The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men characters in any form has taken off somewhere to hide out. I got this idea shortly after writing 'Insults in Cartoon Form'. Let's face it. Some fics just write themselves! So this crazy little multi-chapter fic is a sequel to that! So go read that first if you haven't.
Hanging Out at The Hood House
Chapter I: Welcome To The Brotherhood Hotel
"IT'S THE INVASION! IT'S THE INVASION! THE ENEMY IS AT OUR VERY DOORSTEPS!" Pyro screamed as he ran around with his flamethrowers and a small missile launcher.
"Pyro, the enemy isn't invading," Wanda yawned as she trudged down for breakfast. "Cyclops is staying the night because Jean kicked him out because of that stupid cartoon show."
"I know that," Pyro rolled his eyes. "I'm talking about the pineapple invasion! The pineapples are outside our door and preparing to take over the planet!"
Wanda looked outside the kitchen window and saw dozens of pineapples in the back yard. Some of them had little helmets on. "Oh yeah. So they are. Well Pyro you'd better get going."
"Right! CHARGE!" Pyro screamed and soon the sounds of him blowing up the produce were heard.
"Morning Sis," Pietro walked in yawning. "I see Pyro's up."
"You set up all that stuff in the back yard again last night didn't you?" Wanda asked as she took out some toast.
"Well it is that time of the month," Pietro yawned. "You know when he gets unusually hyper. It takes so little to make him happy. Let him blow up some pineapples and make him think he's a big hero and for a few days he'll be nice and quiet."
"TAKE THAT FOUL FRUIT! HA HA HA HA!" Pyro cackled. "BURN BABY BURN!"
"I gotta admit, It's cheaper than Prozac," Wanda shrugged.
"Morning!" Todd hopped in with Fred and Lance behind him.
"So did you guys sleep all right?" Pietro asked, mostly out of curiosity.
"I slept great," Todd nodded. "Even with Summers sharing my bed. But he does make these weird whimpering sounds. And I don't think he really enjoyed my unrated puppet show of Desperate Housewives. Still it was nice to have someone to talk to."
"You think we should have told him about the guest room down the hall?" Fred asked.
"Nah," Lance smirked. "He needed to take his mind off of his problems. And what better way to forget about an angry telekinetic girlfriend than spending the night with Toad?"
"You have a point," Wanda said. "A sadistic point but a point."
BOOOM!
"Oh I see Pyro's up," Lance got some cereal. "That time of the month huh?"
"Yup," Pietro ate some cereal as well.
"Please God let there be coffee…"
"It's alive!" Lance said cheerfully as Scott stumbled into the kitchen.
"I have just had the worst night of sleep in my life…" Scott groaned, looking like death warmed over in grey sweatpants and a grey tank top. "And considering I've spent time in a cave, in a sewer and in jail…That's saying something."
"Oh come on Summers that bed was plenty big enough for the two of us," Todd snorted.
"It's not the bed itself it was what was on the bed and in the bed! I don't know what I slept on and I don't want to know…" Scott groaned as he sat at the table. "I think my sheets were alive because they were moving!"
"Odds are they probably were," Pietro said. "Toad likes to eat in bed. And you know what his diet is!"
"It was probably the millipedes I had left over from last month," Todd licked his lips. "Don't worry. I got 'em out of your hair before you woke up."
"Wonderful," Scott groaned.
BOOOOOOOOOM!
"What the hell was that?" Scott startled. "Are we under attack?"
"Sort of," Pietro said.
"It's only Pyro," Lance explained. "He's just fending off a pineapple invasion. Nothing to worry about."
"A what?" Scott asked.
"We find it's easier to support some of Pyro's delusions," Pietro explained. "So we set up some fruit in the back yard, let him blow it up. Yada, yada, yada…Everyone's happy."
FOOOM!
"Well maybe not the neighbors since they wake up to chunks of pineapple on their windows," Fred remarked. "Wow look at that pineapple fly!"
"Is it always this insane in the morning or is this just a treat because I'm here?" Scott asked.
"Hey just be grateful that we have hot water and food on the table!" Lance snapped.
"After last night's dinner I'm not so sure," Scott groaned. "Granted it tasted good whatever it was but digesting it is another story. Blob what was in that casserole? And please don't tell me it was squirrel!"
"Of course it wasn't squirrel," Fred rolled his eyes. "That's not the animal we hit the other night with the jeep. I'm pretty sure it was a woodchuck but then again…"
"So I ate a woodchuck last night?" Scott asked.
"Mostly," Fred nodded.
"Mostly?" Scott whined. "What else was in it?"
"Well I normally don't give away family recipes," Fred said proudly. "But I'll give you a hint, there's no way you could have tasted any shell because when I found it on Route 9 it'd already been mostly smashed off."
"Okay…" Scott winced. "Let's review. My girlfriend just destroyed my car and kicked me out of my home. I had an evening filled with X-rated puppet shows and a meal of Road Kill Helper. I spent the night in a room the Addams Family would be afraid to stay in."
BOOOOM!
"And Pyro is waging his one man war on fruit in the back yard," Scott groaned. "Why is this happening to me?"
"I don't know but I'm glad it is!" Lance snickered.
"My life is just one big joke to you people isn't it?" Scott glared at him.
"To be fair, God provided the punch line," Lance remarked.
