(MARIUS and COSETTE are strolling down the street. It is the year sometime-after-1833, and they are still rather sad about JVJ's death. Suddenly...)
MARIUS: Cosette, Cosette!
COSETTE: I SAW YOU WAITING AND I KNEW-
MARIUS: Cosette. Not now. I think I see dead people.
COSETTE: Dear oh dear.
MARIUS: They're in that bar over there! (points) Enjolras and Éponine and your father and-
COSETTE: DADDY?
(COSETTE rushes across the street, accidentally causing a large accident in the middle of the street and into the bar. MARIUS tries to follow, but he trips over a horse's reins. After a short comical sequence in which the horse chases him around the square, he finally reaches the other side of the street.)
MARIUS: (pushing open the door to the bar) Cosette, darling?
(COSETTE is talking to three men. One of them has snow-white hair and the other two have gray, and they all appear to be greatly confused. I will go ahead and identify them as they are, which is COLM VALCOLM, JEAN THE JACKMAN, and MONSIEUR LEBLANC.)
COSETTE: I have three daddies now! This is amazing!
MONSIEUR LEBLANC: Cosette, my darling!
(they embrace)
JEAN THE JACKMAN: (to COLM VALCOLM) Are you sure you're not related to Bishop Myriel?
COLM VALCOLM: Only as a brother in the faith, Monsieur.
MARIUS: Cosette?
COSETTE: Marius! Daddy is alive! Three of him, actually.
MARIUS: (looking at the Valjeans) But...which one of them is your real father?
COSETTE: I'm pretty sure (points at MONSIEUR LEBLANC) it's this one. But they're all awfully similar to him.
MARIUS: (falls to his knees before MONSIEUR LEBLANC) Monsieur, Monsieur! You must forgive me for the offense I committed against you! But no! Truly, I do not deserve forgiveness! You must instead allow me to serve you every day for the rest of my life! I'll walk your dog, wash your car-
MONSIEUR LEBLANC: There, there. It's all right, my son.
MARIUS: (remains in the same position) Never! It will never be all right!
JEAN THE JACKMAN: But-
MARIUS: (turning to him) And you too! You, too, appear to be my late father-in-law! And that may have been the strangest sentence I've ever said! I'll serve you for the rest of my life too!
COLM VALCOLM: But surely-
MARIUS: And you, sir! I pledge the rest of my life to each of you.
COSETTE: Marius, darling, do your math a little better. (to the trio of JVJs) But I'm dreadfully confused about who all of you are...
JEAN THE JACKMAN AND COLM VALCOLM: WHOOOOOOO AM IIIIIIIIIII? 2-4-6-0-OOOOOONE! (they rip their shirts open to reveal the numbers on their chests. Soon, a pair of security guards come and throw the pair out of the bar for public nudity.)
COSETTE: In retrospect, considering the amount of time he spent singing that song, I probably should've seen that coming. Well, at least now I don't have to worry about who to talk to, it's the guy with...white hair...where did he go?
(unbeknownst to COSETTE and MARIUS, MONSIEUR LEBLANC saw a few starving children and went off to feed them. Besides, he still doesn't consider himself worthy of life with COSETTE. COSETTE and MARIUS mourn this for a few minutes. Suddenly, another man comes into the bar. He is middle-aged and extremely angry-looking. He comes, scowling over to COSETTE and MARIUS.)
MAN: (to Cosette) You little slut! Still hanging around that revolutionary, I see! God, I'm glad that policeman killed himself so I can pursue my own life and not have to hang around with you anymore. (he slaps her across the face)Now I'm leaving! I never want to freaking see you again! (he storms out the door.)
MARIUS: (starts to follow) How dare he insult you, Cosette! I'm going to go teach him a lesson!
COSETTE: No, Marius, it's okay...it was just Daddy again...
MARIUS: It was?
COSETTE: Yes...
MARIUS: You're sure?
COSETTE: Yeah...'98. (shivers)
MARIUS: All right then...
COSETTE: Yep.
MARIUS: Wait! I just remembered I saw several of my friends here earlier, in addition to your father...fathers!
COSETTE: I thought you only had that one friend.
MARIUS: Well, I saw several acquaintances.
COSETTE: Let's go find them!
NEXT CHAPTER: Enjolras harasses Marius and Grantaire bludgeons himself-with-a-mustache into oblivion with a wine bottle. Do you want to read it? Yes. Yes you do. So review and tell me exactly how confused you are right now.
