hey guys, another story written on a whim. i based Eli's character a lot on what i've seen in promo's for the next 2 week so of the boiling point, so tell me what you think please! read and review! Also this WILL be an Eclare...evenutally. i promise 3 Light
I wasn't really the guy everyone though I was. I don't Love death, I'm not obsessed. I'm just remembering: remembering what I did to "her". She was my first love, and in the blink of an eye she was gone, because of me. Because I didn't look at the god damn road, because I ran head on into another car ,and killed her.
She'll never know just how I loved her, how much she meant to me, how sorry I was. All because I couldn't pay attention. All because I couldn't be safe.
She used to joke saying I would be the death of her: with my thick sarcasm, stubborn ways and guarded thoughts. If only she knew how right she was.
She'll never know, how badly I miss her. How I fell into a depression after she left this world. How my parents became worried. Or, how I tried leaving this world myself so I could be with her.
I'll never forgive myself for what I did to her. I loved her, but If I loved her so much then why was I not strong enough to keep her alive. It's all my fault.
That night in the hospital, when I saw her body hooked up to all those machines, when the doctor told her parents she wouldn't make it, I knew it was all my fault. I promised myself from that moment on, I would never fall in love again.
I wouldn't' date, woo, court, flirt anything.. Because I knew if I wasn't strong enough to save her, who's to say I wouldn't be strong enough for the next poor, innocent girl who would have the poor misfortune of being with me.
Ever since the accident I've become "someone new" according to my parents. I've always liked black, and I've always had the same style. But when the two came together, along with the anti-social behavior, and the loud metal/rock music well….my folks got worried.
They knew this town wasn't good for me, or for them either. So we left. We packed up our troubles and moved west, to Toronto. Why in hells name we moved to Toronto, I'll never know.
My parents' though I could get a new start at some school called Degrassi. They just wanted me to "fit in" and be happy. My dad even went so far as to buy me a vintage hearse, in hopes of getting me to crack a genuine smile, he got a smirk and a chuckle. He was content.
My parents are great people, my mom was the sunshine of the family the one just radiated light, the one who could make anyone smile or laugh. My dad was a hardworking business man, who accidentally fell in love with the cheery artist girl. My father is a very quiet man, a people pleaser, a man who lives for his family.
But with "her" accident came, "their" accident. Mom couldn't handle it anymore. The loud, dark music blaring from my room, the dreary atmosphere around the house, the feeling of hopelessness, and when I tried to leave this world to be with her, with my Maria. It was the last straw.
It killed my dad inside and out, to know that his high school sweetheart was leaving. But he knew she was unhappy, that she didn't want to be apart of this so-called, dysfunctional family anymore, so her let her be free. No fighting, no yelling, no angry divorce. He let her leave, because this way she was happy. Even if dad wasn't.
Mom left the family a few weeks before dad and I moved to Toronto. I guesse when dad said we'd get a new start here, he was being literal. WE both would have to start anew, without the people we loved.
Dad was surprised at how well I took the divorce, but compared to what I've been through he really shouldn't. If there's one thing I've learned in life it's that no one will always be there for you, that eventually they will leave, that one single person can't love you forever.
My father tells me, that someday he hopes I'll meet a nice girl who will challenge that statement, who will change my way of thinking, who will make me live again. I told him to shut up.
He'll never know what I went through, he'll never understand why I can't love again. Why I shouldn't be allowed to love again. I'm a danger to myself, to everyone around me. One false move, and another unknowing, beautiful girl could be gone.
Never again
I only have two years left of high school, two years left to live out here in this Degrassi place. Two years here, in my new personal hell known as Toronto. I have a feeling I'm going to hate everything about this place.
Dad says to never judge a book by it's cover, and that I shouldn't have a predisposition of hatred towards this place before even setting foot in the new house.
After setting foot in the new house, I think I hate this place even more. The house is to big, to empty, to bright. It remind me of mom. I hate this.
On my first morning of high school Dad tells me to cheer up, to be myself but, a bit more likeable, to make friends and to "live up" the next few years of my live. I walk out the front door.
How can I " live up" my life, when the weight of what I've done is pressing down on me, squishing me, suffocating me everyday. The burden gets harder to endure every moment she isn't around. She was my escape, she was my everything.
And now that she is gone, now that my Maria is gone, I have nothing left.
I feel as if I deserved this numb outlook I have adapted towards the world, like this is a punishment I get for what I've done. Part of the burden I must bear.
It's fair enough.
I loved her
And I will never love anyone as much as I loved her, never again.
