of you may know, the spring play is just around the corner! This year's play will be a rendition of 'The Little Mermaid'. I know that usually we pick 8th graders to play the main characters, but this year we've chosen someone form the 7th grade to be the Prince due to his talented acting skills. Class, let me introduce Ciel Phantomhive from room 7-B," my mouth gaped open as Miss Hannah brought in a raven-haired boy with huge midnight blue eyes.
He was the one on Claude's picture. The face Claude fantasized about.
My fists tensed up, and I felt my head getting hotter and hotter.
This was the boy who stole Claude away from me. I wanted to kill him, I wanted him to suffer like how I was suffering.
"And unfortunately, the girl we picked to play Ariel, Elizabeth Midford, is unable to continue her role due to some issues with her throat. So the role is open to any—"
"I VOLUNTEER!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Jumping off my seat, I looked like a fool with a severe case of Tourette's.
The whole class turned to scowl at my rash outburst, another girl laughed as she pointed out, "you can't be Ariel! You're not a girl!"
The whole class simultaneously laughed in hysteria. I bit my lip, I didn't realize what I was doing, but I wasn't going to back down. I was going to make Ciel suffer, I just needed to get closer to him.
"I don't give a rat's ass! I'm going to play Ariel!"
Ciel gave me a stern look, despite having the whole classroom explode with laughter.
"I don't see why not. I mean, costumes do make miraculous transformations. Miss Hannah?" Ciel asked for confirmation. Miss Hannah just shrugged, it was obvious she was indifferent towards the play in general.
"Well if no one wants to compete for the spot, the part of Ariel will go to Alois."
No one in the classroom objected, I was shocked at how well things were going.
"Alois, we have practice today afterschool. It is mandatory," Ciel walked towards me to give me a copy of the script. I was able to catch a full glimpse of his face up-close. His eyes were like huge blue lagoons, his right eye a shade brighter than his left, just waiting to drown any susceptible victim. He even smelled like a fresh breeze, a mix of jasmine and morning dew. I liked it.
Fuck, I cursed under my breath. I now understood the strange attraction that Claude could have had towards this boy; his every movement was able to conjure up any sorts of fantasies. The rounded shape of his rose-pink lips, his fragile shoulders, his mesmerizing bi-colored eyes, his smug voice, he was utterly perfect. I was caught between the heavy urges of ripping his head off and wanting to grope him on this floor right at this very moment.
I felt a tense feeling near my crouch, the blood flow could not be stopped, and even my cheeks began to turn red.
"The school takes these plays very seriously, I hope you understand that," and with those words he left me suffocating under my trousers and speechless.
I had arrived to the school auditorium right after my last class that afternoon. I looked around to see some of the production crew hang up the props for the underwater scenes of The Little Mermaid.
I looked around too see if I could spot Ciel, but he was nowhere around.
"You must be the one playing Ariel. Ciel notified me you'd be a boy, but with a face like that you can easily pass as our female protagonist," a tall, slender adult male approached me from the orchestra section. He was wearing black slacks, a plain white v-neck, and a baggy black zip-up hoodie. His hair was a bit long, trimmed appropriately to shape his face, and his fringe gave him a sophisticated, yet artful look.
"I'm Sebastian Michaelis, the director and musical producer of this show," he reached out to shake my hand, but I didn't oblige. His lips stretched into a sly grin, his crimson eyes analyzing mine, as if knowing that he could break my rebellious streak if given the chance.
"Hey Sebastian, where do you want me to put these costumes?"
My body froze up as I heard that unmistakable voice from behind.
I couldn't turn around. I couldn't bear to see his face; I wasn't ready. Why was he even here, it was Tuesday!
"Anywhere's fine, oh Claude did you meet or new Ariel?"
But I ran up backstage before he could even see my face, I didn't want him to see me, especially being so vulnerable. I felt tears of frustration roll down my cheeks, my chest also started to tighten. Seeing his face would be like having vinegar over an open wound, I needed time to heal. Due to fatigue, my knees gave out on me and my body fell to the floor. Needing a sense of security, I hugged myself in fetal position trying to muffle my cries.
"Why are you crying," Ciel was backstage, trying to adjust his costume. His voice didn't seem too concerned of my current state of despair. In fact, his supposed question seemed more of a demand for me to stop crying than a genuine act of concern.
