Heyoo! So I was really bored and decided to give in to my Dragon Age obsession again. Yeah, I know how this is "only my second story" and it's basically on the same subject, except it takes place during the events of Dragon Age: Inquisition this time! *clap clap* So, [un]lucky for you, you get to read and explore my midnight procrastination of what I think is a good idea.

FYI: Bethany died and Hawke sided with the templars in this version, which makes her Viscountess. Not sure yet if Hawke's malbari should have passed away within the past year in order to further her "emotional struggle."

~This is a work in progress, people! Kind reviews are always welcome:)~


Blackness surrounded me. The longer I sat there, the more hope was lost that somehow I would escape. It felt like hours. Days, even.

Until finally I saw a light surrounding the most beautiful creature I had ever seen.

Fenris slowly faded out of the blackness. His full form stood in front of me, beckoning with one of his lyrium-marked hands. He would save me. He always did.

I forcefully grabbed his hand. Tears were slowly threatening to escape from my eyes, so happy that finally, someone came. And it was him.

I meant to stand up and embrace him. I wanted him to whisper in my ear that everything was going to be okay. Everything was going to be fine. That he was here for me.

But his grip... Something was not right. It wasn't tight, as if he was mocking my desperation. I squeezed harder, begging for him to pull me up.

He shook my hand loose and laughed an evil, deep sound that emanated through his throat.

This wasn't him. His normally blue lyrium markings changed to a bright red color that I had only seen twice in my life. First, in the Primeval thaig I ventured into with him, Varric, and Bethany. Second, when Meredith betrayed the city of Kirkwall when she became victim to red lyrium.

I fell backwards in horror. He glared into my eyes, his markings glowing brighter. I knew all too well what he was going to do.

He leaned down on one knee and painfully reached into my chest, grabbing my heart and slowly crushing it. It was the worst pain I had ever felt, compressing and collapsing. I cried out, but any sound I made was muffled by his laugh.

Why wasn't I dead? Why was he so intent on making me suffer? I was always by his side, loving him even more than life itself.

I prayed to the Maker to make this pain stop. Did he answer? I closed my eyes, but when I opened them again Fenris was gone, but the pain was still there.

Suddenly, I fell. There was no ground, no end to this darkness or the crushing inside my chest. I looked around, feeling the tears streaking my face. I saw the corpses of Bethany, Carver, my mother and father surrounding me; their expressions holding nothing but betrayal.

I screamed at the top of my lungs, hurling out of bed and crashing to the floor. I hugged my knees to my chest and tried to make the images disappear from my mind.

All of their deaths were my fault.

If I didn't beg to accompany my father that day, if I would've taken on the ogre that crushed Carver, if I left Bethany in Kirkwall when we went down into the Deep Roads, if I was faster to rescue my mother from that blood mage's hands... they would still be alive.

Fenris. I needed Fenris here. He was the only one I wanted to see. I needed to be sure he wasn't what I saw in my dream.

"Messare Hawke!" Guards barged into my room, with Aveline's husband, Donnic, speaking. He normally patrolled the streets, but since the riots had become more frequent, Aveline demanded that I was put under stronger protection. "Pardon the intrusion, but we heard screaming coming from your chambers. We assumed the rioters had managed to climb the balcony."

I stood up and quickly composed myself. As Viscountess, I could not show weakness, even to the guard. "Rioters?"

"Correct. Outside the keep."

I shook my head. "Wonderful. Double the guard by the entrance and arrest any rioter that tries to enter. I might allow them to be released in the morning. Now leave me." I needed to be alone for just a bit longer.

"Understood." Donnic and the other few guards exited my chambers, closing the double doors behind them.

I sat back down on my bed. It was now when I was beginning to hear the shouts and yells echoing from outside the keep. It was the middle of the night; what were they thinking?

It probably wasn't the smartest action to take, but after listening to the shouts grow louder, no longer muffled by my sobs, I stepped out onto the balcony. It had a view over the whole city-state of Kirkwall, fairly beautiful when there wasn't a large, angry crowd gathered right below it.

But upon further inspection, this wasn't just any gathering of people. They had the armor of templars.

Tonight just kept getting worse and worse.

They recognized me immediately. They all turned and looked up to the balcony in unison. "For all we know, she could be a mage!"

"She helped us so she could hide it!"

I desperately needed to appoint a new Knight-Commander since Cullen took his leave. He wouldn't tell me exactly what he had planned other than that he didn't have the necessary strength to be in the Order anymore, especially after all that had happened with Meredith.