She was perfect: a tall girl standing at 5"6, with straight chocolate brown hair, and deep Carmel colored skin. She was a goddess., but her most beautiful, feature were her simply breath taking eyes.
They were the most pure, an untouched shade of blue I have ever seen...a shade I'll never see again.
What a tragic hell it was, when the doctors said she would never open those angelic eyes of hers again, that's when I knew life would never be the same, not without my Maria.
The drive to school was boring, and felt much longer than it actually was. When I came back to my sense's I was already sitting in front of the school, my music blaring and a blank look spread across my face.
This happened a lot, whenever I thought about her
From the corner of my eye I saw two girls, one a short, curvy, Indian girl, with to much make up and the second a pale, curly haired girl who looked to be carrying the whole library in her arms. ( based on the amount of books she was carrying)
They seemed to be fighting with one another, though the fighting was dirupted with the giggles ( though unheard, I could assume they were there), so I was fairly sure they were not mad at one another.
But when the object they were fighting over, somehow flew out of the Indian girls hands and out onto the ground of the parking lot, her friends feared for the worst. ( or so I assume from the freighted facial expression)
Things only got worse when the object landed directly in my path of travel, directly in front of Morty.
With a much louder than I expected crunch, even with my music playing i was able to hear the crunch, Morty has driven over and destoryed whatever the girls has been fighting over.
My heart sank, and I quickly shut off Morty's engine, knowing I'd be in for a bitch trip , I hate teenage girls.
With one last deep breath, and one last moment of silence, I opened my car door and stepped out to face the once giggling girls, who were now defiantly not giggling anymore.
Without so much as looking at either one of them, I walk towards Morty's back right tire and picked up what used to look like a pair of small, oval shaped, golden framed, glasses. Fuck, I just blinded a some random girl on the first day.
Without knowing what else to do, I picked up the glasses and walked towards the two girls, who had both now adopted expressions of terror ( the girl with the books) and apology ( the curvy, Indian girl. Her look, the indian girl, was presumably meant for her counterpart of something of that sort).
Deprived of knowing what else to do, I simply walked up to the girls and extended my hand, broken glasses and all towards both the girls. ( since I am still unaware of who the actual owner is)
With a quick intake of breath, the curly haired girl mutters something along the lines of "..my glasses...".
I feel a pang of sympathy, but that quickly washes away, and I say the only thing that comes to mind to try and comfort her, " I think they're dead." Ok, so maybe I'm not exactly Mr. Sensitive, but at least it was something.
With a deep calming, breath the curly haired curly accepts her glasses from my grip and blushed lightly, when our skin makes contact. Why do girls blush, so much? Touching other people isn't embarrassing.
When I open my mouth of try and apologized, she beats me to it " I-I-I-it's ok….I um, I got laser surgery" as she points to her eyes, "I, um, ah….I don't need them anymore". and then in an attempt to prove her point looks me straight in the eye.
Not wanting to be outdone I look her in the eye as well.
And that's when all hell breaks lose. Her eyes.
They were amazing, one of a kind, deep pools of aqua, the brightest blue I have ever seen, with a slight ring of a silver/grey around the middle. They were perfect.
They were Maria's eyes.
My heart was pounding in my chest, I didn't what to say, what to do….this girl, this girl had Maria's eyes!
I never in my life though I would see such beautiful eyes look at me, ever again.
My head was swimming with thoughs and with a momentary lapse of judgment I say exactly what I was thinking, " you have really pretty eyes." Great, now here in hell hole Toronto I'll be know as a glasses crusher and a freak.
I hate everything
But the girl didn't seem to mind, she blushed profusely and broke eye contact, instead opting to stare at the oh, so interesting sidewalk. I've been here at this school for all of five minutes and already I've made someone hate me. Fuck this.
I decided I've had enough public embarrassment, and turn around striding quickly back to Morty hoping to some karamatic force that she wouldn't spread around that school that I really WAS a freak. I've had enough of that everywhere else I've been, I don't need it here too.
But instead I was pleasantly surprised when, while walking back to Morty. I hear the faint voice of the glasses girl speaking back at me, " So…..I..um, I'll see you around then?" a look of questioning is apparent on her face.
I'm not sure if I should be confused of elated that she doesn't hate me. I'm not exactly sure what is the correct thing to do in this situation is, so I simply nod in conformation and mutter back, " Sure, see 'ya around…".And with one final trademark smirk I get back inside Morty.
I start the engine up once again, and with a final look at glasses girl, and her overly make-uped friend I drive off to find a real parking space.
I have a feeling Degrassi is going to be very different that what I was expecting
And I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing quite yet
Read and review please!
