Okay, everyone, TRIGGER WARNING. The following fanfiction includes major character death and suicide. If these make you uncomfortable, please don't read. I don't want anyone to be triggered by my fanfiction. This was a prompt given to me from a friend for dennor angst. If you are still reading, please enjoy!


This wasn't what he wanted. He may have told him daily to go die, and a million other things, horrible things.

But he never meant it.

The last fight had been the worst. He... He crossed the line. Said things he regretted.

"I hate you!"

His own words reverberated through his head. If he hadn't said it, Mathias would still be here, and...

Well, there was no sense in that. Could've's, should've's, would've's; They didn't make it better. If anything, they just amplified the pain.

"Just leave, I don't need you!"

If he could take it back, he would. He needed Mathias like air. He didn't want him to leave. He wanted him back. But he'd never have his love back. If Mathias was his oxygen, and he was drowning, lost at sea without the annoying, endearing idiot.

"If you died tonight, I wouldn't care!"

The biggest lie he never told. He cared, oh how he cared. He just wanted to be with Mathias again. He was only 21; he died in a car crash after driving while intoxicated. And it was all Lukas' fault. He wouldn't have left, he wouldn't have drunk...

Emil said it was an accident, but he seemed unsure. Tino said it was no one's fault, but it was clear what he truly thought. Berwald wouldn't even look at him.

It was better this way, though. All of his friends blamed him, he blamed himself, and Mathias died thinking Lukas hated him. At least his friends wouldn't really miss him.

So that's what brought him here. The frozen wind whipped around his hair and he stared down into the black waters. They crashed against the cliff, 150 feet below. It was cold, and hazy from drugs and alcohol. What better way to end it all, then with the same feeling that he felt every second? Like he was broken, and suffocating. Floating through life like a phantom, empty and vacant.

Maybe, if he was lucky, and there was an afterlife, Mathias would forgive him. He wouldn't blame him if he didn't, though. Lukas wouldn't forgive himself.

He approached the edge.

"I'm sorry."

He rocked, halfway off, halfway on.

"I'm sorry."

Falling felt more like floating.

"I'm so sorry."

Maybe they would be buried together.

"Please."

Lukas died on impact.

"I love you."

"Love you, too."