I wiped away the excess tears before I looked up to see his princely attire. I almost choked on my tears, observing how the seams of every inch hugged his body perfectly.
"None of your shitty business," I muttered.
But then, Ciel did something unexpected. He plopped a strawberry red wig on top of my head and smirked.
"Get up my princess, a beautiful face like that doesn't deserve to be soiled with unnecessary tears," Ciel's attitude had totally changed. His eyes were softer, his voice more suave.
"What the hell is your problem," I glowered as I tried to move away from his line of vision, but he had forcibly pinned me against the wall before I could escape. I was trapped, helpless as a butterfly pinned to its demise.
"You're hurting, but I can fix that. My sweet princess, daughter of Triton, why must you be so sad," Ciel whispered so close into my ear that it sent chills against my spinal chord. However, it wasn't his grasp that held me against the wall, it was the mesmerizing effect of his sapphire eyes that trapped me in place. The fresh honey lavender scent from his body intoxicated my sense of smell. In that moment I realized that this Ciel Phantomhive was a complete psycho, but a sweet smelling one.
"What does he mean by daughter of Triton?! Wait a minute, are we roleplaying?!" I realized that all Ciel needed to spark his creative "acting skills" was for me to wear a wig, despite it being a cheaply made one at that. To Ciel, I wasn't Alois Trancy right now, I was fucking Ariel, the little mermaid. But I refused to play this stupid game.
"This is all your fault you know! If Claude had never seen you, everything would have been fine again!" the suppressed angst within me was beginning to seep through. I took off the stupid, itchy red wig and threw it on the ground. Like a spell had been broken, Ciel had released me from his grasp instantaneously.
"Sorry," Ciel was holding his forehead like he had just woken up from a bad dream, embarrassed, "I've just been trained as an actor to really get into character once I'm in costume, and I guess just seeing you in that wig really kind of… set me on?"
I thanked God that he didn't use the synonym "turn" for that last bit, because that would have made a very awkward phrasing.
"And why would you mention Claude? The Props and Costume guy? Is he the reason why… you're like this?" Ciel was referring to my obvious state of misery.
"…I don't know, I guess you can say that. Wait, are you and Claude close?!"
"Not really, I mean I don't really know how you define 'close'. He's been helping everyone with costume and prop adjustment, especially with my costume since I need help getting it on since it's so heavy."
"Wait, so he helps you put on your costume?!" it was like having my biggest fear come to life. How long has Claude been seeing, and TOUCHING, other bodies besides my own?!
Ciel was beginning to read between the lines, "look, if you think that Claude and I have something going on, you're dead wrong, I don't even know the guy!"
"I CAUGHT HIM FANTASIZING ABOUT YOU!" all the worried thoughts that flooded my mind had been forced out my mouth. It stung to even accept the fact that I was no longer Claude's only muse.
Ciel just starred at me with an unreadable face.
"And you want revenge don't you? That's why you volunteered to be Ariel so eagerly," Ciel read my intentions so plainly, as if they were laid out as plainly as an instruction manual, "usually I wouldn't approve of using that art of theatre for the use of something as boorish as revenge, but for your case I'll make an exception."
Ciel grabbed my hand and lead me to the main stage area, where a large velvet curtain separated us from the vastness of auditorium. We were cloaked in darkness, with only a small spotlight aimed at center stage. It was just us two, and a bunch of poorly drawn water creatures on cardboard.
"I have a plan, just go along with it, but make sure this remains on," Ciel once again forced the hideous ginger wig on my head. I didn't know why, but something inside me wanted to follow his orders, like I could trust him for some reason. I sighed, as I tried to fit it on properly so it wouldn't fall.
Ciel approached the large velvet curtains, peeking through the small line of light that separated the right and left curtain. His eyes wandered around for a bit before laying his eyes on Sebastian, the director. He grinned mischievously; he was going to get his standing ovation.
It came like a bolt of lighting. Ciel had tackled me to the ground with his forceful kiss. It was too dark to see clearly, but I swore I saw a spark of pure madness in his eyes. He began to work his way from my lips down to my neckline. His hands began to explore my body. I felt the rub of his pelvic bone against mine, I let out a small unexpected moan. I was surprised by his technique; he had obviously had a very astute teacher.
"You have to be louder than that, let them notice us, have Claude recognize that voice," Ciel ordered me as he slipped his hands under my shirt. I was so confused, things were moving so fast, but I followed his orders anyways. I let out the most sensual noise I could find within my throat as I felt Ciel's hands slip under my pants.