"This is my own fault," Scott groaned. "I knew there was going to be trouble as soon as I saw that picture of Emma Frost. Even as I heard the whistle leave my mouth and the words: 'Wow, that's some uniform,' I knew I was gonna get creamed!"
"That was kind of dumb and that's me talking," Fred agreed.
"Why the hell did I ask Jean if she had a blonde wig?" Scott groaned. "It was like my mouth was trying to kill me!"
"Well so is everyone else that meets you," Lance said. "I guess it was feeling left out."
"So what else do you people do around here besides trading insults and acting insane?" Scott asked. "I've always been curious what you do besides training. Since it's so obvious from the way you fight."
"Big words from a guy whose scared of his girlfriend," Todd chuckled. Wanda scowled at him. "Not that it's a bad thing! Right sweetums!"
Wanda responded by zapping him to the wall. "OW! She digs me!"
"I'd rather dig you a grave but I don't want to get dirt on my clothes!" Wanda snapped. "Is there anyone in the world more annoying than you?"
BAMPH!
"There you are Scott!" Kurt said. He was in his human form. He turned off his inducer. "I've been looking for you everywhere!"
"I really have got to stop asking such obvious questions," Wanda sighed.
"So how are you doing Scott?" Kurt asked.
"I am sharing a room with Toad," Scott glared at him. "How do you think I'm doing?"
"So is Hurricane Jean worn out yet?" Pietro quipped.
"Uh don't get me started on that!" Kurt groaned. "I wish the Professor never let them make that stupid cartoon! It isn't even on TV yet and already our lives are miserable!"
"Still mad huh?" Todd asked.
"And how," Kurt sighed as he sat down. "Jean telekinetically threw some coat hangers at me! They're imbedded in the walls!"
"Where is Xavier during all this?" Lance asked. "I mean how come he hasn't calmed the situation down?"
"The Professor is out of town and plans to stay out of town a bit longer than he intended," Kurt told him.
"He left just before the pictures were posted on the web and is hiding out isn't he?" Pietro asked.
"Yes and Storm is out tracking both him and Wolverine," Kurt sighed. "The way she was muttering about lightning and metal bones leads me to believe that she will angry for quite a while."
"What about Beast?" Scott asked.
"He's hiding in his lab," Kurt said. "And I can't blame him. The girls are on a rampage. All the other guys are living in fear. The rosebushes are burned to cinders and pieces of Logan's motorcycle are strewn all over the front lawn. It's absolute chaos back there!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOM!
"It's not exactly an island of serenity around here either," Scott groaned.
"What is going on?" Kurt asked.
"Pyro's just fighting some fruit," Lance waved. "Go on. So what else?"
"You say the girls are really mad at this cartoon too?" Todd asked.
"Somehow Forge was able to get some copies of possible story lines and out takes and let's just say they didn't exactly make some people happy," Kurt said.
"Such as?" Wanda asked. "I gotta hear this!"
"Okay Toad…Wanda…Please do not freak out about this…" Kurt winced. "There was this possible storyline…It is not official but…"
"Oh God! No! I'm not dating Toad am I?" Wanda shot up.
"No apparently you have a crush…On me," Kurt winced.
"Oh boy," Wanda let out a sigh of relief. "For a minute there I was worried. No offense Kurt its not much of a step up but still…"
"Wait a minute? You? And her?" Todd asked. "What about Amanda?"
"I don't think there is an Amanda in this series," Kurt sighed.
"Well that's pretty stupid," Todd snorted. "They could have used the whole mutant dating a human angle and they ignore that?"
"You're not…upset?" Kurt asked Todd.
"Please! Like you'd really cheat on Amanda," Todd rolled his eyes. "I've seen the way you make goo goo eyes at her! Please! Even I know it's just a cartoon."
"Well at least someone does," Kurt sighed. "Amanda did not take it too well when she found out. And…"
"And?" Pietro asked.
"I might have also made an unwise comment or two about Emma Frost's uniform," Kurt winced. "Needless to say neither my girlfriend nor my sister is happy with me right now."
"And I'm guessing every female in the mansion, am I right?" Wanda angrily folded her arms.
"Yeah. Amara made that clear when she set fire to my closet. Would you all mind if I hang out on the couch for a day or two?" Kurt asked.
"What is this? The Brotherhood Hotel?" Pietro shouted. "Maybe we should charge rent?"
"Nightcrawler can stay in my room," Lance offered. "What's one more furry thing running around here?"
"I told you Lance there are no more hamsters!" Todd said.
"And I'm telling you I can still hear them squeaking at night!" Lance snapped. "I don't know why they come to my room! But they do!"
BOOOOOOOOOM!
"PERISH PINEAPPLES! HA HA HA HA! I'M GONNA MAKE FRUIT SALSA OUTTA YOU!"
"On second thought…" Kurt blinked.
"As crazy as this place is it's still safer than your house!" Todd gave him a look.
"He's right," Scott said to Kurt. "All right, since we're probably going to stay here a little longer than expected we might as well pay for dinner tonight. How about pizza?"
"You're paying for food?" Fred perked up. "Welcome to the Brotherhood Boarding House Roommate!"
"We are?" Kurt asked. "You do know that you're probably going to max out your credit card with this one meal, right?"
"Kurt trust me," Scott groaned. "It's worth every penny! Oh man…I think I'm think I'm gonna upchuck that woodchuck!"
Let the fun begin! HA HA HA HA!