"Maybe she is where the singing is coming from!"

"Her and her blood magic!"

Singing? Where had I heard that term been used before? Bartrand said something about "making lyrium sing to him." And he possessed the red lyrium idol and was extremely paranoid...

But even so, where they really that paranoid where they thought I was a mage? Yes, magic did run in my veins, but only because my father was a mage, which resulted in Bethany being one also. Regardless, their allegations had no evidence of that fact.

I raised my voice to address them. "I am not-"

I heard the sound of a bow snapping the same time I was wrenched towards the ground.

Shock consumed me. Where did that come from? Even if they believed I was a mage, it gave them no excuse to attempt to assassinate their Viscountess.

"Hawke," a deep voice spoke above me.

My blood immediately turned to ice. I would know it anywhere. And right now, the dream I had was still fresh in my mind.

"Go inside," it ordered. "Now."

I looked up and saw Fenris towering over me. The memory of his markings turning red replayed over and over, clouding my vision. Was it even possible? It had to be. If lyrium could somehow become corrupted... then he could somehow become corrupted.

"Don't come closer..." The words escaped my mouth before I could stop them.

His brow furrowed as he tried to process what I had just said. The blue glow of his markings slowly began to brighten, a sign of what I assumed was deep anger. They would turn red at any moment, and he wouldn't be Fenris anymore. He would be a monster.

He looked down at the templars, then back at me. "There's no time for this," he spouted, dragging me by my arms into our chambers and quickly closing the doors behind him.

I couldn't stop staring at his markings, waiting for them to turn red.

Didn't I just need him a few moments ago? Why did that change? I still desperately needed him... but this fear was overwhelming.

"Hawke," Fenris spoke. I could see the hurt in his eyes, battling the anger that raged within. He took a cautious step in my direction, which I retaliated by taking a step back. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Ye-" I felt like I had been hit in the face. The fear was gone, and I was left with a dull ache in my head. How could I want Fenris to leave? He was all I had left. I could not explain my need for him.

I ran over and forcefully wrapped my arms around him, tears coming to my eyes. Rarely did I cry when I was in another's presence.

He held my head to his chest, stroking my hair. My mother would do this when I was a child, and sometimes even sing.

Maker, I missed her. I missed all of them. Their deaths truly were my fault. Even my mother thought so...

I clung to Fenris harder and sobbed. For once I didn't care about my appearance or the facade that I was always expected to show. This was Fenris, and he understood me more than anyone I knew.

Then I saw the arrow meant for me embedded in his arm, blood slowly dripping from the wound.

"Your arm!" I gasped, any emotion expressed gone in an instant.

"Are you alright, Hawke?" Concern was still deeply embedded in his eyes.

I shook my head. "Don't worry about me right now, we have to get that arrow out." It was my fault that this had happened to him.

"They were trying to shoot you. Hawke, if I hadn't been here, you would be a rotting corpse as of a few moments ago." He pulled back and stroked my cheek, wiping under my eyes like he had done countless times before. "How much longer does this have to go on until you call for aid?"

"Until I'm a 'rotting corpse.'" Calling for reinforcements would only infuriate the templars and townspeople further, that is if they came. Simply stepping down from the position of Viscountess would be the best solution. I had been contemplating this for some time, even though I had yet to tell Fenris.

"That's not amusing," he grumbled. "The only way you're going to become a corpse is if I become one first."

"That's not either." I reached up and pushed his white hair out of his face. He had such beautiful green eyes, and hated whenever I told him so. You could tell all the pain and suffering he went through as a former slave by just looking into them. Yet somehow, that made me love him more. I brought face to his and kissed him tenderly. It felt as if it had been so long since I last saw him, even though only three days had passed.

"I should never have left you. I know we both agreed, but-"

I cut him off. "Don't say anything. Just sit down and let me take this bloody arrow out before it becomes infected."

He didn't argue as I sat him in the chair in front of the vanity.

I examined where the arrow had pierced his arm. It was deeper than I originally expected. A lot deeper. "Fenris, this is going to hurt..."

"Nothing hurts with you." He looked at me with one of his crooked smiles.

I let out a small giggle. "You know what I mean." He had told me a year ago that his lyrium markings pained him whenever he was touched by anyone but me. I had hardly believed him at the time, so I had tried to refrain from any physical contact with him. However, that obviously didn't last long and I eventually took his word for it.

