A Commander's Goodbye
Disclaimer: I do not own Bioware or the Mass Effect trilogy. Garrus line marked with an asterisk (*) is taken directly from the game and for that line I give full credit to the team at Bioware.
The world was pitch-black. It was dark, quiet - peaceful even. I felt as if I was spinning, floating high above where my body lay amidst the rubble. Then I came to. My eyes fluttered open, gasping for breath. I could feel my lungs constricting, collapsing. The smell of smoke, metal, and crushed stone filled my nostrils. I was lying on my side, partly obscured by the mass of rubble that was my only surrounding. I tried to move my fingers, my legs…nothing. My spine was crushed. I could feel my insides bleeding, falling apart. My body was only sustained by synthetic technology and that was now rendered useless. Besides, I doubt I would survive even with the enhancements. I had lost so much blood anyway. I already knew I would never walk again.
My head was pounding and dark spots were beginning to cloud my vision. I took another shallow breath. I could feel my consciousness slipping away, but I forced myself awake. I didn't know why I bothered. Maybe it was because I had been fighting for so long that, even now my body knew little else but to fight back. I used the last of what little strength I had left to remember…what had happened? I remembered a gun firing, then a blast. I remember feeling my body slam against the part of the citadel where I was originally lifted up.
Anderson? I tried to say, but my throat seized up on me.
Then I remembered he was already gone. And then it hit me, like an epiphany.
We won.
The Reapers were dead, never to return. The galaxy was saved. Those that were dear to me were saved, except – I struggled to shut the thought from my mind entirely, but I was too weak to resist. Legion's sacrifice was all in vain, EDI's newfound understanding was turned into a lie…by me. I liked to think that I had saved more than I killed, but it would never make a difference. All the choices I made in the past seemed to invade my mind like a virus. The gunshots, the screams, the glazed eyes. Spreading, consuming me. How many lives have I taken over the years? I never bothered to count. It was always too painful. So many died by my hand – so many.
Forgive me…
I squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the inevitable to take me away from all the death that surrounded me. Then like a quiet breeze, moments of my life flashed before my eyes. Feelings of pain, hope, loss, and joy encompassed me like never before. It was a surreal understanding. I had my regrets, but my achievements outweighed them. I was a soldier, a Commander. There would always be consequences, I knew that much. But the Reapers were gone. I was brought back for one purpose and that purpose had been fulfilled. I was not needed anymore.
Then my body convulsed for a moment and I saw Garrus standing before me. Was I hallucinating now? It was hazy, but I could see every fine detail of his face, of his body. His eyes sparkled brightly, his sniper rifle hoisted on his shoulder. He smirked at me in a teasing sort of way. I was leaving him behind, wasn't I?
His words hit me like a punch to the chest, "Come back alive. It'd be an awfully empty galaxy without you."*
I could feel a warm tear trickling down the side of my face.
Garrus, I tried to say but my words were mute, I'm sorry.
I could feel myself slipping away. I knew this feeling before. I tried to fight it, tried to stay awake, but this time I lost. For a moment I saw a flash of smiling faces. Faces I recognized that were so dear to me. Everything I did was for them, for all of them. They knew that better than I knew it myself. I closed my eyes and I could feel another shallow breath escape my lungs.
And deep in my innermost being, I knew that something more lay in store for me.
Garrus…I'll be waiting.
There was the sigh and then the slip into darkness. I could feel myself leaving my body. Everything was...fading.