"No, not there," I panted as I felt him tightly grasp my member, moving his hands vertically. He was so good at this, I wasn't even sure if this was part of Ciel's "master plan".
He began to thump his knees against the wooden stage to attract more attention. His grasp had gotten even faster and more forceful and I could feel myself almost reaching my limit.
"Scream for me," he ordered. It was too embarrassing, just taking all these orders from a kid and me having no say.
I sighed, if this is what it's going to take to get Claude back, I'd do whatever it takes.
I soon felt Ciel's lips move towards my crouch area, he pulled my hard member from my briefs and began to play with me with his tiny tongue. He then slowly took me into his mouth, in that moment I didn't even have to fake it. I let out a scream of ecstasy, a noise that Claude would have never mistaken.
I heard footsteps rush over to the stage area. Was it Claude? Please tell me it's Claude. Please.
"It's the grand finale Alois," Ciel turned me over and pulled my shorts down to reveal my bare, naked ass.
Fuck, he was going to fuck me.
"NO, YOU CAN'T!" this time I was being serious. It wasn't one of those no's that actually meant yes. I couldn't go threw with this, it wasn't a stupid game anymore. I wasn't ready to give myself up to someone else.
Because I was still waiting for him to come back to me. In that moment, I realized that I wasn't over Claude and I didn't know how to get over him. In all honestly, I didn't want to get over him at all. I wanted Claude, and only Claude.
I heard Ciel unbuckling his belt. He tightly grabbed my boney hips in place while I was kneeling in front of him half naked. I shut my eyes tight to the point where tears began to swell my tear ducts.
I wasn't ready. I didn't want to go through with this. I screamed the only name my throat was familiar with.
"CLAUDE!"
Suddenly, I heard a loud bang on the floor. I turned around to see Ciel paralyzed on the floor, a dark figure hovering over him.
It was him.
"Claude!" I yelled, reaching out my hands to grab him. He turned around to see my obvious state of misery. He grabbed me into a deep embrace, and tears instantaneously started to fall down my face. It almost felt surreal, to be in his arms again.
"C-Claude, please don't leave me, please, I-I need you Claude. I need you!," my voice began to shake as I was stretching Claude's black knitted sweater from its seams.
It wasn't long until the director Sebastian came onto stage as well.
"What the hell is going on," Sebastian asked as he walked into a train wreck of a scene. He then saw a figure sprawled onto the floor, realizing it was Ciel, he ran to his aid.
"My Lord, are you alright!?" Sebastian quickly brought him to sitting position. He noticed Ciel's pants were unzipped, and he looked across the stage to see that Alois' pants were completely off. He started to put all the pieces together.
"You lost control again, didn't you Master…"
Ciel was in a half-dazed state of consciousness; he reached out his hand to touch Sebastian's cheeks. This brought Sebastian back to the days of when first giving Ciel acting lessons; he knew Ciel had the potential to be one of the greatest. He just needed more control of his emotions, it was good to be attached to one's character but a true actor knew when to detach as well. Ever since Ciel's first acting lesson, he referred to him as "Young Lord" or "Master" because he believed he was in complete servitude to Ciel's passions for the art of acting.
Sebastian also felt this strange sense that maybe they had crossed paths in a past life. He found it odd how being with Ciel, guiding and serving him, felt nothing short of natural.
"I did it S-Sebastian, I took control. I became a true actor," with those trembling words Ciel had passed out from the hard impact he had with the wooden stage. Claude had jostled him pretty hard. Sebastian sighed as he carried Ciel's limp body back down to the auditorium. He met eye contact with Claude, but did not bother to say a word.
I saw Sebastian carry Ciel in his arms away from the stage. Claude and I were shrouded by the darkness of the large velvet curtains, ostracizing the stage area from what seemed like the actual world.
I lifted my chin up to get a good look at Claude's face, but his face was emotionless as always.
I grabbed onto him tighter, but he didn't seem to reciprocate my wanting actions.
It was funny. I could almost see our bodies in the middle of this dimly lit stage from above, as if I were astro-projecting.
It was like watching a devastating scene of a train headed towards a bridge that was missing its train tracks.
We were headed for disaster, but I couldn't do anything about it but watch.
I was okay with it though. I didn't care if this thing was going to lead us to death.
As long as what was now was real, I didn't mind.