I grabbed a few bandages and a healing potion out of a drawer. "Ready?" I gripped the arrow.

He nodded.

I yanked it out in one swift pull. He gasped in pain and clenched his fists, making his knuckles turn white. Blasted elf. I told him it would hurt.

I quickly grabbed the bandages and covered the newly opened gash. Blood seeped through and dripped on the rug.

"I was going to try to refrain from saying this, but I told you so," I winked. "And you're getting the new rug all bloody. Now what excuse must I come up with for the servants?"

He chuckled. "Tell them it's a new trend in Orlais. But considering how many times you've come home covered in blood, they won't question it."

"Hopefully," I sighed. I wrapped the remaining bandage around his arm, finishing it off with a knot. I then wet a washcloth in the washbasin and cleaned the rest of the blood off his arm and armor. I instinctively followed the swirling pattern of his markings. Tracing them was one of my favorite things to do, despite the great pain he went through to get them. These markings were what made him lose all memories of any life he had before, but it was to his and my relief that they were slowly coming back with time.

"What are you thinking?" Fenris looked puzzled.

I smiled and kissed him. "About the latest fashion trend in Orlais." I popped the cork off the healing potion and handed it to him. "Oh, and you."

"Funny." He gulped it down.

"I know." I grabbed his hand and led him to our bed, making him sit on the edge with me next to him. "So how was your 'hunting' trip?"

"They were easy to find, even for slavers." The usual sound of resentment washed over his voice. Slavers and magisters were the two things he disliked most in the world, save for his former master, Danarius, and his apprentice, Hadriana, who he had both killed with his own hands.

How much I hated yet loved remembering the time he killed Hadriana. He took off after a fit of anger for days, and no one could find him. I honestly thought he had left me for good. Then, unexpectedly, he showed up at my estate and we admitted our feelings to one another. But after we... finished... some of his memories came rushing back only to disappear again, which he then decided that it was too much, that he had too much anger against Danarius to fully feel for me. That had been one of the best yet worst nights of my time in Kirkwall, if not my life. It wasn't until three years later when he finally extracted his revenge on Danarius that he fully let me back into his life again.

I wrapped my arm around him and rested my head on his shoulder. "No trouble?"

"No. The refugees should be in Ferelden by now."

"You didn't escort them back? What part of Ferelden are they from?" I was originally a refugee from Lothering when it was taken by the Blight, so I was naturally curious.

"Denerim. I followed them part of the way, but I couldn't stand to be without you any longer. Especially not with this... uprising." He squeezed me harder. It was difficult for him to be without me, and I knew that. I was also the only person he had left. He found his mother was dead, and his sister was willing to hand him over to Danarius in order to become an apprentice. She betrayed her own brother. Hopefully she had regretted what she had done, whereas now she was in an unknown location.

But something about the way he couldn't take his eyes off me almost gave reason for concern. Not that I didn't like the attention, but there was a far off-ness yet a need for understanding that I hadn't seen in a very long while. However, if my suspicions were correct, talking about it at this moment would be the last thing he would want to do.

"I'm glad you came back early." I smiled then yawned. "Well, all this talk has made me grow tired. Care to sleep?"

"Yes. It's been a long journey."

We both changed into our small-clothes and climbed into bed. It was so much bigger than the one at the estate, which I allowed my uncle, Gamlen, to now live at. Since I held the position of Viscountess it would be near impossible for him to lose it again. Not to mention I had Aveline "watching" him and his gambling habits.

It were moments like these which I treasured. My head on Fenris's chest, his subtle breathing, the tension finally gone from his shoulders. I traced the swirling patterns of his markings, slightly raised and lighter than the rest of his skin. Eventually I reached where the arrow had pierced him.

"How's your arm?" I whispered.

"I've had worse."

Ah, but it was my fault that I even had to ask. I should've never even looked over the balcony. I knew the risk of stepping outside with a riot against me present, but yet I did anyway. How could I have acted so foolishly?

Red lyrium had to be the cause of all this, and the realization of the paranoia of Bartrand earlier almost made me sure of it. If I hadn't found that blasted idol things would be different, and Kirkwall a much happier place. I would be lying here not worrying about Fenris's arm, the Chantry would still be standing, the people inside still alive. The mages and templars would still have tensions between them, sure, but there wouldn't be a war between the two factions. Just thinking about it put a knot in my stomach.

