I heard him screaming again, everynight, screaming, and there is nothing that I can do about it. I get up out of my bed, feeling disorientated. I check my clock, 3:20am, Jeez. Moving quietly out of my room and up the hall to his bedroom, placing one ear to the door to hear his heavy panting and soft sobs, I decided it's time to head in and comfort him, night after night, just holding him until he fall asleep again. Three soft taps on the door, then I head in.
"Hey, are you okay? Was it the dream again?" I whispered, trying not to startle him. He nodded slowly, unable to speak. I slowly moved over to him, going to take my usual position in his bed. I wish that he would get better, everynight I wish.
"I'm here now, you don't need to worry, just try get some more sleep, I am here" I try to reassure him, I could feel his hand searching on the bed, looking for my hand, I guided it to him, so he could grip onto me. This has become a normal routine for me, it's a good thing I don't have to get up for work. It was tiring looking after him night after night, I may aswell become a full time carer, he needed my help as much as he could during this period of time. I would gladly do it for him. I loved him, not in the way you'd expect though.
"Don't you dare leave me like you did last time! You promised me!" I heard him scream, I cooed him back to peacefulness, hoping he would soon drift off. I didn't need to do this for him, but he was my blue eye'd boy, I'd give up my world for him. I decided that in the morning I would quit my job, and spend my time looking after him, after all, we made enough of off YouTube to get by and he didn't even work. Soon I drifted off to sleep myself, a long dreamless sleep.
"Daaaaannnn!" I heard someone trying to wake me, shaking me softly. "Dan, wake up!"
I stired and soon opened my eyes, to see two beautiful eyes staring back at me.
"Why are you always in my bed when I wake up? I am starting to think you can't sleep at night without having someone with you"
I couldn't tell him the truth, what I hear at night, his screams of agony, the tears that he sheds.
"I just like cuddling up to someone, it makes me feel safe" I lied to him, another morning of lies. I need to tell him soon, as soon as I can. The only thing stopping me is that I know he would leave, so I could have peace, but in actual fact I liked to make sure my Phil was okay at night, I loved curling up to him and being his teddy, I loved him too much to let him leave. I'd never forgive myself if he did leave, knowing that I forced him away. I know, I will make a doctors appointment in secret, and take him there, saying that we are going out for the day, this needs to be sorted out once and for all. I need him to be feeling better before I can start to live with myself again.
"Dan, I'd never have you put you down as having a fear for the dark, but I think I might have to" He teased, just as always. I don't know how he could be so oblivious to the fact of his never ending torment. I smiled at him, and pulled myself out of bed. He was already dressed, ready for today, even though it is only going to be a 'video day'.
We have video days once a week, where we would both sit and make our videos together, sometimes it was a colab, other times it was on our own. Usually we have this on my day off work, Fridays, but mine dont get uploaded until Saturday night.
I trudged back to my room, to put on clean clothes, usually consisting of baggy three-quater length lounge pants and some sort of t shirt.
I heard three taps on the door then Phil shouted 'Dan, are you decent? I have tea and toast'
I realised how hungry and thirsty I was, I hadn't eaten since yesterday luch, I missed dinner because work were being absolute c-
" Awee! You're wearing the shirt I bought you!" Phil cut me off of my train of thought, I hadn't noticed what shirt I put on. My favourite cat shirt, that Phil did buy me randomly, because, as he put it, I resembles me so much that he had to get me it, I laughed to myself, remembering that day.
Phil placed the tea and toast on my bedside table and sat on my bed, staring up at the ceiling copying the patterns with his eyes.
"Mate, are you alright?" I asked, slightly concerned about him.
"Huh? Oh yeah, just feeling a bit weird that's all. Have you ever had the feeling like someone is watching you, constantly?" He said while his eyes darted around the room.
"Yeah, I know what you mean, but the only person that is watching you is me, and to be honest, I am slightly concerned about you, look at me phil" His eyes darted to me as soon as I said his name. "Look, I want you to go to the doctors, you're not well. You need to get checked over, you know, to make sure you're alright. Will you go for me?"
"You know how much I hate the doctors" He pulled a face at me but he knows he has to go. "Alright I'll go, will you come with me? Please?"
"Of course I will, you know I will always be here for you mate" I smiled at him, a sign of reassurence.
I ate my now cold toast and downed my tea in one, I knew I'd have to be the one to make the appointment. I walked out of my room and into the living room and grabbed the phone, taking a minute to think over what I was going to say. In a quick motion I dialed the doctors number and made the appointment.
-LATER-
"Annnddd editing has been completed" I shouted in triumph. I hated the process, but my videos would be terrible if I didn't do them, and the amount of swearing I had to edit out, and all the cock ups. It was well past the normal time for dinner, I wondered what Phil was going, it was unusually quiet, especially at this time. Phil was usually playing Crash Bandicoot, or something like that. "OUCHHHH" I heard Phil shout from what sounded like the kitchen. I ran as fast as I could to get to him. He was holding his hand to his chest, looking sorry for himself.
"Phil, What did you do?" I said taking his hand away from his chest, and examiming it, a large blister had formed on his hand, so I took him over to the sink and filled the bowl up with cold water.
"This is gonna sting like a bitch" I slowly dipped his hand into the water and made him keep it there while I sorted out the oven, pulling out what looked like Phils dinner. I looked over at him and shoot my head.
"You know you could have asked for some help" I teased him, We both knew he couldn't cook, but he liked to give it a try.
"But you were busy and I didn't want to disturb you" He frowned looking down at his hand. " I should have asked, but I didn't. I don't like asking for help, I want to be able to do this"
"Oh Phil, you do make me chuckle sometimes, come on, lets get your hand bandaged up and get you fed, to be honest, these don't look too bad. Unless you would rather a take away" Phils eyes lit up, I knew what he wanted.
That night Phil was screaming again, I hated this, again I shuffled to his room and went in and got into bed with him, but this time was different, so very different.
