Moving on
Alistair/Cousland – one shot
Disclaimer: Bioware owns everything - thank you for the chance to write about these characters.
Looking over the map of Amaranthine one last time in the war room, I struggled to reach the last buckle on my armor.
"You never could reach that last one, here let me." Alistair's rich voice flowed over me as he stepped closer and fastened the last one. Gripping my shoulder he guided me to face him.
His hands were so warm, I could feel it bleeding through my armor. My eyes closed for a moment. Oh Maker, I missed him, his touch, his strength, his smell. But every moment in his presence pushed another shard of agony further into my heart. He had arrived a dawn under the rouse of inspecting the troops, but had spent most of the morning trying to persuade me to return with him to Denerim.
At the sound of his voice I opened my eyes again meeting his rich gold ones.
"Liss please, won't you reconsider. I love you, I need you. Come back to Denerim with me."
I blinked for a moment then shook my head and stepped out of his reach to break his spell. My eyes rose to the ceiling. All I ever wanted was him, isn't my shattered heart enough? Maker, am I to be tortured forever?
I lent my shoulder against the window frame and stared out at the courtyard without seeing.
"How can you ask this of me?... To be forever hidden in the shadows, your mistress but never your wife. I will not be your secret Alistair, your other option. I deserve more than that and so does Caitlyn."
"I don't love her. I love you, I have always loved you!" He pleaded.
"Why now? Why didn't you say anything after the blight ended?" But my question was repaid with silence.
"You made your choice Alistair, the moment you let Eamon in. Please don't make this any harder." My voice shook with anger and despair as I turned away, unable to look at him. Eyes dry and burning with tears I could no longer shed. My broken heart ached for him. And if he came to me now, my resolve would shatter.
A sharp knock at the door broke the mood and I turned to see Nathaniel stepping into the room. A small grateful smile came to my face.
"We are ready to leave Commander."
"Thank you Nathaniel. I will be right there." I paused for a moment to take in all that Alistair was. Every bit a King, in clothing and demeanor, how different this man was now from the man I had fallen in love with. My eyes caught the gold band on his left hand and my decision was made. Grabbing my gloves from the table I gestured to the door as Nathaniel turned to leave.
"Leave the door open, the King was just leaving." Shaking off the last of his influence on I paused at the door a moment before stepping through and turned to the King.
"Go home to your wife Alistair. There is nothing for you here."
"Elissa, PLEASE I…" Shaking my head I raised my hand to his words, tears burning my eyes and voice.
"If you truly love me, you'll let me go."
He stepped rapidly towards me, but I fled through the door and away from the one person that had hurt me the most.
Alistair burst out of the war room and into the corridor, hands clenched and angry from my denial. And just as I stepped out into the courtyard I heard his angry bellow.
"ELISSA COME BACK."
I let the midday light and crisp autumn air wash over me like a cleansing wave. And with a deep breath, I strode towards my horse and waiting company.
It was time to move on.