I had to wonder, was there anyone else that knew of red lyrium? We found veins of it in the Primeval Thaig which was in the Deep Roads. It could possibly be related to darkspawn, some sort of blight-creation. There was sure an abundance of the nasty creatures during the expedition, especially in that particular thaig. The Grey Wardens also took great interest in it, in addition they dealt with darkspawn and were immune to the taint; it was possible they could know more about the subject.

Bah, this couldn't wait. I quietly released myself from Fenris's grasp and stood up.

"Where are you going?" His half-asleep voice whispered.

"I need to write a letter. I won't be long." I ran my thumb over his hand.

"Mmm..." he acknowledged.

I crept over to the desk where all the writing utensils were located. I grabbed a quill, ink, and a piece of parchment.

Grey Wardens:

I write this letter to address the concern of red lyrium. Approximately seven years ago, an expedition that I took part of ventured into the Deep Roads. We came across a Primeval Thaig, seemingly untouched by the dwarves, which you are well aware. It housed a strange red lyrium idol that made its possessor grow extremely paranoid. Red lyrium veins were then scattered throughout the rest of the thaig. I rendezvoused with a company of Grey Wardens who took great interest in the thaig years later, but they had no addition insight, other than what I had prior knowledge of. Therefore, since it has been some time since then, the city of Kirkwall would greatly benefit if you could provide any further information on the subject.

Lady Hawke, Viscountess and Champion of Kirkwall

That should do it. I would have Aveline look it over and send it tonight.

I walked across the width of the keep to the guard barracks. Aveline was where I thought she'd be, sitting at her desk writing which I assumed was a letter of recommendation.

"Aveline!"

"Hawke!" She jumped. "You startled me! I was... Why are you only in your small-clothes?"

I looked down. Oh, so I was. "It's past midnight. Look, Aveline, I'm sorry for interrupting you at this hour, but I need you to send this letter to the Grey Wardens immediately."

"I can send it in the morning. Is Fenris with you?" She looked over my shoulder.

"No, he's asleep. Aveline, I need it sent tonight."

"I suppose I can have it on its way before morning. But it'll take about a week's time to arrive to Weisshaupt, assuming that's its destination. Why the urgency, if I may ask?"

"Weisshaupt's fine, probably the best option, but please, you need to do better than that. I need it there sooner rather than later."

She clenched her jaw. "I need to know why. I trust it's not for any illegal business?"

Oh, Aveline. Could you just ignore your suspicions for now and just do what I ask? I sighed. She was one of the few people I could trust lately. "You heard the templars rioting around the keep tonight?"

"Yes..." She raised an eyebrow.

"I'm almost sure red lyrium is making them paranoid, just like it did with Bartrand and Meredith. I was hoping the Grey Wardens would know more. I need this at Weisshaupt before the riots get out of control. Even Fenris was so worried that he abandoned the refugees he freed from a slave caravan. "

"I sometimes wonder how you can put up with him." She shook her head. "The things I do for you, Hawke. I can possibly get it to Stroud who's stationed here in the Free Marches, but it'll take about three days' time. That's the best I can do."

"Thank you so much, Aveline!" I immediately leaned over the desk and hugged her. She stiffened; she wasn't one for affection unless it came from her husband, Donnic.

"Hawke."

"You know I mean well," I chuckled and pulled back.

"So you say. I'll have it sent out tonight. Check with me again in about three or four days. The courier I'll be using is a trusted one. I knew him back when I served in the King's Guard."

"This really means a lot to me, Aveline. I owe you."

"Anything for a friend," she smiled. "Now Fenris is probably wondering where you are. Get back to him, Hawke. I also worry for you with all these riots taking place."

"Thank you. Goodnight, and try to get at least a little bit of sleep." I waved as I walked out back to mine and Fenris's quarters.

He was sound asleep. I crept over and sat on the bed next to where he was laying. He looked so vulnerable and relaxed. I lightly stroked his cheek.

Fenris eyes fluttered open. "Hawke," he muttered.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I retreated my hand.

"Don't apologize. If I am to be woken up, I'm glad it's by you." He took back my hand, squeezing it tightly. "Come to bed, we have a busy day tomorrow."

Oh, that's right. I had the weekly meeting that was with the nobles and city guard in the morning. "Okay." I crawled under the sheets and snuggled up beside him. "Goodnight, Fenris."

"Goodnight, Hawke."

Next to him is where I was happiest.